Althea.
March 2010.
He is coming. I can hear his steps loud and clear, hitting the asphalt. He'll be inside any moment now.
I can hear the TV playing in the living room. Everyone is out there, in the open for him to do as he please. I must warn them of his arrival.
I tried to move, but I couldn't. Adjusting my eyes to the sudden dimness that fell upon me, I tried to make out my surroundings.
Oh my god! This can't be happening. I am stuffed inside a small cabin in our kitchen. That's the reason I can't move.
My voice, I can't find my voice either. I try to speak, but I can't. I try to scream, but I can't draw inadequate air.
How do I help them now? How do I warn them of his arrival? Suddenly a small gap formed between the doors of the cabin making enough space for me to be able to see everything going on the outside.
The doorbell rang, and my dad went to answer it. I tried to shout... ask him not to open it. Let him know about the monster standing on the other side of the door.
I can feel my lips moving but there is no sound coming through them.
I could see him enter the house, smiling menacingly. I could see fear dripping from my mom's face. I can hear anger radiating from my dad's voice. I can see my dad getting ready to fight.
No dad, don't do that. He has a gun. You can't win over him dad. He will kill you. Please call the police.
My mom came towards me and said something, but I can't understand what she is speaking. She is saying something. What is she saying? Why can't I hear anything? She turned back.
Mom, no... don't go mom. Don't go back there please. I need to stop her. I can hear her screaming. Inhuman shrieks of pain leaving my mind raw and numb.
I have to help them. I can't let him hurt them. I try to push the doors open, but they won't budge.
The next time I looked back towards the living room, both my parents are on the floor and he is coming for me. I can hear his voice calling my name. I tried to be as still as I can.
The harshness in his voice made me want to close my ears, but the fear of being caught kept me frozen in my place.
Suddenly, he was standing in front of me. I kept my head bowed down with my eyes shut tightly. I could feel him shift closer, leaning down and in one swift movement, he pulled me out of the cabin.
"No, let me go. Please... let... they..." I kept babbling and now; my parents lifeless bodies are lying in front of my eyes and ran towards them.
"Mom... dad... no mom.... please wake up mom. Dad... he is coming. Please help me dad," I pleaded. Suddenly, a pair of strong hands surrounded me making me panic further.
"No, leave me. You can't take me away from them. Please leave me. Don't kill me," I was begging that person, whoever it is.
"Shh muneca. It's me. No one will harm you baby. Just relax," the person behind me said in a soothing voice. I left the comfort of my parent's bodies and pushed myself into the hands of the owner of that voice.
"No... he is coming. Take me away please," I said clutching on to him harder.
"Thea.. baby please. Open your eyes muneca. It's just a bad dream. He will be gone the moment you open your eyes," the voice said. Is he right? Will he be gone the moment I open my eyes? Maybe he is right. I can't help but believe the truth in his voice.
I slowly pried my eyes open, but the sudden burst of brightness made me close them immediately. I blinked and opened them again.
This time, I didn't close them. I couldn't. I was lost in the depths of ocean green hues staring back at me. His eyes were steady, looking into the depths of my soul, holding me captive in his stare. I don't want to leave the safety of them. I don't think any demon of mine can reach me when I am in here.
Minutes ticked. Fear left its hold on me and slowly, I entered the real world, grasping to shreds of sanity leftover after the horrifying dream. Once I regained my senses, I immediately dropped my eyes.
Shit! What have I done? I tried to loosen my hold on him and shuffle away, but as soon as I tried, I felt his hold on me tighten.
"Umm... Aaron. I am fine now," I said hoping he would let me go.
"I know," He asked but his hold dint loosen. He took a few calming breaths, but his stare was unwavering making me slightly nervous. Looking around, I realized that I am in my room. The last thing I remembered was snuggling into Aaron's arms. How did I get here?
"Umm... Aaron. How did I get here?" I asked.
"You slept on the couch Thea. I thought you would be more comfortable on your bed. So I carried you here," he said in a closed off voice. I know his mind is filled with questions, but I am not ready to answer any of them. I don't think I will ever be.
"Oh! Thank you. I am sorry I disturbed your sleep. I just had a bad dream," I said playing it down, hoping he would take a clue.
"It is not a bad dream Thea. You had a nightmare," he confirmed. I dint knew what to do next. I want him to leave, but I don't want to be alone so soon. The images of my parent's mutilated bodies are still fresh in my head.
The silence stretched between us but I was too afraid to speak. Afraid of being judged. Afraid of the pity I am going to see in his eyes which always held adoration. But then there was another thing more frightening. Hope. Hope of being accepted even after being exposed.
"Does this... does this happen often Thea," he asked in a hesitating voice. Wow, he can't even address it. Here I was, hoping to be accepted.
'As if its ever going to happen. Broken dolls will never be accepted Thea. You are just that... broken,' my mind taunted.
"Thea," he asked again bringing me out of my internal monologue. I couldn't answer him. What should I say? That I face 'this' thing every night? That every time I close my eyes, my tormentor will be ready to torture me? I had no words to voice any of my thoughts. So instead, I nodded. I could feel him inhale sharply and his muscles tensing under me.
Why is he doing this to us? If he is repulsed by 'this', then why doesn't he leave?
"You don't have to stay Aaron. I am sorry you had to witness this. I can understand if you wanted to leave," I said holding back my tears. He saw my weakness, but I won't let him see me weak. I felt him shift under me making me stiffen.
"Thea, look at me," he commanded. I couldn't. I kept my eyes locked on his shirt. The look in his eyes would be too much to handle. When he realized I wasn't going to look up, he made me to. Placing his finger under my chin he tilted it until I had no choice but to meet his gaze. The moment my eyes met his; I felt my breathe halt.
I was expecting pity or worse, disgust in them but the raw emotions his eyes held made me shiver. There was pain. Lots of it. He was feeling my pain just like Kay does. But how? Why isn't he repulsed by this?
"Whatever is running in that little head of yours, let go of it Thea. I am not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. Your nightmare doesn't make you any less muneca. You don't have to ever doubt it. I am surprised you even considered it," he said making my eyes widen in surprise.
"Do you understand muneca?" He asked. Do I understand? Yes. Do I accept it? No. But I couldn't say that to him. So I simply nodded my head.
"Thank you," I said genuinely. I don't care about others. I am thankful that he doesn't think any less of me. That is all I want for now.
"You don't have to thank me for being there muneca. It's my responsibility," he said with a firm voice making my insides warm up.
"Thea, can we talk about it?" He hesitated. Talk about him? Do I want to? Yes. But can I? I don't think so.
"There is nothing to talk Aaron. It's just a dream," I said.
"What I witnessed, isn't just a dream Thea. It's more. Much more," he said making tears form in my eyes.
"Is it the same thing every time?" He asked again making me nod.
"Its about your parent's death. Isn't it?" his voice was soothing but firm.
"Yes," I answered in a small voice.
"But you were talking about some person. Dint your parents... umm... die in an accident?"He questioned again.
"That is the thing I don't understand Aaron. They were dead in an accident. However, that's not what happens in my dreams. It's always the same. Same person. Same scenario. Same helplessness. I don't know why it happens. I never experienced it in real. It's just all made up in my head, but it won't leave me Aaron. It never does. Every night I manage to sleep, I will see him. Why won't he leave me Aaron? Why can't I be normal?" I rambled with tears running down my face. I was clutching his shirt in tight fists taking strength from him.
"Shh muneca... relax. Stop crying little girl. Look at me please," he pleaded making me look into his eyes. The effect was immediate. I felt my panic subside.
"That is it. Just take deep breathes," he ordered placing my hand on his beating heart. His chest moved every time he breathed, regularizing mine, which fell in synchronization with his.
"Thea, look at me," his voice made me look back into those magical eyes.
"Its just a nightmare muneca. He is not real. Losing your whole world at ten is not easy Thea. I was in your place too. You are doing a lot better than I did baby. You are a fighter Thea. That is something you should be proud of. No one will think less of you if they get to know about your nightmares. They are your battle scars muneca. You should wear them proudly," he said holding my face in his palms. A new set of tears started their way down, but these aren't tears of sorrow. They are tears of happiness... of being accepted despite those scars.
I couldn't voice my gratitude at his thoughtful words. But, I don't think I had to. He knew what his words did to me. He held me in his arms while I cried out years worth of anguish and pain.
"You are tired muneca. Go to sleep. I'll keep your nightmares away," he whispered into my hair, once my sobs controlled.
"You promise?" I asked hoping he would be able to do it.
"I promise muneca. Sleep now," he said and I knew he would.
....
Nightmares.
It wasn't a foreign term to me.
I have lived with them since forever.
In fact... I lived in one.
Not once did I fear them though.
But today, seeing her deep in the clutches of a nightmare,
I was afraid.
Seeing her crying in pain,
Was like a punch to the gut.
Not being able to protect her,
Even if it is from the monsters in her dreams,
Made my heart hurt.
That's how I knew,
I was meant to be her protector.
From the world.
From the monsters inside her head.
Even from me.
.......
Thank you.
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