"You all know the drill. We'll go around in a circle, say our mountains and valleys of the day and then we'll open it up for group discussion with whatever you want to talk about. We'll start on this side of the room. Chris?"
"My mountain of the day, I ate three meals today. They were small, but there were three meals going into my system and staying there. My valley for the day..." Chris paused and Church gently rubbed his back for support and nodded to him, whispering something in his ear. Chris nodded before speaking up, "My valley today was that I've been one week clean and... I came very close to breaking it after lunch. I didn't though! But it was very close. It's so hard..." His voice trailed off and Church held his hand, comforting him. Kevin thought that it was pretty obvious that Chris was struggling to recover from bulimia, which would explain the small dinner.
"Thank you for sharing that with all of us. We're all here for you when you're struggling." The woman said kindly. She then turned to Church. Her voice softened significantly when she spoke to him, "Church, how have you been doing today?"
"Today was actually pretty good. My mountain for the day is that I spent an entire day with Chris playing games. I've been getting a lot better with trusting. My valley for the day was that..." He took a little deep breath before continuing. Poptarts squeezed his hand as he continued. "I had some flashbacks and I had a really bad panic attack. I felt like I was back there, in that house. With my dad..." He winced and stopped talking. Chris very gently rubbed his arm. Kevin couldn't quite figure it out, but he suspected it was some sort of abuse situation.
"I am so glad that you're able to learn to trust again, that's very brave. I am so sorry about that, I'm always in my office and I ask that whenever that happens, you or Chris come to my office and I can try to help you through it." The woman offered. A few people whispered some assuring words to Church before the circle went back to the discussion. "Connor? Would you like to share?" Kevin noticed the woman and Connor share a look, hers was one of expectancy and his was one of determination.
"Sure. My mountain of the day is that I got to give Kevin a tour and I had a lot of fun." Connor smiled.
"And your valley?" The woman asked him, the expecting look still on her face.
"Today was actually pretty good. No valley today." Connor said while making eye contact with the woman unflinchingly. He then turned back to the circle. The boys nearest to him smiled at him as congratulations. Kevin knew something was off, but he didn't say anything.
Davis shared that his mountain was that he didn't pick at his skin nearly as much since he had started to keep bandaids on his fingers and that his valley was that he had taken one of the bandaids off at one point. He said everything pretty straight forward and Kevin understood that he suffered from dermatillomania, (skin picking).
Next, it was Kevin's turn. "Kevin, would you like to share why you're here and what your mountain and valley were today? You don't have to if you're uncomfortable."
Kevin looked around at everyone who had the bravery to share, locking eyes with Connor for a second. The room felt so safe and warm, he wanted to share as well. He'd have to at some point anyway, right?
"I'm here because I've... I've never actually said it out loud before... I've been, uhm." He scratched his arm over his sleeve.
"It's okay, Kevin. You're safe here." The woman calmed. Kevin nodded.
"I've struggled with self-harm... Cutting... for the past three years." He explained as he fiddled with his sleeve and looked down. He felt a hand rub his back and he looked up to see Neeley comforting him and everyone smiling and offering soft, kind words. He saw Connor giving him a long look that he couldn't quite read.
"Thank you for sharing, that's a very tough thing to go through. Would you like to share a mountain and a valley for the day? A high point of the day and a low point of the day," The woman explained.
"Well, it's been a pretty busy day today," Kevin laughed a little bit, a few others nodding and joining in. "So I haven't really had the time to have a mountain or valley."
Next Neeley said that his mountain was that he only pulled a small amount of hair that day and that he couldn't really think of a valley. Kevin understood pretty clearly that he suffered from trichotillomania, (hair pulling). Lastly, Arnold said that he didn't really know because it was hard to determine what's a feat and a defeat with schizotypal.
Afterward, everyone chatted amongst themselves and Arnold offered his help if Kevin ever struggled. Everyone was so nice and comforting. Nobody called him crazy or accused him of seeking attention. He smiled as he chatted with everyone about their pasts and the present. Eventually, he slowly let himself out of the conversations and just watched. Suddenly, Connor was sitting next to him.
"It's pretty easy to bond here once everyone shares deep stuff like that, huh?" Connor commented, watching everyone chat. Kevin nodded and the two sat there. He thought he heard Connor whisper something to himself, but ignored it.
Eventually, everyone parted ways and went upstairs and into their rooms. Kevin went into his and Arnold's room but lingered in the doorway for a second to watch everyone go in their rooms. Davis, Church, and Neeley chatted softly as they went into their room at the end of the hall and Chris and Micheals went into their room across from Kevin's. Kevin was about to duck back into his room when he heard a hushed argument. He carefully watched as he saw Connor standing outside of his own door talking with the woman who led the conversation earlier.
"I don't need them, I sleep fine." Connor hissed.
"They'll help you sleep better through the dreams though," The woman urged, trying to hand Connor some pills.
"I sleep. Fine. I haven't had the dream in a while," Connor argued before closing his door, leaving the woman outside. She sighed and muttered something to herself as she walked down the stairs. Kevin closed his own door and went to change into his pajamas.
"Hey there buddy!" Arnold smiled from his side of the room, already in his Star Wards themed pajamas. "I'm so glad we're going to be roomed together! We can be best friends!"
Kevin grabbed his pajamas from his drawer and walked into the bathroom attached to the room. "Uhm, yeah, pal. Well, I'm ready to get some sleep." He said, a little bit startled. He quickly threw on his black pajama pants and a baggy white T-shirt and walked back into the room, put everything away, and laid down on his bed.
"Goodnight, best friend," Arnold whisper-yelled across the room.
"Goodnight... buddy,"
~
Kevin tossed and he turned in his bed until finally he laid flat on his back and stared up at the ceiling in the dark. His mind was racing too quickly for him to be able to rest. He glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand that let off a small glow and saw that it was almost 1 am. Kevin sighed and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed, and rose to a stand. He made his way to the door, careful not to do anything to alert his roommate, and slowly opened the door. As he closed the door behind him, he heard something coming from Connor's room that he couldn't quite distinguish until he got closer to the door. It almost sounded like... crying. Kevin's brows furrowed in concern as he softly knocked on the door.
"I'm.. I'm fine!" Connor softly called out, sniffing. "I don't need anything."
"Connor? Are you sure?" Kevin called back.
"Oh, uhm," Kevin could hear Connor sniffling. "Kevin, is that you? Come on in." Kevin slowly opened the door and saw Connor sitting on his bed, his blanket draped over him. He had a lamp on his bedside table turned on and Kevin could see that his eyes were puggy and cheeks were red, but he wasn't crying anymore. In fact, he was smiling.
"What are you doing up, silly goose?" Connor asked, motioning for Kevin to come in further. He closed the door behind him and sat next to Connor.
"I couldn't sleep." He stated simply, the look of worry still resting on his face. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just had a bad dream, that's all. Hope I didn't disturb you," Connor laughed it off, but Kevin could see that there was something more. "Hey, actually..." He paused and whispered something to himself. Kevin couldn't quite make it out, but it sounded like something along the lines of 'turn it off, Connor.' "Oh, nevermind." He smiled.
"What is it?" Kevin asked, wanting to get to the bottom of what was making the boy upset. He never was a very affectionate person, he was actually usually pretty cold, but his heart sank when he saw the tears still swelling in Connor's eyes.
"Well, I just," Connor looked up to meet Kevin's eyes and he suddenly could feel a newly familiar warmth creep onto his cheeks. "What happened earlier? Outside?"
~
A/N: Hey guys, the author here. I just wanted to make a comment here now that I've introduced all these issues. Some of these are more well-known, like bulimia or self-harm, and some are a lot lesser known, such as trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and schitzotypal personality disorder. The lesser known ones are ones I included in this book because I wanted to spread some knowledge of them because they are serious and lesser known. The more well-known ones are still serious issues and I included them because, though they have stigmas surrounding them, they're still very dangerous and I wanted to spread the message. My best friend is schitzotypal and I have trichotillomania, have struggled with self-harm, and have worked with people with dermatillomania, so I do know about these disorders and will be representing them the best I can. I urge you to do more research on these matters if you want to know more about them and do not assume that the way I write these characters is how everyone is. I also just wanted to really make it a point that I am including all of these issues because they do have a stigma and I want to talk about how it really is. This book will not be romantisizing them or encouraging them. I can't stress this point enough. Anyways, thanks for reading!