she says she's alone,
but she knows she's in l o v e . . .
▪️▫️▪️
I'm pleasantly surprised with how well this night is going. I was wrong about school dances; with the right people, they can be really fun.
It's almost 9 o'clock now, so there's only another hour and a half until the dance is over. Then I have no idea what we've got planned for after this, but I'm sure we'll figure something out. With Blair here, she's bound to come up with a plan.
A shitty song is playing right now, so Blair and I decided to step off the dance floor for a little bit and chill out. We're standing off to the side, observing everyone else around us and drinking some water.
Josh and Matt are across the room with Rick, Dan and Michael. They've been talking for awhile and it seems like they're having fun, which is good. It also seems like as I've grown closer with Josh, Matt has grown closer with their friend group as well. I like it though because I always feel bad for him having to be with Blair and I all the time. Now at least he has some guy friends to hang around with.
The DJ muttered something over the speakers as the song changed, and Blair and I rolled our eyes. Another shitty song.
That's the only thing about our school events – they can never get good music.
"I'm about to pull the aux cord from him and be DJ myself," Blair grumbled, taking a sip from her cup.
"Please do it," I laughed along, my smile quickly disappearing. I shifted my weight from one leg to the other, doing that a few times from being so antsy. I fumbled with my fingers that aren't holding my drink and continued not being able to stand still. I've been like this all night and I had a realization a little bit ago as to why I'm a restless mess.
I could see Blair staring at me out of the corner of my eye, but I kept my focus on our classmates dancing in front of us.
"What's up with you? You've been so fidgety all night," she chuckled.
"I need to have sex."
She nearly spat out her water at my honest confession, choking a little as I turned to pat her on the back. I laughed at her reaction, but didn't deny it.
"What?" She coughed, shaking her head.
"I have not done anything with a guy in like, two months. I haven't kissed anyone, touched anyone, gotten laid, whatever," I spoke quickly and quietly, trying not to let people hear our conversation.
A devilish grin spread across her face and she wiggled her eyebrows. I just rolled my eyes because I know what's coming next.
"Why don't you do it tonight with Josh?" She nudged my side a few times.
"No," I immediately rejected. "No way."
"Well then I don't know what to tell you," she sang, shrugging her shoulders.
"I don't know what to do either," I whined. "I am so sexually frustrated right now."
She didn't say anything at first. She just continued to stare at me with her eyebrows raised high and a smirk on her face. I stared back knowingly, then looked away.
"You're falling for Josh," she concluded happily.
"Blair, I don't feel like dealing with this right now," I said in a warning tone.
"You never feel like dealing with it."
"Yeah. Because I'm not falling for him," I denied, crossing my arms defensively.
"You haven't had a one night stand in forever because you're so wrapped up in Josh. You guys are hanging out on your own now, you do that thing where you see each other just to talk, he's met your parents and had dinner at your house," she listed off the reasons on her fingers, trying to get me to see clearly. "Stop being so damn stubborn and admit it. You like him."
I thought about her words for a minute, contemplating it all. Is this what having a crush feels like? I wouldn't know because I've never had one. I don't have crushes on people – I just have sex with them.
But Josh is different. He's not just a one-night-stand kind of guy. He actually wants to get to know me. He's never tried to make any kind of move on me before. Not to mention, he tends to make my heart race and my words get caught in my throat.
Shit, I think Blair is right. This can't be happening to me.
I opened my mouth to explain all of this to her, but someone's presence in front of us stopped me from doing so.
Jaclyn Hunt was standing there, smiling at the two of us. I finally put on a smile too and stood up straight, while Blair did the same.
"Hi," she showcased her perfect teeth with a smile. "I don't think we've ever formally met. I'm Jaclyn."
"I'm Victoria, or Vic," I nodded. "And this is Blair," I pointed to her.
"Hi," Blair chirped.
"I saw you guys over here and I was talking to Isabella, saying that you're all my brother talks about anymore so I should probably get to know you," she shrugged simply.
"I'm all Josh talks about?" I echoed her words with a chuckle, and I felt Blair pinch my arm sneakily.
"Yup, pretty much," Jaclyn nodded her head. Well, she's a blunt person.
I looked to where Isabella was standing with some friends of hers and Jaclyn's, and pursed my lips.
"Isabella's not my biggest fan, is she?" I asked, looking back to Josh's twin.
She shrugged and winced a little. "She's just kind of... passive aggressive, I guess. She has a hard time with letting things go."
"Oh," was all I said back.
"So I know I come off as a bitch because that's all I hear from people, but I don't think I am. Maybe it's my neutral expression or something," she waved her hand dismissively with a roll of her caramel eyes. "But you guys are nice, so if you ever want to hang out, let me know."
Blair and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised and talking silently with our eyes. Then we looked back to her and smiled.
"Sounds good," I said as we both nodded.
Jaclyn's gaze shifted toward me and I widened my eyes a bit. Her and Josh have the same exact eyes. They're beautiful and full of emotion. They make you feel something when you look into them.
"We'll probably be seeing a lot more of each other. Like I said, Josh is always talking about you," she said, making my cheeks go red at the thought of their conversations about me. Her eyes grazed me up and down once, then bore a hole right through me. "I just don't want him to get hurt."
I nodded slowly, pursing my lips again. I could practically feel that one coming.
"I understand completely," I agreed. Then the smile came back to her face.
"Okay. I'll see you around then," she waved, dismissing herself from our conversation and going back over to her friends. I let out a deep breath once her presence was gone.
"Wow. I think that's the first time she's ever talked to me," Blair laughed uncomfortably.
"Me too," I breathed.
Josh came running to me out of nowhere, concern written everywhere in his eyes. He grabbed onto my shoulder, sending a spark through my body as I looked up at him in confusion.
"What did my sister do to you? Was she being a bitch?" He started rattling off questions to me, as I shook my head with a laugh.
"No, no. We were just talking," I explained. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, nodding thoroughly.
"Okay, good," he breathed out. We all noticed a semi-good song came on then, so Josh smirked at me. "You wanna dance?"
"Yes," I agreed immediately, and he chuckled at my eagerness. I smiled and rolled my eyes, then he grabbed my hand loosely and pulled me along to the middle of the cafeteria. And of course, Blair was right behind us with Matt in a death grip.
I couldn't stand there and think anymore. I needed to clear my mind, and I figured dancing to some music with my friends would help.
So we danced for a little while as the night started coming to an end. Rick had told us that someone in our grade is having a party after this for the seniors only, so I think that's what we've got planned. It's not like I really have a choice; Blair would drag me there either way.
"We got one more slow song for tonight, is that alright?" The DJ's voice came over the speakers, and everyone cheered.
It took a few seconds for his last choice to come on, then a familiar song came through the speakers and filled the room.
Starlight.
I turned around to look at Josh with a surprised smile, and he looked back at me with the same expression.
"This is the best song he's played all night," I grinned.
Everyone started to couple up around us. I saw Blair and Matt next to us intertwined together, her head on his chest and his arms tightly wrapped around her as they swayed back and forth. Rick and Michael rolled their eyes and laughed as they left to go somewhere else, Dan and Isabella were together, and even Jaclyn was attached to her date. So Josh and I were the only two not locked in an embrace.
He just smiled at me and stepped closer, making my heart go crazy in my chest.
Fuck fuck fuck.
His hands slid around my body, resting comfortably on my waist as he smoothly pulled me into him. I reached up and locked a couple fingers together behind his neck, then finally started breathing again.
I kept my eyes on his tie for a few seconds until I got myself together, and then I looked back up to see him already looking at me with a dreamy smile. His eyes went back and forth between mine, making me question what he was thinking about.
"You have beautiful eyes," he murmured.
I hope he can't feel how my heart just jumped. But we're so close together that he definitely felt it.
I smiled small, feeling my cheeks blush. "Thank you. I think my makeup is making them pop tonight," I said with a proud grin.
"I've been meaning to tell you that for awhile," he spoke softly. "It's probably the first thing I noticed about you."
"That's usually not the first thing a guy notices about me, but thanks," I admitted sadly, shaking my head and losing his gaze because I looked down.
"I told you, I'm not like the rest," I heard him say.
"I know," I met his eyes again, whispering the words. "I know."
His smile widened and he looked up somewhere above my head. A nostalgic look came over his face – a happy one. A look that made me smile too.
"God, I love this song," he said it more to himself, but I still heard it. And I felt his arms tighten around me just a little more.
▪️▫️▪️
I downed the rest of the beer in my plastic cup and wiped my mouth. My body involuntarily shuddered from the taste of the frothy, bitter liquid. That was my third one of the night, and I think I need another one.
"Let's get more," Blair read my mind. I nodded and she grabbed onto my arm, leading the way to the crowded kitchen. We waited a few minutes for our turns, then filled up our cups with more beer from the keg that's almost empty.
It's barely midnight and we've been at this party since the end of the dance. Everyone is still in their Snow Ball attire, so the house is filled with people dressed in black and white. Except I changed into my checkered Vans that I kept in Matt's car this whole time because I knew I'd be needing them eventually.
"Where are the guys?" Blair asked me once both of our cups were refilled.
"I wish I could tell you," I shrugged. "But I can't really tell what anybody looks like in this lighting. Or lack of."
"True," she giggled, linking her arm with mine.
"Let's go to the other room," I started leading the way out of the kitchen. We walked back to the living room and stopped by a table where a group of kids are playing a drinking game.
"So I noticed during that last slow dance that you and Josh were talking all secretly to each other," Blair piped up with a sly smile.
"Yeah, so?" I chuckled, taking a gulp from my cup.
"It was cute," she muttered.
"Who's cute?" A voice came from behind us. Then a strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around my neck and a head rested on my right shoulder.
I already know it's Josh.
Blair stood in front of us and grinned, her eyes gleaming in this dim lighting.
"You two are cute," she gushed. I just gave her a look to tell her to shut up, but obviously she didn't listen to it. "I mean, look. You even matched your shoes with his tie. That's adorable."
"It was my idea," I heard the smile in Josh's voice.
"Yeah, but I was your inspiration," I smirked at him from the side.
"Shut up," he whispered, then he playfully bit my ear which made me giggle out of shock.
It was so fucking cute and yet so suggestive in a subtle, cheeky way. It made my stomach flip and fill with butterflies, which I don't think I've ever felt before.
I loved it, and I couldn't deny that.
"I'm gonna go find my boyfriend while you two enjoy each other," Blair's voice interrupted us. She eyed me with a smirk, then turned away and disappeared.
I shifted my head to look at Josh, seeing his smiling face only inches from mine.
"You okay?" I asked, referring to how much he's had to drink tonight.
"Great," he grinned back. He gently swayed me back and forth with his arms still around my neck from behind. "I've only had a couple beers and I feel great. I think it's you."
"Me?" I chuckled, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. It's like you have an effect on me that makes me not have the urge to drink so much," he said in a soft voice, with his lips right by my ear. His breath was tickling me, making my stomach flip again.
"Well I'm glad to hear that I'm good for something," I smiled at him as I mustered up a response.
Our eyes locked as our faces stayed close together just like that. The warm, caramel color filling his eyes sucked me in and took me to another place.
His lips are right there. His nose is practically brushing against mine and I have the strongest urge to just lean forward and-
What would happen if I kissed him?
I'd love to know, but I can't. So I turned back around and put my head down.
▪️▫️▪️
A/N - yOoOo gUys thIngS aRe haPpEniNG. let me know what you think of this semi-fluffy chapter and the ending??? like they kind of almost kissed??? what???
if u aren't already aware, i got my wisdom teeth taken out this past thursday (all 4 yikes) and i have some gr8 footage from it that i'm gonna put on my youtube for y'all to see :) it consists of me rambling and crying (but honestly i think every video of mine consists of that...) anYWAY, i'll let u know when it goes up bc it'll be v entertaining i promise.
other than the fact that i now have 4 less teeth in my head, i'm doing wonderful! thank u so so much for reading and i love ya lots.
dedicated to: Misfitted_Infinity :)
song: mr. winter by the maine (that lyric at the beginning is so relevant to this story... i cry)
photo: pwetty twinkling lights
xoxo, sabbbycat