Ken didn't go with Aubrey back to Canada. Galit na galit si Hans sa kambal ni Iya nang malaman nito ang ginawa ni Ken. Aubrey had been staying in his penthouse. Ilang araw na itong hindi lumalabas. Wala itong matutuluyan so Hans lent her his penthouse for a few days. Aubrey's parents were in Canada. Nag-migrate kasi ang mga ito a year ago.
Awang-awa siya sa kaibigan pero hindi niya magawang magalit kay Ken. It's Ahn. She's messing with his head again. Halata namang hindi pa nakakamove-on si Ken sa kinakapatid nila. It didn't really surprise her. Kilala niya ang kapatid. Minsan lang ito magmahal, pero malalim.
"He's just confused right now," she told Hans, in Ken's defense.
"Confused? CONFUSED? It's been three years, Iya. He should be over her already!"
Sinimangutan nya ang asawa. Dapat honeymoon nila ngayon, pero heto sila, nagtatalo.
"Kung nakipag-break ba ako sa 'yo, makaka-move on ka kaagad?" Hindi ito sumagot. "Kasi kung oo, masasaktan ako. I will get hurt knowing that you found it that easy to move on from me. I'd be thinking that you didn't love me enough."
"So you'd rather have me hang on to you than see me happy after you left?"
"Kind of selfish, I know, but yes."
Hans sighed. "Iba naman kasi tayo. We've been together, they haven't. May pinagsamahan na tayo so walking away would be harder for us."
She shook her head. "There's no justifying the hurt, Hans. They may not have been together, but that doesn't mean that they didn't love each other enough."
"I just can't stand seeing Aubrey like that. Ramdam mo rin siguro."
"Oo naman. I love Aubrey like I love Ken. But they have to get through this on their own. Hindi tayo pwedeng manghimasok. Buhay nila yun e. Let them sort things out on their own."
"Okay," pagsang-ayon ni Hans. "But if things get out of hand—"
"I'll talk to him. I promise."
--
How do I unlove you?
She remembers that line all too well. Nagsisisi siyang pinanuod nya pa ulit ang palabas na 'yon. Ilang beses na ba niyang iniyakan ang reruns ng Starting Over Again? Kahit ilang beses na niya iyong napanuod, pareho pa rin ang epekto. Masakit pa rin.
How do you unlove someone? Kung alam lang sana niya ang sagot...
She sighed.
Ilang araw na rin ang nakalipas simula nang umalis si Ken papuntang Canada pero hanggang ngayon hindi niya maiwasang mapatingala tuwing may makikita siyang eroplano. Life went on for everyone else. Hers remained stuck.
"Ahn, pwede ka nang umuwi. Wala na namang masyadong trabaho rito," sabi sa kanya ng supervisor sa pinag-o-OJT-han niya.
She simply smiled at him and nodded. Wala nang masyadong ginagawa dahil February na. January pa lang ay nilubos na niya ang pag-o-OT para maluwag na pagdating ng Feb. She still has to go to school from time to time. Once a week, nagmi-meet ang klase para sa pagpapasa ng weekly journal nila.
Wala naman syang ibang pinagkakaabalahan kaya ibinuhos na lang niya ang oras sa pag-o-OJT. She even celebrated her birthday there. Binibiro nga sya ng mga kasama. OJT pa lang daw pero sobrang sipag na niya. Baka pag nagtrabaho na siya, workaholic ang labas niya.
She didn't need to tell them na wala naman syang social life. Walang nag-aaya sa kanyang kaibigan para lumabas tuwing weekend o after ng OJT.
Nag-ayos na siya ng gamit at nagpaalam sa mga ito.
"Ahn! Sabay na tayo."
"Okay," sagot niya sa ka-OJT na si Greg. Si Greg ang nag-iisang lalaki sa kanilang mga nag-o-OJT at ang iniloloko sa kanya since day 1. Greg obviously likes her, pero hindi na lang niya binibigyan ng malisya ang ginagawa nitong pagsabay sa kanya sa pag-uwi o ang madalas nitong panlilibre.
Pagkalabas nila ng opisina ay kumaliwa sila papunta sa paradahan ng jeep.
"Gusto mong gumala muna? Tutal maaga pa naman," aya nito sa kanya.
"Okay," tipid niyang sagot. Unang beses niya itong pinaunlakan. Wala rin naman siyang gagawin sa bahay kundi magmukmok. And it's nice to take a break from sulking.
Ibang jeep ang sinakyan nila, yung papuntang mall. Nag-aya si Greg na manuod ng movie. When he asked her to choose, agad niyang tinuro ang isang thriller movie from the set. Ayaw niya ng romance. Mugto na ang mga mata niya kaiiyak.
Pagkabili nito ng tickets ay pinaghintay siya nito sa isang tabi habang bumibili ito ng popcorn. Tahimik siyang sumandal sa tabi ng TV screen na nagpapakita ng trailer ng movie na panunuorin nila.
She was looking around when something caught her eye. It was the personalized jacket that she gave Ken a few years ago. Suot ito ng isang lalaking nakatalikod. Nakapila ito sa may counter ng Starbucks.
Naglakad siya palapit doon. Halos manlambot ang tuhod niya sa sobrang kaba. It might not be him. Baka ito yung lalaking nakita niya sa Glorietta a few days ago. But the jacket... didn't he say that it's his new favorite?
O baka naman ipinamigay na nito iyon kung kanino? Baka kapareho lang nito ng tindig at built at height yung lalaki.
Maybe they just have the same facial features.
For the guy who's standing right in front of her cannot be him. Nasa Canada si Ken, malayong-malayo sa kanya.
Sa tagal niyang nakatitig sa loob ng Starbucks ay hindi niya namalayang nakuha na ng lalaki ang order nito. He's now standing in front of her. Hawak nito sa isang kamay ang order na kape.
When he got tired of the staring game, he simply smiled and nodded, as if acknowledging her presence.
"Hi, Ahn."
It was too much for her. Her knees finally gave away. Napasalampak siya sa sahig. She wanted to break down pero hindi sya makaiyak. Maybe her emotions are as confused as she is.
Agad siyang inalalayan ni Ken patayo. It was really him. She's not hallucinating! He still wears the same perfume.
Pumasok sila sa Starbucks. He asked one customer who was sitting alone on one corner if she could sit on the seat next to him. Pang-apatan kasi ang inuupuan nito. Seeing her pale face was enough.
"Sure," the guy said.
Pinaupo siya ni Ken at saka ito pumunta ng counter. When he came back, he already has a cup of water in hand.
"Drink this," utos nito sa kanya.
Her hands were still shaking uncontrollably. He squatted next to her. Inilapit na lang nito ang baso sa labi niya at dahan-dahan nito iyong iniangat hanggang sa maubos niya ang laman.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his face was etched with worry.
"W-What are you doing here?"
"Doing where? Here?" kunot-noo nitong tanong. Then he raised the coffee he ordered, as if to answer.
Umiling siya. "No. I meant here. A-Akala ko umalis ka na."
"I decided to take a vacation. Baka next month na ako umalis," sagot nito.
Her heart sank. Aalis pa rin pala ito, na-delay lang.
"Okay ka na ba?" tanong nito sa kanya. "What happened back there?"
"I don't know. Baka sobrang gutom lang." Ayaw niyang aminin kay Ken na ito ang dahilan ng pangangatog ng tuhod niya kanina. Ikaw ba naman ang mag-akalang yung taong mahal na mahal mo ay nakaalis na ng bansa at hinding-hindi mo na makikita kahit kailan, tapos out of the blue ay nakita mo itong kaswal na bumibili ng kape, kung hindi ka ba naman panghinaan ng tuhod.
"What do you want to eat?"
She shook her head. "I'm fine now."
"You have to eat, Ahn."
"Ahn!"
Napalingon sila pareho sa tumawag. Greg came rushing to her with the paper buckets of popcorn and drinks in his hands.
"Kanina pa kita hinahanap, nandito ka lang pala."
Ken frowned. "Who's this?"
"S-Si—"
"Sino ka rin?" tanong ni Greg kay Ken, his voice sounded edgy.
"I'm her friend," Ken answered. May kung anong kumirot nang marinig niya yung salitang friend mula rito. That's all he's ever been to her: a family friend. Tapos ay naging close sila. Then he became special to her. And then... nothing. He went back to being just a friend.
Tumingin si Ken sa kanya. He smiled as he tuck the strands of hair behind her ear.
"I'll take you home."
"Hindi pwede. Manunuod pa kami ng movie," reklamo ni Greg.
"Hindi mo ba napansing masama ang pakiramdam nya?" inis na tanong ni Ken dito. Bumaling ulit ito sa kanya. "I'll take you home so you can rest."
"Ako na ang maghahatid sa kanya," Greg insisted.
Ken stood up. Saka nito sinamaan ng tingin si Greg. "May kotse ako. Ikaw?"
Mukhang napahiya si Greg sa tanong nito. Nahihiya rin sya kay Greg. He just happened to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time. But she can't just ask Ken to stand down. Kilala niya si Ken, matampuhin ito.
"Greg, okay lang. Magpapahatid na lang ako sa kanya. Sorry sa abala."
Mukhang nalungkot si Greg sa sinabi niya, pero hindi na ito nagreklamo.
"Sige," tipid nitong sagot. "Pagaling ka."
"Next time na lang yung movie ha. Pasensya na talaga."
Bumawi si Greg at ngumiti. "Ayos lang."
Mabuti na lang at understanding ito. She thanked Greg again bago sila lumabas ng Starbucks ni Ken. They walked to the parking lot and hopped in his car. It was the same car that used to drive 3 years ago. It has the same paint, same design, and same seat cushion. He even kept the Totoro pillow at the backseat.
It was old, but it felt warm. Familiar kasi sa pakiramdam.
"Who the fuck is that?" tanong nito pagkasakay nito ng kotse.
She was surprised to hear him curse. Ken's not the type to curse, lalo na sa harapan niya. Iba na rin ang ekspresyon ng mukha nito. Parang nanunuya. Wala na yung concern na ipinakita nito kanina.
"Si Greg, ka-OJT ko," sagot niya.
"And? Manliligaw mo?"
"Hindi."
"Fling? M.U? O baka naman special friend?"
"He's just a friend."
"Just a friend," he echoed. "Like me?"
Hindi niya mawari kung nagseselos ba ito o ano. But she didn't like his tone. Para talaga itong nanunuya.
"What are you trying to imply?" inis niyang tanong.
"Wala naman, Ahn. Tinatanong ko lang para malaman ko kung kagaya pa rin ba ng dati ang ibig sabihin ng salitang kaibigan para sa 'yo."
Ang bilis magbago ng ugali ni Ken mula kanina. Parang pagkasakay nito ng kotse, nagtanggal na rin ito ng maskara. Is this what Canada did to him? O sya ba ang talagang dapat sisihin sa pagababago nito?
"Take me home. Please."
Ken scoffed. "Go home by yourself. I'm not taking you anywhere."
Napamaang siya rito.
"What?"
"You heard me. Get out of my car."
Para syang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa narinig. Pero hindi sya nagreklamo. She tried her best not to look hurt, but it's easier to fake a smile.
"You've really changed, Ken."
Bumaba na lang sya ng kotse nito, insulted and embarrassed. She felt sad knowing that he's changed for the worse. Nasaan na yung dating Ken na mabait? Yung Ken na minahal niya?
Where did the Ken from earlier, at the coffee shop, go?
--
Pinaulanan ni Ken ng mura ang sarili. Gusto niyang iuntog ang ulo sa steering wheel. What the heck was that back there?! Okay na e! Hindi sinasadyang nagkita sila ni Ahn kanina. Malay ba naman niyang nasa parehong mall sila noong oras na yun.
Kaya nga hindi sya sa Glorietta pumunta, para hindi niya ito makita, tapos ay magkikita rin pala silang dalawa.
Kinabahan siya nang bigla itong mapasalampak sa sahig kanina. He got so worried. She looked so pale, para itong nakakita ng multo. She said she was just famished, but a part of him wanted to believe that he's also the reason why she got weak in the knees.
Then that damn guy had to show up. Pigil na pigil sya kaninang manuntok. His concern turned to anger in a snap at nang sila na lang ni Ahn ang magkasama, naibunton niya rito lahat ng inis niya.
'Friend', my ass.
Nanggagalaiti siya sa inis. Bakit, ano ba sya ni Ahn? Hindi ba't kaibigan lang din naman siya? They had an understanding. They were almost together for 3 fucking years. Magkaibigan lang din sila dati. So, what did she really mean by 'Greg's just a friend'? Yung kaibigang katulad niya dati?
Naiinis siya sa sarili niya. Why did he have to care so much? Bakit masyado syang affected? He should be moving on pero heto sya, parang tangang naiinis sa walang-kwentang bagay. He wish that he could get her out of his system. Sana ganoon lang yun kadali. Sana mabilis lang makalimot.
Pero tangina, ang hirap pala talaga.