Driving home was a real ordeal.
Not only was it late - or as Alec had pointed out: early morning - and my eyes stung from the lack of sleep, but my mind kept conjuring images of what had taken place tonight.
In just a few hours.
Yet I felt as fatigued as if it had been days.
I knocked on the door.
I shook my head at the memory of what I'd said. 'Slammed my fist against it' was more accurate. How had he not heard me? Even under the water. Alec was a vampire/shifter hybrid; he had to have good hearing, especially when I almost pounded the damn door down.
And then: the pool.
A cold shiver ran through me and I gripped the steering wheel tightly enough for my knuckles to turn white.
When I saw him writhing under the water... I'd thought he was drowning. I'd been into a lot of terrifying situations due to my work, but the last time I'd been this scared...
Peter.
I shook my head, as always, desperately trying to get the thoughts of my ex-partner out of my head.
Alec. Think of Alec now.
And his suicidal ways.
Was he really suicidal?
Or was he just an adrenalin junkie?
Neither option bode well.
Stopping at a red light, I let go of the steering wheel and ran my hands over my face.
Alec's problems might've run deeper than I'd imagined.
I knew he had issues, but this... What happened tonight...
I leaned my head on the headrest of my seat.
This was on a whole new level.
How could I help him?
Was it even possible for me to do that?
Do you think you are a strong person? Alec's question rang out in my head.
No. Not tonight. Tonight I felt helpless. Knees weak, hands shaking, brain functions cut off by panic.
The exact opposite of strong.
As for whether he was: I couldn't tell.
Sometimes Alec seemed powerful. But would someone with a strong and sound mind try to kill themselves?
Had he, had he, had he...?
Probably not.
Something told me Alec didn't want to die. And yet, he wanted trouble, he craved the thrill of danger.
Now that sounded like Alec.
I straightened up and peered at the traffic light through half-closed lids. It was just turning from yellow to red; I'd missed the green.
Maybe more than one green.
With no traffic and no one to honk and cuss at me, who knew how long I'd spent at this crossroad, trapped by my jumbled, dark thoughts.
I should've accepted Alec's offer for him to call me a cab.
And how unusual that suggestion had been. Unusual as it was helpful, almost... Caring. But not as bizarre as after I'd blown my fuse at him and admitted how frightened I'd been for his wellbeing.
He's been astonishingly unsettled by my confession, startled and - had I imagined it? - remorseful.
More than exhaustion, that hint of regret and apology in his pale eyes had depleted me of all the rage that came from him willingly exposing himself to danger.
Even now, I was too tired to be angry with him, but the worry was there, stabbing at my chest.
As the light changed to green - this time without it escaping my notice - I drove off home.
Bear was waiting for me, snaking between my feet and emitting that half-whining, half-grumbling sound of his as soon as I'd stepped into my apartment. I toed off my shoes, picked him up, and, clutching him to my chest, I headed straight for my bedroom.
He wasn't in the habit of sleeping in my bed, but he did so on occasion when he sensed I was upset.
I didn't know what I was tonight.
It was too difficult to analyze my condition, so I slumped on the mattress, still holding onto Bear who was now licking my hands and pulled the cover over us. I fell asleep immediately and for what seemed a second before the alarm on my phone startled us awake, Bear barking out once at the unwelcomed sound.
Did you manage to take the pooch out this morning?
I kept frowning at the text on my phone. Part of me was angry that I was hesitant to send it and another, bigger part, was furious that I had typed it in the first place.
What did it matter if Adrian's dog had gotten its morning walk or not?
And why was I reaching out to the Sentinel in the first place?
Because that was what this was: me finding a topic of conversation so that we could chat.
Last night had messed with my head, badly at that, and now that I was rested, I could no longer blame it on oxygen deprivation or exhaustion.
The truth was, I wanted to get in touch with Adrian and that pissed me off.
It made me think of those words - Do you have any idea how scared I was? - and each time I did, that annoying, mind-boggling sense of guilt - and that other something else I couldn't identify - twisted in my chest.
I deleted the text - again - and put my phone down. Then, almost right away, I picked it back up with the intention or writing something that would unsettle Adrian and send it to him.
If I was irritated with myself because of him, then he had to suffer too.
But nothing came to mind.
I growled in frustration, slamming the phone back on the nightstand and - without checking if I'd broken it or not - I got up and headed for the kitchen. Luca saw me and jumped off the piano stool - the musical instrument getting me even more ticked off because it reminded me of the melody I'd created for a certain Sentinel - and leisurely followed me to the fridge.
"It's your fault, you know," I said as I opened the fridge to look inside. "If you hadn't let him in, everything would've been fine."
My eyes landed on the leftovers of the rice I'd shared with Adrian last night and I slammed the door closed. Luca hissed, his tail twitching in warning.
"I'm going out. You find your own food."
I was walking towards the hallway when something rammed into my legs, sharp pain - like being poked by needles - erupting above my ankle.
"Your fault, I told you," I muttered, not stopping to see how much damage my roommate's claws had caused to my skin or skinny jeans. He'd drawn blood; that much I could smell.
My hand was already on the door handle when I realized I had nowhere to go. I leaned my forehead against the door and huffed in frustration. My stomach growled and I was in a foul enough mood to crave sweets more than usual.
"Fine, we'll have ice-cream for breakfast," I stated, turning around and heading back to the kitchen. The flavor I picked was vanilla and I put a couple of scoops in Luca's bowl before I drowned the rest of the ice cream - still in its tub - in honey. Sulking, I brought my meal to the living room, slumped on the couch and began to devour it.
Luca soon joined me, eyeing my share, but I didn't give him any. He kept staring at me for the next twenty minutes until I'd depleted the container.
Twenty minutes in which I'd tried very hard - and failed - not to think of Adrian. Reminders of his presence were all over my apartment: on my piano, in my fridge, on my terrace... Remnants of his scent were still in my living room.
I couldn't stay in this apartment.
I threw the tub in the trash, then went into my bathroom. Skinny jeans went into the dirty laundry basket and I opened the cabinet with the first aid kit Vika had bought me. Disinfecting the cuts Luca had made stung, but it was no big deal. He could've caused a lot more damage, had he wanted to.
After a brief trip to my bedroom for a new pair of jeans - these very dark blue - and my phone, I made sure to open all of the windows in my penthouse to air out Adrian's scent. Then, I found myself walking into the underground garage that was reserved for the residents of my building. I selected one of my cars - a black, sleek one - and sped off.
The notion I was heading towards my father's place had me frowning as I drove towards the Silver Bullets' neighborhood, but I needed a distraction and the one that came to mind was a certain little beast, who was probably currently drooling over the furniture, regardless of whether he was in his human or wolf form.
Such a shame that in order to see my half-brother, I also had to meet our father.
Oh, well, maybe I'd get lucky and Everett wouldn't be at home.
It's Alec and Ollie time! Well, it will be in the next chapter. Are you excited for that?
What do you think does it mean that when Alec is having an off day, his instinct is to visit the little one?
Would you like Everett to be there or not?
Also, would you like a chapter (or a part of a chapter) from Everett's POV?
Also, also: do you think Adrian will be able to find a way to help Alec?
And lastly: do you think Alec is suicidal or does he just enjoy danger?
Please support this chapter with a VOTE if you enjoyed it and have a great time wattpadding! ❤