The week went by quickly, Grayson slipping sticky notes signed with the mysterious "XO" into Ethan's Cheez-Its pocket and Xitlali relentlessly teasing him for being head over heels. But he couldn't help being head over heels. Ethan was just everything he could ever want or need. His feelings had been growing increasingly stronger lately, and it was beginning to hurt more as well.
Today was especially bad.
The longing feeling inside of him was eating away at his heart and building up barriers. It was making him sad, being this sick with love and want - no, need. He needed Ethan. He needed to be able to hold him, kiss him, tell him sweet things. The notes made Ethan fall in love with someone he didn't even know, and it hurt, even though it was technically Grayson.
Xitlali wasn't at school today either, so he couldn't talk to her like usual. She was sick with the flu at home.
Grayson's phone lit up with a notification, and he quickly stared down at the screen.
e <3: u good bup? :(
He smiled softly at his brother's concern. Whenever anything was wrong with him, Ethan would always be there to lift him back up.
gray: Yeah I'm okay
gray: Actually can we talk in lunch today? xitlali isn't here.
e <3: yeah ofc. ily gray
gray: Ilyt
His stomach bubbled over with happiness each time Ethan said I love you to him, even though he probably meant it as strictly brothers or best friends. Glancing over to the opposite side of the room where Ethan sat, he watched him smiling down at the purple sticky note on his desk. Grayson knew exactly what it said.
Dear Ethan,
I love you so much it makes me sick - in a good way of course. You light up my every day and night. :) <3
XO
It was so simple, not deep whatsoever, yet Ethan loved it so much. Lately, he'd seemed much more happier, a twinkle in his eyes and a permanent smile sat on his pink lips. It made Grayson feel a little better about himself, knowing that he was the one causing his brother to be so damn happy.
The period went by so slowly as Grayson awaited lunch. When the bell rang, he darted from his class to the cafeteria, not even bothering to wait for Ethan like usual. He sat at their usual table, the third chair empty since Xitlali wasn't here today. Ethan entered the cafeteria panting slightly, smiling and shaking his head. "You ran away from me, dummy."
Grayson just laughed. "Yeah. Oops."
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Ethan asked, face turning serious. The concern was evident in his eyes.
"I- uh," Grayson stuttered, thinking of what to say. "Have you ever been crushing on someone so hard, maybe even in love, that it hurts? And you can't do anything about it?"
Smiling sadly, Ethan nodded. With wide eyes, Grayson panicked slightly. Who did Ethan love? Since when did he even have a crush? "Who is it, Gray? Is it Xitlali? Do I needa beat their ass?"
"No, no," giggled the younger twin. "It's no one important. And I'm gay, idiot. I was just thinking about it, is all. Who are you crushing on?"
"Can't say," he replied with a smirk, throwing an arm over Grayson's shoulder. "I think we should drop their asses, though. We have each other, and that's what's important."
"Yeah," mumbled Grayson. We have each other, and that's what's important. If only Ethan knew what he was saying did to him. If only Ethan knew that his plan was counter-active, because that person was him.
A text notification popped up on his screen, snapping him out of his momentary stupor.
alex: Hey gray, im visiting town for a while w my uncle. tomorrows saturday, you down to go our old favorite cafe or something? :)
Grayson's eyes widened in surprise. Alex Aiono was someone who had once been part of their friendship, who also made Grayson realize he was definitely gay. They were close for a while before he began his singing career and his parents decided to move out to California. Now they only occasionally texted, and Grayson had gotten over him. But maybe... he had a chance to get over Ethan.
Ethan peered over at his screen, squinting his eyes. "Who's that Gray? Is it the boy?"
"No, silly, it's Alex," he waved his phone in Ethan's face, as if that would prove anything, even though the screen had long since went dark. "Remember him?"
"Duh...? How am I gonna forget someone that quickly," Ethan rolled his eyes. "Why'd he text you?"
Blushing, Grayson smiled slightly. It did still flatter him that someone as cute as Alex wanted to hang out with him. "He wanted to hang out at the cafe with me tomorrow."
"Wow, okay. Without me? I see how it is," ruffling Grayson's hair, Ethan laughed. "I'm just kidding. Have fun tomorrow, then."
It hurt a little bit that Ethan didn't show any signs of jealousy or envy, but then again, Grayson knew Ethan didn't have a crush on him. It sucked, but that was the truth. But then he remembered his new opportunity for romance: Alex. It wasn't a secret that they'd both had mutual crushes on each other, and even done a few things, but they never officially 'dated.' After texting back a quick sure, the twins went back to their usual chatter when they were together.
/////
"Man, I can't believe you're really going on a date with Alex, Grayson. And that you're willing to try and get over Ethan."
"It's not a date," Grayson said pointedly, coming through his hair with his fingers again, much to Xitlali's disappointment. "And I have to eventually. Why not now?"
She smacked his hand away from his head, scolding him. "It's totally a date. I remember you and Alex being all mushy heart eyes at each other, and then never dating! You're an idiot. Now's your chance though, to have a cute, semi-famous boyfriend, who is always sweet."
They were currently sitting in the living room of the twins' house, waiting for Alex to knock on the door. Xitlali had somewhat recovered from the flu, and decided to come help him get ready. Ethan had disappeared to his room, probably to play Fortnite again. It sort of disappointed him that Ethan was being all excited and supportive like he usually was. Instead, he'd locked himself in his bedroom. Knowing him, though, he was probably just bored.
The doorbell ringing made Grayson jump, interrupting his thoughts. He stood up, stomach flipping with nervousness. He hadn't seen Alex in ages. What if he was so different than how he used to be? Xitlali grinned devilishly once he opened the door, instantly pushing him out. "Have fun with your boy-toy!" She called, slamming the door in their wide-eyed faces.
"Was that Xitlali?" Alex asked, eyebrows raised.
"Yes," Grayson groaned in embarrassment, before straightening back up. He'd put a little effort into his outfit and appearance today, making sure to look casual but cute. "So, it's been a long time, huh?"
"Yeah," he smiled back, leading Grayson to his car. It was nice, sleek and black, and a big upgrade from his old car. Like any gentleman would, he opened the door for Grayson, a wide smile on his face.
The car ride was a comfortable silence. It was short, since the cafe was only a few minutes away. Once they arrived and ordered, the conversation started up.
"So... how've you been?" Alex asked, hands folded on the table in front of him, perfect white grin shining. It caught Grayson off guard. Why had he ever stopped talking to Alex? Oh, right - because he was on his way to fucking celebrity status.
Grayson shrugged, smiling shyly. "Good, I guess. School's been okay too. How about you? Career going well?"
"Yeah, my career's great right now... actually, I think I'm finally finding my place right now. My career is great, I love where I live, I love my new friends. I do miss here though, too. Oh! Actually, guess what?" His face suddenly lit up, eyes sparkling with excitement.
"Hmm?"
"There's this suuuper cute guy, like, you don't even know Grayson. He's so hot. His name is Bryan and he's bi and I think he likes me back sort of? I don't even know? But I like him. A lot."
For a second, Grayson's heart dropped. His one chance to get over Ethan ruined. But then, he felt a rush of happiness for Alex. Alex was a big, soft sweetheart on the inside, romantic and all. He was the type of friend and boyfriend to spoil you just because he loved you that much. He deserved someone to love. "I'm happy for you, Alex! That's great. You should make a move on him if you think he likes you back."
"Well, I don't know; I mean, he kissed me like three times, but we were drunk, and he always sits close to me and hugs me all the time. And he's always staring at me. But I don't think he really likes me?"
"Alex, you're the stupidest person ever. If a guy kisses you three times and is always trying to be close to you, that might be, y'know, a big sign that he totally likes you!" The two laughed for a while, their drinks and pastries arriving amidst their laughing bought.
"So," Alex sipped on his drink, macaron in his hand. "Do you have your eye on anyone?"
Gulping, Grayson toyed with his brownie. "Umm... Maybe?"
He raised an eyebrow, obviously waiting for Grayson to elaborate.
"I- uh, okay, listen, you'll probably hate me for saying this, and only Xitlali knows other than me, but. I think I like- um, no, love. I think I love Ethan."
It was quiet between the two for a second. Grayson's palms were sweating, heart heavy in his chest. Then, Alex was trying not to spew his coffee through his nose and mouth. He was laughing hard, shaking his head at Grayson. "You know, I was wondering when the hell you'd realize. I'm so glad you finally did."
"You knew? What!" Grayson exclaimed. "How did both you and Xitlali know? What if Ethan knows, then? Am I really that obvious?"
"Don't worry, loser. Ethan is equally, if not more, oblivious. He doesn't know shit. You know, me and Xitlali used to gossip about it."
"Wha- even when you and I were doing shit?"
"Yeah," he shrugged. "I liked you, but I knew you and Ethan were gonna be attached at the hip forever."
The conversation began to shift to funny stories they had and everything in between, filling each other in on each other's lives. It felt good to have his other best friend back, not even disappointed about the lost chance anymore. As long as he knew his bond with Alex wasn't gone, he was okay. Besides, he knew he could never truly move on from Ethan anyways.
When Grayson got home, he felt warmth spreading throughout his chest, still happy from the previous few hours he'd spent with Alex.
Maybe, just maybe, things would work out okay.
/////
okay basically im REALLY bad at updating. this has been sitting in my drafts forever, so i decided to finally finish it and post it. im sorry for making anyone who actually reads this story wait forever just for a suuuper shitty update eheh ;( but i hope you guys enjoyed. this story is going to be short, about maybe 10 or so chapters, maybe less, but i am hoping to start another one that i will try to actually finsih after this one.