TONY
Ethan walks into the apartment all casual, but something is off. There's a glow to him that I can't quite pinpoint the reasoning for.
I'm sitting alone on the couch when he asks, "Do you know where Felix is?"
"Not here." I let him know. I lean toward him, curiosity tugging my eyebrows together. "He and Ajax ran to get some errands done. Why?"
"No reason." Ethan tells me, but instead of leaving—like he would if he really wanted to keep a secret—he moves toward me and plops down on the couch. "I just wanted to talk to him about something."
"Talk to me." I suggest with my most winning smile placed upon my lips.
He moves until his butt is at the edge of the couch, and then be buries his face in his hands. His fingers run through his hair, his movements impulsive. It's like something is the matter, but it's not. Like something is bothering him, but at the same time something is exciting him.
I'm not sure what to think as he sighs and says, "I don't know if you'll have the advice I'm looking for."
"What?" I crack up at that. "My advice is the best."
He grins and stands up. He begins pacing the floor, the smile still there. He grumbles something under his breath, almost as if he is at war with himself on whether or not to tell me what's on his mind.
"Just spit it out already." I say, my interest peaked. My heart rolls around inside of me, begging me to get the information from E.
He stops pacing and throws his hands up in the air. "Fine. I kissed Vanessa."
Multiple emotions flood me at once. The first one is disappointment. I mean, of course I'm excited for my main man, but I sort of thought Vanessa liked me a little bit. I kind of like her. I just thought we had something, but maybe it was just my imagination.
The second wave of emotion that floods over me is happiness. I love Ethan and seeing him so bubbly and frustrated at the same time. It's the look a man has when a woman gets under his skin.
The third emotion is fear. We just got the two of them back from torture. Vanessa, a second time. How many times will she be thrust into our world's darkness until she doesn't come out of it safe? If they kissed, it means commitment. Perhaps, a commitment that might ruin Vanessa's life.
I swallow and recall what everyone agreed on earlier.
We all agreed to let her in.
I have to stop thinking about the what ifs. I have to be happy for my brother.
"Hell yes!" I cheer as I shoot to my feet and embrace Ethan. We hug each other, both patting the other on the back. I feel him tense up and grimace, so I quickly let him go. "My man!"
He laughs. "I have no idea how I feel about it. I mean, it was in the moment. It was hot. Romantic."
"Sexy?" I move my hips back and forth and he rolls his bluish gray eyes.
"I guess." He chuckles, the laid-back look on his face rare.
"Tell me how it happened." I say, standing back and watching as his facial features relax.
"Well, we had been talking for a while," he says softly. "And then she said something about our previous kiss and I couldn't shake the look she was giving me. Damn, her caramel eyes just drove me toward her."
I can't keep the smile off of my face. "Then what happened?"
"Well, her mom walked in." He says, resting his hands on his hips. "But when her mom wasn't looking, I kissed her back, making sure she knew..."
His voice trails off and I clasp my hands in front of my face. My God, the man is clueless. "Making sure she knew what?"
"That..." His eyes are clouded with confusion. "That I like her back."
"Oh, shit." I pump my fist in the air. "I knew that if you had kissed her in the hotel, it meant you had the hots for her."
"No, she kissed me in the hotel." He explains with a shake of his head.
"Right." I roll my eyes. "And you pulled away immediately without kissing her back."
Ethan tilts his head, "Well..."
"Exactly." I say to him. "You, my friend, have liked Vanessa for a long time. It has just taken you awhile to realize it."
"I don't know about that." He says as he finally calms down and takes a seat on the couch. I plop down next to him and wrap an arm around his shoulder. "What I do know is that I can say anything to her and she listens. I know that she is a beautiful person inside and out. She wants to be independent and strong, but what she doesn't know is that she already is. She's... She's unlike anyone else in this world."
For some reason I am holding my breath. "Bro, don't make me cry. That's so sweet."
"Shut up." He shoves me a little, and I fall onto my side on a few pillows that rest on the couch. Too lazy to get up, I stay down and smile goofily at him.
Silence greets us and remains in the air for a long moment. Until a question pries at me. "What now?"
Ethan says nothing for a few seconds as he sits back and closes his eyes. "I have no idea. I told her that I'd get her a job because she got fired when she wasn't at work today. Do you think I could convince Jerome to make her a part of the team?"
"Wow." I say after he drops that big bomb on me. "I think you could get Jerome to agree, but I'm not sure about her being on the payroll. You'd have to take it to someone higher up."
"Like my dad." He groans and rubs the bridge of his nose. "Great."
"He might help." I say, but my voice is nowhere near hopeful.
"He might." Ethan says with the shake of his head. "The problem is that I will owe him one."
I would reply, but I don't know what to say. It sucks that he's going to owe us dad one because his dad doesn't give a shit about him—he'd make him do anything. Anything. Legal or illegal. Just as long as it benefits himself.
Dads are just great.
"Are you going to talk to him?" I query, knowing he doesn't have to. "If you are going to try to do that, you better talk to them tonight. We're going on that mission with Lia tomorrow in England."
"Yeah." Ethan rises. "I'm going to talk to Jerome first. Then, my dad. I'll see you later tonight."
Ethan walks out, and I am left in the living room. Drake is in his bedroom, and Amelia is in the shower. Really, I could go with him and actually do something productive with my time, but I decide against it. Instead, I put on some of my regular music--a mix of different languages--and grab my favorite cookbook. I'll make something interesting tonight for dinner.
I slide onto a bar stool at the kitchen counter, but after a while of me flipping through the pages, a song comes on that I listened to as a child. It instantly reminds me of my mother. She used to sing it to me when I was scared.
My throat becomes dry as I try to swallow.
The last time she sang it to me was when we had just arrived in the U.S.. I had realized how horrible of a person my mom's "husband" was, and I didn't want my mom to get hurt. She explained that she was fine and that she had to do what she had to do to survive. I disagreed with that fully, but before we got into an argument, she started singing this song and soothed my heart.
[play the YouTube video at the top of this chapter for the full effect]
Ya no estás a mi lado, corazón,
en el alma sólo tengo soledad
y si ya no puedo verte,
por que Dios me hizo quererte
para hacerme sufrir más...Siempre fuiste la razón de mi existir,
adorarte para mí fue religión.
Y en tus besos yo encontraba
el calor que me brindaba,
el amor y la pasión.
Es la historia de un amor,
como no hay otro igual.
Que me hizo comprender,
todo el bien todo el mal,
que le dio luz a mi vida,
apagandola después.
¡Ay, qué vida tan oscura, corazón,
sin tu amor no viviré!
I loved her with all of my heart, and I remember the day I told her I was leaving to join the CIA. The look on her face was not one I expected. It was a mix between happiness, relief, and excitement, along with the hint of weariness every mother has on their face when they hear their baby is leaving the nest.
"The CIA?" She asked curiously. "Is that, like, the government?"
"I think so." I told her smoothly. "Someone caught me stealing and instead of taking me to jail, mom, they offered me a job. I'd be a fool not to accept it."
She nods with a smile. "I hope it does you well. Maybe, it'll get you off the streets, mi amor."
My mom always called me that. It always made my heart instantly warm.
"Just don't get into trouble." My mom told me with a pointed finger that she wiggled in my face. I watched it go back and forth with a smirk on my lips. "I know you like to be silly sometimes."
I grinned and hugged her. "I promise I'll try."
We talked for a little while longer, but I don't remember what was said.
Is that sad? That I don't even remember the last thing I said to my mom before she died?
She had a stroke in her sleep--she died without feeling pain, without knowing more heartache than she already had. She died knowing that her son was off to have a good life. She never knew that I would become a murderer who sleeps in the same house as someone who has tortured men to death. She died with angels all around her--not my demons.
I stare down at the cookbook blankly until I feel a hand on my shoulder. Amelia says, "Are you okay?"
I nod and glance over at her as she steps beside me. "Yeah, why?"
"I asked you a question and you didn't answer." She tells me with her brow furrowed.
"Sorry." I answer, glancing into her unfocused green eyes. "I was lost in thought."
"What're you thinking about?" She questions as she feels around for the second stool. She finds it without much trouble and hops on it.
"My mom." I tell her without hesitation. "I miss her."
Amelia runs a hand through her short, wavy brown hair. "I wish I would've met her. I bet she was as charismatic as you are."
"She was." I smile softly. "She had an amazing singing voice, too. I'm glad I inherited that from her."
Amelia grins back. Maybe she can hear my smile by the way I am talking. "You know, it's been a while since I've heard you sing. Will you sing something for me?"
I blush, even though I know she can't see me. "I don't know. I might need to warm up."
She shakes her head. "Just sing something. Anything."
"What about something in Spanish?" I query, my eyebrow perked out of habit.
"Claro que si." She replies with a broad smile.
I can't help but to chuckle before I begin. "Ya no estás a mi lado, corazón..."
***
"So, tell me about her." Amelia says from where she sits at the kitchen counter. Everyone is here now, Felix and Ajax peering at something on Ajax's phone. They're on the couch beside Drake.
Ethan is sitting on the arm of the couch, his feet planted on the floor. I am sitting beside Amelia, holding a cold beer in my hand like normally. "What?"
"You know," she says with a small smile. "Vanessa. Tell me all about her."
Ethan immediately sends me a warning look, but I wouldn't dare tell his secret. Instead, I say, "Well, the first time we met Vanessa was when we had to kidnap her. She saw our faces while we were on a mission."
Ajax smirks. "Then, we found out that her dad is our boss."
"Jerome?" Amelia's jaw drops. "No way."
"Yes way." I chuckle.
"Holy shit." She takes a sip from her own beer bottle. "What kind of luck is that?"
Well, this answer shouldn't be so hard, but Felix takes the floor. "At the beginning of all of this, we would've said bad luck, but we ended up liking her."
"Somewhat." Drake adds, making me roll my eyes.
I liked her from the beginning. "Vanessa is a good person."
"Well, if she cares about you lugs, she must." Amelia interrupts with a snicker. "Especially after you kidnapped her."
"Well, then we had to help her out because she got kidnapped by men who we stole from." I sum the instance up quickly. "She got tortured. We broke her out. She trained with us. Got to go on a mission with us only because of our need of a woman to go undercover."
Amelia's eyebrows perk. "Wow. Sounds like she's been on one hell of a ride."
"Well, it's not over." Ethan says as he stands up and takes the floor. "I got her a job with us."
Immediately, the room goes silent.
"Vanessa lost her job because of us getting kidnapped. It was our fault, no doubt about it, so I made it up to her by convincing my dad to approve of her joining us on our team." Ethan explains to us all. A smile spreads across my face as the words fall from his mouth. I truly am happy for her.
"Wait, so she now has a spot on our team?" Drake's tone is filtered with confusion and something else that's not so pleasant. "Are you sure that's a good idea? It's a huge step..."
"I know." Ethan tells his friend as he combs a nervous hand through his brown hair. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should've consulted with all of you but you were busy. Plus, we all agreed to letting her in."
"Yeah, but part of the team?" Drake's icy eyes are narrowed. He shifts on the couch. "We five have been a team since forever. It's all I know. I don't know how I'd feel with her being a new member."
"Things change..." Ethan softly says. "And for the better. She'll be our personal doctor to aid us whenever we need it. Psychologically and physically."
"And not everything will change." I reassure Drake. "She won't live with us or anything like that. We'll still be us. She'll just be there when we need her. She'll probably train with us sometimes, but besides that, it'll be normal."
Drake shakes his head. "It'll never be the same."
"Maybe, better?" Felix tries to help ease Drake's troubled mind. "We'll see. I suppose she starts tomorrow?"
"She does. She'll stay with Tony in the van in England when we steal the thing you need us to steal, Amelia." Ethan explains. "It'll be her first job."
"She can room with me." Amelia suggests. "I've been to that old motel before. She'll probably feel safer with another person than being alone... And she's definitely not sleeping with any of you."
My eyes flicker over to Ethan, and I know he realizes this, but he doesn't meet my gaze.
"Okay." Ethan nods. "Drake and I will room. Felix, AJ, and Tony will room. And, I'm guessing you've already got the flights booked under aliases?"
Ethan looks to Ajax and he smirks. "Of course. I'll just need to make one for Vanessa and book her a flight."
When AJ nods and leaves us in silence, Amelia must notice the same look of worry creasing Drake's face. "All of you have learned to love me. You can learn to love her, too."
"You're part of the original band." Drake replies shortly. "You don't count as an outsider."
"And you're really easy to love." I add, making her blush and flip her hair off her shoulder.
"Well, if she sucks at the job and we all end up despising her, we'll kick her out." Ajax says bluntly, shrugging his shoulders. "Sound good?"
Amelia is the only one to laugh. She says, "You guys are really intolerable. Just let the chick in. If she hasn't ditched you all yet, she's a keeper."
"I don't know about that." Drake says, but he sounds unsure of it as the words come off his lips.
If he hadn't have had that mental assessment with her, he'd probably be throwing down right about now.
But he isn't doing that because he got to know her a little bit.
And if we get to know her more than a little, the possibilities are endless.
Drake might even become a softy.
Ha. Wouldn't that be something.
I smile. "We'll see."