Consumed » Kai Parker

Fifty Six

"Happy birthday, Charlotte!"

I freeze in the doorway, clutching my bag tightly to my side as Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline all enthusiastically wave Happy Birthday! balloons at me.

"That's...today?" I mumble, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. They exchange looks, their smiles still plastered on but there's concern tweaking the gestures now.

"You forgot your own birthday?" Elena says slowly, lowering the balloon clutched in her hand and walking closer to me.

I shut the door to my dorm behind me and deposit my bag on the floor, shrugging off my coat. "Yeah, I've just...I don't know. Been too preoccupied with school, I guess."

Or rather, I've been thrusting myself headfirst into college assignments and even attending optional evening seminars with every intention of busying myself to the point that, hopefully, I wouldn't have time to think. Particularly about Kai.

He lied when he said he'd be back Saturday night, after making a hasty escape to god-knows-where. I spent the night in his–our?–apartment alone, with all my texts and calls to the witch having gone unanswered.

The only contact I'd had with him since was a single, curt text that he sent on Monday morning, after I'd tried to call him again.

I'm fine. Need time.

Need time. I'd kept repeating his vague reply in my head, as my hands tightened around the phone screen. The lone, gray bubble on the messages app seemed to stare back at me in a taunt, tucked underneath a column of blue–my many, many cellular queries about his whereabouts and is he okay and damn it, Kai, you can't just cut me off and expect me not to go out of my mind worrying.

He was fine, he said. Another poorly disguised lie.

This coldly distant behavior from my boyfriend made me want to scream and rage at Joshua Parker. He took away more than Kai's magic in that basement, a fact that became clear the moment Kai started talking nonsensical bullshit about leaving me alone when everything was over.

He stayed true to his words, it seemed. The one time I didn't want Kai to stick to his pattern of promise-keeping, he stubbornly held fast. Now, it's Wednesday afternoon, and the two of us haven't seen each other. Not even during the multiple times I showed up at the apartment during my breaks between classes, hoping I'd find him there and that he'd be ready to talk.

He really is leaving me alone.

It frustrated me to no end. Can he really believe that this is what's best, after everything the two of us have undergone together in the last few months? The notion is so utterly ridiculous that I want to laugh, or cry, or find the siphon and yell delusional.

There's another nagging sense of paranoia that's been tugging at my Kai-related thoughts, begging to be pulled into my awareness. I've tried to harshly shove it to the back of my mind, lock it, throw away the key, but the question pleaded to at least be heard, if answers weren't something I could provide.

Did Kai run away from me solely due to his horribly misguided belief that I don't deserve his supposed baggage? Or was this current radio silence on his behalf because I told him I love him?

His reaction had been one of a person thrown entirely off their well-maintained guard–brutally shoved, actually. I had the image of his wide-eyed face, gaping mouth, and difficult-to-decipher flitting emotions stamped firmly in my mind, turning it over repeatedly for further analysis. Still, I couldn't pinpoint what exactly he might've been feeling then, besides the obvious shock to my declaration.

I'd been surprised, too, as I said the words that immediately set into motion a record-scratching freeze in our argument. Not because I didn't mean them, but it was like it came from deep in my subconscious, like a different section of my mind took over and knew I needed a forceful nudge toward the truth.

I do love him. The same person that was once inherently incapable of the emotion, is the one that I feel it all for now, with such intensity it's threatening to drown me in its massive wave. I don't know what specific moment made me realize that it was love, because God, how many times had Kai made me feel like I was on an affection-driven cloud? Trying to single out one moment would be like picking a tiny needle out of a haystack.

Truth be told, there wasn't just one grand occurrence that brought upon the realization. No, it was a culmination of everything about him, even the littlest aspects. Kai's enchanting charisma, the lengths he has and continues to go to just to keep me safe, the trust in our promises, how his lips feel when they're molded with mine, his arms comforting and secure when they wrap me in a hug, the ever-present humor that he whips out on any and every occasion, the way his blue eyes adorably crinkle at the corners when he smiles really wide, the softness in his voice when he calls me Charlie...

My chest tightens to the point it feels like I'm suffocating, thinking about every little detail that made me fall in love with him all while I'm supposed to put on a smiling, everything-is-fine-just-fine face for my friends and family.

"...Char?"

Caroline's voice promptly pulls me out of my thoughts and back to the pink balloon shaking in front of my blank stare.

She frowns at me. "Are you okay? You've been in this...weird, quiet state all week. Totally ignoring all my texts asking to hang. And now you forget your birthday."

I shrug numbly. "Sorry. Thank you, guys. Really. This is..." I take the balloon from her, attempting a smile, "sweet. But I just have a lot of work to do, so I don't think I'm gonna be doing much celebrating."

Elena swiftly blocks my path when I start toward my desk, folding her arms in a stern manner. "Nope. Start talking."

I raise my eyebrows slowly. "About?"

"What's bothering you. Is it Joshua? Are you scared he's going to come back? Because I promise you, Char, none of us are going to let that happen."

My jaw clenches when his name is brought up and I exhale sharply through my nose. "This isn't about what happened with Joshua."

It's so, so much more.

Bonnie eyes me carefully. "Is it Kai? I haven't seen him hanging around here lately. Are you two okay?"

I swallow the lump in my throat, ready to lie but frankly, I can't muster the energy it takes to tell them Kai and I are fine when we're anything but. In the end, I manage an rueful smile. "Who knows? He's not talking to me."

Elena sighs, moving beside me to wrap her arm around my shoulders while the other two girls simultaneously hover closer to provide a sense of comfort. I lean into my sister while staring forlornly down at the wooden floorboards.

"He just lost his position as coven leader. He's bound to be a little distant right now," she reminds me softly–though she really doesn't need to trouble herself, because I haven't forgotten. It plagues me with guilt, the fact that his magic was ripped out of his veins before my eyes all because I thought I could keep my Maryland trip a secret.

What was I thinking? That I could talk sense into Joshua? If the events that transpired over the weekend were any solid indication, the man is incapable of rationality and empathy when it comes to his relationship–or lack thereof–with his eldest son.

"I know that," I tell her. "But...I'm scared for him. He shouldn't be alone right now. His father–" I exhale in anger, my face twisting into a glare, "he represents everything Kai hates the most and he made him vulnerable that day. It's killing him, I saw his face when the spell was finished. He looked so defeated. I've never seen him look like that before. And now–now he's pushing me away, and I don't know where he is, or what he's going to do."

"He's angry, Char," Caroline replies. "Which is understandable. I mean, his dad is a total asshole that managed to get the upper hand on the both of you. I think what you need to do is just let Kai stew in that for a little bit, until he's ready to come back strong. But it's only been a few days. He's processing it, you know?"

I consider this dully, still unable to fight off the twisting in my gut. "I get that. But Kai's not just stewing in it for now, Caroline. He thinks he's doing what's best for me, by staying away."

Her eyebrows lift. "And you think it's gonna last?"

I shrug. "He seemed pretty solid on that." 

The blonde snorts. "Char, I love you. Sooo much. But you're painfully naïve."

Bonnie chuckles at Caroline's bluntness and I frown, a little offended at the sudden insult. "Um, why?"

"Because you honestly believe that Kai's even a little capable of staying away from you permanently. The guy looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky. Don't even get me started on how fast he ran when I told him you went to Maryland. Frankly, I'm convinced he'd go through hell and back for you. And you think he's going to throw it away?"

I stare at her as warmth partially replaces the prickling anxiety in my chest and struggle for a response appropriate to such a description from my friend.

Elena hums. "Yeah, I have to agree with Care. And considering how long I've held my not-so-nice beliefs about him, you should know that means something."

"I'm sure he's just trying to bounce back from all this before he sees you again," Bonnie adds. "Being a witch with no magic and then having magic and then losing it...well, needless to say, that's a rough thing to go through."

"Yeah," I agree, furrowing my eyebrows. "So I should be there for him."

She smiles sympathetically. "Everyone's different when it comes to accepting comfort. He's been in a prison world for eighteen years. Maybe solitude is so ingrained in him that a part of him still relies on it."

I consider this quietly, wishing I can accept their wise two-cents on the matter and breathe easily. But it's so much easier said than done. The thought of Kai somewhere out in Virginia–if he's even still within the state borders–falling back into the dark hole of his suppressed sociopathy instills me with a panic so severe I wonder if it'll split me in half.

Caroline firmly plants her hands on my shoulders, pulling me out of Elena's grasp. "Hello, can we focus on the fact that you're twenty? Pull yourself out of your funk, Char, because a celebration is totally called for."

I grimace. "Please no parties."

She looks disappointed, but smooths it over in a second. "I wasn't going to–"

"Or clubs."

She scowls. "Well then maybe we could–"

"And no more raves."

She throws her hands up in frustration. "What else is there!"

I chuckle, maneuvering out of her hold and plopping down in my desk chair. "Me. At this desk. Preparing my upcoming lit presentation on how 1984 could only work in the twentieth century and beyond because of tech–"

Caroline moves forward with her fists raised and Elena pulls her back, rolling her eyes. "Care, you can't throttle the birthday girl."

"She's talking nerd when she's supposed to be basking in the fact that she's entered her twenties!"

Bonnie gives her a look. "Mm, they're not that great, to be fair."

I point at Bonnie while raising my eyebrows at the blonde vampire, as if to say, see? My underwhelming reaction isn't thaaat big of a deal.

Caroline just glares at us. "I am so murdering Kai for putting you in a mopey mood on today of all days. Does he even know it's your birthday?"

I sigh. "No. I've never told him. And I'm not mopey."

"Whatever. Do your boring 1948 stuff–"

"It's 1984," I correct her quietly, sucking in my lips when she sends me an icy stare.

"I'll be waiting right here on your bed, until you change your mind." And with that, true to her word, she stomps over to the mattress and plants herself on it. Elena smiles to herself and follows suit, along with Bonnie.

I observe the three girls with a flicker of appreciation swelling wider in my chest, taming a smile as I turn back to my work.

"We can get dinner later if you guys want," I try to compromise without turning away from the books laid out on the table surface. I hear them silently cheer.

"I'll take it. There's always clubbing for next year."

"We can grab milkshakes from your favorite diner afterward!" Elena adds.

As they fall into idle chatter, I eye my phone while gnawing on my lower lip. After a moment of hesitation, I pick it up, opening the messages app to slide over to what had become a one-sided conversation with Kai. Then, I type out a new message.

I love you. Don't do anything stupid.

•••

Kai's POV

My hands grip the edges of the manila folder as I hunch over the paper, reading it over and over until the words printed there failed to make sense. Until they didn't even fucking sound like actual phrases that could possibly be stamped in the dictionary.

Warlock ID: Parker, Joshua

Siphon-Centered Potion...

This isn't the first time I'd read it since I got back to Whitmore. A part of me couldn't seem to put it down. Not like a riveting novel that has you on the edge of your seat, either. No, more like a bruise that you keep pressing no matter how much it starts to hurt. It's an addictive type of pain.

The substance I've created was borne of a desire to allow the magic-holders of our wide realm to live free of fear. To target the rare beings who take with no give, who steal with no remorse, who present an inherent defect in the solid laws of nature. Siphons have been one of the greatest threats to our kind since the beginning, even vampires and werewolves considered. For at least the bloodsucking creatures are aware of the demons they house inside them.

Siphons are another brand of danger. They pose as witches, like us, claim to be knowledgeable in magic, like us. But all they do is suck away our power, turn us into hollow shells to raise themselves high above us with the intent to reign. They are not witches, lest we be fooled by their manipulation and conviction.

Imagine such a monster given a position where they're placed on a pedestal above other witches. Real, working, magic-owning witches who wish to abide by the rules of nature, and having that wish thwarted by a siphon that reduces them to servants. As if they're the ones who house empty essences and use their companions as powerhouses.

A horror, indeed. But we don't have to be helpless.

The potion opens up siphons all the way down to their greedy cores, feeding off their essence until what is essentially a black hole forms inside them. The magic they may claim to be theirs trickles out, waiting to be returned to the Earth and rightful witches. It saves the supernatural realm from domination by these barely-human evils, stops their power before it can sprout to overwhelming extremes. Then, finally, the balance is restored, when the siphons lose their taste of magic that never belonged in their bodies to begin with. The spirits rest, promise to protect us as long as we protect this world and our fellow witches from those who only intend harm and destruction.

It takes me a moment to realize the words are starting to blur together because my hands are shaking with rage.

I throw down the folder, rushing to my feet with a loud yell. My hands shove the coffee table over, turning it on its side against the carpeted floor with a resounding thud.

Not satisfied with that level of impact, I grab the glass next to me and launch it at the wall, watching it shatter into pieces. It isn't enough, only seeming to fuel my growing fire.

Fuck him fuck him fuck him.

I kick the lamp off the side table, standing over it with a heaving breath as the shade falls off. The bulb and vase noisily crack, only furthering my need to inflict damage on anything and everything in sight.

"Damn it!" I shout, ramming my fist into the wall, eliciting an expletive from my mouth when the solidness doesn't cave to my fury. But the bruises that start to decorate my aching knuckles bring me an odd sort of comfort, another sensation I can pinpoint besides the rushing fire burning me up from the inside and waiting for an exit path that suited its desired destruction.

Eventually, the only sound in the trashed hotel room is my heaving breaths as I stare out at the sky through the single, large window. Peeking through the half-drawn curtains is fading daylight, the town ready to make way for the night.

I haven't seen Charlie since I left her without a true response to her unexpected declaration. Truth is, she doesn't need one. Because anything I can say back will only be twisted into the potential of a future solidifying between us–and, God, the selfish, larger part of me wants it. Wants her, for as long as I can have her. But she needs to experience the easy-paced life she'll start to have when I'm not in it. No pain. No suffering on behalf of my decisions.

My father had already kidnapped her twice. Not to mention everything she went through in the prison world, having her mind opened up by Gemini spells and making her susceptible to psychological distress.

What the fuck can I offer her that balances that out?

Nothing's enough. Not for her.

I grab my keys, room card, and tuck my phone into my coat pocket, heading for the door. A cleaning lady is pushing along her cart lazily in the hallway when I slip out of the room. She gives me a tired nod and I realize that she's in pursuit of my room next.

"You gonna be out for a while?" She asks. "Cause I gotta get in there."

I think of the upended table and smashed lamp, my lip twitching. "Kind of go by a do not disturb policy so, you can go ahead and skip mine."

She eyes me, chewing her gum slowly. Then, she shrugs, and keeps moving. "Alright then. Call the front desk if you change your mind. Have a good night."

I mutter a response back as I walk swiftly toward the elevators, slamming the buttons, and itching for something to relieve me of this shitty feeling.

Charlie, my mind practically sighs, as I step into the empty lift and lean against the metal railing. I clench my jaw, ignoring the sense of longing that threatens to pull me apart at the thought of her.

Our would-be apartment is likely abandoned, neither of us there to fill it. Charlie had gone back to the dorms, her multiple messages to me in the past few days stated as much. But I knew that wouldn't stop her from going to the apartment in hopes of finding me there. And the moment I see her, something tells me I won't be strong enough to resist her pull–not with the state I'm in right now. So, I've been staying away, in this mediocre hotel with an insufficient breakfast selection and a couple next to my room that fucked way too loud.

Despite my rationale scolding me not to, I pull out my phone and scan the previous messages from her.

Where are you?

Come find me, I want to plead.

I'm worried about you, Kai. Please be careful.

Stopped by the apartment. You weren't there. Again. Seriously, Kai.

And right after that one, Had to run into Sandra too. By myself. None of your sarcasm to back me up. You jerk.

That had coaxed a chuckle out of me, because I could just picture the little crease between her eyebrows as she angrily typed the text and slammed down the send button. I miss you.

As I stride through the parking lot, I'm about to put my phone away, because looking at these and thinking of her is too fucking painful. Then, my screen buzzes with a new message. From her.

I love you. Don't do anything stupid.

My throat feels like it's closing up, the cold oxygen surrounding me doing nothing to remedy this feeling of utter suffocation. Like the whole sky is falling down on my shoulders, with the task of pushing tears from my eye sockets and breaking me down until I'm beyond repair. Those three words again, formed like a solid statement on her part but misconstrued in my head like a blaring question. As if my subconscious is laughing heartily at my expense, at my inherent inability to voice the reciprocation that another man could probably provide her in a heartbeat. As if it's asking me, are you sure she does? Are you sure you even did anything to deserve that? What have you done, you complete fucking moron...

I shove my phone away, sliding into the driver's seat with a harsh slam of the door. Even as I pull out onto the road, I have no clue where I intend to go next.

Charlotte's POV

"Somebody tell Miss Big 2-0 that she's being a serious buzzkill right now. And that's usually Stefan's job."

I glare up at Damon halfheartedly, sucking up Coke through my straw while flipping him off.

"Ouch." He laughs. "Who shoved you off the wrong side of the bed this morning, sunshine?"

"Damon, I'll shove you out of this booth next," Elena says, pushing his shoulder. He snickers over his glass of bourbon.

"I'm fine," I insist defensively. "I came here tonight, didn't I?"

My friends all collectively scrutinize me with the same combination of prodding suspicion and concern. I self consciously avoid looking at any of them directly, suppressing a heavy sigh as I stab my fork through my grilled salmon.

The girls, Jeremy, Stefan, Damon, and I are crowded in a booth at a seafood restaurant two miles away from the college. Liv was invited too, as the two of us were slowly easing back into our friendship, but she had a shift at Whitmore Bar. Caroline wanted to go farther out to some joint dinner and dancing place about forty minutes from Whitmore, but I didn't really have the energy. I'd worked myself to the brink today, buried in studies and presentation notes.

This small birthday dinner was my way of appeasing my family and friends, just enough to seem okay on the exterior. Just enough for them to look at me and think, oh, look at Charlotte, she's engaged in life, she's doing social things, she's totally fine and not at all scarred from her and Kai's brutal run-in with Joshua.

Of course, it wasn't working quite as well as I'd hoped. They just knew me too well.

"So, excited about turning twenty?" Jeremy asks, cutting into his crabmeat.

I put on a smile. "Yeah. Sure."

He arches an eyebrow. "That's...a little underwhelming. I mean, I grew up with you and had to listen to you talk about all the big-girl things you were gonna get to do when you were twenty. Think you'd been about, what? Eleven?"

Elena chuckles. "Close. She was ten. Remember the list she made?"

My brother bursts out laughing. "Number one was marry Prince Charming."

I wrinkle my nose. "Look, that was my Disney phase."

Damon smirks. "Went from pining after Prince Charming to dating the devil. Life's a little wild like that."

There's no blatant traces of resentment or irritation in his tone; he's solely kidding around, which strikes me as a little strange. But I take it as a good thing; it's the best form of acceptance I can hope to get from Damon on account of Kai and I being together. Not that I needed it, really, but with everything I've had to deal with lately, it's just preferable to have all of my friends on my side one-hundred percent. There wasn't any time for unnecessary tension, let alone any energy for it.

Stefan clears his throat. "Speaking of Kai...what's he up to?"

I blink slowly. "You...actually want to know what Kai is up to?"

"Damon filled me in on what happened in Maryland. I'm sorry I couldn't be there, it was–"

"It's fine," I cut him off. "Probably, uh, better that you weren't. Doubt Kai would've been too happy."

He nods solemnly. "I know I've said this a lot, but I need you both to know how sorry I am. I didn't know the extent of what the potion entailed. All that had been on my mind when I made that deal was helping you, Charlotte. But I see now that Joshua...isn't really a man of his word." He grimaces slightly. "And I regret ever agreeing to his terms."

I don't want to talk about this at all, not when I'm trying to maintain a happy-birthday-girl face for everyone. Pain stirs up in my chest, remembering Kai strung up by the chains and the slouch in his body after everything was taken from him in a vacuum.

Swallowing thickly, I shove the images away and focus on Stefan's sincere face. He means the apology, I know he does. And I don't have it in me to hold a grudge against him, but there's a slight twisting of an imaginary knife in my gut when I'm forced to realize that had it not been for the deal he complied to, Kai may have never encountered the potion.

Or maybe he would've. Joshua Parker has his ways, which he has been careful to prove to us all.

It sucks to deal in what-ifs, but I can't seem to stop, clinging to the ineffective coping mechanism like it's a life boat in the midst of this supernatural world. What if I'd stayed back when they went to New Orleans, which would mean Kai would've, too? What if I never wandered away from the group at Caroline's no-humanity costume party, therefore never needing Stefan to turn off his switch to save me?

These domino effects make my brain swell with their complex chains, interwoven by little events and decisions that we don't realize the importance of until they're long behind us.

"I know, Stefan," I say gently. "I have a feeling this is all gonna come back to bite Joshua, anyway."

"That's the spirit," Damon says, raising his glass. "I mean, I generally don't root for Kai, but when the choice comes down to him or his disturbed papa bear, it's kind of a no-brainer."

"I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this right now, Char," Elena tells me. "I'll help in any way I can. You just come to me."

I nod at her quietly, grateful for the thought behind the offer.

"I don't get why we can't just track down the dick and end this," Jeremy mutters.

Bonnie cocks her head at him. "We can't. Killing him now would be killing Jo and Liv."

"And he has all that weird Gemini magic in his system now," Caroline adds, exaggerating a shudder. "That coven scares the crap out of me. No offense to your boyfriend, Char."

I manage a chuckle. "None taken. They're intense."

"I'm sure little Prince Gemini has some diabolical plan cooking up in that scary brain of his," Damon says, snorting. "Probably starts with murdering everyone in that damn coven."

I shiver, immediately discomfited by the idea of Kai being too far gone for me to reach, going on a spree that would put 1994 to shame. "He wouldn't do that, Damon."

The vampire shrugs, a knowing look on his face. Stefan shoves him harshly and the brothers exchange a glare.

Bonnie nudges me as I absentmindedly push around the rice on my plate. Sincerity blazes in her verdant eyes when I meet them. "Grams always told me that magic has a way of correcting injustices in this realm, no matter how much turmoil has to occur before things are set right. Joshua Parker isn't invincible to that. Trust me."

Somewhat reassured by the conviction in my friend's voice, I smile at her, the action not even too forced. "I hope so, Bon."

She soothingly squeezes my free hand before settling back in her seat. Everyone is quiet for a moment, seemingly conflicted on how to proceed with this birthday dinner when the guest-of-honor doesn't even want to be here.

"So," Caroline breaks the silence that had only been filled by clattering silverware and food being chewed, "who wants to hear how my audition for the spring play went?"

I almost exhale loudly in relief, grateful for my talkative friend swooping in to spare me the awkward silence. "Me, I do."

Throwing me a bright smile, she launches into her story with contagious animation, ever so slightly lifting the general mood of our booth.

•••

When I finally trudge into my dorm room at around eleven in the evening, sufficiently filled by my salmon dinner and the diner milkshakes we all grabbed afterwards, I have every intention to sink down onto my bed. Not that I don't love my family to death, but this is a time where more than anything, I just want to be alone with the thoughts I can't ignore no matter how hard I try.

Elena insisted that I sleep over in the girls' dorm tonight, but I told her I was too tired and had to be up early tomorrow, anyway. It was only after Jeremy came to my defense that she backed off, though the worried looks quietly being tossed my way didn't cease.

I peel off my coat and boots, before tiredly pursuing my dresser for some pajamas to change into.

"Ms. Gilbert."

A scream crawls up my throat and I grab the nearest object in my vicinity–a statistics textbook–before whirling around to face the intruder.

An older, gray-bearded man that I don't recognize stands on the other end of the room, immediately raising his hands in an I come in peace manner. He's adorned in a black cloak, which makes my face twitch slightly in confusion. His appearance vaguely registered familiarity with me, but I struggled to pinpoint the identity of the strange man.

"Stay back," I say shakily, holding out the thick book in front of me. He eyes it uncertainly.

Clearing his throat, he looks over at the Happy Birthday! balloons floating together in the corner. "I'm very sorry to disturb you on your birthday. But it was urgent that I come see you."

I frown, slowly recalling where I know this man from. "Wait...I saw you at Kai's initiation ceremony. You're one of the Gemini elders."

He nods in clarification. "Yes. My name is Alistair, if you don't remember."

After taking a silent moment to absorb this, I angrily start towards the elder, intending to make him hurt the best I could for what he had a hand in allowing to happen.

He looks startled at my advance and throws his palm up, erecting a thin forcefield that sends me stumbling back. I throw the textbook to my bed, pointing at the man accusingly.

"You let this happen to him," I shout. "Kai told you the truth and none of you bothered to believe him. All in favor of a shitty father who you don't realize would say anything to take down his son."

Alistair sighs deeply. "That is what I came to talk to you about, Charlotte. I admit I allowed a lapse in my judgment. Joshua was someone I trusted for years. I thought I would be doing the coven a favor by trusting him again."

I laugh. "Yeah, well your lapse in judgment led to Kai getting his powers taken away. So frankly, I don't care what half-assed explanation you have. You messed up. Big time."

He lowers his hands to his sides and the two of us regard each other from a distance, with open hostility on my end.

"If I lower this forcefield and you try to come at me again, I'll be forced to use an offensive spell, Charlotte," he tells me. "And I'd prefer not to."

"Sure you do," I retort. "I bet you're just waiting for a chance to hurt anybody that has the gall to be on Kai's side, right?"

"No," he replies evenly. "Because I'm on his side, too."

That makes me pause, but only for a second, until my hackles rise. "And that's why you didn't lock up Joshua when you had the chance?"

He drags a hand down his face, before using that same hand to fizzle out the forcefield. There's nothing between us now, therefore nothing preventing me from carrying out my earlier intentions to unleash some anger on the Gemini. But something in his demeanor–honesty, sincerity, exhaustion–stops me.

"I see Malachai has told you just about everything," Alistair comments. "Good. I won't have to fill you in."

I scoff. "He didn't have to tell me. I was there."

He stiffens. "I...I beg your pardon?"

Of course he didn't know. Why would Joshua tell him that he kidnapped Kai's girlfriend to torture and put his son in a position where he had to subject himself to the magic-stealing spell?

"I. Was. There," I repeat harshly. "Joshua kidnapped Kai and I when we went to Maryland to get information on him. He used me to make Kai agree to go through with his stupid spell. He didn't tell you that part, though, did he? You were all so quick to put your trust in him that you didn't think about what it would do to Kai."

I take a step forward, taking advantage of Alistair's stunned silence. "Know this: he's hurting." A lump tightens my throat. "By your betrayal, especially. He thought you would at least have his back. But I guess it was too extreme to think for a second that the biases you've all been holding about Kai were in the past now."

The elder looks pained, rubbing at his beard. "I understand your anger. I can't say I don't deserve it. But I've come here in hopes of remedying this to the best of my ability."

Hope surges through me at that, but it's still tainted by lingering suspicion and distrust. "Found me through a locator spell?"

He nods. "I wanted to track Malachai as well, but since Joshua is acting as the stand-in leader until further notice, I was forced to follow his orders not to."

I clench my jaw. "So it's that easy? You all just let him step back into the role of leader, no questions asked?"

"My hands were tied, Charlotte. He possesses ancestral magic, which is the source of our coven. It's not like I can just kill him."

I rub my temples. "Can't you take it away? Give it back to Kai?"

"Not that simple. You see, Gemini spirit magic is a potent, powerful thing and to counteract it in any manner isn't as easy as a cloaking spell. That isn't to say I'll stand by and do nothing, but such a transfer has never before occurred in our history. So I don't have a solid solution at the ready in any of our grimoires."

My shoulders sag, hope leaving as quickly as it had come. "There has to be something we can do. Kai doesn't deserve this. And your coven is in danger too with Joshua in charge. That man is unstable."

Alistair purses his mouth. "Charlotte, I came here because something felt off. Call it intuition. But I knew Joshua was fibbing when he returned to the compound and claimed Malachai willingly handed over his powers in the transfer. If I know that boy at all, he would've fought tooth and nail before ever releasing it. The other elders seemed more than content with accepting this, until a permanent solution is approached, but I couldn't."

"He didn't do it willingly," I counter through gritted teeth. "He was forced. Like I told you. Joshua created a potion that attacked Kai's siphon nature and opened up some sort of black hole in him that would put in his ancestral magic in easy reach. I saw the transfer happen. It was...it was inhumane. Joshua is playing all of you for total fools and you're letting him."

Alistair's brow furrows. "Should have known. He pretended to be ignorant when I brought up the potion."

"You shouldn't have believed a word that left his mouth."

"I suppose that's true but...well, surely you get why I can't necessarily believe anything that comes out of yours. You could be defending Malachai simply because you care for him."

My eyebrows raise. "Wow. Joshua becomes your leader again and just like that, you start to sound like him."

He shakes his head. "You misunderstand. I'm not writing off your statement, Charlotte. But to confirm it, I will need to do a truth spell."

I pause, considering. "Does Joshua know you're here?"

"Of course not. The counsel thinks I've been summoned by a group of warlocks in need of Gemini magic to take care of a small vampire problem. I assured them I could handle it alone."

This softens my exterior toward the elder, tells me that maybe, I can trust him after all. One of the good souls in a batch of twisted Geminis. "Okay. Do the spell."

"Very well. Please, come forward."

I obey without hesitation, stopping a few inches from the man when he holds a halting palm up. Reaching into his cloak, he pulls out a small vial of a dark liquid and hands it to me.

I take it tentatively, rolling it in my palms. Then, I turn a questioning look on the elder. "How do I know it's not poison and Joshua did send you after all?"

That provokes a soft laugh from Alistair. "I have no wish to hurt you, Charlotte. I only want the truth."

His gaze holds mine and it seems to lack any obvious traces of deception. Inhaling deeply, I open the vial and drink its contents.

"Yuck," I mutter when I swallow the last of it, capping the vial quickly and handing it back to him.

"Sorry. It's not the most pleasant concoction, but it opens your mind up to the spell. Takes down any guard or will to control your answers."

"Great," I deadpan. "Let's do it."

Nodding once, he raises his palms and schools his visage into one of total concentration. His index fingers press into both of my temples.

"Verum loqui, nisi quod verum."

With each repetition, I slowly slip into a trance, barely forming a solid thought. There's an induced emptiness on my tongue and in my brain, like my body is waiting for incentive from the warlock before me in order to create or voice any memory. My eyes never stray from Alistair's sharp, focused stare, as he finally stops chanting.

"Alright. I'll begin with some test questions, to warm you up. What's your name?"

"Charlotte Gilbert," I answer automatically.

"Who is Malachai Parker to you?"

"My boyfriend."

"Were you with him during the transfer that stripped him of his powers?"

"Yes." The responses come reflexively, the way your knee jerks when your doctor lightly taps the area with something cool and metal.

He seems to be satisfied with the effectiveness of his spell and presses on. "Did Joshua Parker kidnap both of you prior to arriving at the compound?"

"Yes."

"Were you ever linked to him?"

"Yes."

Alistair's face hardens. "Then why did the scan of his aura come up empty?"

"He broke the spell just before he went to Portland to make himself appear innocent."

The elder looks irritated. "Was the transfer mutual or was Malachai forced to obey?"

"Kai had no choice. Joshua broke my arm and nearly killed me right in front of him, so he agreed to his terms to get him to stop."

He gives a grim nod. "Did Joshua create a potion to target siphons?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It weakened Kai and allowed Joshua to access his ancestral magic. So he could take it for himself."

"How did you both escape unscathed?"

"My friends found us."

"Do you believe Joshua would have killed you and Kai if they hadn't?"

"Yes. He had been about to, since the linking spell was transferred to him, but was interrupted by their arrival."

"When was the last time you saw Malachai?"

"I haven't seen him since that night. He left when we got to our apartment."

Alistair frowns. "Do you know where he is?"

"No."

The elder stares at me in pondering quiet that seems to stretch on for a minute. "That will be all. Thank you for your cooperation."

When he releases me, the trance dissipates and I blink rapidly, gaining my bearings.

"That about cover everything for you?"

"Indeed. I'm sorry for what you and Malachai have been put through. I hope you can forgive me for not cutting off Joshua's plan when I was still able to. But I won't let myself be fooled again, no matter what loyalties I had to him in the past."

"So, you're going to stop him now, right? Take away his position? Banish him, whatever it is you do to liars and traitors?" I stare up at the elder eagerly, my heart leaping into my throat.

He looks at me ruefully. "My dear girl, I wish it were that easy. But with the power he now holds, I must tread carefully with whatever move I choose to make against him. It won't be a quick fix."

He must see my face fall because he continues, "The Geminis are core believers in giving punishment when punishment is due. Something will be done. But I can't act impulsively."

I deflate with a heavy sigh. "I understand. But isn't there some system of checks and balances in place? Like, the Gemini version? If you tell the others that Joshua is a corrupt asshole, they have to help you do something about it."

Alistair shakes his head. "It certainly should be that fair. But if I'm being completely honest, the method of governing we follow is inherently flawed. It's an age-old system that no one has elected to change, where the leader is almost like the head of a monarchy. At the moment, what Joshua says goes. And it will remain that way until I know how to remove the ancestral magic from him and transfer it back to Malachai."

His face sours then. "And Cyrus and Demetri are too blinded by admiration for their old leader to care much if he was unfair to his son or not. It's a complicated environment, back at the compound. But you have my word that I will help, however I can."

Though we are far from a means to the end of this shitty conflict, having Alistair on our side infuses me with a newfound hope and determination to not give up on finding a way. The wise Gemini will surely provide a fresh perspective and knowledge that can aid us in taking down Joshua Parker, once and for all.

It won't be easy. But most worthy battles aren't. And Kai is worth the effort, always.

"Thank you, Alistair," I tell him sincerely.

He waves a hand. "A thanks isn't necessary. I owe this to Malachai and to my coven. Please tell him I came by, when you see him."

I cross my arms, glancing away. "I...don't know when that will be. He isn't really talking to me at the moment."

"Why's that?"

I snort softly. "He thinks he's keeping me safe if he stays away."

Alistair is staring into space with a deeply thoughtful look on his face when I look at him again. When he meets my eyes, he smiles sadly. "He really has changed since 1994."

I nod in quiet agreement. The elder adjusts his cloak and starts for the door.

"I'll be in touch, Charlotte. And..." He pauses in the open doorway. "Make sure Malachai knows not everyone in the coven is against him. And that I'm sorry."

"I will," I say softly and the older man smiles, before shutting the door behind his retreating figure.

A positive outcome in altogether crappy week sends a light feeling to my chest, almost shapes a smile on my face. Not everything has to be a loss. There are, indeed, victories, no matter how bleak of a turn things take.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and hurriedly open it to my messages with Kai.

Kai, call me as soon as you can. Alistair came by to see me. He wants to help.

•••

Kai's POV

I plop myself down at a bar stool, a deadpan expression on my face that effectively prevented any unwanted company from approaching.

Liv strolls out of the double doors that lead to the kitchen, shoulders sagging tiredly and looking annoyed with just about everyone in this joint. Then, her eyes land on me and turn to angry slits.

"Come to rub it in my face that Dad's a lunatic?" She says sharply, slamming her white rag down on the counter. "Because I don't want to hear it from you."

"Didn't come here for you at all, actually," I tell her flatly. "Always were such a self-centered drama queen, Livvie poo. Even when you were a toddler, you hogged all of the toys and threw a fit if someone took them from you. Poor Lucas."

She grits her teeth. "Then why are you here?"

"To get a drink." I feign a look of puzzlement, slowly looking around. "This...is a bar, right?"

She rolls her eyes. "I'm not serving you."

"Still hate me, sis? Wait, I get it. Classic case of displacement. Dad's nowhere to be found, so you're taking it out on the bad apple of the family."

"Look, just 'cause I agree now that he's severely fucked up, in more ways than I originally thought, doesn't mean my feelings about you are resolved. When I see you, I think of Luke dead. And that won't change."

I sigh. "How ever will I get along without you liking me."

A cold stare passes between the both of us, until a chubby man appears beside the blonde witch.

"Liv! You gonna take this guy's order or just chat all night?"

A grimace twists her face. "I'm about to, Ed."

"Well, hurry it up. We got customers."

Liv and I both glance at the fairly empty row of stools, and then back at the man.

He huffs. "They start piling in when it gets later. You know how it is. Get to work."

He marches into the kitchen, grumbling to himself. I snicker into my clenched fist.

"Charming boss you got there."

"He's not my boss. Just a kiss-up coworker who likes to rat when he thinks I'm slacking." She rubs her forehead. "Anyway, what the hell are you ordering?"

I scan the selection of bottles varying in size and color behind her, squinting slightly at the labels. "Let's see. Rum? Nah, too tropical. Definitely no bourbon, I'm secure enough in my masculinity. Oooh tequila, you do not wanna see me on tequila. How 'bout gin?"

She snorts. "What are you, fifty?"

"Just an old soul. Also...I'm technically forty?" I frown. "Still not really sure how that works."

I usually prided myself on never resorting to filling myself up with alcohol in the typical Damon Salvatore way when faced with a load of shit from the universe. But it was either this or ruin the remaining parts of my hotel room to get some of the still-buried rage out into the open. And that option seemed pretty tired out. Why not take my anger out on my poor, unassuming liver?

And, okay, I needed a distraction lest I cave and find myself standing outside of Charlie's dorm. Which is startlingly close to the bar, but there were only so many others I could find in this small town that didn't look exceedingly shady.

I watch with detached interest as Liv pours the clear liquid into a glass and slides it over to me.

"Surprised you're here and not celebrating with Charlotte," she remarks, folding her arms tight over her torso.

I lift a questioning brow, while downing half of the glass in one burning go. "Celebrating what? The fact that we both didn't get killed in Maryland? Yeah, I'll be sure to buy her a card."

Liv blinks. "I can't tell if you're being funny or you actually don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"That today's her birthday."

I freeze, and abruptly avert my gaze from my annoying little sister's judging face.

It's her fucking birthday. Just when I thought I couldn't be more of an asshole.

I'm grateful for the liquor-induced burn growing in my gut, because it dulls the stabbing ache that hits me now. The weaker part of me wants to throw down a few bills onto the counter and sprint to her dorm to wish my girlfriend the happiest birthday in the form of my lips on hers and everywhere else on her body. To shower her in all types of mushy affectionate acts that would put a male lead in a romantic comedy to shame, because I know she secretly would blush profusely over it even if she says it doesn't matter.

I clutch my glass tighter, squeezing my eyes shut. No, no, no. I'm leaving her alone. That's the best damn gift I can give.

I toss back the rest of the glass quickly, earning a squint from Liv.

"No, I didn't know. Get me another one of these."

She turns to grab the bottle, shaking her head at me. "So, this is rock bottom for you, I'm guessing."

"If me losing my powers and Joshua being our leader again isn't rock bottom, I don't want to find out what is." I smile tightly at her, my hands slightly shaking around the empty glass. She doesn't reply right away, as she pours me another round.

"I've called," she says lowly. "Just to give him a piece of my mind. Didn't get an answer. Don't know why I thought I would." She laughs. "And to think I was actually worried about that son of a bitch."

"Did you not get a clue when he tried to kill Charlie in my prison world?" I ask her tonelessly, taking a long sip of my newly filled drink.

She shoots me a glare. "I chalked it up to desperation to keep you in there. Thought that was as far as his madness would get. But...shit, I still can't wrap my ahead around all of this."

I snort out an empty laugh into my glass. "Join the club. I tried an incendia this morning, 'cause the occasionally delusional part of me thought, hey, you never know? Or maybe I just like twisting the knife. I was always pretty fucked up like that."

Liv's silence follows this information, not that I particularly care what she'll make of it.

I finish off the rest of the glass in the next two minutes, slamming it back down onto the counter, and gesture for a refill. She rolls her eyes and complies.

"So, my dad pisses you off and you're taking that out on Charlotte...because?"

"First of all, pissed me off?" I laugh. "What a way to sugarcoat just about the entire fucking issue. And second, don't lecture me about Charlie. Reeks of the pot calling the kettle black."

Liv glares. "We made up."

"Aw. Cute. Even cuter than when you called her emotionally damaged."

She looks over her shoulder, presumably to check that none of her coworkers are around, then grabs the white rag and whacks me in the head with it.

"Ow," I deadpan, staring at the bit of liquid that sloshed over the edge of the glass and onto my hoodie. At least I'm wearing black. "You're a witch and you can't even get creative with how you hurt people. Such a waste."

"Prefer not to waste my magic on you," she counters. "And seriously. Why are you mad at Char?"

I clench my jaw, swallowing down more gin. "I'm not."

"Then did you just forget how celebrating birthdays works since you were stuck in a world with a population of one for years?"

"Liv, I'm in a very bad place right now, which means I'm just looking for an excuse to hurt someone and your magic is ripe for the taking just inches away." She immediately takes a step back and I smirk. "So, careful with what buttons you push. And fuck off."

She scoffs. "I'm asking for her sake. But fine. Drink away your sorrows. Makes no difference to me."

I nod. "You're too sweet."

Two more refills later, I stumble out of Whitmore Bar with a hazy barrier blocking my coherent stream of thought.

I totally get why Damon sports a glass of bourbon like some people sport footwear, the idle thought arrives, as I walk down the path with a smile. Everything is numbed until it's finally bearable, or almost, anyway. It'll take more than alcohol to put Charlie out of my mind entirely. But at least this way, I'm better at pretending there isn't a crushing hole in my chest.

I pull my phone out of my jean pocket, finding a new message from Charlie.

Twist the knife some more, I think to myself with a shrug, starting to slide open my lock screen.

Some guy shoulders past me then, rendering me momentarily off-balance from his shove. The phone slips from my fingers, hitting the stones below my feet with an echoing crack. The screen turns black instantly, giving me a view of my miffed expression through the new lines in the glass.

"Watch it, idiot," he calls over his shoulder, not slowing down his stride.

I pause, slowly turning around to face him. Look at that. Maybe the universe knows I'm looking for a little violence on this unbearably shitty Wednesday night.

"Heeeey. Hey, big guy with the reaaally fucking stupid mustache. Wanna say that just a little louder?" I lift a hand and bring my index finger and thumb close together to emphasize just how little, still smiling wide. "Not sure I heard you."

He stops walking, spinning around with a scowl. "You being a smartass with me?"

I frown. "I just wanna know what you said. Geeeez. Don't get why you're bein so mean. We could be buddies. Drinking buddies? You drink? You do have a serious beer gut goin on there. It's like–" I widen my eyes and bring my hands out far in front of me to encompass the size of his sagging stomach.

He storms closer to me, grabbing me by the front of my hoodie. I smile into his face, lifting my fingers in a friendly wave now that our noses are almost touching.

"I said watch it, idiot," he repeats, his cigarette-scented breath hitting my face and making me wrinkle my nose in displeasure. Ewww.

"Yeaaah," I sigh, shaking my head. "That's what I thought you said."

My ring-adorned fist hurtles into the side of his snarling, vaguely dog-like face without another moment of hesitation. His head harshly snaps to the side with the bruising impact, fingers losing their grip on my hoodie in the process. When he turns back on me, his face spells out murder, which spreads a wicked smile across my own.

"You little fucking shit," he breathes, storming toward me and aiming a punch at my jaw that I fail to dodge. Or maybe I don't try too much. A little pain is healthy, right?

My head lurches backward and I see stars swarming in my eyesight–and not just the ones decorating the black night sky. I'm not given any time to recover when a pair of meaty hands grab my shoulders and I'm being kneed in the stomach.

I double over, nearly crumpling to the hard ground completely in my drunken state. The numbing alcohol and physical pain–inflicting and being on the bitter receiving end of it–create a life vest that I more than happily pull on, in an attempt to render myself invincible to the one voice that might be able to stop this.

I love you, it chimes in my head, causing me to launch my knuckles at the man's stomach with as much force as I can muster. He grunts loudly, hands flying to clutch the gut and giving me a chance to hit the side of his cheek.

Don't do anything stupid.

Another voice joins the miserably sweet song, abruptly making it one of distaste.

He just has siphoning now. I thought it appropriate to come full circle.

My angry opponent pushes me by my shoulders so I hit the brick wall, with little effort due to my reduced motor skills. Jarred by the impact that sends a prickling tingle up my spine, I try to gain my bearings when suddenly his fist is swinging at me once more.

You're giving up, Kai. I won't let you.

Her voice nearly fights its way to the subdued part of my brain that acts rationally, but I don't want it to make it anywhere near there. Not with her dorm in walking distance and my drunk state in dangerous conjunction.

This pain I can handle, I think to myself, as I reach a hand up to the blood seeping out of my mouth. An uncontrollable laugh escapes my throat, visibly infuriating the man to new heights.

But the pain that comes with knowing I can't just fucking be happy for once and be with Charlie, not unless I want to hurt her even more than I already have, that's unbearable. That's something I do my damn best to avoid, even if the cost is getting pummeled by an angry pedestrian.

"Hmm, that all you got?" I taunt through a bloodied grin.

He grabs the edges of my hoodie, bunching the fabric together near my neck, and yanks me closer. "You're asking to die tonight, man. You better think real hard about this."

A child who steals magic rather than generating it on his own? Was I supposed to praise you?

I pout. "That's weird. I'm hearing a lot of talking and not enough doing."

"Okay, tough guy." He slams my head against the brick and I chuckle, as my ears ring loudly. Bye-bye voices.

The next punch he lands to my face sends me toppling to the ground and it isn't long before he's crouched over me, his hands securing around my neck. He lifts my head off the ground and I manage to get my hands on his snarling face, hindering him before he can crack my skull against the stones.

"Did I mention?" I smile brightly. "I don't fight fair."

With a quick knee to his groin, I send him falling back with curses spilling through his teeth. Oh, classic move. And always fucking hilarious.

Claiming his prior position, I raise myself up on my knees and suppress a pained groan. Got me good, I'll give the asshole that.

Clutching my fingers around his coat collar, I deliver a harsh blow to his face.

Because I love you, Kai.

And another, until blood is trickling from his open mouth.

You're going to spiral right back into the darkness.

Another, coating my rings in crimson. When are you gonna stop, the wondering thought comes. Once he's dead?

I leave that internal query unanswered, smashing my knuckles between his nose and reveling in his loud cry.

One more hit, and another, and another, and another–

"Kai!"

Stuck in the high from violence and one drink too many, I almost believe that the voice calling my name is in my head, its sole purpose to taunt. But still, it makes my fist freeze in the air, wavering.

Long enough for the man to get the upper hand and forcefully push me off, proceeding to beat me with more rage than before.

"Hey! Hey, stop!"

I blink upwards blearily, turning my head until my cheek is against the ground. The fight ceases, both of us looking to see who's responsible for this interruption.

Jo runs toward us, her gray coat wrapped tightly around her. "Get off of him."

"You know this guy?" The man spits the question, cutting me a dirty look.

"That's my idiot brother. And you need to stop before you kill him."

"Little shit's not innocent in this, lady. He was asking for a goddamned fight."

"His father just died," she lies and I suppress a bubbling guffaw. "He's been doing a lot of that lately."

The man wavers, still staring between us with a pissed expression on his face.

"I'm devastated by my loss," I deadpan, when he meets my eyes for a beat too long like he's waiting for clarification of Jo's excuse.

"If you think I'm just gonna–"

"Get off him before I call campus security and say you initiated it," she interrupts him coolly.

The man seems to be weighing his options, looking none too pleased. Finally, he pushes himself to his feet with a string of curses, pointing an index finger at my sister.

"You better get a handle on that little brother of yours. 'Cuz next time he goes looking for a fight, the guy might not be nearly as nice as me. He'll find himself six feet under."

Jo levels him with a look. "Got it. Get the hell out of here."

He throws me a dark scowl before stalking off the deserted pathway, muttering angrily to himself. I push myself up onto my elbows, watching him go with a faux forlorn look on my face.

"There goes my drinking buddy."

Jo sighs, extending a hand to me. I grudgingly grab it, letting her lug my beaten body up with a palm on my back to steady my swaying.

"This is how you're dealing with your anger?" She says, annoyed. "Thought you left this kind of stupidity behind you, Kai."

I snicker, poking her arm. "You give me soo much credit."

She balks. "Are you drunk?"

I mull this over carefully, as if she just asked me what the square root of 42,653 is. "Mm...sorta."

"Idiot," she mutters under her breath, guiding my arm around her shoulders for support.

"Why does everyone keep calling me that today," I whine as she starts walking toward the parking lot with me in tow.

"Because you are one."

"You're really mean. Are doctors supposed to be this mean? What if I call your boss and told him you were this mean? Would you lose your doctor job and have to go get another job where being mean is allowed, like...a club bouncer, or–"

"Please stop talking before I call that guy back here to finish kicking your ass," Jo says flatly.

"Hello? Did you not see the hits I got in? Impressive, if ya ask me. I was like Stone Cold Steve Austin. No, wait, Hulk Hogan–"

"If I didn't show up, you'd be passed out right now, or worse, so save the tough act." She side-eyes me. "I have no clue what you were trying to accomplish back there."

"Sorry, mom," I mutter childishly. She sighs even louder, stalking toward a gray vehicle in the distance.

"Oh, no," I say in wide-eyed realization. "Are you kidnapping me? Because that's already happened to me once in the past week and gotta say, not a fan. Ugh, makes you super hungry."

Jo opens the passenger door when we reach her car, practically tossing me inside like a rag doll. I land on the cushioned seat with an "ouch!" and she shuts me inside, marching to the driver's seat.

"Where we going?" I ask impatiently as she buckles her seatbelt and starts the car.

"My house. I'm not letting you walk around by yourself so you can stir up more trouble in town."

"Noooo thanks." I rest my cheek against the window, eyes lazily tracing the street lamps. "Take me to Charlie's."

The request slips from my mouth unbidden and even in my half-aware mind, I stiffen slightly, a lump forming in my throat.

I feel her eyes burning into my side profile for a moment, before she promptly turns away and pulls out of the parking lot.

"She doesn't need to see you like this, Kai. Sober up first. Get in your right mind. Then worry about her."

"Have to know..." I mumble, swallowing. "I have to know what she said, Jo. The text. I didn't see."

My sister exhales. "Wait until in the morning. Drunk texts don't end well."

•••

Brightness invades the room as the blinds are harshly yanked open and the bulb is flicked on above my head. The intrusion pierces through my heavy lids and worsens my raging headache.

A raspy, protesting groan escapes my vocal cords and I slam my palms down over my eyes. "Shut it off."

"It's one in the afternoon. I don't even know why I let you sleep this long. Up."

I swat at the pair of hands that start to curl around my forearms, only making her tug harder.

Fighting against her until I'm slouching against the soft cushion in a sitting position, I reluctantly peel open my eyelids to glare up at my twin sister.

"You passed out on my couch the second we got back last night," she explains, when she catches me glancing around in confusion. 

"Where's your baby daddy?" I ask her, my voice thick with slumber.

"Whitmore. He had an early class to teach, so consider yourself lucky. He was pretty close to kicking you to the curb. And I mean that literally."

I let out a tired chuckle, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. The soft fabric that I come into contact with draws my gaze to the purple quilt that had been draped over me. Josette, ever the softie.

"Why didn't you?" I question curiously. "Pretty sure I remember you saying to me a month or so ago to, and this is a direct quote, that you never want me anywhere near you again."

She shrugs, averting her gaze. "It's not like we haven't run into each other since then. Starting to think you're just the annoying chip on my shoulder that isn't gonna go away."

"Sweetest thing you've said to me since 1994."

Jo looks ready to throttle me, but thinks better of it, taking a step back. "There's an extra toothbrush on the bathroom sink down the hall and I laid out some stuff of Ric's that should fit you fine. And take a shower." She wrinkles her nose. "There's dried blood on your face and you reek of alcohol."

I sniff myself and make a face. She's right.

"M'kay," I reply, pushing myself off the couch. I pat the top of her head on my way past her and she jerks away, reaching up to touch her hair as if I burned the strands.

Once I get a good look at myself in the bathroom mirror, I realize it's rather appropriate–looking as shitty as I feel. Why engage in any deceptions through my appearance and have people think evil-always-has-a-plan Kai Parker is at all put together at the moment? I'm fucking exhausted. No point in wasting the energy I do have left on trying to disguise that fact.

Hair sticks out at odd places, with a particularly stubborn cowlick being wayward. My stubble has grown in thicker along my jaw but fortunately, Jo placed a brand new razor besides the blue unused toothbrush. Bags hang under my eyelids, capable of fooling no bystander as to just how fucking tired I was.

There's a split in my bottom lip, that droops with the reminder of my alcohol-induced brawl the night before. Scratches and cuts turned to scabs are littered over my face, with enough presence that I can probably play a little game of connect the dots on it if I felt so inclined. Fortunately I only have one black eye, though they both look a little dead. Which should concern me, but I stare back at my reflection with an uncaring expression.

After I brush my teeth and tame my almost-beard under a steaming hot shower, I exit the shower with a towel wrapped around my waist. Feeling slightly more refreshed and somewhat less numb than I had twenty or so minutes ago.

Dubiously, I eye the clothes folded on one of the racks.

"Not bad for a boring-as-bricks history professor," I mutter to myself, picking up the red and black flannel to examine it.

Minutes later, I stroll back into the living room clad in a white tee shirt with the flannel hanging open over it. The black jeans are a little baggy, but I'd spent a long eighteen years in a perpetual nineties where cargo pants that sagged a bit on your hips had been the style norm.

I find Jo in the kitchen, clutching a mug of coffee and resting a hand on her belly that's starting to show.

"How's my niece–or nephew–doing in there?" I wonder, crouching down until I'm eye level with the barely there bump. "Hiiii little Josie."

She frowns at me. "You should um...make that plural."

It takes me a second to realize what she means and my eyebrows lift. "Twins? Yikes."

That results in a scoff. "Yeah, what a way to congratulate me."

I shrug, rising to my feet. "Just saying, Jo. You know that Geminis and twins don't mix well."

"Well, I barely consider myself a Gemini anymore. I'm keeping my girls far away from all that."

I nod in understanding, pouring myself a cup of coffee from the lingering contents of the pot. "Sure. You can try."

"What do you mean try?"

"They're gonna be witches." I turn toward her, leaning against the counter with my ankles crossed and cup between my palms. "Which means they need to learn how to hone their craft, just like we did. You'll be doing more harm than good keeping them shelled away from that part of their lives."

"I'll teach them myself. Without all the intense coven training that you and I went through." Her face sours. "Without the merge."

We share a hesitant look, the two of us knowing far too well what trauma children can suffer living with the inescapable fact that they'll have to battle their best friend since birth in a bid for coven power. I don't blame her for the aversion she has to practically all Geminis in existence, after the childhood we both had that didn't quite consist of family trips to Disney and camp outings. I wonder if that's what she's planning for her own–even if it's just to spite the old bastard that prevented us from engaging in those activities when we were tots.

"So," I take a slow sip of my coffee, letting the burn warm my insides, "girls, huh?"

She smiles, glancing down at her stomach. "Yeah. I just have a feeling."

"Witchy intuition still intact?"

"Guess you could say that. Or maybe it's a mother thing."

"Ah." I nod. "So, that's why you were being all nice to me then."

She lowers her mug, squinting at me in puzzlement. "Excuse me?"

"It's a maternal thing, right? Picking me up 'cause I got into some trouble, letting me crash here, taking care of me during my fleeting rough patch." I tut. "You're using me as a guinea pig until the real deal comes along in a few months."

Jo pinches her nose firmly between her fingers. "You know, for someone who's smarter than he likes to let on, you're just so clueless."

I snort into my cup. "Don't act like I'm wrong. Unless you're really gonna sit there and try to tell me it was your sisterly instincts kicking in when you brought me to your car?"

"It was me stopping a problem before it could escalate. And...I wanted to find out what was up with you."

I smile at her. "Isn't that sweet, you pretending you still care about me. Look, you did your good deed and it's appreciated, really. But if you want me to leave right now, stop beating around the bush and say it. You're a big girl now."

An exasperated look takes over her features and she drops her hand to the table with a loud thud. "Kai, I know what happened in Maryland."

My hackles raise with the revelation, but I smooth my face into indifference. "Uh, good for you? So do just about all of your new friends in this town."

"Look, I just–" She pauses, swallowing and seeming to be considering her next words carefully. "It made me realize that Dad's sick in the head. Like, more so than I ever thought before and I feel like an idiot for not listening to you better back in Portland, when you were asking the counsel for help with the linking spell. I had my doubts even then but now..." She stares down at the table, shaking her head. "Now I know the truth about who he is. And I won't let myself forget. I don't care if he was my father. He's nothing to me now."

Silence falls over the small kitchen and I feel like I'm holding my breath, just waiting for my twin to yell "sike!" and tell me that my father was only doing what was necessary to protect the coven.

But she meets my eyes after a minute and when I search them for a hint of deception–the same gleam that I foolishly allowed myself to miss when she tricked me into a faux-merge–I find nothing remotely fitting that expectation.

Instead, I see my sister. The one I thought I lost when the family collectively decided there was no hope left for their eldest offspring. She looks apologetic, maybe a little grudgingly so, but sincere all the same.

I inhale a shuddering breath, glancing down at the black coffee filling the warm mug. "He took my magic, Jo."

"I know," she murmurs. "I'm...I'm sorry, Kai."

My knuckles whiten around the mug and I realize my hands have started to tremble. "He almost killed Charlie to do it. She would've died because of this–" I inhale through clenched teeth, "dumb fucking coven. Because of me."

"Is that what you're telling yourself?" She asks lowly, her face composed. "That what happened that day was your fault? Really?"

I laugh humorlessly. "I'm starting to sound more like Dad, huh? With the whole Malachai, you brought this upon yourself lecture. Maybe he was onto something."

Jo slides her mug away from her and brings her palms together. "Sit down. You clearly have a lot you need to get off your chest."

I look at her uncertainly. "You're a doctor and a therapist?"

She glares at me. "I'm a doctor and your twin. Which makes me more qualified than any shrink. Sit."

I comply, frankly too tired to protest–and a part of me that I'm having a difficult time confronting really just wants to talk to my sister.

When I sink down in the chair across from her, she leans forward on her forearms.

"I agree you've made some bad decisions in the past, alright? Like extremely bad. Like, life-changing bad. Screwed everyone over big-time ba–"

"I get it," I grumble.

"And I'm not saying I don't still think about it and just wanna reach over this table and strangle you–"

"What kind of therapist are you?" I cut her off, folding my arms over my chest.

She sighs. "What I am trying to say is I can't ignore what Dad did to you, Kai. For your whole life. I had mistakenly hoped that he'd let this–this issue he's always had with you finally go, after you won the merge and I saw firsthand how you are with Charlotte. You're different now. In a way I'd always dreamed you would be. Happy, almost. And though I didn't wanna admit it to myself at first, I figured you deserved that much. Eighteen years of suffering alone should've been enough reparation, you know?"

I stay silent, my chest tightening with each word my twin speaks.

"I just think Dad's been beating a dead horse for a long time now, and that's taken a serious toll on you. You can pretend all you want that the merge made you invincible to him, but you're hurting. I know the face. Had to see it a lot, when we were kids."

My eyes squeeze shut, then promptly open again, when the blackness behind my eyelids only provides easier access for the images she's describing to take over. Me, sitting on Jo's bed while she held my shaking body, as she murmured reassurances to the devastated six-year-old who wanted to know why Dad hated him so much.

"I've accepted that I'm going to have to let you live your life and that I can't exactly avoid you. So, take this as me officially revoking my wish to never see you again. That's...that's not what I want. Wish it was. But you're here in Virginia and you're probably not going anywhere. I'm not like Dad. I don't want to see you fall into that dark place again. I don't want you dead. I'm not interested in serving his shitty form of justice. Wanna know what I do want, though?"

I wait, feeling entirely too vulnerable under my sister's prodding eyes, like I might unveil all the emotions I've been harboring from her for longer than I can recall.

She smiles sadly. "For you to have a shot at life, Kai. And I don't just mean the Gemini coven version of life, where you get to lead and be all mighty. I mean a real life. And I think this relationship you have with Elena's sister is a critical step in that direction. I'm glad to see it."

I take another scalding sip of the coffee, wanting to feel that heat rather than the terrible gnawing at my insides from my sister's heartfelt confession. My eyes burn holes in the wooden table, as a different sort of quiet covers us.

"Jo," I murmur. "I don't think I know how to live without my magic. Without being leader. That's been my goal for the entirety of my solo stay in 1994 and having it ripped away from me in a few minutes was just...fucking rattling. What am I supposed to do next?"

When I look up at her, I realize I'm desperate for an actual answer from the family member I once considered to be wise beyond her years. Just something that'll help me figure out where to go from here. How to claw away this fucking ache where my magic used to pool. How to rip away the pain in my heart when I think of Charlie's face as I left her behind.

She regards me thoughtfully. "There's more to life than the coven, Kai. Failing to realize that is what made our father the way he is now. Don't do that to yourself."

"I don't..." I exhale, slamming a palm against the table to relieve some frustration, "I don't know what else there fucking is. For me, at least."

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh, don't bullshit me with that, Kai. I've seen the way you look at Charlotte. Which, by the way, is the same way she looks at you. Or is that not enough for you? Are you gonna try to convince me you're still the same power-hungry boy that got put in a prison world?"

"She is enough," I say hoarsely. "But that doesn't mean I'm enough for her, too."

"Yeah, uh huh, is that what she said? Or is that what you're telling yourself because you're afraid to come into terms with what you feel?"

I shift uncomfortably in my chair, looking at the clock on the wall. "I'm leaving her alone, Jo. I told her I would. She's gotten hurt too much since I came into her life and nothing I can do will possibly make up for that. That's just reality. It sucks, but some of us choose to live in it anyway."

She lets out a disbelieving laugh. "This quitter attitude is not you. I'm unsettled."

"It's not being a quitter." I roll my eyes. "It's me choosing her safety over my selfishness. I'm not letting her get hurt again."

"Too late. Because by staying away when she never said she wanted you to, you're doing plenty of that."

My throat constricts. "How do you justify being with someone because it's what you want, meanwhile all you've done is drag that person through the fucking gutter?"

"You dragged her through it?" My sister counters. "Or Joshua did?"

I ignore this. "Anything he's done to her all goes back to me keeping her in the prison world. So, me. I did."

Jo scrutinizes me. "I'm not saying you two are perfect. But, God, no relationship in this weird, supernatural realm is capable of that. Just look at Damon and Elena."

I wrinkle my nose and she laughs quietly. "Kai, relationships get all twisted up in the world you and I live in and it isn't uncommon that we end up soft towards the ones we were supposed to hate. The ones we thought would be our bitter enemies. Comes with the territory of living around magic and vampires and werewolves. Everything's dangerous. Everyone poses a risk."

"So?" I mumble.

"So, it's up to us to decide whether the person we're after is worth it. If the good outweighs the bad, and let's face it, there's always gonna be bad. Ric and I have it. It becomes about overcoming it together and when you come out of that, you have to consider if after everything, that person is someone you want to fight for. And from what I've seen, you do want to fight for Charlotte. You gave up your powers for her."

Her explanation is like a hammer to the brick wall I constructed to prevent any intrusive thoughts from selfishly bringing me back to Charlie. Bang, each word slams against it with purpose. I cling to what remains of my shield, not prepared to crumble.

"I don't know how much more we can fight," I tell her, running my fingers through my hair until my hands are tightly clasped together around the back of my neck. "I'm fucking tired. I know she is, too."

"You're just saying that because it's easier for you to pretend she's okay with this. With you staying away." Jo glares at me halfheartedly. "Kai, what did she actually say when you left her?"

I swallow hard, the emotions bubbling up like acid eating away at me, starting with my racing heart. Something pushes me to tell her the truth.

"She told me she loves me."

Jo's eyes widen momentarily and her face gradually softens significantly. "And I'm guessing that was her first time saying it?"

I nod, closing my eyes.

There's a beat of silence, save for the ticking of the clock hooked to the wall.

"Do you love her, Kai?"

Fuck, there it is. The question that's been relentlessly trying to creep its way to the forefront of my mind but all week, I'd been shoving it away. Engaging in any and every possible distraction to keep it at bay so I wouldn't have to answer it for myself. I'd buried my head in the stupid fucking potion folder repeatedly and focused on my rage at my father because even that was so much fucking simpler, so much more familiar than everything I feel for the girl I never expected to hurtle into my life.

"I've never...loved anyone like that, Jo." My voice is shaking and I can't even compose it, so I don't try. "If I were the guy I'm supposed to be for her, I'd have said it back when she did. But I didn't. Because I don't fucking know. I don't know how that's supposed to feel, let alone how to identify it. The merge only changed so much about me. How would I know if I'm even able to feel to that extent? How'd you know with Alaric?"

"I won't tell you that because it isn't going to help you figure this out. Everyone is different, with how they express it and the moments that make them come to that big realization. But you wanna know what I think?"

"Bet you're gonna tell me anyway."

"There was a time where your hatred for our father overcame everything else you felt. It overcame you to the point of no return. Or so I thought. Because if that were still true, you wouldn't have saved her in Maryland, Kai."

I know where you're going with this, don't say it, I won't know what to do when you finish that sentence, I mentally plead as my voice fails me and my hands ball up into fists.

"The old you would've let her die without blinking. Because nothing was more important than magic and beating Dad at the game you've been playing for years. Yet, you saved her. Gave up the one thing that kept you going in that prison. And the only reason you would do that..."

"Jo," My voice is a whisper of a warning, too weak to stop her next words from making themselves known.

"Is if you love her."

Oh, God.

The wall comes crumbling down, reduced to smithereens, and out pour the emotions I've felt numb to since I lost my magic to Joshua. I press a shaky hand to my heart, clutching tightly at the fabric of my white tee shirt because I'm terrified it's going to beat out of my fucking chest. Thump, thump, thump, harder and stronger than it ever has before, like it has been given renewed purpose in light of the truths that were thrust into the open in this little kitchen.

Charlie's smiling face flashes through my mind, accompanied by a sweeping slide show of memories that I've made with her since the day I met her.

"You're not going to lose me," I told her the night we confirmed our relationship, holding her in an embrace.

"You're the one I'll always put first," I said to her in her dorm, when she was sitting on my lap and fretting about her humanity-less friends.

"You're my weakness, Charlie," the confession escaped me after my near-death experience in New Orleans.

A realization hits me with astonishing force, enough that it feels like the wind gets knocked out of me and leaves me breathless.

I've told Charlie I loved her in so many different ways already and it took me this long to even realize what I was truly saying.

I love her. I love her. I love her.

Knowing that with absolute clarity, how the fuck do I stay away from her?

"You just need to figure out what you want to do about it," Jo adds delicately after patiently surveying my shocked contemplation.

Before my mind can catch up to my body, I'm out of my seat, my half-finished cup of coffee abandoned on the table.

I stop, staring at my sister who's currently sporting a knowing smile that she hides over the rim of her mug. Then, I walk over to her without allowing myself to overthink it and lean down for a hug that's just tight enough to not hurt the pregnant woman.

She's surprised, her hands still frozen in the air when I practically attack her in the unforeseen embrace.

"Can you, like, hug me the hell back because this is bordering on awkward," I mumble and I feel her snap out of her shock, as she shakes with laughter.

"Since you turned thirteen, you loved telling me you weren't a hugger anymore," she replies, setting her cup down before rubbing my back in that sister-way she used to excel at when I was in need of comfort in our Portland home. "Said you were too cool for it."

"Yeah, well, I changed, sis."

When I pull away, she's smiling. "I know you did."

I start to walk away, instantly knowing where I need to go next after the long, eye-opening discussion with my twin who had an impressive knack for spotting my bullshit like no one else.

"Do me a favor, Kai."

I turn back to her when I reach the doorway, eyebrows raised slightly.

"Let yourself be happy."

•••

Charlotte's POV

I lean against the wall, feet tucked underneath me on the window seat in Kai's living room. Or our living room. Who knew at this point?

He hadn't replied to my text last night, even considering the good news Alistair presented by extending his help and trust to us. I had thought that'd be the message to break the silent treatment I'd been receiving since Saturday. I hoped it would reunite Kai with his lost resolve and consequently rid him of the hopelessness I saw dim his blue eyes when Caroline broke him free of his chains in that basement. But I guess he still wasn't interested in entertaining optimism, Alistair be damned.

Maybe it was stupid, or naïve, or whatever, but I still found myself driving here after my classes finished for the day. The small, hard-to-kill hope that I'd find him here on the couch or in the kitchen whipping up a new delicious creation was enough to bring me to the doorstep.

I stare down at the key in my palm, tracing my thumb over the engraved C. Lost in a daze, I almost don't hear it when someone calls my name.

Kai is standing in entrance to the hall and there's a moment where I wonder if this is just a dream I slipped into. I might've knocked out on the couch while waiting for him and my sleepy brain was giving me what the world couldn't.

"Charlie," he whispers. "I thought I'd find you here."

No. Not a dream. It's really him.

"Oh, thank God." I hop off the window sill, my landing far from graceful. The C-key slips from my fingers onto the coffee table and I run toward him in relief. Which quickly turns to crippling concern, when I'm close enough to observe the beaten state of his face.

"What happened to you?" I reach my hands up to his face to touch the healed wounds, gently prodding at the underside to his black eye. He barely winces, his eyes closing underneath my touch.

"Got in a fight," he murmurs. "Charlie, I need to–"

"A fight?" I repeat incredulously. "So you don't talk to me all week, ignore pretty much all of my texts–"

"I–"

I continue, the stressed anger catching up with me. "Have me worried sick about you, just to go picking fights in some fucked up way to deal with your anger? When you could've just talked to me?"

"Look, baby, I'm–"

"You do not get to throw around baby as if you didn't leave me hanging since freaking Saturday. It's Thursday, Kai." I inhale shakily. "And I hadn't heard from you aside from one super vague text and knowing what your father had just done to you, I couldn't stop thinking about what you must be feeling. And how you were letting yourself deal with it alone."

"I'm okay," he offers like a white flag, his eyes blazing with something that takes me off guard as he calmly looks me over with a smile that doesn't match my pent-up stress.

I gesture at his face. "That's your definition of okay? Broken and bruised?"

His eyes shine with amusement. "Technically just bruised. Also, my phone sorta broke last night."

I exhale sharply. "This isn't funny, Kai. Look, was all this...was it because of what I said? If you're not ready to acknowledge it yet, I get it." My demeanor softens. "Okay? You have a lot on your plate and maybe I said it at the wrong time, I don't know, but I couldn't go any longer without you knowing how I felt and I just–"

The nervous rambling dies on the tip of my tongue when Kai kisses me, his mouth urgent with words that appear to be unsaid and passionate in the manner his soft lips caress my own. All I can think is oh, wow, I missed this, missed him, as his hands cup my cheeks tenderly and he holds my face to his–not that he needed to. There's nowhere else I want to be.

He pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. The both of us are breathless, staring into each other's eyes in a silence that seems so loud, overwhelming the limited space of the apartment. I fear the walls may cave to the pressure, until he parts his lips wider, prepared to clear the air that's crushing us.

"I'm in love with you," Kai says, pronouncing each word so that there's no possible way that I can misunderstand the heart-stopping revelation.

It was only days ago that Kai looked like he might pass out when I said it for the first time, before exiting without an answer. Now, there's not even a semblance of doubt in his irises as they ceaselessly search mine to gauge my reaction to the words. He looks so damn sure and, God, so nervous, as he visibly swallows, his gaze firmly fixated on mine. The one-eighty leaves me utterly floored, to the point where all I can do is stare back at him, mouth parted.

He moves his forehead back, so there's some breathing space between us. But his hands stay around my cheeks, thumbs stroking the skin. I'm acutely aware of the ring I'd given him pressing into my cheekbone. It makes my throat tighten.

"If you're still mad at me, that's fine, you deserve to be." He clears his throat. "I walked out on you when you said the same thing to me but not out of any doubt I had about you, or us. Charlie, I meant it when I said I'm sure of you. But that came with knowing I wanted to protect you, and I thought the best way to do that was to leave you alone–hell, maybe it still is, but I realized this past week that I can't stay away. So, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna be selfish with you."

Tears well up in my eyes and emotion chokes me, making it a struggle to get my next query out into the open.

"You...love me?"

He grins, sighing in content. "Yeah. Yeah, I really fucking love you."

If there's a sentence in the world that can do the enormous swell of affection in my heart justice in this moment, my brain can't seem to string it together. So I rely on the art of physical intimacy instead, as I drape my arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss.

Our mouths fuse together with no shortage of passion or hunger. His hands fall from my face, sliding down my body. I slip my fingers under the sleeves of his soft flannel, squeezing his biceps before pushing the fabric all the way down to his elbows. His arms get hindered by the restriction but he's quick to dispose of the fabric, letting it decorate the living room floor.

Gripping underneath my ass, Kai hauls me up his body and hums with approval into our kiss as my legs wrap around his waist. I press my hands over his stubbled cheeks, parting his mouth so I can roll my tongue over his. There's a faint taste of coffee there, making me smile and kiss him heavier. He turns around and walks us to the bedroom, his hands never pausing their roaming over my skin.

When my back gently makes contact with the cushiony mattress, Kai breaks the kiss and lowers his head to my neck. With his lips making it their job to suck at the junction between my neck and shoulder, he inches the hem of my sweater up until it's bunched against my black bra. I lean off the bed so he can tug it over my head, before encouraging him to do the same with his white tee shirt.

"I wanna see you," he murmurs, working the button on my jeans. "All of you."

I smile, letting him pull the denim down my legs and raising my hips up to aid him. His eyes glaze over with list when they're completely off and he has a full view of the lace panties I'd grown fond of.

His lips lead a hot trail of kisses up my inner thigh and I throb tellingly, but stop him with a hand on hair before he gets too close.

"Your pants are still on," I remind him, arching an eyebrow. The vibration of his deep laughter against my sensitive skin makes me squirm.

"Sorry, baby."

He gets off the bed, but only for a moment, as he strips himself bare in a hurry, boxers and baggy jeans hitting the floor. I bite my lip, soaking in the sight of his rippling muscles under smooth, tanned skin. He smirks at me knowingly, moving back onto the mattress so he's hovering above with our faces only an inch apart.

"I missed you," he whispers and claims my mouth in a kiss I feel all the way down to my toes. I clutch the back of his head, none too eager to break the mind-numbing contact between us.

Until Kai eventually does, but only to switch our positions to one he deems more convenient.

"Come here." His ringed fingers are cold against my bare skin as they guide me by my hips. He leans partially against the headboard now, a hazy smile on his face that makes my heart melt.

I curl my fingers over his strong set of shoulders, adjusting myself until his hard length slides under my wet folds teasingly. A moan breaks through my vocal cords and his eyes flutter, eventually pinning mine again with a piercing black gaze.

I start to reach for a condom in the nightstand drawer, but Kai's hand clasps over mine to halt my movements.

"Kai, we need a–"

"I know," he says softly, then swallows, cupping the side of my neck. Something so wholly raw shines in his eyes. "I just wanna kiss you first."

The request is so innocent, taking me off guard for a moment. I blink back at him, cheeks flushed, and that provokes an amused chuckle from his throat. He brings my mouth to his again, his shoulders deflating with relief under my fingers the moment we meet.

"Black coffee," I say absentmindedly, as his tongue slides over mine in tantalizing strokes. "Have I taught you nothing?"

He grins against my mouth, running his hands up my bare back to sneakily snap open the clasp of my bra. "You weirdo. You could tell?"

"That you taste like boring, flavorless coffee? Yes."

"Well, you taste like mocha syrup, so I guess we just balance each other out, hmm?" He replies, pulling my bottom lip out with his teeth and eliciting a soft moan from me.

"Whatever makes you feel better about your crappy preferences, Parker," I say dazedly, eyes fluttering as his tongue swipes over the same lip he teased between biting teeth.

"You're one of my preferences, though. What's that say about you?" He jokes, as I kiss his jaw, tickled by the prickly feel of his black stubble.

"I'm just a preference?" I pretend to be appalled and I feel him snicker.

"I guess not." He moves his fingers under my chin, guiding it up so our eyes are locked. "Because that would imply that there's runner-ups. But I'm pretty sure you're it for me."

Kai's teasing demeanor falters when he says this, exposing the true layer of vulnerability from the witch who's spent a good portion of his life never willing to let that side of him be known. So, I stop the insecurity before it can grow, overwhelming him with a kiss that's sure to show him just how warm that statement made me feel.

I hold his face between my palms securely, kissing under his blackened eye, down to each and every scratch and healed cut on his forehead and cheeks and temples, until finishing off at the slight swell of his bottom lip where a split resides.

His eyes are closed throughout my gentle onslaught of affection, an adorable smile tugging at a corner of his mouth.

"Kai?" I murmur, close enough so our lips brush when I say his name.

"Mmm." His eyes peel open, searching mine.

"I want you."

That's all it takes for him to lean over to the nightstand and snatch a silver condom packet from inside the first drawer. Slamming it shut, he tears it open to reveal the rubbery protection underneath.

"I'm taking this one slow," Kai tells me, his voice low and serious, as I help him tug the condom on. "I wanna savor it."

"Me too," I whisper back, easing my panties down my thighs when I press my knees down into the mattress. His eyes track my movements with intense concentration that miraculously doesn't render me self-conscious anymore, not with Kai.

When the last of the garments separating us join the rest of the articles strewn across the bedroom floor, I move over Kai again. My lips find his prominent collarbones, tracing a trail of affection to his broad chest and abdomen that contracts underneath the kisses I leisurely plant. Hair spills over my shoulders, brushing the sensitive skin of his thighs the lower I get, which makes the witch jolt slightly beneath me.

"Fuck," he utters under his breath. Then, he tugs me up to kiss me with more hunger than before. Large hands glide up my stomach, until they reach my breasts and the flesh is squeezed tightly.

No longer able to draw out the wait, I grip his base, earning a guttural moan from him, and lower myself down. Sighs of mutual satisfaction fill the bedroom when his thickened girth stretches my walls.

It feels right, being connected with him like this after a long and difficult few days where neither of us knew what to expect out of our relationship. It's like coming home, the way he buries his face into my neck and his soft breaths fill my ear like an unspoken reminder that despite all the turmoil, he's okay. We're okay.

True to his word, Kai makes sure the pace slow to start. Kisses are pressed along the slender flesh of my neck when I tilt my head back to bare it to him, all while moving rhythmically over his length. His fingers thread through my hair, while his other arm stretches up my spine until he can clasp my shoulder.

"Stunning," he murmurs when he makes his way back up to my face, then he playfully brushes his nose over mine. I smile, scrunching my face up reflexively.

I feel over his chest and slide my hands around to his scarred back. He stiffens, an instinctual reaction for him, but I simply cover his mouth with mine in reassurance.

We maintain a gradual rhythm together, his arms protective around me throughout our intimate connection and mine tracing the hard muscle of his chest. It feels different than all the other times we've been close like this, like a barrier had been breached when we finally told each other what we've been feeling deep inside. Now, there's no secrets, no wonder of what to make of the relationship we've developed since the prison world.

Just us, together in the sweetest sense of the word.

I can feel my stomach tightening and walls starting to throb around him, signaling that I won't be able to hold on to this for much longer–even if I really, really want to. Kai understand without me speaking, because he squeezes my hip in silent encouragement for me to pick up speed so we can both reach our euphoric finish.

Soon, I'm bouncing over him with a pace entirely different from the slow and sensual one we'd kept. Kai's mouth hangs open in a moan that makes me wetter solely from the sound and mouth-watering visual. I watch with fascination, the way his eyebrows scrunch together slightly and his eyes squeeze shut. He roughly thrusts back up at me, matching my movements until we're both reaching a gratifying climax together.

Minutes later, after the condom is disposed of, Kai and I lay together in serene silence on his bed.

Our bed, I correct myself, with no doubt in my thoughts this time about what this apartment is to me. A place I'll share with the person I've fallen for.

A thought randomly occurs to me, making my lips twitch into a smile. I adjust myself so my chin is resting on his shoulder, forcing Kai to lazily glance down at me in vague expectancy.

"Remember what you said to me in the prison world? About love being bullshit?"

He blinks a few times, then starts laughing in disbelief. "Are you seriously turning this into an I-told-you-so?"

I shrug, playfully smug. "Just saying."

He stares at me, his expression a soft mixture of affection and halfhearted exasperation. "Don't make me take my key back."

I burst out laughing and he one-handedly tickles my side, only worsening my mirthful fit.

Kissing the top of my head, he pulls me closer. I wrap an arm over his torso, wonderfully content in this moment of peace that we both deserve.

"I don't wanna ruin this by bringing up anything related to Joshua," I say tentatively and Kai tenses under me. "But it's really important. I texted you last night but you said your phone broke, so I guess you didn't see."

He's silent for a few seconds. "What happened?"

"Alistair paid me a visit last night."

I chance a look up at his expression to find that he's, unsurprisingly, irritated by the mention of the elder.

"Why the fuck are the Geminis involving you in–"

"Kai, wait, listen. He did a truth spell on me and found out that Joshua lied. He knows about the linking spell and the potion." I raise myself up on my elbow so I can get a better look at his contemplative features. "He's gonna help us."

Hope flickers across his face, but he seems to hide it in a second. "Charlie, he should've believed me when he had the chance. He broke my trust. I don't know if I'm that willing to believe that he's just gonna play the good guy now."

"I get that, of course, and that's exactly what I said to him, but the bottom line is he knows everything now. He isn't on Joshua's side. He's on yours, he said so."

Kai relinquishes an exhale. "I dig your optimism, really, it's kind of adorable. But I'm not feeling it. However I fix this Joshua shit is gonna have to be in my hands."

"It still will be, but you'll have help on the sidelines. Alistair is a Gemini elder and he's still in with the coven, you can't honestly tell me that wouldn't be a plus for you to have."

A look of careful consideration wipes away his previous dismissal, so I take advantage and keep pushing. "Kai, I know it isn't easy to put your trust back into the people who betrayed you for your father. But he's different, I can see how highly he thinks of you. He's an ally we want right now."

He nods a little. "We can talk about that later."

"But you'll think about it?"

"Mhm." He opens his arm to me again with his eyes dropping shut and I chuckle softly, resuming my place on his warm chest.

"Happy belated birthday," he says suddenly, sounding a little sheepish. "Sorry if I ruined it for you."

"Thanks." I plant a kiss on his jaw, then settle back against his chest. "I was never really that into my own birthdays anyway, once middle school came around. Never feel like going all out for them. It's usually the girls that make me."

"You're twenty, Charlie. It's a big deal. Not legal for alcohol yet, which is boooo, but hey, who really follows that law anyway?"

I chortle. "True."

"Listen, why don't we do something, me and you?"

I gaze up at him curiously. "Like..."

"Like anything you want."

Touched by the offer, I still find myself hesitating. "I don't know. I'm not sure I really want anything. I already had dinner with my friends and Jeremy and Elena."

"Soooo?" He lifts a brow. "You didn't do anything with me. And I'm way more fun than your ragtag band of supernaturals."

I smile. "What'd you have in mind?"

Pleased with my indirect agreement, Kai throws an excited glance toward the clock. "It's only five o'clock. We can have a one-day-late celebration right now. You down?"

"But we don't even know where we're going."

"Spontaneity is the main ingredient in all the best adventures, hasn't anyone ever told you this?"

I snort. "No. I'm friends with Caroline, remember? She's the queen of planning to the very last detail, nothing's left up to chance if she can help it."

"Boring." He kisses my cheek and quickly slides out from under me, hopping off the bed. I roll onto the mattress with an oof at his unexpected movement, lifting my head with a faint glare.

Kai tugs his boxers up, sending me a questioning look. "Well? Get dressed, birthday girl."

"Technically it was–"

"No technicalities allowed. Another rule of having a good adventure."

I squint at him, smoothing a hand over my messy hair. "Shouldn't real adventures not have rules at all?"

"Point taken." He laughs. "Get dressed. The night's young and we're using it to make sure your twentieth is special."

Author's Note: another very, very difficult chapter to write but I'm really proud of it and might've got a little emotional while writing. hope it had the same effect on you guys.

hope this made up for the cruelty of chapter 55! i love you guys, thank you for reading. votes and comments always appreciated.

P. S. i've been working really hard to keep up with this one update per week schedule and it's been doable because i love writing this story. but please don't immediately demand an update in the comments when i just updated that day. it legitimately stresses me out and readers do this on wattpad really often, I've noticed, so just pleaseeeee don't. that's not to say you can't occasionally ask me when I plan on updating, I don't mind that, but when I'm getting comments that just say "update." after I just posted a 16k word chapter, it tends to make me feel like this is a chore. and i'd rather not feel that way. hope u understand. (: