Happy Saturday everyone! Can I just say a big thanks to all of you who leave comments for me on these chapters. They've made me laugh and smile in equal measure. I'm amazed that In Too Deep is ranked #1 in #30stm. Thanks to every one of you who's been reading and voting. Thought I'd pop this chapter out there ready for the weekend. Hope you all enjoy xoxoxo
The drive back was chilled. Shannon introduced me to some new music on his Spotify playlists and I allowed my eyes to close, a smile playing on my lips as I listened to him sing along quietly.
His hand reached over and squeezed my thigh. "You OK babe?"
"Yeah, just keep on singing. I was enjoying. What's that track?" I asked, rubbing the back of his hand, while watching the other steer the car through the lunchtime traffic.
"Wicked Games by the Weeknd. Do you like it?"
"I love it. Now keep singing and watch where you're going," I giggled, removing his hand from my leg.
We drove the rest of the way in relative silence until we arrived back at his place.
The day was warming up nicely for March. Shan braked and pointed his key fob at the pad, the gates sliding open for us to pass through.
"Looks like we've got a visitor," Shannon laughed, parking up. He jumped out and ran over to his brother's beaten up truck.
"Hey bro! Good to see ya!"
I watched as they hugged each other and clowned around. I got out of the car and walked over, feeling a bit like piggy in the middle with these two.
"Hey Lexy," Jared shouted out and beckoned me over, pulling me into their arms.
"So what brings you over here," I smiled, squashed between the two of them. "I thought we were meeting you downtown with your mom?"
"Well, I thought I'd spend some quality time first with you two," he laughed, tickling my ribs and making me squirm.
Shannon broke up the cuddle and unlocked the door. "Who wants a beer?" he shouted over his shoulder, making his way through the house to the kitchen.
By the time we'd caught up, three ice cold bottles were waiting, condensation running off them and pooling on the bar.
"Let's sit outside by the pool," Jared suggested, leading the way, with me and Shannon following.
"So where've you two been?" he asked, lowering himself on to the outside sofa. He patted the seat next to him, offering me space between him and Shannon.
"Well, first we had breakfast and then I dragged your brother shopping for a dress. I want to try to look good if I'm meeting your mom later."
"You've been dress shopping!" He looked at Shannon, reaching over me to punch his brother's shoulder.
"Since when has a woman ever got you to look at dresses," he teased.
"Wait until you see her J! You'll soon realise why, I promise," Shannon chuckled, watching me blush at his words.
"Yeah, well you'll both have to wait because I'm going to relax for the next hour," I pointed out before either asked for an impromptu fashion show. I stretched out my legs and sipped the beer as the conversation continued.
From inside, I heard the phone ring. "I'll be back now. Just let me see who's calling." Shannon pulled himself away, leaving me alone with Jared.
There was silence outside once he'd answered the phone.
I'd been secretly dreading being left alone with Jared. I was still trying to process our earlier phone call. I was a nervous wreck in his presence because I knew damn well what he was capable of. But now it was different again. It must have been hard for him to admit having 'feelings' for me. I know, if the roles were reversed, I'd have equal difficulty articulating how I felt towards him.
At this moment though, no words were needed because the emotions connecting me and Jared were almost tangible.
I was just about to turn towards him when his fingers laced into my hair, rubbing slowly down my neck.
"I meant what I said earlier Lexy."
He cupped my chin in his hand. "Look at me, please."
His baby blue eyes drilled into me, demanding some sort of response.
I swallowed, aware of my body and how it was reacting to the feel of his fingers tangled in my hair.
He leaned over, pressing his lips to my ear. "I know damn well you have feelings for me as well as Shannon. Just be honest with yourself for once."
He paused, looking over his shoulder towards the house. "And in case you're in any doubt, Shan knows exactly how I feel about you. I had to tell him Lexy. There was no way the three of us could be together otherwise. He had to know my feelings towards you."
I sat there, slightly numb at his admission. Shan had never divulged this conversation or even hinted that he knew how Jared felt about me.
"What are you thinking baby girl? Tell me, please." His fingers continued to caress the back of my neck, tracing the curve of my spine and sending a lone shiver to my core.
"Jared, honestly, I don't know what I'm thinking. Shan's said nothing about this to me. All I know is that I can't trust myself to be alone with you."
"Look," I paused to rest my fingers on his lips, "if that means I have feelings for you, then OK," I murmured.
I sighed, taking in his confused expression. "I do have feelings for you J," I whispered, "but this is difficult."
"What's so difficult darling?" Shannon leaned over the back of the sofa, laughing as I pulled away from his brother.
"Jesus, Shannon," I cried, watching him laugh uncontrollably at my reaction.
"Has Jared been coming on too strong or what," he smiled, watching intently for my response.
"Nnno no," I stammered, watching Shan walk around and flop down next to me. He pulled me away from Jared into a close cuddle, his muscled arms holding me tight to his chest.
"Lexy you're a filthy liar," he whispered, grinning at the look of shock on my face. "He loves you every bit as much as I do.
"Just relax and don't worry. There are more important things in the world we should be worrying about," he soothed.
"This isn't one of them, OK?" He kissed me softly, his tongue dipping between my lips, just teasing me for a reaction.
I placed my palm on his chest, moving slightly away. "Why haven't you two spoken to me about your feelings?" I looked from Jared to Shannon and back again.
"What are you both looking for?" I was slightly on edge, nervous but excited, a lethal combination.
"Come here darling." Shannon pulled me back into his arms and stroked my hair, pressing his lips to my forehead. "It's a lot to take in and we don't expect you to rush into anything. It just felt right that you should know. That we both love you, in our own unique ways."
I closed my eyes, trying to absorb what was happening. There was a part of me that did start to relax. Maybe it was the knowledge that I didn't have to fight the fight with Jared any longer. Maybe it was time to let go and just enjoy the moment for what it was.
I nuzzled into Shannon's chest, enjoying the tenderness of his touch. His hands continued to stroke my hair and I knew he could tell the moment I finally relaxed, because my body melted into his.
He shifted slightly, moving me closer to Jared. "Don't fight it Lexy," he whispered. "Just give him a moment with you and see how it feels."
I looked up at him, slightly confused but aware of what he was asking me. His eyes held mine, knowing there were a million questions fighting to be heard in the silence between us.
"Jared. Give us a moment will you." Shannon pulled me into his arms and we walked inside, allowing some of the sexual tension to ease from my body.
"Shannon," I whispered, laying my head against his chest and feeling his hands drift along my back to my shoulders.
"I love you Shan. Please tell me what you want from me?" I begged, feeling a range of emotions dancing inside my tummy. "Won't you be jealous if I'm with your brother? Doesn't this bother you?"
I paused before voicing my biggest fear to him.
"And what if something happened? The thought of losing just one of you would hurt badly. But both of you? It'd kill me. We need some sort of boundaries if this is what you want," I implored.
We stayed where we were, his grip on me getting ever tighter as he listened.
After a moment he spoke. "We'll talk, all three of us. This will work Lexy. I'll make sure you're safe on every step of this journey. I promise.
"It doesn't change anything between the two of us OK? You've got to understand that. Everything that's happened is genuine and I love you.
"It's just I know how Jared feels about you. I can see the way he looks at you at times. It's made me think we'd be good together."
He kissed me gently, his thumb caressing my cheek. "What shall we do now?" he asked tentatively.
This was a lot to take in. I breathed deeply, leaning my head back to get rid of the tension that Jared has so miraculously eased away only last night.
"I need a little time to myself Shan," I admitted. "Can I just go to your bedroom and lie down for a minute?" I wasn't asking permission; I needed this time to analyse what they were asking of me and what I wanted from this relationship.
"Of course you can darling." He held my hand and led me upstairs. "You know where I am. Come down when you're ready."
He looked at me with those sexy hazel eyes. "I love you. Don't forget that."
For the next half hour I sat alone on his bed. I'd picked up his flannel shirt from the floor and wrapped myself inside it, inhaling the smell of him, wanting every bit of it to sink into my pores and inhabit my body.
My head sank into the pillow as I relaxed. I allowed each emotion to bubble to the surface as I tried to analyse my fears.
I knew the love they had for each other was huge and I was frightened of coming between them. And yet ... this is what they wanted.
From my point of view I was frightened of Jared coming between me and Shannon.
And then there was that confused expression on Jared's face earlier, showing a vulnerability often masked from public view.
I must have drifted off, unaware of the soft knocking on the bedroom door until I felt the mattress dip by my side. I stirred, trying to get my bearings. A hand was gently rubbing my back.
"Hey baby girl. Shan sent me up to check on you. You OK?"
I turned over, twisted up in the shirt with my hair covering my face. Jared smoothed the strands away from my cheek. "Can I lie down with you for a moment?" he murmured.
I nodded, shifting over so he could fit on the bed. "Sorry I fell asleep. Give me a minute and I'll come downstairs ... only when I've looked in the mirror, though," I warned, giving him a fleeting smile.
"Don't rush Lexy."
He paused before asking how I was feeling, his fingers slowly unwrapping me from the warmth of Shannon's shirt.
I could feel my heart beat slow as he shifted closer, the warmth of his breath tickling my over-sensitive skin. He planted kisses across my cheek, his soft lips contrasting with the scratchiness of his scruff.
"Where's ..." he stopped the next word with a kiss.
"Where's what?" he whispered before lowering himself down slowly on top of me.
"Where's Shannon?" I mumbled, afraid to look up into his eyes.
"He's waiting Lexy."
"For what?"
There was silence before he answered. "He loves you Lexy. Look at me. We won't do anything until you're ready. Understand?"
I slowed my breathing and nodded my head slowly. His cool blue eyes gazed down at me, questioning.
Everything that had happened in my life over the past few months crowded in: faces swimming in and out of view, voices mingling, brothers, bodies, sex, anger, love, hurt ... they all jumbled together until I finally spoke.
"I'm ready Jared."