There is no reality, than present reality, so that, even if one were to live for endless ages, to live for the future would be to miss the point everlastingly.
We are living in a culture, entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infintesimal hairline between an all-powerfully causative past and an absorbingly important future. We have no present. Our consciousness is almost completely preoccupied with memory and expectation. We don not realize that there never was, is, nor will be any other experience than present experience.
It is not a curse it is a gift !
The moment you start realizing that from now you would know what would happen next you start losing interest. I do not believe in destiny but i also do not eliminate its possibility.
Remember life is a balance between letting things happen and making things happen.If you you believe in destiny too much you will start getting demotivated about life and ask questions like you are asking now.
Ignorance is a bliss !
No one can ever be sure whether destiny is pre-defined or not and one should never be.You would lose the very essence of life i.e the thrilling experience of being in vulnerable, excited, amused, surprised, sad. All these emotions are important because they are there each one makes us realize about the absence of the extreme opposite one and a healthy and thrilling life is one in which you experience all the emotions like all the rides in an amusement park.
No one can ever make a u-turn in life. Even when you think you're going backwards, you're actually going forward. We can only move forward in a straight line. The straight line however, might look immediately straight in front of you but for almost everyone alive it's actually a curve and for many of us, multiple curves.
Bend don't break around obstacles. You want to change your life change your mind. Look at the situation, look what it is bringing out of yourself, and see what there is to learn. Life can definitely be unpleasant. This may definitely be living in a time or situation that you don't have as much control over as you'd like at this time. Both are truly not fun to experience.
Even if you can't make a u-turn in your circumstances,wholly change your situation just now, what could you do to try to make getting through it better? Not a u-turn maybe, how about a slight shift in perception or dreaming? What makes you smile?
The beauty of human life is that even though everyone has a past... life can only be lived in the present, because the source of your dignity lies within and not in the consequences of your poor choices.
Who knew that the love that had nestled in Zain's soul had made him a better man now. He believed in somebody so deep first time in his life. He trusted and Hareem gave him the meaning. He thought its mutual. That there's a journey ahead and it leads to a destination. They were doing well but something, not sure what, made the whole event dirty.
Zain had even locked their messages and photos in an app and whenever he was alone he use to always checks them.
He is a strong man with strong will have even cleared army exams and physical but her photos and messages bring tears to his eyes.
He never calls anybody else with the love names he used to call her. She was the only one for him.
No, he was not cheating Hanya, she loved him more than anything, She was aware of his previous relationship. Hareem was his life and will be the first girl whom he gave his everything.
But things changed when Hanya walked into his life. When and how she became so important to him, he, himself, couldn't imagine uptil now. Now, all he wants to kiss the forehead of his wife, his Hani. He just want to see her happy and not to care of what he had to lose.
Remembering how Zain struggled for breath and choked back the tears, seeing auburn hair, now thin and wane, lay in wisps over the hospital pillow. While Hani struggled to open her eyes. He recalled their first meeting, shy and tentative. He recalled their first date, first kiss and their marriage vows.
Through everything, the good and the bad, they had clung together like two sailors in a storm. He would have laid down his life for her and she would have for him. They were two halves that made a whole. He knew for certainty that the love that had saved him would now break him. He stroked her hand and told her the story of how he fell for her the night that she had lied to him when he had asked that has she ever been in love? how she had captured his heart and he had never regretted a single moment of his time with her.
New white rays shine through window and curtain just the same, showing the beauty of the many tan hues that weave together to make the fabric Hani love so much. The browns are as varied as sand dunes at dawn, as pretty as the lightest of wood carried ashore upon windswept waves. Amidst the light she see the beams as if they wave with the undulating pleats, yet in truth they are strong and true, giving structure and form. As the moments pass the intensity rises and softens, bold and gentle, telling of the day that passes in the world beyond and her mind takes back to that day when she slipped from the stairs.
Flashback
"Hani, no, please no baby....get up my jaana, look at me. Please..." He kept on whispering. My eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up. Everything became fuzzy; then I saw nothing at all. My consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Throughout the inky space my heartbeats pounded loudly, echoing in my ears, alongside fading pleas for help. Feeling in my body drained away until finally all was black.
He had no idea what to expect. He drove through the snow in the dark down to the hospital. There was hardly a soul on the road. Hani, was set up in the bed, given medication to stop vomiting and had a urine catheter put in.
When I opened my eyes, I was lying on the hospital bed, while Zain was sitting beside me holding my hand.
"Zain" I croaked.
"Hani, you're awake. I'm calling the doctors!" He said getting up.
"Wait!" He sat down. "Our baby? What did the doctor's said?"
"Everything's fine, the baby is fine...you are fine, they'll do a C-section." He said caressing my forehead.
"No...I can't feel my baby. I can't feel anything." I said tears escaping my eyes.
"Hani, relax jaana, trust me, our baby is fine. It's just the impact was too much, that's why the baby is moving slowly!" He said holding my hand tightly.
"The doctor will be able to save the baby? I'm only seven months pregnant, Zain. Will they be able to take out my baby safe?" I asked him.
He didn't said anything, just nodded his head.
"You have to say it" I tried to sound more demanding but just then I shrieked loudly when a massive pain hit me, making my breathing stop for a second. I clutched the sides of bedsheet tightly as I again screamed loudly.
"Jaana, please hold on for a while. Everything's be fine. Doctor Doctor..." He started screaming.
"Za-Zain" I tugged his tshirt lightly.
"Shhhh...quiet."
"Promise me that whatever happens you're gonna save the baby, nothing should happen to my baby even if I'm not able to make it, I want my baby to be safe." I said taking deep breaths.
"Stop saying rubbish! Nothing's gonna happen to you both. And you have to make it, Jaana, for me, for your parents, for my parents, for Adeel...you promise me that you won't stop fighting and you will win this battle for me, for us. Please, promise me" His eyes red, at any moment he would have break down, but no, he knows well enough as to how keep his guard up!
It was a request from him, he was pleading her to promise him, but he didn't even knew how to plead!
He never in his life had thought that once again his destiny is gonna bring him back to where it started first.
But this time he was prepared. Prepared to fight for his love.
Prepared to keep his love secure.
"Jaana, say something, don't shut off like that! Pleasee..." He begged but it was too late, his jaana has again slipped into the darkness.
In the meantime, the doctor came and told him, that it's time, it's time for her to be taken. It's time to know that will his love, his faith will be able to save her? Will the unsaid promise would be able to mend the hearts of those two or will it break again?
They wheeled her into the freezing cold operating room. The anesthesiologist began to administer the morphine spinal anesthetic. She felt the same searing pain in her spine as she had experienced few minutes ago. But after it was over she wouldn't be able to feel a thing. They laid her back down and she panicked internally. She couldn't feel the bed. She felt like she was going to roll off because she didn't know where it was. She couldn't feel anything below her chest. She couldn't move her toes. She thought OMG; this is what it feels like to be paralyzed...
Dr.Khan started to cut open her abdomen. She kept on struggling to open her eyes because of anesthesia, but still her doctor kept on telling her what she was doing while she was doing it. She could feel her body moving because her shoulders would move but other than that she had no clue.
The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck twice and the baby's arm was almost dislocated behind the baby's head. The baby was truly stuck.
The Doctor pulled out the baby. The baby started to cry and when she heard, tears rolled down her cheeks. She couldn't see the baby because every part of her body ached, her mind was spinning everywhere, she tried to open her eyes, but she failed, but she could hear the cry and this made her relaxed and once again she slipped into the darkness, making everyone freeze in the cold operating room.
***
"What are you expecting, will it be a boy or girl?" I asked Zain.
"If it's a boy, I'll teach him maths, we will go for sports and I'll teach him how to behave and so on." Zain replied after thinking for a while.
"And what if its a girl?"
"If it's a girl, I'll not have to teach her anything.." he said making my eyes go wide. I was about to give him a piece of mind when he cut me off before I could even start---
"Because she will be the one who will teach me all the things, again..like how to dress, how to eat, what to say, what not to say. In short, she will be my second mom and she will consider me as her hero even if I do not do anything special, she'll always understand when I refuse her for something.
She'll always compare her husband to be me. No matter how old she is, she'll always want that I would always treat her like my baby doll. She'll fight with the world for me and if someone hurts me, she will never forgive that person." He replied with utmost adoration and love in his eyes. He surely wants a girl.
"So do you mean to say that our daughter will do all those things but our son will not?" I asked
"No..no! May be he will do the same but he has to learn to do them. But daughters are born with it. Being father of a daughter is the pride for any man." He said proudly.
"But, she will not be with us forever." I said softly.
"Yes, but we will be with her, in her heart, forever. So it really doesn't make a difference where she goes." He said smiling that filled my heart with warmth and love.
Indeed Daughters are Angels, Born with Unconditional Love & Care Forever.
A/N :- THIS PART WAS NOT WRITTEN BY ME. I RED THIS SWEET MESSAGE SOMEWHERE AND I REALLY WANTED TO PUT IT HERE. CREDIT GOES TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNER.
***
I woke up to the pungent smell of hospital disinfect, invading my nostrils. The room was silent apart from my heavy breathing and the beep beep sound you often hear in hospitals that indicates you're alive. I slowly opened my eyes, squinting in attempt to sharpen the blurred images before me. I glanced around and took in the deserted, blue and white colour schemed hospital bedroom.
"My baby, Where's my baby? My baby..." I kept on repeating while sitting as I frantically slapped my hand on my stomach.
"Jaana, stop, Our daughter is fine. She's in the nursey...she's fine. She's alive. Relax, Calm down!" Zain cupped my cheeks, leaning his forehead against mine.
"I want to see her" I demanded.
"You will, you will...first relax, let the doctor's check you, first" he said caressing my cheek.
"To hell with the doctor, I want to see my baby, now!" I yelled but just then I felt a searing pain in my abdomen, "aahhhhh....!!"
"Jaana, please don't put pressure. Please...relax. She's fine. I'll bring her to you. Okay? But please relax" he said cupping my face as I nodded.
After sometime he came back with our daughter in his arm. What a picture it was! Him carrying our little bundle of joy in his arms. My eyes turned glossy as he stepped forward towards me. And there she was our angel wrapped in a fluffy pink blanket, trying to look around.
"I wanna hold her" I said.
Zain quickly came to my side, helping me to sit properly, but since I couldn't sit properly, I half laid down. He carefully placed her in my arms. I stared at her in awe and she looked at me, her eyes wide open, I knew I had my world in my arms! Right then was a Promise made to self about just being and doing the best for her!!
Every emotion turned alive as I kissed her forehead slowly. I was relieved that we both made it through birth and both came out ok. Scared because from that day I was entirely responsible for the life of a whole person. Happy because I finally had what I wanted. A dream came true. Sad because the surgery left me in bad shape and I won't be able to feed her for few days. Thankful to have a beautiful and healthy daughter in my life. We both were so blessed to have her.
Allahamdulilah.
Zain placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Isn't she adorable?" I choked.
"Indeed she is. Masha Allah." He replied totally smitten by her.
"Look, she has your eyes, baby blue eye colour." I laughed.
"She has only my eyes but everything else is your copy!" He said looking at her with admiration.
"But Adeel has all your features especially the crankyness" I laughed and he pouted.
"Jaana, what are we gonna call her?" He asked.
I held the baby a little up, kissing her forehead, I said "Zaniya Abdullah"
"Our Shadow...Zaniya Abdullah" He said kissing her forehead.
"Sorry to disturb you both, but I need to take the baby back, the mommy needs to rest." The nurse said standing by the door. I nodded at her.
Lying down on the hospital bed, I looked at Zain. He looked like a mess. He hadn't shaved. His hair was messy. He clothes were all creased. And the dark circles beneath his eyes were very much proof that he hasn't gone to home once also.
I held his hand and squeezed a little bringing his attention back to me.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Flying high in the sky and tearing away the clouds by seeing you like this" he sarcastically said, making me frown.
"A little honesty won't harm you!" I glared. "Did you ate anything?"
"Forget about me...how are you? You're in a lot of pain na? It all happened because of me. I am to be blamed for. If I wouldn't have left you and gone down, you wouldn't have rushed down the stairs like that." He said looking down.
"So we're still on the blaming phase? I thought we've passed that phase!" I said sighing.
"And here I was being serious"
"About shit!" I rolled my eyes. "Look Zain, whatever happened, it was destined to happen that way. We had not planned it to happen. It was God's will. That time has passed, it has now become our past, Allahamdulilah our Zaniya is safe. Nothing happened to her." I tried to explain him.
"The doctors had told that she won't be able to make it. There was a 50/50 chance and she had only twenty-four hours, but our Zaniya is very strong just like you, she fought and fought until she succeeded and won her first battle." He said looking at me.
"She had to be strong, afterall being a second mom to her father ain't an easy task!" I replied laughing remembering our old chat. He threw his back and laughed. All my pain flew away after seeing him laugh like this.
"I Love you" I said and his eyes were now focusing on me.
He stood up and sat on the bed, taking my hand in his. He kissed my hand, "I was so scared, for you. You were out for three consecutive days. My world have always begun and ended on you!" He flipped my hand, before placing it on his lips, I could see his eyes turning moist.
"Zain, you're my life and how can I leave my life in between and just go away like that." Tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes.
He didn't said anything just bend down his forehead on my hand which was still in his hand. I felt my hand getting wet slightly.
"Are you crying?" I asked taking deep breaths. He just nodded his head, kissing my hand. I held his face in my hand and made him look up, Tears were pouring down.
"Come here" I said and he didn't fought just came more closer to me that I was easily able to clutch his arm, while he tried to hug me at the same time not hurting me. Kissing my forehead, he took a deep breath.
"Zain, I know you think that you aren't a perfect husband, but trust me, I couldn't have found anyone better than you, because you are best for me. And I know you're even troubling your mind by keeping on pondering upon how will Zaniya react when she'll come to know about this little incident. Zain, she's still gonna love you and not hate you, just like her mama does." I said keeping my hand on top of his.
"I-I wouldn't have forgiven myself ever if something would have happened to you or Zaniya" he said choking.
"Shhh...we both are fine. I'm here beside you, I'm not gonna leave you." I said caressing his cheeks with my thumb.
"I Love you so much, Mrs.Zain Abdullah." He snuggled.
"I Love you more, Mr.Zain Abdullah." I buried my face into the crook of his neck.
In just a second his lips was on top of mine. I did not expect such heat to come out of my body. It was like an electric shock. In a knee jerk reaction, I tried to pull myself away from him. But he held me strong. I gave in. My eyes automatically close and I started kissing him back. My heart was pounding and I was finding it hard to breathe.
I was amazed by the fact that how can his lips be so soft and warm, that was melting my body in his hold. His hands were slowly holding my head in his hand while my hands were completely locked around his neck. He was really not putting any pressure on my body.
I felt the time stopping around me or at least I wanted the time to stop.
Just when I was starting to enjoy the kiss, he pulled back making me groan. He chuckled "Enough for now!!"
"No.."
"Yes" he replied pinching my nose and I pouted. "I'm all yours jaana, forever and ever. But for now, you have to get well soon, for me, for Adeel and for Zaniya." He said pecking my lips.
"Adeel? Where's my son?" I again panicked but again he cupped my face.
"He's with Mom. He's perfectly fine...and he'll be here at any moment." He smiled. I released a breath that I was holding.
He was about to kiss me again when Zarine bombarded in closing her eyes dramatically "I didn't saw anything!" She shouted making him nod his head as he reluctantly pulled away, standing beside me.
"Gosh! Let my bhabhi heal properly first and then you both can plan for another one!" She shrugged.
He glared at her and I just shhhh..her.
"What! He was being so desparate!" She huffed and he playfull smack her head. "And now he's being violent! God, how do you handle this man?!" She rolled her eyes.
"Zarine..." He warned her.
"I know! I know that I have a wonderful name...you don't have to brag it." She said fluttering her eyelashes.
"Nope, not beautiful than my Zaniya!" He said looking with utmost adoration in his eyes and I flushed!
"Zaniya?" She frowned. "Zaniya!" Realization hitting her hard. "You both mean to say Z-A-N-I-Y-A?! As in Zain+Haniya=Zaniya?!" She was now gobsmacked before she bursted out an ear pierce shriek, making me close my eyes while Zain abruptly sat down on my bed, placing his right hand over his heart. "Oh My God!!! You both have named her by joining your names together?! You guys are just so cuteeeee......" She screeched for some more minutes gushing about how lucky Zaniya was to have her as an Aunt and what not!!
"Zarine, please have some control on your homones, we have a patient here" Zain said scowling. Zarine perfectly raised her one eyebrow "Why in the world would you want to kiss a patient so badly?" She asked placing her hands on top of her chest. Zain's eyes grew wide while I chuckled.
"Yes Zain, answer her!" I provoked.
"You are enjoying this, right?" He asked.
"Who is enjoying what? Somebody tell us too..." Mom said coming inside followed by dad along with my Mama and my dad. Immediately my face broke out in a huge grin, seeing them.
"Mabrook, Mabrook...sugar! How are you now?" Mama asked caressing my forehead, sitting beside me.
"I'm good. When did you both came?" I asked looking at both of them.
"Yesterday" Mama said kissing my forehead.
"You literally scared us child." Dad said patting my head.
"It's her old habit, to scare us!" Zain said rolling his eyes.
"Oh! So now I understood, since so long I was thinking that from where the sick smell of something is coming from. Zain you really need to bathe!" Mom seriously said. We all laughed.
"Seriously bhabhi, he needs to bathe! He stinks!" Zarine said scrunching up her nose again getting a smack on her head.
"What do you all mean by me needing to bathe?! I do bathe everyday" he groaned.
"Since when you started taking two minutes shower?" Mom asked
"Because, Hani needed me." He said.
"You know Hani, Zain didn't went to home once also and he converted this room to his bedroom, everyday he demanded to bring something or the other!" Mom said shaking her head
"Typical Zain!" I commented and he glared.
"Uff....! Stop embarrassing my Son in law, now!" Mama said placing her hand on his cheek.
"I Love you Mama" he dramatically said.
"Now what we will call our grand daughter? Any name?" Mama eagerly asked.
"Yes, yes, we do have a name. I'll say!" Zarine jumped like a five year old child making all our eyes grew wide in bewilderment. Zain slapped his forehead, snorting!
"No. Hanya is gonna say" Mom chided and she pouted. "Hani, say my child."
"Zaniya is gonna be so upset if she'll comes to know that we didn't let her Aunt say her name" I replied
"I Love You, Hani" Zarine gave me a flying kiss before saying "So my little niece's name is-" Her eyes grew wide before turning her head towards me, narrowing her eyes at me, "You!" She pointed her finger at me "I hate you, I hate you all...." She left the room blabbering that she's going to see Zaniya.
We all laughed!
"Zaniya. Masha Allah, such a beautiful name." Dad said smiling.
"Has to be afterall they named her after their names!" Mom said cheekily.
"Where's Adeel?" I asked
"Oh! He's sleeping...Samya is with him." Mama said. I nodded.
"Mom, I guess you all should leave now, she needs to rest!" Zain said.
"Possessive much!" Mom commented and everyone chuckled. Mama kissed my forehead before leaving.
Lying down properly, I looked at Zain "When will I be discharged?"
"Let your reports come first, if everything goes well then within two days you and Zani both will be discharged." He said holding my hand.
All of a sudden I yawned, feeling extremely tired.
"Sleep, Jaana!" He said planting a kiss on my forehead, my eyes closing.
Thank God! all the reports came normal and two days passed in a blur.
Bringing home a baby is a lovely experience, one can also feel emotional about it but mostly its love and happiness. It feels amazing and frightening. The amazing part is natural to think of. You have this little child whom you will see growing up for the next two decades.
The frightening part wasn't expected. Zain had never driven more carefully on any other day of my life.
When we arrived home, the whole house was decorated. It felt so good to see both of our family together. Adeel quickly came running towards me.
"Mama" he shouted.
"Adeel..." I said sitting down on the sofa, carefully. My stitches hadn't healed properly yet.
"Is she my sister?" He asked looking at her.
"Only yours!" I said tapping his nose.
"Will she call me brother?" He asked nodding his head
"Ofcourse, she will. You're her big brother. Now, you have to take care of her" I said taking him in my arms and making him sit on my lap. Zain immediately came to my side, to take Adeel but I stopped him from doing so.
"Okay...I will take care of her but she has to listen to me, Mama, just like I listen to you. No fighting!" He said again nodding his head.
"Yes, No fighting!" I said kissing his forehead
"Adeel, C'mon go and play now, with your Aunt, Mama needs rest!" Zain said bending down.
"Okay, Dadda" he said. Before going he kissed her cheeks softly and ran away.
Once in my room, I put down Zaniya on the bed, who was sleeping peacefully. Sitting with the help of pillows in the back, I kept on playing with my chain, looking at her.
Everyone was there in the house. Their presence can be very well make out by their loud laughter which comes along with chats. Everyone is so happy.
But still a part of me mourns!
Opening the first drawer of my bedside table, I carefully took out the envelope from inside. Closing the drawer, I take a deep breath before opening the envelope, taking out what's inside.
Two brown eyes stare back at me.
Hareem
In the very beginning of my life, my first day here on this earth I was greeted with two smiling faces one of which was our mom's and the other... Well, the other was yours. Even at the age of three you anxiously awaited my arrival and it wouldn't be long until we became the very best of friends. We've shared some of my very first moments in life together, you've watched my first steps, smile, the first day of school, first day of high school, plus so much more in between moments.
Growing up, you were always the sister I looked up to. You taught me kindness and forgiveness, curiosity and the right to question everything. You were my closest big sister, a surrogate mother of sorts. We all escaped the trauma of our childhood as soon as we could and, even though we moved to different countries for a time, I relished our frequent phone calls that comfortably rambled on for hours.
I'd like to say that we have a bond that is so unbreakable not even the jaws of steel could pull us apart but isn't that what all sisters say? I want you to know and understand why it is that our bond is so very unique and different from other sisters out there and why it is so important to me. Our lives haven't always been perfect we have had some hard spots in life but I can't remember a single one that we faced alone. Being your sister is the greatest blessing life has offered me. There is no one I would've rather grown up and shared life with.
I don't say it enough, and I don't think I ever possibly could, but I love you. I love you a lot, actually. I don't know how I got so lucky to have you as a sister. You're a strong, beautiful, smart and amazing person who is capable of doing great things for the world. You're one of the kindest, most generous people I know.
My love for you is the most unconditional form and I promise no matter what happens you will always have me. you have the most beautiful soul and deserve nothing but the absolute best.
When you married and had your first child, I was the first one you showed the ultrasound to. I was the first of our family to hold my tiny nephew, the one you trusted to mind this little person when you and your husband escaped for a few hours or, occasionally, overnight. I loved this little boy fiercely, and he loved me back.
So why did you shut me out? Why did you suddenly cut off all contact with all of us? Why did you pretend not to hear me calling your name when I happened to pass your room, your house? If it weren't for Adeel, you would have never want to be present in our heart.
What we had done Hareem? But I fear that we had done nothing, and that you merely wish to cut all of us out of your life so you don't have to deal with us any more.
You broke my heart and I had cried and cried and cried on your absense. It has taken me year of work to get over the sometimes physical pain of losing you for forever. It was a difficult road that opened old wounds but I still took it for your Adeel.
I don't miss you any more; you have hurt me too much. But I still miss you and I know you miss me too.
I didn't knew that I was crying until Zain came and hugged me.
"Shhh...we all miss her!" He whispered softly, rubbing my back.
"Hareem..." I couldn't say anything more. Just like that he didn't pulled away and I had buried my face in his chest.
After staying like that for what felt like hours we both pulled back. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead.
Out of nowhere Zaniya started crying and I picked her up in my arms. Zain was now pouting.
"I was about to kiss you!" He again pouted.
"Ooppss...bad luck!" I replied and he rolled his eyes.
"Hani..." He whined.
"Zain, Zaniya needs me." I said raising my eyebrows.
"But I also need you"
"And so do I, Mama" Adeel said running inside.
"And Mama needs all three of you" I said smiling. Zain hugged me while Adeel hugged both of us and then all four of us were hugging.
I literally didn't slept for at least 24 hours, for fear the baby will make a noise and I won't be able to hear.
If I did lied down I kept Zaniya right next to me and rested my hand on her as I relaxed.
After every ten minutes I sat straight up and checked to see if she was breathing.
Every diaper change was a huge challenge and Zain being Zain made it feel like it's a Mt. Everest experience. Is she clean? Warm enough? Is the house too drafty? Is her poop 'normal'? And if there isn't any poop for 4 hrs it's time to call the doctor! It was as if he had completed his degree in learning the whole book as to how to look after a newborn! Note the sarcasm...
Every feeding is an exercise in nerve wracking self doubt. Is baby getting enough? What if she chokes? When do I burp her? What if she won't burp? Tummy or back after a feeding?
The following two weeks went by in a sleepless rush.
It can be overwhelming. Our life has changed significantly overnight, and we are totally responsible for this tiny, fragile new life - over which we also have absolutely no control.
A baby neither speaks or does anything significant. Still the presence of baby is felt in whole house. The home is filled with one baby and everybody is around her always. A feeling of belonging and as if someone special is in home is always there.
Hopefully me and Zain will be able to adjust to our newborn's presence and schedule before being inundated by visitors and guests.
***
Present Day
"What were you thinking gorgeous?" Zain asked clicking his fingers, breaking my chain of thoughts.
I smiled before nodding my head "Nothing!"
He pulled me closer to him, my palm resting against his chest as he placed his index finger under my chin making me look at him "Now say."
"Nothing as such! Was just thinking that how time flies. It feels like it was yesterday only when Adeel and Zaniya were so tiny and now they're growing up." I replied.
"Indeed they are. Masha Allah, Adeel is three now while Zaniya is one." His eyes twinkling.
"Masha Allah" I whispered back.
"But you know this doesn't count on you" he said wrapping his arms around my waist. I gave him a confused look. "You still look like a nineteen year old girl. It's almost as if you've stopped ageing and looking more radiant everyday."
"Wish I could say the same to you!" I made a sad face.
"Is it so?" He asked back, his eyebrows raising in challenge.
"Sigh!" I muttered.
"It won't take me more than five minutes, Mrs.Zain to prove you wrong!" His eyes glistening with mischeif.
"Well, your time starts now!" I winked.
He firmly pulled my body against his and he brushed my lips with his. Staring into my eyes, he lightly slid his tongue across my bottom lip. I drew a deep, staggered breath in response to the wave of heat I felt flushing through me, he smiled a bit proudly at my reaction.
Ever so softly he kissed me, lightly touching his tongue between my lips, pressing his warm, soft lips to mine. He slid his hands up my body and cradled my face with his hands before passionately kissing me, tickling my tongue with his. With an intense urgency, he dipped his tongue past my lips, caressing my tongue with his. My body suddenly craving for more.
A shallow hum escaped from within me in response to how he was making me feel. I could feel his body responding to me. He was breathing heavier which was waking my primal needs. The tidal wave of lust that had just churned within me was slowly calming as his kiss became more subtle and tender. He gently pressed his lips against hers. He pulled back a little and looked away, exhaling.
"Nothing comes close to how I feel when I hold you close. It is a silence that tickles me in the deepest corner of my soul. Just as a bird can't fly without it's wings, I can't even imagine my life without you jaana. I don't know where I would have been if you hadn't supported me. My life would've come to a dead end if it weren't for you. Our house would never have become a home without you. Our kids would never have understood the meaning of family without you. I would have never experienced love without you.
You have always given my life a new purpose, even when I was trying to let go of everything. You always had my back when the times were tough. On this anniversary, I can only wish you and thank you for all that you have done for me and Adeel. You and your love are the reason I feel so alive every day. Thank you for your patience and devotion, which always inspire me. You've made my life complete, jaana. I wish our love grows higher than the mountain, wider than the sky, brighter than the moon and warmer than the sun."He said kissing my forehead.
"A husband is just a title every man can have. But it takes a heart and life to live by it. You never failed to show me how much I mean to you. I can still see the fire in your eyes. I can still feel the love in your words. I still believe in you and I still believe in us.
I love you for your thoughtfulness, your understanding way and for the countless little things which you can do for me each day.
I love you for the hopes and dreams you've helped to make come true. But most of all I love you is just for being you. I gave you my heart and my life, not requiring anything in return. And you did the same thing. I am so happy sharing my life with you, darling, what more could I ask? I already have my love, my life, my everything." I said wrapping my arms around his neck.
And somehow, we were kissing again. I closed my eyes, and the
world around me faded. All that mattered was the taste of his mouth, a mix of cloves and mints. There was a fierceness in his kiss, a desperation . . . and I answered, just as hungry for him. I didn't stop him when he pulled me closer, so that I almost sat on his lap. His arm went around my waist, pulling me onto him further,
and his other hand slid up the back of my neck, getting entangled in my hair. He took his lips away from my mouth, gently
trailing kisses down to my neck. I tipped my head back, gasping when the intensity returned to his mouth. There was an animalistic quality that sent shock waves through the rest of my body.
And-
"Dadda, ewww.... why are you eating Mama? Gross!!"
Zain and I jerked apart as though someone had thrown cold water on us, though our legs stayed entangled.
Standing up, I starightened my kurta while Zain ran his fingers through his hair.
"Did Dadda hurt you?" Adeel asked looking me from up and down.
"Your Dadda can never hurt me!" I said ruffling his hair.
"Well, I was just showing your Mama that how much Dadda loves your Mama" He said stepping forward, while I shooted daggers at him.
"Ohh.." he thought for a while before saying "I'll also do this when the next time, I meet Maira. I'll also love her" he said making my eyes go wide.
"Adeel!" I shouted.
"He has started talking too much for his age!" He chuckled
"Adeel, you're Dadda is a fool" I said glaring at Zain.
He just chuckled.
"Come let's go inside, what's your sister doing?" I asked holding his finger.
"Oh! She's being annoying just like you, Mama!" He said and quickly bit his tongue, looking at Zain. And Mr.Zain looked everywhere.
"Is it so?!" I asked raising my eyebrows and folding my hands over my chest.
"No, jaana, yo-"
"You'll be sleeping with Adeel from today!" I said turning my back towards him.
"What? No!"
"Come Adeel"
"Jaana, No. That's not fair....Jaana, listen to me, Jaana....."
And just like that Zain kept on whining.
THE END.