Ruth let a deep breath out, clearing her mind before she did something she had been dreading. But this had gone too long without an explanation.
She tapped her knuckles on the door, subconsciously trying to knock so soft that she would have an excuse to turn away. She had stayed in bed and rested for a few hours, but she couldn't sit still for too long, not yet.
"Come in," Steve called from the inside.
Ruth opened the door and stepped in Steve's office, it's glass windows filling the room with light. He sat at the sectional desk, leaning back slightly in his chair as he saw Ruth at the doorway.
"Ruth, hey. Come in, have a seat if you want," Steve offered, his voice hesitant. He stood as she walked to the extra chair sat in front of her.
Her body still felt rigid, tentativeness clouding her mind.
"Is everything alright?" Steve asked as Ruth didn't say a word.
"Yeah," Ruth said quickly, easing herself down in the chair. "It's just...I think I need to talk to you about what happened back at the mission in Russia." She looked up at him, "About the Rogers thing."
Steve nodded, surprise in the back of his mind as he sat down.
"I don't know if Sam, or anyone talked to you about this, but I'm sure you heard the comments going around," Ruth began. "Alice Rogers, the woman who came into our conversation at the party, was my mother. I haven't seen her since I was six when she—when she sold me to the facility."
"I'm sorry, Ruth. I had no idea," Steve said gently.
"I know, and there's a reason why I didn't want anyone to know." Ruth bit the inside of her lip. "Because I got to keep my memories, Ma'am, or, the Woman, made sure I knew of my relation to the world's first superhero. My relation to you," she said, glancing up at Steve.
"So, we are related?" Steve asked, a glimpse of hope in his eyes.
Ruth nodded, "Apparently we're cousins. First cousins. My father is descended from your father's brother."
"Well, that's—"
"Before you continue, I want to tell you why I didn't want you to know. Tony and Dr. Banner found out when they did my blood tests, but I didn't want to tell you because...the name Rogers has never been a good one for me. My father, my mother... they cared about money more than their family. I feel sick when I feel like I'm resembling even the slightest bit of my mother. So I decided that, with the exchange of money that my mother made for my life, and the tombstone she put in that graveyard, there my identity of being a Rogers went as well."
Steve felt a pang in his heart.
Ruth shook her head, "When I found out about you, who you were, what you've done, I just couldn't believe that we were related. And the truth was, I didn't want to believe it." She leaned forward slightly, "You stand for everything that's good. I stand for the opposite. And especially with doing what I did, it made my skin crawl knowing that I came from the same bloodline as you. And now...all I feel is pity that you have to associate your name with me."
The slightest sympathetic smile emerged on Steve's face.
"So if you want, you can forget that you ever knew I was a Rogers. Technically, Ruth Rogers died a long time ago. You don't have to taint your family's identity with the things I've done," Ruth finally said. She thought that maybe a weight would lift from her shoulders, but all she felt was a burden on her heart.
Steve sat with his elbow settled on the arm rest, leaning his chin on his knuckles, quiet for a moment. "I understand where you're coming from. And to be honest, Ruth, I think it's pretty great to have a cousin as skilled as you are."
Ruth's eyes widened, not expecting that response to come out of Steve's mouth.
Steve stood from his chair, "Of course, I am glad that you're working for SHIELD now. I couldn't have you go ruining my Captain America reputation," he said with a grin.
Ruth let out a sigh of relief, standing to face him.
"If you want to consider yourself a Rogers, go ahead. If you don't, that's fine too," Steve told her. "But now that I know we're related, I am going to be calling you some cringey family nicknames pretty much all the time," he said with a smile.
Ruth gave a smile and shook her head.
Steve held out his hand and shook Ruth's. "Thank you for telling me, Ruth. I know it can't be easy. And just so you know, my side of the Rogers family was pretty great. So maybe after things settle down, we can look up some obscure relatives of ours and see if any of them are decent."
"I'd like that," Ruth said truthfully.
"Can you go talk to Tony?" Steve asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "He has some prototypes for your...conductors, or something? He just hasn't been wanting to bother you for the past couple of days. I think Bucky told him to stay back a bit."
Ruth nodded, taking a step and opening the door. "I'll talk to him in the morning. I'm a bit tired from earlier. Thanks, Steve."
"You're welcome, cuz."
Ruth winced, "You're going to need to come up with something better than that."
"Ruthy?"
"Definitely not," Ruth replied.
"I'll think of something."
As Ruth walked through the halls back to the living room, she couldn't help but think of her talk with Bucky. It seemed to be more of an argument, really. It startled her. She hadn't raised her voice like that in a long time. But for him to trust her that much, after all this time, she couldn't help but think there was a catch. Was she really being played with all of this? Steve, Tony, and Bucky act all nice and friendly, pretending to be on her side, just to finish what Mage started? Is that really why Tony is making those conductors? Was she still just an experiment?
Bucky couldn't do that to her though, right? It was stupid to think that way of him.
Ruth couldn't help but think she was at the end of her rope most days, being dragged along like a rag doll. It seemed like Bucky carried her along, defending her from being treated much worse than anything she had experienced so far. If he wasn't here, where would she be? If he wasn't there four years ago, where would she be now?
"Hey, Ruth!" Bucky called from the heart of the living room. The space surrounded with couches, the stone fireplace lit and providing warmth.
Ruth turned and spotted him, standing at the foot of the large sectional and waving her over. She couldn't help but wonder what he was up to. Walking over, she saw Sam sitting on the other side of the couch, leaned over on the coffee table, apparently setting up another game.
"Want to play Monopoly?" Bucky asked, a hopefulness in his voice.
Ruth couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to make her feel better. But truthfully, it was just nice to see him this upbeat.
"Sure," She replied. "As long as Sam doesn't get too competitive," Ruth teased.
"Yeah yeah, at least this one I know I'm going to win," Sam enthused.
"I wouldn't bet too much on that," Bucky commented, walking over to the stereo, looking lost.
Ruth sat in the middle of the couch, watching Sam put the board together, having no idea what any of this stuff meant.
"What do you guys want to listen to?" Bucky called from the stereo.
Sam looked up at him quickly, getting up, "Oh, no. I'm picking the music. I don't want to listen to any odd ass emo assassin music."
Ruth couldn't help but smile. A defeated Bucky walked back to the couch and sat next to her.
Smooth, melodic music purred from the speakers. Sam came back over with a dance in his step. "Should we order some pizza?" Sam asked, dealing out the monopoly money.
"What's pizza?" Ruth asked, waiting for Sam's reaction.
Sam stopped mid-movement, staring dumbfounded at Ruth. "You're joking, right?"
"Of course I am," Ruth replied. "Pepperoni."
The hours passed by smoothly, the night wearing on as the three of them continued to play games, Steve joining once before getting fed up with losing.
There was a contentment that settled within Ruth, something she hadn't felt in a long time, something she wasn't incredibly familiar with. To be able and sit, wasting her time by playing games and telling stories through the sore-loser hissy fits. She even felt comfortable enough to take her jacket off, thankful that Sam never mentioned her scars.
Time skidded by with a bliss, Ruth laughing, truly laughing, for the first time since she could remember.
"Alright," Sam started as he stood, grabbing his latest empty beer bottle, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Ruth and Bucky called back, both sitting on the ground, backs against the foot of the couch.
The two of them soaked in the warmth from the fireplace, the room otherwise dim around them. The contentment of the silence only interrupted by the crackling of firewood filled Ruth's heart with a peace.
The song on the stereo changed, Bucky suddenly lighting up, "Oh, I like this one," He said, standing up and offering a hand out to Ruth. "Wanna dance?"
Ruth smiled, "Sure." She stood and took his hand, accepting his offer.
The tones of the song made everything in the room slow down to a rhythm like waves rolling in on the shore. As the two of them danced, slight laughter broke as Bucky twirled Ruth around, moving lightheartedly.
All Ruth could feel was bliss. Her heart fluttered, her mind giddy with happiness. The rhythm slowed further, and the two of them followed, coming close together. Bucky held Ruth's left hand out softly in his right, his other resting on the small of her back, her other hand held around his shoulder. The two of them swayed, the moonlight from the windows flowing with an ethereal presence.
As Ruth closed her eyes, resting her head down onto Bucky's chest, the steady beat of his heart like a lullaby. Her hold on him ever-so-slightly changing, holding him just a little bit tighter, the feeling of safety in her arms.
Guilt shuddered through her. "I'm sorry I lied to you earlier," she whispered, continuing to lay her head on his chest.
Bucky stroked Ruth's hand that he held in his. "I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't mean to put my anger on you."
Ruth chuckled, "Well it was pretty stupid for me to listen to Ross' agent's advice."
Bucky's soft laughed echoed through his chest, "Yeah, seriously, what happened there?"
They both laughed, gently continuing to sway.
"I'm so glad you're here," Bucky spoke, seriousness coming back to his tone.
Ruth's hand that rested around his shoulder gently traced the soft shirt he wore. "Me too."
Much time passed in the blink of a moment before they decided to get some sleep, knowing this week was going to be a challenge. Ruth hardly even noticed her sore muscles now. Her heart seemed to swell with happiness. What happened to her?
Ruth walked over to her bed sat in the corner, lonely in the darkness with her pistol sitting on the bedside table. It suddenly felt numb, a place of shadows, a place of nightmares. An idea came to her mind, but her stomach churned at the thought. She had to come up with an excuse.
She knocked on Bucky's door lightly, her heart racing.
Bucky opened the door slightly, his expression breaking to a smile when he saw it was Ruth. "Hey, is everything alright?"
Here it goes, "Well, you know, my room is just...way too warm. The heater must be broken. It's dialed up to ninety," Ruth fibbed. She hoped he didn't ask to check it out.
"Do you want me to go talk to Tony? I can ask him to fix it," Bucky offered.
"No, it's alright," Ruth said quickly. She sighed, "Is it ok if I stay here with you tonight? If not, that's completely fine, I can—"
"Sure, come in," Bucky interrupted her, understanding the fear woven in her voice.
Ruth stepped in, a moment of hesitation gripping her. She walked over to the other side of the bed, the side she always slept on back in Bucharest. Tucking herself in, she slid over to the edge of the bed, not wanting to overstep any more boundaries.
"Goodnight," Ruth said quickly, laying her head on the pillow and keeping her back facing Bucky.
Bucky paused, a side smile emerging on his face. He had missed her more than anything. "Goodnight, Ruth."