She did it. We were here--Colorado Springs.
Time went quickly, unpacking and directing the movers. Before I knew it, my favorite time of the day had come. Avery climbed into bed and fell fast asleep.
I didnt waste anytime.
She was wandering through the woods... searching for something, her face full of panic...
"No, no, no," she cried over and over. I wanted to go to her, but I couldnt. I was stuck. I tried to move my feet but they wouldn't budge. They wouldn't lift from the ground. What was happening?
She spun around in circles, lost and screaming in every direction. She fell to her knees and started sobbing.
I was confused and a bit frightened. I was always able to move freely within her dreams, but this one... this one wasnt allowing me. My body wasnt allowing me.
Why cant I get to her?
I was upset. Frustrated. Seeing her in so much pain and helpless to stop it. Why couldnt I stop it?
"Sebastian..." she whimpered.
My heart broke into a thousand little pieces, shattering like glass. Tears filled my eyes, blurring my vision. I had never felt so much pain before.
I couldnt bare it any longer. I had to get out of that nightmare. I was hurt and confused. In all my time with her I had never been prevented from talking to her, from touching her. The feeling of loss was just too great. If I was a being that actually relied on air to live, I would be frantically trying to find it right now, to catch it.
Was this what a panic attack must feel like?
I stood at her beside, staring at her intently trying desperately to figure out what was happening. She was whimpering and crying in her sleep. Her cheeks were damp from tears. Her knuckles white from gripping the pillow so tightly.
I touched her face, moving the hair that had fallen over her one eye. I gently pushed it back to join the rest of her blonde locks.
Her eyes flung open.
She had felt that.
She had felt me.
She shot up in her bed, leaning against the headboard. She hugged herself with her arms and let out the most horrible, God awful, gut wrenching scream I had ever heard. I jumped back, afraid of what was happening.
She cried, she sobbed, she tried to catch her breath but it kept getting stuck in her throat as her sobbing would not allow air to enter her lungs.
She ran into the bathroom in a panic. Still screaming, still crying. She started vomiting into the toilet.
And I felt as helpless as I had within her nightmare.