January 23, 2017
Leslie
She had the intention of going to this party alone. Fake friends, free booze, and trashy music were all she needed to forget everything she hated about herself. Her overprotective boyfriend and her much hyperactive little brother didn't make the list.
Not that she hated them though. They were actually the only good thing going on in her life right now. But lately, being in their presence reminded her how shitty and undeserving of anything great she was.
With a bottle of flavored vodka in her hand, she swayed across the room, flung her arm around one of her friends, and giggled as if this was the best night of her life.
It wasn't. It was one of the worst.
The fight she had with Scott earlier felt like the tipping point of their relationship. She was surprised and relieved that he didn't break up with her right there. They had been fighting a lot, most of it were her fault.
She hated it. She hated how insecure and empty she felt lately. She hated that he kept coming back to apologize after storming out because even kisses couldn't easily fix their problems anymore. She hated that she was so afraid of getting hurt that she's causing him pain. She hated that she's the problem and Scott won't even admit it. She hated that he still loved her.
She hated herself because Scott deserved better, but he's stuck with her.
Craning her head to the direction of the front door, she saw Dale and Scott talking. The lights were dim but she could still make out Scott's jaw clenching, tongue swiping the back of his teeth. Whatever her little brother was saying, she's sure that Scott's not liking it one bit.
Suddenly, Dale stood straight and glanced around the room. She faced her friends again and plastered a smile on her face. She stumbled a bit as she laughed at whatever they were laughing at, something about a bet and car race.
I'm perfectly fine and happy. Don't come here. Don't come here.
She listened for a bit before looking back where Dale and Scott were huddling, only to find them leaving the house. Her heart sank when they left without checking up on her even though that's what she wanted.
Though that's not what you need, right? A voice in her head spoke. You need them to call you out on your bullshit, but still reassure you that they love you and never gonna leave you.
Shut up! She bit the inside of her lip, the taste of her blood mixing with the lingering pomelo drink on her tongue. It's already past their curfew but the boys hadn't come back yet.
They already left you behind.
She drank some more to drown out the voices in her head. Cup after cup after bottle after bottle. With every sip, she was becoming free from them. With every gulp, things were getting hazy and she was sure she wouldn't remember these in the morning.
Except maybe for that red car she was stealing.
And that loud metal rock song that Dale surely once listened to at some point in his life when she switched the radio on.
And that cute little angel hanging from the mirror. She giggled and poked it.
And trees. Lots of trees.
And that blinding light on the other side of the road that suddenly appeared. She laughed as she raced for it. Feeling the adrenaline rush, she gripped the wheel and hollered in excitement only to be cut off when she met the light.
None of those were the last thing she remembered though. It was them.