Yatta's POV
"So I know you get this question a lot, but what exactly is the meaning behind the whole CorkoLandKrazy thing? How did it begin?" Vlad spoke as we started up the interview.
"That shit for my brother, may he rest in peace." I kept it short and simple about him. Even though I know everyone had a million questions to ask about Cork, I didn't like talking about the situation too much. "I'm not sure if it's a Bay thing, but we always naming different sections and hoods after a loved ones passing, so that's exactly what we did."
"Now tell me how it was growing up in the Bay Area, or just San Francisco alone."
"Growing up all we had is hope. Before section-8 we was going home to home
Food going to waste cause my brother broke the stove. But he had to stir the wrist just to keep the lights on." I quoted CellyRu's verse of 1 Day, before laughing to myself.
"Real shit, it was a struggle. I ain't finna sit up here and tell you the same mediocre hood nigga stories that you hear from all these rapping niggas, but it was some shit. I was thinking like I damn near rather be in jail than out here broke."
"How exactly?"
"Mayne, niggas was just poor. What else is there to it? It was one point in time where we had money. My pops was doing what was necessary to make sure the lights was on and our stomachs was full, I got so much respect for that man. Once he got locked up for the first time after I was born, it was downhill from there." I spoke.
"My big brother, Cork filled that spot and got put on into the game early. He was doing what he had to do, especially after our mama got sprung out. I was young as hell, but I wanted to make some money too. He wasn't having it until our mama lost her job, then we really needed the money."
"And Cork is your full brother, half brother?" Vlad asked.
"My brother is my brother. Full blood, half, step, that's my brother. The only nigga that really gave a damn 'bout me when my pops was doing time." I spoke.
"My mother cut ties with her sister, so there was no contact between us and my family on that side. My fathers' brother was never in the picture, and all his dawgs went ghost when he was down, that's why it's fuck niggas."
"But your father is out of prison now, correct?"
"Hell yea, my old man making shit happen with his Fare Game merch. All my supporters need to go fuck with it, support black owned businesses." I smirked.
"And your mother?"
"She cool."
"On your Instagram, you posted a video stating that you wouldn't allow your kids to smoke weed, unless you were to supply it-"
"Damn right."
"And why is that?"
"Because people are weird. I wouldn't want my kids smoking at all, but if they wanted to, I'll let them know that they can always come to me. Niggas lace shit nowadays and it could be anything in that blunt." I spoke. "Especially my daughter."
"Your daughter?"
"Yeah, niggas lace it and they got a one up on her instantly. Or even just getting high around the wrong people, I ain't having that."
"I feel it, man. But you smoke, that's why a lot of people took it as you being a hypocrite."
"Give a fuck." I waved him off. "I be smoking, yeah. But it ain't like I be walking around everywhere high. I slowed down over the years, forreal. Niggas gotta sit up in meetings and shit, these people talking to you and you not tryna hear it 'cause you high. I be too busy for that, and being high keeps me too relaxed. I been shot at hella times being off my game."
"You think you'll give up weed like you did lean?"
"Nah, that lean was doing serious damage, that shit had to go. Crazy thing is I ain't even realize it, it was the people around me, but it really hit once my lady had something to say. My body was literally shutting down."
"And that's what happens with a lot of people, but luckily you had people around you to open your eyes before it was too late."
"Heard that, fuck that cup. Health is wealth and I need my bag, I been telling niggas. If it ain't beneficial it's artificial." I spoke. "I got 3 kids to feed and they very observant, I can't let 'em see daddy fail."
"Right, and when you see a lot of these rappers...you know getting killed, it's almost always in their own neighborhood."
"That's factual, it's too much pressure. It put you on this level where you damn near like a God to some people. I ain't wanna put it like that, but it is. And while some respect and look up to you, a lot of niggas hate you and wanna replace you. Especially if you talking about some street shit, niggas gon test your gangsta."
"Yeah I hear that. There were questions going around on social media about you and your son. You two took a picture and the caption was something people had a lot of questions about." He spoke.
"Incubator babies." I spoke and laughed. "Everybody and they mama was in they feelings over that one."
"Care to explain?"
"Yeah, a lot of people know that my son was premature, 2 months early. He was healthy as hell, but me and wifey weren't taking risks with our first born, so he was in an incubator for a week, almost 2 before we took him home, just to make absolute sure."
"And yourself?"
"Yea, I was a crack baby." I shrugged.
"So you were premature as well?"
"No, I was actually born hella late. I think my aunty said after 2 weeks, they induced my mama. They thought I was still-born since I barely moved."
"How'd you find out you were a crack baby?"
"You know the niggas I be around, they all my brothers and cousins, we was always just bagging on each other and they just be telling me 'Nigga, you a crack baby' and all. I'm the youngest, so they all knew a little more than I did."
"Did that ever take a toll on you as a child, or even know as an adult?"
"Naw, I was straight. As long as I ain't got no health issues."
"So, you're originally from Fillmore, grew up in Sunnydale, mom is on drugs and dad is in jail. How old were you when you started getting mixed up in the street shit?"
"Well, I learned that shit early on without really knowing. I was about 11 or 12, grew up thinking it was a way of life since everybody we knew was on it. Wake up in the morning, nobody even cooking breakfast, just crack. At 13 I was hitting house licks, punching niggas out for they bicycles and shit." I shook my head and laughed.
"And how old were you when you first got shot at?"
"Shit, about 15-16. Niggas wanted all the smoke once my brother was gone. I remember that shit like it was yesterday though, hella late on a Saturday and I was with my blooda, Keezy. We were in his grandmother's vehicle, T'd up and slapping Mac Dre when niggas started spraying shit over a dice game. Keezy got hit that night but thank God it only grazed him."
"If you never began rapping, where do you think you would be now?"
"Dead, fashooly. Somebody would've took me out, or vice versa and I'd be in prison. It's literally those two options because I was so close minded and never thought to branch out, since I ain't see nobody else doing it. Yea I had a passion for it, but on some real shit I wouldn't be rapping if it wasn't for my lady."
"You met her before you started making music?"
"Yeah, we were about 17-18. When she first moved up to the Bay for college."
"Was it an on and off relationship?"
"I guess, we did have our breaks. I ain't tryna make it seem like we perfect, but she perfect for me."
"You think you two would still be together if you didn't meet at 17-18?"
"Yeah, I believe so. We made for each other, this shit ain't no coincidence. And if not, then she wouldn't have given me my kids, and ion know what I'd do without em. I wouldn't be the man I am today, real spill."
"Speaking of your wife, there's been a lot going on between her and the new female artist you're touring with."
"Yeah, some females weird as fuck."
"A lot of physical altercations too-"
"If you don't mind, ion wanna talk too much about that."
"You have one daughter and two boys, correct?"
"Yessir." I smiled thinking about my baby.
"You're affiliated and all, have connections with this street stuff. What if your kids were to grow up and want to follow in those steps and do the same?"
"What for?"
"You know gang banging, selling drugs-"
"Better gang bang them books, the fuck. I ain't playing with none of my kids, they asses gon be sent to military school with quickness if they start acting up, on Cork." I spoke and he laughed.
Once the interview was over, I hit the studio to the neck to finish up this song I started for Mamé a while back, when we were going through it. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my music, so I've been replying it and tweaking any little thing for about an hour now.
Since the tour ended a month ago, I've been in and out the studio, working on some more hot shit to drop. The rest of the tour went by smooth to be honest. I didn't come in contact with Stunna that often, hopefully meaning she learned from the beating Mamé gave her. It never had to go that far, but I understand I had a lot to do with it. Now that Mamé and I are solid, she won't have to beat on anyone else again.
"Let's not argue tonight, can you fall through tonight? I'ma let the top back and let the stars be the light
If I went broke would you stay or would you switch up?
If I fell off would you be there for the pick up? Your kind's rare
When nobody gave a fuck, baby I cared
And when nobody stuck around, baby I'm here
I can't see you but I feel you like a blind man
Nobody love you like I can" I spit my verse as I stared at the picture I had of Mamé, framed nicely on the side of my soundboard.
"What's good with my lady love?" I spoke once I answered Mamé's call, turning down the music.
"Hey baby, how was the interview?"
"Shit was straight." I shrugged. "He ain't ask nothing I ain't really wanna answer, so it was cool."
"Good to hear that. When you coming home? I'm here by myself and I miss you."
I slightly smiled. "I miss you too, lovely. I'll be back home soon, I'm at the studio. After that I'll pick up the kids."
"Ooo, what you cooking up in the Stu? Let me get a sneak peak."
"Nah, not this one. You gon have to wait till I drop this."
"Ew, you're treating me like a fan or something."
"You crazy, girl." I laughed and shook my head.
"I'm playing, but okay. Why?"
"This one 'bout somebody special." I smirked.
"Who? Don't tell me you went in the booth and spit sum bout me." She asked and I was quiet. "It's about me? Now I have to hear it! Please, baby?"
"The fact that I was gonna bring it home to play for you anyway, I swear you ain't even gotta do too much to win me over." I shook my head at myself.
"Aw, baby. Is it gonna make me cry?"
"We gon find out."
"Aww hubby! I'm cooking for you now, what you wanna eat?"
"Surprise me."
"Will do. I love you."
"I love you more. You don't even know how much you mean to me, girl."
"Now I'm crying." I heard her sniffling over the phone. I chuckled.
"I'll be home soon baby."
"I'll be here."
We hung up, and I made my way out of the room to the lobby of the studio, coming into contact with Stunna. She looked up at me but I looked away, ignoring her presence as I responded to the front desk lady. I made my way into the restroom, pissing, then washing my hands. Just as I opened the door to walk out, I met with her.
I shook my head and without a word, continued walking out and to my car. I sped off to pick up the Kj and Gianna from school, then Cyn and Nemo from my pops house.
"Look at my beautiful family!" Mamé spoke as soon as we got inside the house. "Muah, kisses for everyone."
I chuckled and let her give me a kiss on the cheek anyway.
"Y'all come and eat, I just finished cooking."
After we smashed on Mamé's food, I sat Kj and Gianna down to do their homework before they got to do anything. After completing their assignments, Gianna went ahead and pulled out a book for her reading log.
"What they got you reading in that school?" I asked as I sat down next to Gianna.
"Maniac Magee." She responded, not taking her eyes off the book.
"You must like it."
"I love it! My teacher reads it to us everyday after lunch for silent reading, but I wanted to read more so now I'm ahead."
"That's good. What's it about?"
"Racism and homelessness. There's a lot that happens in the story, but those are the main themes."
I nodded. "I'm glad you like it."
"And what about you, Kj?"
"I'm reading Geronimo Stilton." He showed the cover of his book.
"Let me check that reading level." I took a look at the bottom of the book. "3rd grade level and you only in Kindergarten? My baby hecka smart." I spoke and he smiled widely.
"I'm proud of you guys, keep your head in them books."
"Always." Gianna replied.
I jogged up the stairs and walked into the bedroom to find Mamé finishing her work. I took a seat next to her and pulled out my laptop, ready to play some unreleased music for her. As soon as she noticed what I was doing, her eyes were on me. I chuckled and began playing it anyway, watching as a smile grew on her face.
"Shit, I know you tired of me
I know you tired of doin' time with me
I know you tired of hearin' lies from me
If you wanna go then you can go, baby that's fine with me
I'd rather you stay down and ride for me
I'd rather you didn't hurt any day or inside of me
I'd rather you put your ego and pride to the side for me
I'd rather you put your faith and your time and you tried with me"
"Baby, when you write this?"
"When we was going through it and you was talking about leaving me. I swear I ain't mean for none of that to happen. We past that, but it still comes to mind that I even let us get to that point, and I know it crosses your mind too."
"Yeah." She responded.
"But we a unit, we may bend but we ain't gon break. No matter what."
"Heard that!" She responded. "I love you and this song! I really do."
"And I love you." I responded. "I'm finna drop this tonight, I ain't got shit scheduled."
"Don't forget, you have somewhere to be later on too."
"Like where?"
"You didn't forget, did you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." I shook my head.
"Your visitation with your mother? Kenyana, I know you're not backing out now."
"Who's backing out? I just forgot. And I got shit planned so I don't think I can make it."
"Yatta." She turned my face towards her. "What's really wrong? You just said you were free, but now I bring up your mom and you're busy?"
"Mayne, I forgot I had to go by the studio later tonight."
"Lie again. You're going to see your mom, at least let her know you're still there for her."
"Mayne, I let her know that shit all the time. Is she here for me though? Was she ever? No. She decided to try and get out of rehab not once, but twice. I've done nothing but support her and try to get her to do better for herself."
"You know what I meant. You need to go see her, I think it'll help both of you."
"Nah, I ain't tryna see her up there like that."
"Baby, please. There is no reason for me to be begging you to go, but I think you both really need to see each other. I would go with you, but I think this is something you got to do alone. There's a lot of personal stuff y'all need to talk about."
"Like what?"
"As much as you tell me, and more. You've been through so much Kenyana, and I really believe there's a lot you guys need to discuss." She spoke as I grabbed my laptop.
Capolow's- Drip began to play, and I started to sing to Mamé. She held a mug on her face but I ignored it, kissing her cheek.
"I love the way you drip on me baby. Drip, drip, drip pussy bussin like a K
I love the way you drip on me baby. Woo
I love the way you drip aye, aye"
"So, you're just gonna ignore me?" She asked as she turned the music down.
I smacked my lips. "How I'm ignoring you?"
"Give me an answer...are you going or not?"
"You gon drip on me?" I licked my lips and looked her up and down.
"Kenyana!" She smacked my arm.
"Mayne, I'll go." I mugged her and she smiled, trying to pull me into a hug.
"Watch out, blood."
"Boy if you don't let me hug you, with your fine ass."
"I'm really a good looking ass nigga." I rubbed my chin and she shook her head.
"Yea yea, but what your good looking ass is gonna do is help me go dress shopping. You know I have that big dinner with my coworkers and boss next week, right? And you're coming with me."
"Dress shopping? Mamé, who do you actually think I am?"
"My husband, and I want us to match in a way so we'll be purchasing another suit for you too."
"Mayne, I guess."
"Thank you baby, now let's hurry so I can get you ready for your visit with your mama. I want to you looking extra good."
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"Meiko Breaux?"
"Right this way, sir." One rehab advisor led the way to my mother. Once I spotted her sitting at a table by herself, I wanted to turn back around before she noticed me. As soon as the thought went away, she looked up at me, her eyes were wide as I approached her.
I took a seat directly in front of her, with only a small space between us for the table. It was quiet for a couple of seconds as we stared at each other, before she spoke.
"Kenyana." She reached her hands across the table. I placed my hands in hers and she squeezed them tight.
"Ma." I spoke and watched as her smile grew. I put a smile on my face as well and we just stared at each other like some idiots.
"My baby, how are you?" Her voice was very light, but she didn't sound weak.
"I'm fine, how are you? You look good mama."
"Thank you baby, I've been getting better."
I nodded, trying to find what else to say. It got quiet again for a moment, before she let go of my hands and stood up.
I was confused as I watched her walk away, before she came back with the board game Life. A smile grew on both of our faces, and I laughed as I recalled how often we use to play it when I was a kid.
"Every time I play this game, I think of you and Karl." She spoke as we began sorting out all the parts. "How are my grand babies?"
"Everybody is good, I brought you their pictures. Kj just took his school pictures." I took out the printed copies I had for her to put in her room.
One by one, she took a look at the pictures of my kids, Gianna, and Siya's son. Her smile was wide as she continued looking through them.
"They're beautiful, my babies." She spoke with tears starting to run down her face.
"I'm sorry ma." I spoke, not knowing if I should hug her or not. I grabbed her hand that laid flat on the table, letting her know I was here for her.
She wiped her face with her other hand. "I'm so sorry I did this to y'all." She continuously shook her head. "This is my fault, all of this is my fault."
"It's not."
"It is. My first child is dead, my only daughter doesn't know me, and my last born had to suffer. I'm so proud of who you are now, but I should have given you a better life."
"Ma, that a-"
"Boy, it ain't nothing you can say that's gonna change my mind about it. I know it's my fault and I've accepted it. Everybody makes mistakes, but this one affected everyone around me as well."
"I just wanna know why."
"I was so dumb." She shook her head as her eyes watered. "I got pregnant with Karl at 17, didn't even finish my senior year because I had to get a job. Me and your aunty were in the system, we ain't know our parents. It was only us two, so she was the mother figure for me, with her being older by 3 like you and your brother." She started off.
"She was disappointed when I told her, but wanted custody of me since I told her my foster mother use to beat us. She was in school at the time and working to help me take care of Karl, but she ended up dropping out as well. I didn't tell his father about him until after he was born, but he was involved in his life. I ended up pregnant with Kasiya at 19, but I wasn't showing until well in the pregnancy, like 6 months." She spoke.
"I met your daddy while I was pregnant, and we became good friends. Until I found out I was 5 months, then I stopped talking to him. I had Kasiya, and after that the relationship with your father and I started again. He never knew I had a daughter, but he knew about my son. Barely anyone knew I had a daughter, not even your aunty. At that time I was living with a friend, so my sister and I weren't close anymore. I just kept Siya a secret, because two kids was too much."
"But you had me."
"I fell in love with your dad, and he loved me. Coming from the environment I came from, love was so rare, so I did anything for it. Once I told him I was pregnant with you, he was so excited. He was in the streets so he started hustling a little more, which was bringing in the money so I had no issue. I was back and forth between my friend and sister's place, before I moved in with him, which she was pissed about because she said I barely knew him, but we were in love."
"What about Siya and her daddy?"
"I let him keep her. He hated how I was doing things, and I honestly don't know why I did what I did. He wasn't too sure if Karl was his son anyway, since his toxic ass sister was putting the idea in his head. I just took Karl and left, we had no contact with one another."
"When did you and pops split?"
"When he cheated, and got her pregnant." I watched as her facial expression changed. "I fought her and we rolled down some stairs so her baby was no longer. Little did I know, I had a life growing inside me too, so we both suffered a loss." She spoke and my brows shot up, hella shocked because I didn't know that.
"After that I said I was done with him forreal. We still lived under the same roof so whenever I said that, it never lasted. We bounced back like we never left, but once he got locked up again, I was so over it."
"When you start using drugs ma?"
She took a long pause before speaking. "I was 19, when I was living with a friend. Long after I had Siya, but when I was with your dad. I use to smoke it almost every day, he didn't know. I was still pregnant with you and soon 9 months was up. I-" She almost burst into tears and her voice cracked.
"I didn't know if you were gonna make it, they kept telling me you barely moved. Your dad was in a holding cell at the time, and was calling my phone but I wouldn't answer. I called my sister instead because I needed her. There was so much blood, I wasn't sure if I was gonna make it either."
"You came out small, yet mighty. I was crying all throughout the delivery, but I was sobbing as soon as I got to hold you. You were in an incubator for 4 weeks before I could take you home, and the first thing I did was celebrate your life. It was just your father, aunty, brother, cousins and I. The doctors thought you would be disabled, but you were so strong and they were amazed."
"Your daddy got locked up again on something serious and that's when our relationship really ended. I moved on, and that's when my drug use became heavy. My sister warned me about everything, and I cut her off. I know you remember this since you weren't that young."
"Yeah, that's when shit started."
"I was too weak to get back on my feet. I lost my job and ended up in a toxic relationship, I thought I found love again."
"Ma, that nigga use to beat you. He would lock us in your room and beat you till you bled, then got you back on them drugs. That ain't love." I spoke in disgust of ole dude I met with at the Pier. That shit made me sick to my stomach how he would hit her and mistreat her, but she never seemed to want him gone. My mother was a sweetheart in my eyes at the time, and she didn't deserve any of that shit.
"I was so weak." She shook her head at herself. "You know, it never hit me until Karl left. Until he decided to go on his own, and you wanted to leave too. I continuously told myself that I was a terrible mother, because I was. I hated myself, I was disgusted."
"It's good, because I caught up with that nigga and gave him a piece of my mind, and was beating on him like he did you." I spoke. "Besides that, why you ain't show up to the funeral? I was hoping to see you, I thought you would at least pull through for Cork."
"When I found out my baby was dead, I blamed myself. I cried and cried and cried, until there was nothing left. I believe that's when I completely lost myself, I didn't want to see him in a casket, so I didn't show. I disconnected myself from everyone, which was a huge mistake. I'm so sorry baby, I can't say it enough. I blame myself because I know it was all my fault, you shouldn't have suffered how you did."
"It's whatever, mayne."
"No, Kenyana look at me." She spoke with her face drowned in tears. I didn't want to get emotional, but she made it so hard for me. "We both keep bottling this up, but we need to talk about it."
"I miss my fucking brother mayne." I put my face in my hands. "Not one day that goes by where I don't think of him, I don't know why I can't just let it go. He ain't coming back, but I can't accept it."
"Keezy and them all my brothers, but it's like nobody ever gon fill that spot Cork had. We just been through too much together, we shared the same exact struggle. I looked up to him."
"I know baby."
"I know it's wrong, but I still be questioning God, like why my brother? Of all people, he may have be slanging, but it was for a good cause. He did what he had to do."
She sighed. "Rest in peace to my baby, I miss you dearly." She looked up. "I'm just praying, can we build from here? I'm going to get back on my feet, I'm going to get clean. I'm going to be a good grandma to my grandchildren, and the mother I should have been for you and Siya."
"You know I'm always here mama, I love you to death."
"I love you too, my baby." Stood up to hug me, and I held her for a long time.
We both sat back down in our seats, and took a breath. We were done being emotional and I ended up talking about the projects I have coming up with this music stuff, which she congratulated me for. We talked about her progress as well, and then our conversation ended up being all over the place and about various different things.
Once it was time to go, I didn't want to leave. It's crazy because I didn't want to come in the first place, but I really did enjoy this visit. This was something we both needed.
We said our goodbyes and I rolled out, driving back home in complete silence which was odd for me.
"Hey baby." Mamé whisper yelled once I walked into the living room. The kids had fell asleep to a movie and she didn't want to wake them up. "How was the visit?"
"Very much needed." I kissed her before hugging her tight.
"I'm glad you came through and went to see her. How is she?"
"She's good, doing much better."
"I'm so happy to hear that, honestly." She smiled as she looked up at me.
"Blood, why you so perfect?"
"Boy, I am far from it."
"I'm so serious, like you really keep me going Mamé." I spoke and she cooed, giving me another hug and kiss. "My motivation, on Cork."
"You hungry?" She asked and I shook my head.
"Nah, I'm just tryna lay with you."
"Well gon change and get comfortable, I'll put a movie on and we can cuddle." She spoke with a smile.
"Ight, I'll be back lovely."
"I'll be waiting, sweet pea." She responded with a chuckle and I laughed, heading up the stairs.
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I literally say this every time, but please forgive me for how hard I've been lagging on this story.