Summary: Dan has been living in the mental hospital for two months now after having attempted to end his life several times. He refuses to talk to anyone. Apart from Phil, the new boy in the room next door.
Trigger warning: multiple attempted suicides (overdosing, hanging and cutting) and severe anxiety.
Requested by anonymous user on Tumblr
Word Count:
He knew they meant well, the nurses who hovered around him all hours of every day, but that didn't make him any more willing to be treated like a piece of glass that could shatter at any moment. Everywhere he went, someone was there, watching his every move, sure to report back to his doctor if he did anything out of the ordinary.
Sure, their behaviour was understandable; the whole reason he had been admitted was because he was a danger to himself. He had taken a handful of pills hoping it would end his life. He never realised how painful that would be. His brother found him on the bathroom floor, choking on his own vomit.
The next time, he tried to hang himself, but he didn't have the rope high enough to snap his neck, so he was just left dangling. His mum found him that time.
At this point he was frustrated with himself for not being able to do something that should've been easy. He didn't belong in this world, why wasn't he allowed to leave?
The last time, he tried cutting his wrists and bleeding out in the bath. He remembered the way the water became contaminated with crimson, the stinging in his skin, but he didn't care. He could feel himself lose consciousness after a while, but then he heard banging at the door. Everything went dark.
Doctors told him he was to go to a mental institution where he would be kept safe with other people like him. He tried to convince them he was okay, but they stood their ground. After three attempts to end his life, it was unsurprising that they wouldn't fulfill his wishes.
His mum had packed him a suitcase full of clothes and personal belongings almost as if she had been preparing for the occasion. He remembered his first day, when he had to say goodbye to his mum and brother. They probably couldn't wait to be rid of him, but they put on a brave face.
"Goodbye, Dan," mum hugged him tightly, like she didn't want to let go, but Dan knew it was all for show, "I love you."
He turned to his brother, who surprisingly had tears in his eyes. "I'll miss you." They had a quick hug before Dan left. Maybe his brother really did care, but he didn't have much time to think about it before he was ushered away.
*
He quickly realised he was one of the youngest people there, being an eighteen year old in the adult ward. The people were nice enough, but he couldn't find it in himself to be nice back. Instead, he decided to isolate himself from them. He didn't deserve anyone to call his friend.
A cycle emerged in which Dan would comply with his timetable, but every time something was asked of him, he would remain silent. It was for the best, really. They wouldn't want to know him if they weren't in this ward.
It was the life he had grown accustomed to for the next couple of months.
*
"Hey Dan," Louise said softly. She was one of the nurses but she had grown fond of him for whatever reason. She was sat on the edge of his bed, watching him carefully, just like every other person in this place, "a new patient is moving into the room next door. He's around your age so maybe you could be friends?" He just shrugged his shoulders.
"I think it'll do you good to have someone to talk to."
Nothing.
"Dan," she sighed, "This is why they're not discharging you. You won't talk to anybody."
He wasn't about to tell her, but just because he hadn't done anything to harm himself as of late, didn't mean he wasn't suicidal anymore. They didn't give him a chance to do anything.
She stood up suddenly, the mattress springs creaking slightly.
"All I'm saying is give the new boy a chance."
The words echoed in his head as his door closed once more.
*
The next morning was spent just like any other; alone. He didn't want to sit with the others for breakfast so asked to eat in his room.
His walls were bare, the only decoration being the small framed photo of his family on the bedside table. It was a dull way of living, but he just couldn't be bothered to get anything else. That would require talking.
To distract himself from the sorry state of his room, he thought of the new arrival. The new ones were always the most anxious, understandably, but they always wanted to know why everyone else was sent here. He appreciated that people could get curious, but there were some things he wasn't willing to share at the drop of a hat.
There were a few other people his age, but they weren't like him at all. They ended up forming a friend group, by far the loudest people in the ward. The single biggest reason as to why he had never approached them. Maybe this new guy would be different?
Dan almost burst out laughing; yeah right. Sure everyone here was there for a reason, but no one truly understood what was going on in his head.
A soft knock at the door grabbed his attention but he ignored it. It was probably one of the nurses come to tell him it was time for group therapy.
"Hello? It's Dan isn't it?" A male voice drifted through the door, far too young to be a nurse here but not matching any of the other patients, "I'm Phil. I arrived a few hours ago and one of the nurses... Louise I think her name was- she suggested I introduce myself seeing as we're next door neighbours and all..."
Phil sounded terrified. The shakiness in his voice was all too familiar, whether it be from every new patient who walks through those doors or himself when he used to be able to talk.
He abandoned his bowl of cereal before opening his door decidedly. The man on the other side was indeed around his age, maybe a little older. His eyes were slightly red from what Dan could only assume to be tears but he had a relatively calm appearance despite the obvious apprehension in his voice. Dan knew what it was like to feel like you had to wear a happy face all the time. It became so mentally draining that he gave up on the pretence; it wasn't like anyone cared anyway.
Dan stood back a little so as to invite him in, which he did, but maybe a bit more hurriedly than what would have been necessary. Dan didn't mind, though. When you go a number of months living in a mental institution, you get used to the odd behaviours of other patients.
The new arrival stood awkwardly for a moment before perching on the end of the bed, Dan following suit.
"So," Phil's eyes wandered the room, maybe looking for something that they could talk about, but after coming up with nothing, settled with the familiar, "your room's a bit plain, isn't it?"
Dan just shrugged.
"Sorry, you probably get that a lot," Phil laughed to himself, "so what are you here for? Being mute?"
Dan should've seen this coming, but it didn't make the question hurt any less. He shook his head.
"Oh. Ok." Phil thought for a moment, slouching slightly.
That was new. Most people would keep going until they got an answer, but for the first time, there was someone who respected the fact that he might not want to talk about it.
It wasn't very often he felt like this, but he wanted to say something, to make Phil's attempt at friendship a bit easier, except, he knew that if he tried, his voice would get caught in his throat. It wasn't like he was physically unable to talk, it was just that he had gone so long without it that he'd somewhat forgotten how to.
"What's stopping you?"
Dan stared at him curiously, Phil staring straight back, like in that moment, a stranger was the one person who would be able to understand.
The only problem was, how could he possibly explain why when he didn't quite know himself and had no means of expressing this.
He didn't quite know where to go from there, but he had no time to do anything before a light tap at the door interrupted his thoughts.
Sure enough, it was Louise, eyes wide like she was hoping some progress had been made, but unfortunately, Dan had been unable to say a word. As usual.
"Group therapy is about to start if you want to join us?" Dan sighed; he'd never liked being surrounded by a bunch of people far older than him to talk about feelings. Sure it could be beneficial to some people, but he just couldn't see it himself.
"You know," Louise pondered aloud, "Phil is still settling in... Maybe you'd like to show him around instead?"
Dan immediately knew there would be a problem with that, given his lack of a voice, but it was definitely better than sitting in a crowded room, so he nodded as eagerly as he could.
"Wonderful!" She clapped her hands excitedly, something that never failed to make Dan smile, "I'll tell Mike you won't be there today."
Mike was the nurse in charge of group therapy and admittedly, he was rather good at what he did, it was just a shame Dan couldn't get involved with the sessions. He wouldn't mind if Dan wasn't present just this once.
Once Louise had left the room, he gestured for Phil to follow him out into the corridor. The ward was styled like a regular house, probably to make the patients feel more at ease, so the otherwise plain walls were covered with simple framed paintings depicting forests and oceans and fields and anything you could think of.
His room was at the end of the corridor, so he turned left, past Phil's room and towards the lounge. It was cozy, with armchairs and sofas placed carefully around the floor, all of them decorated with colourful throws or plump cushions. The TV was quite old, but it was big enough to keep everyone happy. There was even a Wii where the younger people would play Mario kart or whatever game against each other. Thinking about it, Dan realised he'd never actually played it himself, only watching the others from his favourite armchair. He had someone to play with... Why not?
He walked over to the console, picking up both controllers and holding one out for Phil. He could always say no if he didn't want to, but judging by the huge smile that broke out on his face, that was the last thing he would do.
They settled on the rug in front of the TV, deciding that it would provide more immersion than sitting on the sofa would, and set up their first game.
"You're not even ready." Phil laughed, wiggling his eyebrows, poised to start.
But Dan wasn't going to be easy on him just because he was new.
*
"Stay back!" Phil yelled, "I have a red shell!" Dan rolled his eyes, letting an NPC overtake and get the shell instead.
They were seconds away from the finish line when Dan got another item: a speed mushroom. This was too perfect.
The line was in sight, Phil was already preparing to gloat in victory, but Dan activated his secret weapon, dashing forward to the finish line, leaving Phil eating dust.
"Yessss!" Dan cheered, turning to Phil to rub it in some more until he noticed how ... Shocked Phil was.
"Dan," he started, "not only did you beat me, but you just spoke!"
A/N
Tell me what you think of these multiple part stories because I know this is a oneshot book but I want a bit more build up. It makes my heart go UwU
Thank you so much for the reads and votes and comments and saves it honestly means so much to me! That also makes my heart go UwU
Please tell me if I didn't portray something in quite the right way; I know writing about mental institutions might be a touchy subject so I want to get it right.