OH OMG SJHFHDHSDFHDJS WE REACHED ALMOST 300000 READS YAYYY
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I was looking over at Yassir and saw him a bit tense, driving the car. I needed answers. I really did.
"How old are you?" I asked him. He looked over at me annoyed before turning his head away. I thought that he wouldn't answer my question.
"Twenty-five" He said. Twenty-five. So he was older, but that was obvious. I mean, look at him. He's very tall and was built. He didn't look anything like Yessin. They were really different.
"How old am I?" I asked him and he looked at me as if I'd grown a second head.
"You ask me?" he said laughing humourlessly. I looked at him but turned away, feeling a bit annoyed.
"I don't even know who I am, how am I supposed to know that?" I asked quietly. He sighed and looked at me.
"Yessin is eighteen. He will be nineteen in two months" he said looking away. So I was eighteen. That meant that my supposed to be parents didn't change my age. I didn't know how to believe them. Or them. Or Yessin. This guy, this guy who sat beside me, isn't my brother. And I was sure of it. I don't know. No, he is my brother. No he isn't. Or.. or he is. No. Yes. No he ca-
"Stop!" I yelled and Yassir immediately stopped the car and looked at me to see what was wrong. I was breathing heavily and closed my eyes. I can't do this.. I really can't. What if it's true? I don't want it to be true..
"What's wrong?" Yassir asked with a different tone. Like.. Like he sounded caring. No, he didn't..
"I was yelling at the voices in my head to stop, not at you.." I said feeling embarrased. He didn't say anything but started driving again. I was trying to get my breath, feeling a pain in my chest. I thought about my 'mother'. What did she look like? Would she hug me? Why did they do it, giving me away? Ya Allah, what was I thinking. What mum? What hug? They were not my family. They're not..
"How many siblings do you have?" I asked him. I wanted to know. If it was all true, I wanted to know it all.
"It's only me and Yessin" he said, emphasizing the word 'only'. That really made me feel annoyed. I knew that he didn't want me, but the feelings were mutual.
"Don't worry. I don't believe this all too" I said and he just shook his head. After a while he parked in front of a house. We just stayed like that, looking at the house. It felt actually.. comfortable. Sitting there with him, looking at that house. I didn't know who lived there, and if that was their house, but it did feel.. different. It felt like I could feel the warmth coming all over me, even though I'd never went inside. That was when I saw a hand in front of me waving and I turned to Yassir. He mentioned to me to go out and I did. Then I followed him to that house. To that white house which looked so lovely, like there was really life in there. Just before I could say something he grabbed my arm and let me inside. The first thing I heard was a the sound of a baby crying. Everything was white and I looked around with my mouth open. It was little, but it was still beautiful. And the feeling, the warmth. Yassir tugged me along to a room and before he opened the door to another, I took a deep breath. That's when the door opened and I saw her.. Her.. She looked at me with wide eyes. We both froze. Her.. her face was just the same as me, only older. She had little brown eyes just like me. A little whipnose like me.. Her eyebrows, lips- everything was the same and it scared me. I was scared of it. I was scared of everything. That it was really the thruth.. That I would break down when they actually say that they left me.. That they would beat me up, like the others did.. I don't want this. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing. When I opened my eyes, I saw her still looking at me. Her eyes- it felt like they told me a story. I could read her eyes so easily, just like how people could do it with mine.. Hurt.. Relieve..Sadness.. and the most bizarre one.. Happiness.. and that was when reality hit me. I shook my head and turned around. I needed to get out of there. I can't do this. I am not ready. I started to walk away when I heard it..
"Yasmin.." Her voice.. So- so clear and beautiful.. like a melody. It just spread warmth. I felt a pang in my chest and felt a tear falling down. It felt real. It felt like this voice would make me happy every day. It felt like this voice is like.. I don't know.. Like I heard it before, when I wasn't born. I couldn't stand it anymore and turned around. I faced her and saw tears streaming down her face too. I opened my mouth, to say something. But I couldn't. It was like someone was trying to kill me by holding my throat. It was like I couldn't breathe anymore. She.. I don't need any test or whatever. She.. she is my mother. I felt a warm, soft squeeze on my hand which sent tingles through my whole body. I didn't need to look up at who it was. I couldn't even keep my eyes off of this woman in front of me. This woman.. my mother. She took a step forward and I couldn't hold it anymore. I ran up to her and wrapped my arms around her neck. The feeling.. the tingles.. it felt all so real, so untouchable.. I took in her scent.. It was like a smell, a smell coming straight from Paradise. Her arms around me.. I felt so safe, so protected. I hugged her closer to me, scared that the feeling might fade away. Scared that it was all a dream. She tightened her arms around me and I could hear her cries. That made my heart break and I started sobbing too. We sat down silently on the ground.. still hugging. She was now squeezing my hair.. It felt so.. motherly. I'd never ever felt something like this.. Is this what they say.. That a mothers embrace is the best in the world.. That you can be you around your mother.. That she cares the most about you.. Was this that?
"Yasmin, oh Yasmin" she was repeating my name over and over again. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. I couldn't help it, even though I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't ever deny this feeling. I couldn't deny the fact that I'd never felt this good ever, never felt this loved before. I pulled away after a while to look up at her face. Her eyes were red from crying, just like mine always were when I'd cried. Her cheeks slightly red, just like me.. Everything was just the same.. like Yessin.. I saw a tear falling down her face and before it dropped, I squeezed it away. I wish I could squeeze all the pain away. All the things that had happened. All the years that had been wasted. Now that I was in this woman's arms, I could feel what I've always left without. I could see the big gap in my life, the darkness. This, this was just all I've ever wanted. Nothing more, nothing less. I couldn't get my eyes off of her, but I tried. I looked around and saw Yassir sitting there on the floor, with his knees up to his chest and his head between his knees. Then I saw him.. Aneel. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He is here.. he didn't leave me to handle this on my own. He was there, for me. I then stood up, looked around for the last time, not meeting the woman's eyes, before turning around and walking away. I couldn't stay there anymore. It was all too much. I couldn't do this. I've tried to stay strong for so long but I couldn't anymore. When I walked out of the house, the warmth that was going through my whole body was gone. I felt cold, like they took my soul out. My legs started to shake and I waved my hand around in the air to find something to hold onto. Nothing, there was nothing. I closed my eyes and let me fall, but someone grabbed me by my arms. The tingles said enough. Aneel. He grabbed me bridal style and I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck, but I couldn't. I was too weak. He helped me to get in the car and put my seatbelt on. He went over to the drivers seat but didn't start the car. I opened my eyes and looked over at him. He had his chin on his hand that was on the steering wheel, looking away like he was thinking deeply. I guess he felt my stare because after a while he looked at me and smiled. I tried to smile back but it was like every muscle in my body stopped working. He leaned in and kissed my forehead before starting the car. I ignored the tingles that I got from his kiss and pretended that it didn't happen.
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Final Editing Done (01-11-2016)
Today not a cliffhanger cause I dont know, this was a really different chapter. Please, please be thankful with your mum cause she did everything to give you birth. Maybe she is with you, maybe not, but know that she went through it to give you a chance to live. Maybe a perfect one, maybe not. Not everyone needs a perfect life to figure out life, Not everyone needs a perfect life to go to Jannah. Everyone has a different test with the same aim.. Just.. just trust Allah always.. he knows the best.. and be thankful. And for the people who lost their mother, May Allah bless you, forgive her and give you strength, you are not alone!
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YOU CAN FIND THE EDITED 'ISLAM IS MY LIFE' LESSONS IN A SEPARATE BOOK ON MY PROFILE.
Islam is my Life
Because of the sad chapter, I decided to not give you all big information when you were still shocked about the high emotional feeling of the chapter. I mean I still can't think straight cause of it even though I wrote it myself. I mean, I am human too and it affects me too, especially when it comes to parents.. ANYWAY that's not what I am gonna say.
I want to tell you all about 'plucking eyebrows'. Especially in the Turkish community its a confusion topic. Some imaams say you can do it, when your eyebrows look like a boy and others say you absolutely can't. Let just find out the edge of eyebrows first. I am gonna call the imaams, who says that you can if yours look like a boy, A. Well Imaam A said such thing. Most of the girls feel relieved. Are gonna shave there eyebrows very nicely. End up doing something haraam. Okay guys, you CAN'T turn something what is haraam into halaal. Prophet Muhammeh pbuh meant that you can't, absolutely not, in which kind or which moment, you CAN'T shave your eyebrows! How can Imaam A say than 'when it looks like aboy, you can'. What is the edge of it? When is your eyebrow looking like a boy? Well I have a brother, and I am sure he is a boy. He has the same eyebrows as me. Exactly the same. And I am someone who is proud of the eyebrows cause I don't need to shave them cause they are already pretty good. No I am not being selfish, I mean every creation of Allah is beautiful, isn't it? Anyway so I have the same eyebrows as my brother, but I had this boy in my class who had thick eyebrows and it looked like one eyebrow. Which of the eyebrows is now the edge? My brothers of the other guys? All eyebrows are different, so how can you set up an edge like that? Do I need to follow now my brothers eyebrows or the guys? Come on people, its unlogical. Dont let these kind of words get to you. Its haraam to shave your eyebrows. Never ever said our Prophet that you can do it when yours look like a boys, he said it is haraam. Point. I can understand the attraction of it but please, please don't do it. We all are young so we believe what we want to believe. When 100 people say no and one person says yes, we will believe the one person cause that is what we want. SO please, read it yourself, go and read the hadith yourself and you would see that it is actually haraam. I hope this helps people out! JazakAllah for reading.
If you have any other topics you want me to tell about, leave it in the comments below. I already have a list, but can add always more. Love you all!