I cried all the way home.
I cried all evening.
I cried myself to sleep.
There was alot of crying going on in Colorado Springs.
I was relieved Sebastian wasnt gone. I was happy he was real. I was sad he was stuck somewhere between two worlds, not sure he knew how to get back. I was confused on how fate had intertwined our lives. I was scared because I was in love.
It was just all too much. My body couldnt handle anymore and it released everything all at once.
***
I was floating.
Water surrounded my body. I felt weightless.
Suddenly two hands emerged from the water beneath me, wrapping around my waist and pulled me under.
I was frightened.
I tried swimming to the surface but my legs wouldn't work. They refused to kick the water to propel me up for air.
I couldnt breathe.
I was going to drown.
I was stuck, unable to swim, unable to move.
This was it. I was going to die.
My eyes adjusted to the water and I saw him for the first time, directly infront of me. His face to mine.
Sebastian.
He looked concerned.
He grabbed my face, his lips connected with mine, breathing air into my lungs.
He was breathing for me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled us up.
The closer we got to the surface, the less dark the the water became. The sunlight was getting closer.
I held onto him tighter, afraid I would fall back down to the abyss if I let go. He kept his mouth to mine.
He was my only lifeline.
We broke the surface of the water. A cool breeze caressed my face.
He pulled his lips from me but kept his forehead against mine.
"I'm trying. Please dont give up." He said.
***
Carolyn filled me in on Sebastian's accident as we worked. I felt a kinship to her. Sure she was Sebastian's mom, but she felt like family to me as well. We had a bond, a knot that tied us together--the same fears.
We loved the same man, only in different ways.
She asked if I had dreamt of him last night, I told her I had and what he had said. It sounded corny when I recounted it. It wasnt in that moment, while I was asleep but speaking about it felt somewhat cliche. I believed him though. I knew he was trying. And he would try even harder now that he knew where he belonged.
My dream seemed to renew Carolyn's hope somehow so I didnt regret telling her. She invited me over for dinner tonight. They were having lasagna, Sebastian's favorite.
I was curious to see what his life was before the accident. Before I knew he existed. I wanted to feel part of that life.
I think that's why I accepted her invitation.
***
Their home was beautiful. Two stories, white with perfect landscaping. Sebastian's dad must have a well paying job. It wasnt a mansion, but by all appearances, they looked very well off.
I could see the resemblance between him and his father, Sam. Sam was like an older version of Sebastian. It was like his dad just cut a little carbon copy out of himself and named him Sebastian. His eyes weren't the same though... that was probably the only part of his appearance he got from his mother.
Their house was homey. The decor was a rustic country and it fit perfectly with the light blue walls and soft beige carpet.
The lasagna was amazing. I could understand why it was Sebastian's favorite, Carolyn was a fantastic cook. I could almost imagine him sitting at the table beside me, shoveling this delicious meal in his beautiful mouth. I wondered if I would ever see that in person...
I watched Carolyn and Sam interact with each other. They were definitely still in love. They looked at each other as if no one else in the world mattered. She was the more serious, down to earth one. The responsible mother. The glue that held everything together. He was a free spirit, happy, joking and laughing. Unpredictable and wild. Charismatic. I dont know how such opposites made it work but they did. There was a lot of love in this house.
I had drank four glasses of wine without realizing it. I was just enjoying their company. As all three of us drank more, we became undeniably hilarious to one another. Laughing and joking into the night. This was how a family was supposed to be. I felt at home here. And I knew, now more than ever, my doubts were gone. I was meant to be here.
Carolyn insisted I stay the night as she was opposed to drinking and driving. I didnt argue. She directed me to Sebastian's room, where I was to sleep for the night.
I was nervous to say the very least.
How would Sebastian feel about me sleeping in his room?