This book started as a two-part one-shot in my other book 'songs about us', but I got attached to the story and I believe it has the potential to be its own book. It's also a story inspired by James bay's song 'slide'.
Sean: 24-25 years old
Kaycee: 23-24 years old
also, everything I write here it's pure fiction and it has nothing to do with the real-life of those mentioned in it or real-life events.
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Kaycee was having the worst day. She had so many things to do and yet nothing at the same time as she spent the whole day locked up at home doing laundry, cleaning, organizing.
When he got home, they had so many things to talk about with each other and yet nothing at the same time. He could tell her about his day but it would hurt to much for her to hear, and she could tell him about her day but he didn't really care. And fot her, feeling lonely when not alone was the worst kind of loneliness.
Things had been like so for a few months. He would go and live his life outside their house walls while she stayed in, hoping that when the night came they would connect and somehow she wouldn't be alone anymore. But that never happened, and night after night she was getting more and more isolated inside herself.
He didn't want to be there anymore, their home was just a house for both of them now and the world outside was making him happier. He didn't want to be with her anymore but he would never say it, not now at least because he was trying really bad to be a good person.
She looked at the clock on her bedside table, three am and she couldn't sleep as the bedsheets felt like suffocating. While he was peacefully snoring, she snuck out of the bedroom and walked in silence downstairs to the backyard, carrying two things in hand.
It felt cold outside and the night was quiet, only the sound of crickets filled the air. She tugged herself into a blanket that was over the outside couch, the material soft against her legs. With shaky hands, she dialed the number engraved on her mind and pressed the phone against her ear. Hoping and fearing she would be answered because she shouldn't be doing this.
They had a deal and she was very much aware that she wasn't supposed to be calling, she knew she was breaking it by trying to reach out but it had been months and it was three am and she couldn't sleep and life was crazy and... she missed him.
Kaycee almost ended the call after the fifth ring but then he answered. She heard a rumbling sound in the background as if he was in a place filled with people then the noise of a door opening and closing... then silence and his breathing.
"Kayc?" He finally spoke, his voice raspy from exhaustion.
"Hi." Both of them could feel the relief in her voice because he answered and gosh, she really missed his voice.
A sigh lefts his lips. "Hi."
He was inside some random and empty room of the dance studio, sitting on the floor with his back against the door. He rested his head against the wood as he listened to her breathing for a few seconds.
"I know I shouldn't be calling..." she said, hoping he would interrupt but he didn't, because she really shouldn't. "It's just that..."
She sighed, and he asked: "Bad day?"
"Yes." She answered. "... and I needed to hear from you."
He exhaled at the words, it warmed and also sank his heart the thought that she still needed him. "You shouldn't be calling, we shouldn't be talking. It makes it harder... but I'm glad that you did."
To hear him saying such a thing filled her eyes with silent tears, and suddenly she wished she could touch him through the phone.
"I was going through some old files on my computer, found some footage from the trip to Hawaii for your sixteenth birthday." He said. "... made me think of you all day."
She kept listening as he kept talking. "Almost called you too but then..."
"Then you remembered you shouldn't." She said and he sighed.
"We agreed we shouldn't do this anymore." He said, trying to explain himself to her. "You know this ain't gonna end well."
"I know..." her voice trailed off as she heard the light crying coming from the appliance she held strongly against her chest. — the baby monitor.
He heard too. "Is that..."
"Yes." She said standing from the couch and walking inside the house, to the baby's room.
She held the phone in between her ear and her neck as she went to get the baby — he kept listening, his heart filling with pain and happiness at the same time.
"Hi, beautiful." She said, holding the baby in her arms. "What are you doing awake?"
He could hear some baby noises in the background, he closed his eyes and kept listening to the interaction between her and the baby.
"It's alright, mommy can help you to go back to sleep." She whispered as she sat down on the chair in the room, laying the baby in her arms.
She finally held the phone back with her free hand. "Are you still there?"
"Yes." He answered, wishing he could actually be there with her — with them. "How is she?"
"She's fine, she wakes in the middle of the night." She answered. "She doesn't really need anything, she just... wants to be with me, I guess."
He chuckled. "I know the feeling..."
She sighed at his words. "I'm sorry for calling, it was a mistake."
"It was." He said, sensing that she was going to end the call. "But wait...." she kept herself quiet. "Now that you did, please tell me more about the bad day."
"I'm kind of tired of staying at home, I guess." She said. "I miss dancing, going out, giving classes... being alone doesn't help either." She sighed, she sounded tired both mentally and physically. "He goes around the world living my dream and I'm stuck at home."
He could hear the knot in her throat, but he let her vent her emotions. "But then I feel guilty for feeling this way because I love her and..." she sniffed but he could tell that she was smiling. "And she so beautiful and makes me so happy to have her, she lights my world... guess I just wished it didn't felt as if I'm doing this alone."
Sean's heart sank at her words because everything he wished was to be there with her, with them — he would give everything to be in his place, to not let her alone.
All he dreamed was to do that with her, to be a family with her, and yet he couldn't. She already had her family and he wasn't a part of the picture... he wasn't part of anything.
"Kayc, le..." he started but held his tongue — he couldn't do that, he couldn't ask her to leave her husband, the father of her child, Los Angles, and everything that was her life to move in with him In China.
She held her breath, waiting for him to go on, waiting for him to ask her to leave everything behind. All she wanted was for him to say that he wanted her and her daughter, and she would leave everything behind without thinking twice.
"I should go." He said. "I have a class to teach right now."
She sighed in disappointment. "Right, I have to put her back in bed too." He hummed a yes. "Sean..."
"Hm?" He asked.
"I'm sorry for calling." She said.
"Don't apologize, I know we shouldn't but... it still is my favorite thing to hear your voice." She smiled at his words, and he felt it.
"Goodnight, kayc." He said.
"Good afternoon, Sean... baby girl says it, too." His chest filled with warmth at her words.
"Give her a kiss for me." He said, with his hand on his heart. He had never even met the little girl, but he loved her as if she was his — maybe because he wished she was.
They lingered on the phone for a few more seconds, just taking in each other's breathing as they probably wouldn't hear from each other for a while.
"Bye, Sean." She said one last time, and he could hear the baby fuzzing.
"Bye, Kaycee." He answered before the call dropped.
Lowering his head to his knees, he hugged his feet into his chest. If it weren't for the class he had to teach in a minute, he would have succumbed to his heavy heart as his sobs filled the room. Instead, he allowed himself just one deep breath. Standing up, he brushed the sadness off himself before heading to his class.
Meanwhile, Kaycee's tears trickled down her soft face as she hummed a song for the baby in her arms. If only she could just lay her daughter down and find his arms waiting for her in bed — but that wasn't the case.