"Alright, I'll tell you " he says and looks me square in the eyes. Analyzing my expression even though,three quarter of my face is concealed under the bandages.
For a moment I thought I saw him stuck in juxtaposition: tell me or not?
Impatiently and intolerably I waited for him to tell me. Almost a minute passed but he never told me. Enduring curiosity and impatience when you cant call for an answer not to mention the impeding pain ,both physical and mental,puts me so on edge.
The notebook resting on my lap grabbed my vision causing the right arm to lift and write,
"PLEASE TELL ME"
before I loose the last bit of tranquility left in me.
"Vanessa you are a doctor, you clearly do know that it's not a smart thing to tell you anything now, you just woke up " he tells me after I show them what I wrote , an apologetic expression prominent on his face. I clearly do understand him,but I can't help it.
Something terrible has happened, it's the obvious or else Eric wouldn't be so hesitant. To know that this something terrible has happened to Harry, my baby, the one that teases me everytime I wave at a plane, the one who I wake up next to,each and everyday only to see him cuddled up with the pillow or me like a little boy,the one that is strong and built up ,but is scared of dogs, the one that stole my heart permanently. Harry has become a part of me; a great big part of me. It kills me to know the truth,all I wish is,that this was just a nightmare, a nightmare that I can soon wake up from.
"When Harry was knocked by the car and was thrown away, he landed on the hard road,head first." Eric tells me since he knows that i wont let it go until he tells me.
When i was in Medical school i studied a bit about neurology, i am aware of the possibilities ,but there's hope left in me.
"So abnormalities that can cause coma include injury or damage to the brain that leads to swelling in the brain, which results in an increased intracranial pressure. Increased pressure, whether it is localized in one particular spot or spread over the whole brain, decreases the flow of blood and can lead to unconsciousness." he ends his rant to take a breath.
Mom looks flustered but I in the otherhand clearly do understand what he means,but is hesitant to admit it myself until Eric spits it out.
"He's in a coma"
My heart flutters in my chest.Tears about to fall while shivers run down my spine. Now I regret forcing him into telling me.
And like that, more questions adds to the ton loitering at the back of my mind. The most outstanding question was how long he'll stay in coma. I cant live a day without him and if I ever knew, I would have tried harder and convinced him to go inside on the day of explosion or I'd have jumped into the car pushing Harry away. Or atleast go in with Harry to the cashier.
To have regrets wouldn't be wise, courage and patience is what's required. It's funny how the both of us got hurt like this. How I lost my identity and how much pain I have to go through to get it back, how much I have to wait,how long Harry and I will be parted.
A sudden realization stabbed me harder on all my severely cut transparent bruises: a facial reconstruction surgery takes atleast 1 year. How long will I be able to hide my distorted face which is yet to be seen myself? What will Harry's response be? Will the surgery be successful? Will there be side effects to Harry's head injury other than the coma later? How long will he stay in coma? Just like that, all the questions suppressed awhile ago came rushing down to my head.The uncertainty spread over the expansion of my body.
Now I long to wake up from this nightmare more than anything,if at all it was one.
"Vani?" my mom snaps me out of my thoughts. Worried looks plastered on all four faces.
"Vanessa you need to eat something."Eric demands "Tomorrow we will change the bandages and if possible we will uncover the mouth." he informs.
A little relief builds up, to know that these infernal bandages that inhibits my speech will be removed.
I want to see Harry.
My right hand with its own mind pours the question into the paper with the black inked pen,
"Can I see Harry? "
and hands it to Eric.
"Yes you can,but I strictly recommend you to wait till tomorrow until after your burns are medicated and covered." replies Eric thoughtfully, it sounded more of a demand.
An impassive nod is all I give to respond.
After the worst conversation of my life that included a few "will you be alright?" , " Do you want me to stay?" and "Do you want anything? " from my mum they left,leaving me to be engulfed in the persistent sadness-the taunting tragedy.
The blue-eyed nurse who introduced herself as Rose checked in every 20 minutes and for dinner she serves me, a bowl of grinded food because an attempt to bite, might result painful cheekmuscles. There was no way I could eat with my mouth enclosed ofcourse, so she removes it sluggishly and thoroughly feeds me. I just swallow them for the sake of eating as there is not a single trace of appetite.
All directions of thought leads to Harry, even when I try to do self justice ,my whole face is a wreck for god's sake!! But no, I can't.
The sky has shifted to darkness with stars spread over and a moon shining through the curtains of the window onto my destroyed face. After feeding, Rose left me to my thoughts I'm accustomed to laying on this bed.
After 3 hours of pondering, I feel the drowsiness taking over,I dont resist it and so my eyes shut close.
-------
"Good morning Vani" I spot Hadley through my half opened eyes sitting on the couch placed to the left of my bed.I sit up tentatively and rub my eyes with the back of my right hand. Hadley is dressed in a pair of black jeans and a white button up shirt tucked to her trousers with her hair tied up into a high ponytail which gives a very official outlook.
When I face her, her gaze doesn't meet mine,but is locked to her fingers knotted together,sitting on her lap.
I know that look. That's the same look she had when her mom passed away except better. She's sad. I should join her sadness, I can't help but ironically enjoy her concern,how lucky I am to have a best friend like her.
But also angry at her for the sympathy that I despise. I need someone to encourage me, not mourn and sympathize me.
I wish I could tell her.
I hear a slight knock on the door before it opens and my nurse,Rose, enters. She greets the both of us "Good morning" with a smile fixed to her face.
"Doctor, I have good news." she looks at me to see if it brought excitement to me.Sure it did! Because all I thought was that Harry woke up from his coma.
"We can take off that bandage covering your mouth! Yesterday when I was feeding you I saw that there's less injured tissue on your lips, it'll dry very soon. "
Hadley leaps up off the couch for this very not exciting and unexpected news.
"Can we do it now? " she asks standing next to me,after 2 strides from the couch to the bed.
I feel dumbfounded by my own expectations and try to be happy of this and thank Hadley in my mind for asking that question for me.
"Yes we can" Rose says. Is it me or do I see the nurse about to shed happy tears for me?
Slowly and carefully she removes it whilst Hadley watches the whole conception.It doesn't hurt,just a tiny sting less than last night when it was removed to feed me.I wonder how it healed within a matter of 12 hours.
I'm handed a mirror to check it out,slowly I bring up the circular mirror,framed with simple black plastic ,to my face. After a huge sigh ,my eyes flutter open.
My lips...
there's nothing that separates them with my burnt skin just above and below the mouth. I did expect this,but wasn't ready to admit it. It looks like my skin has been peeled off and dried.
A tear escapes my eye and in no second my head falls to my palms and more tears fall. How can someone not cry when her whole face is burnt? The face that Harry loved and called beautiful. Sure I can do a plastic surgery ,but will it be successful?? And the immense pain.
"Babe everything will be alright " Hadley says softly and rubs my back comforting.
Time passed rapidly welcoming the evening sky to shine upon.Hadley left after 3 hours of comforting me.
"How are you doing Vanessa" Doctor Eric looks up to me pausing the check on my report.
"You shouldn't have asked that " I speak. There's a slight pain when my no longer existing lips touch.But I can handle it.
"Vanessa this is very important, if you want to see your face,you must not cry. We don't want your wounds to be soaked in your tears." sternly Eric tells me. "Alright?"
"Alright."
Rose stands behind me and holds my head.Eric sits in front of me on the bed and moves his hands all the way to the back of my head. The tight bandages loosen up and falls to my shoulder and my lap. I dare not to look at them to see the blood or anything. Cool air from outside through the open window, hit my exposed skin making me groan.
"We can't keep it open longer so have a look at yourself now " Eric holds up the same mirror I was given to see my mouth.
And there I see my face.
"NO!" is all that I manage to say,which made sense, and all that crossed my mind.My voice just barely above a whisper.
"No"
_____________________________________
A/N
Heyyo seskies!
What might her face be like? :(
Like I promised it's different.
But this ain't all!!! Damn.. yall will be amazed in the future.
And dont worry peeps Zayn is on the way.
I wonder if Harry will ever wake up. hmmmm
And the big question is - what will happen if he doesn't or ever did?
Sorry about the late update, you know about school life right. classes and blah blah.
Updates will be quick if you vote ;)
vote.comment.Fan
xx