CHAPTER ELEVEN
It's just a date, I told myself. My heart pounded in my chest. Noah was acting as a distraction from thinking about the message that Cameron and I sent our birth parents, the nervousness our date brought was better than the alternative. Every time I had thought about it I'd wanted to rip my hair out.
Although it didn't mean that I wasn't anxious about our date. I liked Noah, I just wanted things to go well.
My hands shook at my sides as I looked at myself in the mirror. I slipped on a cardigan and pulled my curled hair out from underneath. I felt overdressed, my legs and the wrap around my ankle on show. At least the swelling had gone down so I could wear my flats.
"Going somewhere?" Cameron leaned in my doorway, one eyebrow raised.
"Um yeah... Noah is taking me out for dinner." I wrapped my arms around myself, already starting to feel self-conscious about what I was wearing.
"You look really pretty Sammy," he assured me, sitting down on my bed.
"Thanks." I sat down beside him and nudged his shoulder. "Have you heard anything?"
"Oh no, not yet. It's only been about 24 hours." He bit his lip, he was just as anxious as I was for an answer. "The anticipation is killing me. Why don't they read it already?"
"Maybe it's just as stressful for them as it is for us." I laid my head on his shoulder. "Can we promise we won't let this come between us?"
"Yeah, I promise." He held out his pinkie finger and I wrapped mine around his.
I smiled, "I promise too."
"Samara! Noah's here for you!" Mom shouted up the stairs.
My heart leaped and anxiety shot through me, paralyzing me. It's just Noah, I tried to tell myself.
"Well go!" Cameron pushed my shoulder, trying to make me feel better but if anything it made me feel worse.
"Right," I gulped. I grabbed my crutches with shaking hands and smoothed my dress.
"Hey, it'll go great don't worry. You both really like each other." Cameron rubbed my back. "What are you worried about?"
"I don't know, everything?" I looked away, feeling defeated already. "Were you scared to go on your first date with Mickey?"
"Yeah, dead scared. She's a scary woman." He chuckled. "But seriously I was. Just be yourself. Noah likes you for you."
"You're right." I wiped my eyes, careful not to ruin my mascara. "Okay, I'll see you later."
I carefully went down the stairs and rounded the corner to the front door. Noah's back faced me as he talked with my mom. I had seen Noah dressed up many times, but there was something about him being dressed up for me that made shivers run down my spine. He spun around to face me and his eyes locked with mine. I watched a big smile come to his face.
"Hey," I muttered, slightly taken aback.
"Hey, you uh- you look beautiful." He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Thank you." I blushed. I wrapped my hands tighter around my crutches, starting to feel like I was slipping. I took a deep breath and looked back up at him. "You're not so shabby yourself."
"Are you ready to go?" He asked.
I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, let's go."
"Have fun you two!" Mom waved enthusiastically. I got the feeling she wanted this date to go well as much as I did. "And don't stay out too late, eleven o'clock curfew on weekends."
Noah opened the door for me. His car sat at the end of the driveway, crookedly parked. With each step that I took, I started to panic. This is a bad idea. I don't even know where we're going. I wanted more than anything to just be normal, to let loose and have fun with him, but I couldn't. I searched my thoughts for a reason but came up empty-handed. My mind just wouldn't let me escape. It was like I was trapped with the key just out of reach. I knew what I wanted to say but every thought I had felt wrong. I had to force my feet to move.
"Samara?" Noah's voice brought me out of my paralyzing thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"I was just saying that I can give you a hand into the car?" He offered.
"Um, I got it. Thanks." I blurted, instantly regretting it. He walked around to the driver's side and I slid my crutches onto the back seat. I stumbled, catching myself by grabbing onto the handle of the car door. Why didn't I let him help me? "So, where are we going?"
"You'll see." Noah started the car and backed out of the driveway. I hated not knowing what lay ahead. Noah was the kind of guy who would want to sweep me off my feet with the surprises he had in store but with everything that had happened, I had enough surprises to last a lifetime. I tried to convince myself that this surprise would be different, it was a good surprise. "Do you want to listen to music?"
"Yeah sure," I muttered, still looking down at my hands.
The music boomed throughout the car and I jumped startled. Noah reached over, turning it down. "Shit, I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
We fell into silence. I leaned against the door, humming along with the music. I racked my brain for something to say, something that I could ask him but came up empty-handed. It was like someone had wiped my brain clean of everything I'd ever known about Noah.
"We're here." He pulled up in front of Delano's, a restaurant located on the bougie part of town. My dad had taken my mom there for their anniversary. Suddenly I felt underdressed, the opposite of what I had been worrying about earlier.
He opened his door, about to get out but I grabbed his arm. "I um- isn't this expensive?" His touch sent warmth through my body. I quickly took my hand away.
"I got it don't worry." He chuckled, but I just frowned.
"You don't have to do that." My voice felt like it was stuck in my throat.
"Yeah, I do." He picked his wallet up out of the console.
I gaped at him, "because you're the guy?"
"That's-" he sighed, "that's not what I meant. I want to pay. Can we go inside, please?"
"Fine." I opened the door and hopped out into the parking lot, careful not to put too much pressure on my ankle. Noah handed me my crutches from the back seat and I followed close behind him as he walked into the restaurant.
He held the door for me. "After you."
"Thanks."
Noah walked up to the host desk where a beautiful girl stood, eyeing him up and down. Her name tag read Ivy. What Noah was doing with a girl like me? Most of the time I didn't feel pretty and Noah was used to dating pretty girls. His dating history was evidence enough. Why wasn't he with someone like Ivy?
"Hi, I have a reservation for Noah Wayland."
She picked up two menus. "Right this way." She led us back to a private table in the corner. "Best table in the house." She winked at Noah.
I sat down in the booth and looked at the menu. Am I stupid for doing this? Was this a bad idea?
"Samara?"
"Hmm?" I snapped back to reality. Noah was looking at me inquisitively. "Sorry."
"I was asking if you liked seafood?" He leaned across the table.
"Um yeah, I do. Why?"
"They have really good seafood here."
"Oh um, good to know."
A waitress walked over to our table, carrying a tray with two glasses of water. She placed them down on the table and took out a pad of paper.
"Hi I'm Natalie, I'll be your server today." She looked up, a look of realization appearing on her face. "Oh hey, Noah!" I didn't recognize her, she didn't go to our school.
"Natalie I didn't know you worked here." He exclaimed.
I grabbed my glass of water, pulling it closer to me. The condensation made for a good place to doodle, acting as a distraction.
"Yeah I started about a month ago, but I'm a fast learner." She giggled.
"Well, you look like you fit right in." He told her, laughing. It was the first time I'd seen him really comfortable all night and it wasn't with me.
She laughed along with him. "I hope so, I've been working my ass off."
"It shows then."
"So can I get you anything to drink?" She finally asked.
"I'm okay with the water," Noah answered and turned to me. "Samara?"
I nodded. "Me too."
"Okay, are you ready to order?" Natalie looked at Noah for an answer.
"Yeah, we'll have the seafood chowder and the salmon. Is that okay?" Noah looked at me. Wait, he's ordering for me? My heart dropped into my stomach. What if I don't like it? I can't not eat it if he was paying.
"Samara?" Noah's voice brought me from my thoughts.
Say something! My mind screamed at me. "Yeah, that's fine."
"Coming right up." She smiled, walking to the kitchen.
I looked around, the restaurant had a romantic feel, dim lights, most seats for two. There were couples all around us, yet the booth felt private as if we were the only ones in the restaurant. I still couldn't think of what to say. My stomach churned with anxiety and my appetite faded away.
"So... um have you heard anything from your birth parents?" Noah broke the silence. I just shook my head, wrapping my hand around my water glass so tight that I thought it would shatter.
"Can we talk about something else?" I huffed, immediately feeling guilty. He didn't deserve my hostile attitude, but I couldn't stop myself. The defense mechanism I'd perfected over the years was starting to work against me. I bit my lip, sorry on the tip of my tongue, but it just didn't slip out.
"Oh yeah, of course. We don't have to talk about that tonight." He muttered and looked down at his hands. "Have you gone horseback riding lately?"
I was surprised he remembered. My favorite junior high pastime was horseback riding. I had gotten quite good at jumping, ribbons and trophies lined my shelves. When I thought back, stopping made everything worse. It was a support system and a purpose all rolled into one, but the doctor was quick to ban all physical activity. While I understood, it sucked.
"No, I haven't in a few years," I told him and watched his head bob up and down, in confirmation.
"You were great at it. You should get back into it." He commented, taking a sip of water.
I sighed, letting my back hit the backrest. My eyes drifted across the room to Natalie who was balancing our plates in her arms. She laid the plates down in front of us. "Enjoy your dinner, Noah. If you need anything please let me know."
I picked up my fork, staring down at the salmon. As I scraped my fork along the fish, the smell wafted up to my nose, almost making me gag. It sent my senses on a frenzy. Memories danced in my skull, as the odor of disinfectant sparked sending me back to my time in the hospital.
The sound of the scale echoed in my ears as the nurse, Lauren, scratched down my weight in her chart. Once a day like clockwork, I'd feel my heart sink into my stomach as the nurse sighed heavily, disappointed with my weight gain, or lack of. My suspicions were confirmed over and over, I was a failure.
"Alright hun, let's go back to your room. It's time for lunch." I nodded and pulled one of Cameron's sweaters over my head. At least then I could hide how skinny I'd become from the other patients.
Lauren was right. Sitting on the table in my room was my meal on a grey tray. The intense scent of salmon wafted to my nose and made my stomach churn, then the heavily salted potatoes. Tears pricked in my eyes as the calorie count calculated in my head.
"Samara, honey, you need to eat or you'll be tubed." The infamous threat of a feeding tube. I had avoided it so far. Part of me wished I could just quiet my brain and eat but a voice in my head urged me to keep going down the dangerous path. "I can't pretend to know how hard it is for you because I've never been in your position but I don't believe that you want to die. You're a smart young woman with a bright future ahead of you."
"How do you like your food?" He finally asked, staring down at my untouched meal. I forced myself to take a bite, the slimy fish sliding down my throat almost making me gag.
I covered my mouth, "it's good, thanks. You?"
"Mine's good too." He smiled.
We sat in silence as we ate, suffering through each bite. I just wanted it to be over. I wondered if he felt the same way. If the minutes passing by felt as slow to him as they did to me.
I watched as he took the last bite of his seafood chowder. Noah cleared his throat. "Would you like dessert?"
"Uh, no thank you, I'm full." I pursed my lips.
His eyes searched mine but I couldn't figure out what they were looking for. "I guess I'll just get the cheque then?"
I got up out of my seat and grabbed my crutches. "I'm just going to go to the washroom."
"Okay."
I looked at myself in the mirror, ashamed of myself. Noah was the best guy I knew, yet here I was hiding out in the washroom while he was paying for our date. I really liked him too. I just couldn't bring myself out of this funk and let loose. I felt like a horrible person. All of the effort he put in was for nothing. I didn't deserve someone like Noah.
I ran cold water over my hands and laid them on the back of my neck, thinking it would help but it only made me cold. Only I could make this date so horrible.
I walked back out to see Noah putting on his jacket.
"Are you alright?" He put his hand out, I thought to take mine but then it fell back to his side.
I frowned. "Yeah, just tired."
"I can take you home then." He offered and I nodded. "Okay."
During the drive home I just listened to the sound of the tires against the pavement. They made a quiet roaring sound. Nothing could distract me from the silence.
He pulled into my driveway and parked the car.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow." I blurted out and leaned over, kissing his cheek. His jaw hung slightly, surprised at my gesture. I didn't even give him the chance to answer before I opened the door. Awkwardly I pulled my crutches from the back seat and waved goodbye before walking back to my house.
Tears slipped down my cheeks. I ruined everything, like always.
Thanks for reading!
I hope that you enjoyed this chapter of The Truth About Us! Just a reminder that I update this story every Wednesday.
Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below, I really appreciate all of your feedback and support! What did you think of Samara and Noah's date? Did it go like you thought? Do you think they will be able to work things out or will this be the end of their short lived relationship?
xx Allie