Ken didn't sleep that night. After boarding up the open window, he changed the lock of the door. Saka siya naupo sa harapan ng kwarto niya, kung saan natutulog si Ahn. Nang mag-umaga, he went down to prepare breakfast for her. He knew it wasn't enough to make her forget about last night, pero gusto niyang makabawi rito kahit sa mumunting paraan.
He cooked her favorite spaghetti.
Umakyat siyang muli at kumatok sa pintuan.
"Ahn, I made breakfast for you."
When she didn't answer, he unlocked the door and took a peek. Tulog pa rin si Ahn. Balot na balot ito ng kumot. Good thing he had the aircon on. Nilapitan niya ito at hinawi ang buhok na nakaharang sa mukha nito. Mugtong-mugto ang mga mata nito. Pulang-pula rin ang ilong nito kaiiyak.
He touched her cheek. "Ahn?"
She stirred but did not open her eyes.
Idinikit niya ang noo sa noo nito. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Nang lumayo siya ay nakadilat na ito. They stared at each other for quite some time. And then she said, "For what? Kindly enumerate."
--
Ken blinked twice. He clearly wasn't expecting that. Bumangon siya, tinanggal ang makapal na kumot na nakabalot at saka ito nilampasan. She could hear him follow her downstairs.
"I made you breakfast," he told her.
Nakita niya ang spaghetti sa lamesa. The smell alone made her mouth water.
She took the plate and threw it at the trash bin. She looked at him and waited for him to react, but he's too surprised to even speak.
"What does it feel like to have something you worked hard for get thrown in the trash?"
"Ahn..."
"Stop acting out of guilt, Ken. Stop acting like you care. I didn't get raped so it's okay. Hindi mo naman kasalanan. Kasalanan ko yun dahil tinanggal ko yung harang sa bintana. It's always my fault, so don't bother apologizing."
He didn't budge. Nang magtimpla siya ng kape ay nakasunod lamang ang tingin nito sa kanya.
"I wasn't acting out of guilt," sabi nito. "It scared the shit out of me, Ahn!"
"Oh? Talaga, natakot ka?" she scoffed. "That's news."
Ken looked... hurt. Well, that's news as well. She was already awake when he knocked on the door earlier. Pumikit siyang muli nang buksan nito ang pintuan ng kwarto. She thought that if she pretended to be asleep, he would leave her alone. But he didn't. Instead, idinikit nito ang noo nito sa noo niya and then he muttered sorry.
She didn't know what to feel. Did he finally say sorry because she was almost raped?
"You can sleep in my room from now on. I'll just sleep on the couch," sabi nito.
"I don't need your sympathy."
"I am not sympathizing! Can't you just accept what I'm offering and be grateful?!" singhal nito.
"Can't you just accept my apology and forgive?" pabalik niyang tanong. "You can't, right? Kasi mahirap."
She took the cup of coffee and headed upstairs. Nagkulong siya sa tambakan, kahit mainit at halos hindi siya makahinga. Ken boarded the window again, kaya nangangapa na naman siya sa dilim. Pero mas okay na sa kanya ang ganito kaysa naman may pumasok na namang lalaki sa kwarto.
She took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. Hindi pala niya nalagyan ng asukal.
Sighing, kinapa niya ang isang malapit na kahon at saka niya ipinatong doon ang tasa. Kakahiga pa ang niya nang marinig niyang kumatok si Ken sa pintuan.
"Ahn, mainit dyan. Dun ka na matulog sa kwarto ko."
Hindi sya sumagot. She heard him sigh.
"I have the keys to all the rooms, Ahn."
Napamulagat siya. Banta ba 'yon?
"Leave me alone!" sigaw niya rito.
"I can't."
Parang may kung anong bumara sa lalamunan niya nang sinabi nito iyon. Why can't he? Because he's feeling guilty? Sa dami na nang nagawa nito sa kanyang pagpapahirap, she thought guilt was already eradicated from his vocabulary.
She sat up and hugged her knees, saka siya sumubsob. Gusto niyang umiyak pero naubos na yata kaninang madaling-araw ang luha niya. She waited for him to leave, but every five minutes yata ay kumakatok ito.
Everything's already messed up between them. Ayaw na niyang umasa sa feelings. Pangalawang araw pa lang nila bilang mag-asawa pero ganito na sila. Paano siya tatagal ng three years?
She'd rather have him cold and mean than sweet and caring. Because she knew that after three years, he will leave her for good. Once he got what he wanted, he will leave.
He will leave, Ahn, she told herself. So don't get attached.
Tumunghay siya nang biglang tumahimik. Tumigil na si Ken sa pagkatok. She heard his footsteps fade as he went downstairs. She waited. Maya-maya'y umakyat na naman ito at saka tumigil sa harap ng pintuan niya. May inilapag ito sa tapat saka ito kumatok ng tatlong beses.
Then he walked away. Pumasok yata ito sa kwarto nito. When she heard the door close, binuksan naman niya ang pintuan para tingnan kung ano ang inilagay nito sa tapat ng pinto niya.
There's a jar of sugar on the floor, with a note attached to the lid.
I noticed that you didn't put sugar in your coffee.
Kinuha niya iyon, saka yung kapeng nakapatong sa kahon tapos ay bumaba siya sa kusina. Sobrang init kasi talaga sa kwarto niya. Kung magkukulong siya roon, baka hindi na siya umabot ng hapon sa kakulangan ng hangin.
She saw another another note on the table. Katabi nito iyong panakip sa mga pagkaing nasa mesa.
May spaghetti pa. Choice mo na lang kung itatapon o kakain mo. Don't worry, walang lason yan.
She threw the notes in the trash. Her stomach grumbled when she lifted the cover. She can't waste anymore food. Siguro naman ay nakuha na nito ang point niya. Nilagyan niya ng asukal ang kapeng medyo malamig na at saka niya kinain ang spaghetti.
She savored the taste. Kagaya pa rin ng dati ang lasa. At kahit pa marami na siyang ibang natikmang pasta for the past three years, wala pa ring tatalo sa luto nito. Maybe because she's in love with him. That must be the reason why everything about him makes her happy and sad at the same time.
--
Dahan-dahang binuksan ni Ken ang pintuan ng kwarto niya. Bumaba siya ng hagdan at sumilip sa kusina. Nakita niya si Ahn na kumakain. He felt relieved. She seemed oblivious of his presense kaya sinamantala niya ang pagkakataon para panuorin itong kumain.
She would occasionally smile and close her eyes, while savoring the food. He felt glad knowing na gusto pa rin nito ang luto niya. Nang matapos na ito sa pagkain ay bumalik siya sa kwarto para kumuha ng bihisan.
Sinadya niyang antayin na paakyat na ito bago siya bumaba. Gumilid ito agad nang magkasalubong sila sa hagdan.
"I'm going out. Do you want to come with?" he asked nang magkatapat sila.
"No," she replied curtly.
"Oh, okay. Guess I'll just stay inside, then."
Hindi siya pinansin nito at nagpatuloy lang ito sa paglalakad.
"Kung matutulog ka, gamitin mo na yung kwarto ko," pahabol niya.
She didn't heed. Diretso lang ito sa kwartong tambakan ng gamit. Pabalabag nitong isinara ang pinto. She even locked the door, which was quite pointless, considering na may susi rin naman siya.
He took his time inside the shower. Mas masarap mag-isip kapag nasa banyo. It's just freeing. Pinag-isipan niya kung paano ba niya pakikitunguhan si Ahn. Hindi na sila magpantay na dalawa. Kapag galit siya, mabait ito. Kapag nanunuyo siya, nagtataray naman ito.
Nang matapos na siya sa paliligo ay kinuha niya ang susi at dumiretso sa kwarto nito. When he opened the door, he saw Ahn sleeping. She's curled up to one side. Pawis na pawis na naman ito. Bumalik siya sa kwarto niya at kinuha ang maliit na electric fan.
He plugged it in an outlet near the door of the storage room saka niya iyon itinapat kay Ahn. The latter stirred, unconciously reaching out to the cold air. He smiled when she sighed in relief.
--
Ahn woke up a few hours later. Ang himbing ng tulog niya dahil sa malamig na hangin na dulot ng electric fan. Wait... electric fan?
Napabalikwas siya ng bangon. May electric fan nga na nakatutok sa kanya! But how—"I have the keys to all the rooms, Ahn." Right. Ken put it there. Who else?
She turned it off and went downstairs to drink water. Siguro ay pinawis na naman siya kanina kaya nauuhaw siya ngayon. She needs to replenish.
Wala si Ken sa sala nang bumaba siya. Sarado ang pintuan, locked from the inside, at nang sumilip siya sa garage ay naroon pa rin ang kotse nito. She figured that he must be in his room. Shrugging, kumuha siya ng maiinom at saka siya bumalik sa kwarto niya para kumuha ng bihisan.
Then, she headed to the bathroom to take a quick bath.
Finally refreshed, naupo siya sa sala para manuod ng TV habang nagpapatuyo ng buhok. Maya-maya ay may biglang tumawag. It's her mother-in-law.
"Hi, ninang."
"Ninang?"
Natawa siya. "Ay sorry po! Hindi pa lang sanay."
Tumawa rin ito. "It's okay, you'll get used to it. Kumusta naman? Hindi ba ako nakakaabala?"
She blushed at the question. Second day nga pala ng honeymoon nila... supposedly.
"Hindi naman po."
"Where's Ken?"
"Tulog po."
"Ah." There was a long pause. "Okay naman kayo?"
"O-Opo."
"That's good to hear. When can we visit?"
"Uhm... kayo po. Kung kailan nyo po gusto."
"Can we come tomorrow?"
"S-Sure po. I'll tell Ken."
"Okay. Pakikumusta na lang ako sa kanya paggising nya ha?"
"Yes po... m-ma."
Nagkwentuhan pa sila saglit bago ito nagpaalam. Pagkatapos ng tawag ay naghanap siya ng bolpen at papel, saka siya nagsulat.
Darating ang mommy at daddy mo bukas. JSYK.
She slipped the note under Ken's door. They may have to pretend again, but that's not about to start until tomorrow. So for today, galit-galit muna.
Bukas, sisimulan ulit nila ang pagpapanggap.