jeongin knew he was collapsing in upon himself. the next day, he hadn't found it in him to get up and go to school, so instead he walked out of the house in the first outfit he'd seen in his wardrobe.
he had no idea what he'd done wrong.
wednesday, he and hyunjin had been getting along just fine. more than fine. almost perfect. almost perfect enough that jeongin had almost asked hyunjin the big question he'd feared the answer for.
of course, he'd never get to ask that question now.
because yesterday everything had fallen apart. jeongin cursed his clumsiness; he shouldn't've split that water on hyunjin. maybe the elder's reaction had been a bit exaggerated, but really, jeongin couldn't blame the boy. he was a stupid, careless idiot.
jeongin didn't recall ever calling hyunjin ugly, though, and that part made him frown. maybe he was even dumber than he thought, and he'd forgotten doing something so awful. maybe he should apologise to hyunjin about that, maybe they could be friends again-
that though was immediately erased from jeongin's mind the moment he entered the school ground. people were waiting for him; but not his friends. no, it was a group of girls. jeongin vaguely remembered seeing them mobbing around hyunjin sometimes in the last week.
he scowled, his mind jumping to the reason for their "greeting". of course they were waiting for him to arrive so they could bully him and throw words at his face.
today was going to be a long day.
jeongin kept his head down so no one would see the tear that refused to stay in his wet eyes. ignoring the hurtful comments and pretending they didn't exist had always worked to a degree in the past.
nothing had changed, really. before hyunjin, he'd had no friends and a head of hurtful remarks. it seemed he was alone again and that those comments would quickly make it back into his minute-by-minute life.
the only thing that had changed was his hope. before, he hadn't had any. then, with hyunjin and his friends, he'd briefly glimpsed a future which had been bright, happy. he'd had hope, for a single week, that this might be reality.
now, he'd lost that hope because of something he didn't even remember doing. he was left for a longing to see that metaphorical sun again.
he shouldn't feel this bad; nothing was ever going to work out for him, anyway. his future had never been bright, not since that first day of school when he'd been picked on because he'd foolishly said his mother was a tax collector.
it wasn't his fault that his mother collected people's money for the government for a living. it was just her job. but unfortunately it meant everyone had taken a disliking to him.
he'd been bullied for that first year of school until he'd transferred. this time, he wasn't stupid enough to say anything - especially not now that his mother had been promoted in her department.
however, he hadn't known how to interact socially and so he'd just been ignored, excluded.
it hadn't really become bullying until this year. jaehyun had joined the school and immediately identified to jeongin as one of those "dangerous boys"; one of those people that were popular but secretly a bully. he hadn't been wrong.
even so, he knew it wasn't as bad as what it could have been.
jaehyun hurt him emotionally, not physically. same with all of the bully's sidekicks.
jeongin thought he'd be able to cope with emotional hurt, but apparently he couldn't with emotional loss. for that was what losing hyunjin - and all his friends - felt like. even worse. he'd literally lost his ray of hope. the sun had been clouded back over again.
jeongin trudged to class. he was late, like usual. as he walked into history, he looked up.
that was a mistake; hyunjin happened to be looking up at the same time. their eyes met for a second and jeongin saw something flicker within the other boy's, but this was replaced with anger. confused, jeongin stared back down as he shuffled over to his seat.
history went slowly; the people he'd been paired with refused to talk to him. neither of them were particularly popular but he supposed bad news traveled fast. they might not be popular, but that didn't mean they were going to talk to some third-class citizen like himself.
jeongin attempted to help with his group's research but he was tossed out of any conversations he attempted to enter regarding their project.
sighing, jeongin left his seat and walked up to the teacher.
"can i go to the bathroom?" he asked.
dr kim frowned at him but nodded all the same.
jeongin didn't really need to go to the bathroom, but he needed to cry. he'd prefer a bed and a cushion to cry over, but at school neither of those were provided. he'd take use of the restroom as it was the only place he could be alone where no one would hear his sobs.
history had barely started fifteen minutes ago, but already it was too much for him.
pathetic, his brain told him.
one good week, and you thought everything would change.
pathetic.
he didn't even deserve that one week; he should be thankful he got it.
jeongin felt stupid in the bathroom, standing at the sink and stifling sobs over the ceramic basin. if anyone walked in right now, he was sure they'd laugh. what a sight it must be.
he felt utterly useless.
the paper towels used to dry everyone's hands managed to keep his uniform dry, but his eyes began to sting.
jeongin looked at himself in the mirror. shit - how long had he been in here? probably well in excess of what a bathroom break usually was. jeongin forced himself to get a grip. he needed to pull himself together and get used to his "old life" once more.
he returned to class, keeping his head down once more.
jeongin's next period was much the same.
and the next.
and the next.
throughout the entirety of the day, he sat alone in every class, even those that he had shared with felix and seungmin. they didn't even look up when he entered the room, when he walked past their desks, hoping for a smile.
god, he didn't even remember doing anything wrong - how awful must it have been if he erased his own memory? he knew that it was possible; people often forgot their parent's death or something similar if they couldn't cope with it.
but hyunjin hadn't died, so what else could've possibly happened.
or maybe - maybe - maybe he hadn't done anything, and hyunjin had been a bully. a bully to keep his hopes up for a week, and then to throw them back in the drain the next.
if that was so, then hyunjin was shallow. evil, shallow, but unfortunately, rather intelligent.
but that couldn't be true. hyunjin had never been anything but nice.
jeongin was torn between loyalty to hyunjin and a wave of hate. he didn't know which side he believed.
and that was the hardest part.
okay, maybe the hardest part was his last period. just when he thought he'd make his way through the day, jaehyun sat down next to him.
jeongin looked around in desperation, but of course their was no one to come to his aid.
"i bet you enjoyed this week, didn't you?" jaehyun teased him softly so that no one could hear. "pretending to be hyunjin's friend, but behind his back calling him something he could never be - ugly."
i don't know how i could've said that, hyunjin is the most beautiful boy i've ever laid my eyes on, both inside and out-
jeongin said nothing.
"i bet you're wishing you weren't exposed so you could continue that path. you two-faced-"
jaehyun didn't finish because jeongin had slapped him.
jeongin stared at his hand. it was burning. he'd hit the elder hard.
jaehyun looked momentarily shocked but quickly replaced that expression with a frown and a snarl. he looked ready to hit back but thankfully the teacher walked in. instead of a punch, jeongin receieved a "this isn't finished" look.
he already knew that it wasn't finished; with jaehyun, it never was.
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im bone dead tired. accept this update plz bye
hope yall doing well