November 2023
Written by: Ilyluna13
It's been a little over a month since Marshall showed up to surprise me. We talk almost every day and text almost non-stop.
He has tried to honor my rules and he hasn’t directly mentioned Daniel, but I can tell he wants to know more. He makes comments every now and then.
Nothing mean or confrontational, he just wants to make sure I know that I can tell him anything.
I am opening up more to the idea of letting him in, but I am still struggling with the decision.
And yeah, every now and then it hits me that Eminem is texting and calling me, but honestly it is so easy to forget that Marshall IS Eminem. He just doesn’t act like it or remind you of it.
Sometimes he will say something cocky about Shady or Eminem, but it’s always a joke.
It’s become a near nightly routine of talking to Marshall before bed. He will literally talk about anything Last night we were deep into a discussion about Elvis conspiracy theories and I don’t even know how the discussion started. See.. we talk about anything. Because of our nightly chats, I haven’t had too many rough nights. I have still had a few, but as of today, it has been 9 nights since I woke up in the nursery.
Tristan's team won the state championship, he received the MVP award, and he finished his final season of high school football. He's been spending a lot of time with his friends. I think it’s finally setting in that this is final year of high school, and he is trying to make the most of it. I'm relieved that his life is getting back to normal. I think he missed it although he won't admit it to me. I know he would drop everything if I asked him too, but I'm honestly doing better. As much as I don't want to believe it, Marshall is to thank for that.
Now, with one phone call, I'm worried that I may have ruined it. He thinks it is a trust issue, the reason that I haven’t opened up completely, the reason that I hesitated staying with him and accepting his offer to fly me to Detroit. It is a trust issue but not with him.
It’s me I don’t trust... I don’t trust the way I feel
After Marshall ended the phone call, I frantically tried to call him back. He never answered. I was immediately upset and, since I was already with him, Tristan insisted that I tell him what was going on.
When I told Tristan, what Marshall proposed Tristan didn’t like it.
He couldn't understand why I needed to go to Detroit and he kept saying he wasn't comfortable with it.
My mom, however, was eavesdropping and barged in to my brother’s room to let me hear her 2 cents.
It was the normal, “You have to move on," speech that she and everyone else have been giving me. This time though, I didn’t shut down, I spilled everything to my mom, including insecurities I hadn't shared with anyone else.
I told my mom about all the conversations Marshall and I have had. I made sure to stress that he only wanted friendship and, at this moment, I think that’s all I want too.
She, of course, read too much into everything I said and now she’s planning the wedding, so to speak
She did, however, offer me legitimate advice when I asked her if I should tell him everything. Her exact words were, "Yep, I think ya should.
Put all your cards on the table. If it's too much for him to handle, then he isnt man enough to be what ya need. But I'm bettin' that he's the type that will do anything to try and take your pain away. Besides, if all he wants is friendship. Well, honey, this is friendship."
Her last sentence was dripping with sarcasm.. she isn't convinced that this is a friends thing. If I'm honest with myself, I don’t think it is anymore either.
At least not for me... of course that thought makes the guilt wash over me.
After I talked to my mom, I decided to sleep at her house. I was in no place to be alone with my thoughts and it didn’t look like Marshall was calling me back tonight.
If he does though, I’m hoping his offer to bring me to Detroit still stands. I want to go.
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Friday
Marshall, of course, returned my call. He sounded excited that I had decided to take him up on his offer. Although all of our conversations since he went off on me about not trusting him, have been different. I don’t really know how to fix it, other than, to put everything out there.
My goal this weekend is to tell him everything.
My mom may be trying to get me to move on, but she had a point. I think the only way we can both be sure we trust the other is to lay it all out for each other.
Not that he has deep secrets like mine, but he isn’t exactly chatty about his life and past either.
I am currently driving past the actual airport entrance to drive right up the plane I am boarding. I don’t have to enter the airport or go through security.
When I arrive next to the plane, a couple of people walk up to my car. One the men takes my car keys and lets me know it will be parked waiting for my return; the other takes my bag and escorts me on to the plane.
I board the plane and just stand at the front taking it in. I am the only passenger on this flight. The cabin looks a lot more luxurious than a commercial plane. I can see why Marshall prefers to fly this way. I chose a seat near the middle of the plane next to the window.
A stewardess comes by to ask if I need anything and lets me know we are getting ready to take off.
Now I am just sitting here waiting on the plane to to take off.
My mind is racing. In like 2 hours, I will be arriving at the airport and Marshall will take me to his house, where I am staying all weekend. I am excited, nervous, and terrified.
My mind drifts trying to pass the time and I find myself thinking about my brother and Marshall. Tristan is apparently upset with me. He hasn’t really talked to me since I told him I was going to Detroit for the weekend.
He is very protective, and for the first time in my life, I’m really not sure what Tristan is thinking. Probably that I’m crazy.
He liked that I was talking to someone, and getting his life back, I just hope that didn’t change. I hope my coming to Detroit doesn't completely ruin Tristan to the thought of my friendship with Marshall.
I like having Marshall in my life and if Tristan didn’t like it, it would be hard to maintain this friendship. Tristan is the only constant in my life right now, but Marshall is slowly becoming my best friend.
Like I said, we can talk about anything. He makes me laugh constantly, and he is just as sarcastic as I can be.
He hasn't really seen my true personality because it's still tainted with heartbreak.
I hope he stays in my life long enough to see the real me. I promise I am trying to get better.
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When the plane lands, I look out the window and see a black SUV and I am all the sudden so nervous that I feel nauseous.
As I walk off the plane, Marshall gets out of his car and starts making his way toward me. It's a little dark out, but I swear it looks like he is smiling at me...
Soon Marshall closes the distance and wraps me in a tight hug and all my nerves melt away. In that moment, I realized just how much I missed him. It’s crazy that we haven’t spent much actual time together, but it feels like I’ve known him all my life.
"Hi," he says, while releasing me and taking my bag, "how was the flight?"
"Great, it flew by." I was attempting to be clever and cute but I regret it as soon as I say it... Wow, that was corny.. smooth.
"Yo, you're jokes are gonna have to get better or it may be a long weekend..." Marshall says as he laughs at me.
We get in the car and for a while, it's so quiet. He actually hasn't spoken to me at all since he started driving.
"Cat got your tongue? You haven't been this quiet in weeks. Now, I'm here and you don’t speak. You're right, its gonna be a long weekend." I say with a sarcastic tone.. Marshall halfway smirks at me but keeps his attention on the road and still doesn't speak.
We arrived to his house about 20 minutes ago. From the outside, it is gorgeous and in a nice gated community.
Modest for multi-millionaire rapper but then again, Marshall is a pretty modest guy. All I have seen of the inside see was the foyer, which was gorgeous, and the hallway leading to the room I am staying in. Marshall brought me straight to this room and left me here saying to make myself comfortable and that he would be back shortly.
The room is way nicer than my room and it also has a connecting bathroom with a bathtub and walk-in shower. This is just a guest room.
I feel awkward just sitting on the bed, but I also don’t feel as if I can leave the room.
He made it pretty clear he would be back and I get the feeling I shouldn’t roam his house. The nervousness from earlier is setting back in. I decide to get my phone and turn it back on from the flight. Big surprise, nothing from Tristan. I'm going to pretend he isn’t speaking because he is busy with his friends. I can’t and don’t want to deal with him right now.
I send a quick text to my mom letting her know I’m safe. I feel like most other parents would be concerned that their daughter just traveled to stay with a man she only actually spent time with twice.
I mean I feel safe here, but my parents don’t know Marshall at all. I don’t think they even know he is famous. Lord, don’t let my mom find out. My mom already couldn't get me here fast enough. She even asked if I was planning to take Monday off to make it a long weekend trip… My dad seemed indifferent probably fearing his life if he offered an opinion that differed from my mom’s.
I notice the time is going on 10pm and Marshall still hasn't come back. I feel so weird just sitting here, but I'm also way to afraid to leave the room and wander the halls of a house I've never been in before. I’m getting paranoid and my mind starts doubting everything. He was awkwardly quiet on the car ride here.
Maybe he is regretting asking me to visit.