Dear Elizabeth,
I am writing this poem because you never had the chance,
Because in order to deal with something,
First you must be able to accept,
I'm surprised you've turned out an Ok person,
Considering that you didn't have Mami to teach you life's lessons,
You were only 8 years old, but she still left,
She left you behind out of pure selfishness,
As a young child,
You saw things no children should ever see,
When you were only supposed to worry about Barbie and Ken,
The cruel reality had already struck you many times in the face,
But your age didn't matter, it was only a number,
A number which signifies your fall down under,
Many times you tried to deny it, hoping it was a lie,
You tried to wake up many mornings, hoping it was all a bad dream,
But guess what, honey?
She really did leave
Many thought you were lucky for every material thing you had,
Some of them even considered you a little brat,
But everything comes with a high price,
It wasn't fair, not fair at all
That you had to watch your Papi crying countless times,
Self-medicating with alcohol in hopes of escaping the past,
He tried to protect you the best way he could, he really did
But he had also lost the love of his life,
A woman he has never been able to really live without,
His pain was too great for him to bear,
In such case, how could he have helped you heal the proper way?
He was more than angry and hurt, I assure you he was,
Not only had he lost his wife, but he also realized that there was betrayal involved,
After she left, her dirty secrets started to come into the surface,
Secrets which exposed all her lies,
People knew things about her which you did not,
If they had only said something,
Who knows what your life might've been like,
It was a rainy night when it happened,
One of the worst things you lived,
You were only 8 years old, but Papi didn't care,
You see, Daddy had a gun, and he put it to his head,
Even though you don't want to remember, he said he didn't want to live,
The pain had become too great, the tears rolled down his cheeks,
Alcohol was present in his voice and in his breath,
He had become distant and was falling way too deep,
You started crying, your sobs being the only sound in the room,
You pulled on his arm, pulled the gun away,
You took the gun in your small hands, and led him back to bed,
You told him you loved him, while the angry clouds made some lightning strike,
You hid the gun under the bed, and put the rifle by your side,
Your little heart was broken,
Until you finally fell asleep with tears in your eyes,
You woke up, and nearly died,
Dad, the rifle, and the gun were all gone,
You rushed downstairs, and stepped outside,
Even though you were scared, you were greeted by a pleasant sight,
Dad was outside, a coffee mug in his left hand,
Just casually watering the plants,
Months later, another type of pain begin,
He started bringing different women home,
Of course, they were only interested in his money and what they could gain,
It's funny, it really is,
That whenever he would get drunk,
He would call those women by Mom's name,
After all those women were gone,
It was only you and Dad,
He would attempt to cook, mixing things here and there,
But in the end, he would always cook eggs,
Yes, there were bad times,
But some were also great,
Like the times he took you to the water park,
And the amazing dinners in nice restaurants,
Valle de Bravo, that was your favorite place,
The restaurant floating on the lake, and that amazing waterfall,
You could be there with him all day, everyday,
Because at times like those, you didn't worry about anything at all,
He might have hurt you many times, a hurt which you still carry around,
But he never left you, he never gave up,
He took you to the US, but only because he believed it was for the best,
Meanwhile, Mom only created a bigger mess,
Once again, she left you again, but this time twice,
She thought that it was okay,
Okay to let your small heart heal,
Come back as she pleased, and only to open up your healed scars,
She would break things up with her lover, and beg your father and siblings for forgiveness,
Only so she could come back into your life,
She tried to make this a cycle, where she would only go back to her lover again,
But your siblings were smart, and brought this cycle to an end,
Throughout the years, you suffered a great amount,
Diagnosed with depression, and even had suicidal thoughts,
Zoloft has become one of your best friends, one you can't live without,
It has helped ease the pain, making it easier to live your life,
In eight years, you have only seen her once,
But as I write this poem, I'm aware that you believe once was enough,
She let you down again, even tried to manipulate you to get her way,
But you're not an 8 year old girl anymore,
This time, none of her tricks will work,
You know all her moves, and how she plays,
But I'm sure, darling,
That one day you will defeat her in her own game
At the moment you might be hurting,
You might be numb from all the pain,
But I assure you, little one,
That in a couple of a years, all of this will be worth the wait,
You will rise up from the ashes, a completely different person
You will have your falls, but you will also be stronger than your mom ever was,
So keep going, and never stop,
Because the pain is temporary, but the memories will always last
In a few years from now, you will be happy, you will always smile
You will realize that all this pain hasn't been in vain,
Because you will look back and laugh,
Laugh at how everything wasn't the way you thought