AUTHOR'S NOTE: Love in Reality is a romantic comedy screenplay. Screenplays involve some weird formatting, but I've tried to adjust things to make it easy to read on wattpad. Hope this works out okay, and enjoy!
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FADE IN:
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO - BACKSTAGE – DAY
The lights are dim. Men and women move about with a purpose, readying themselves to go live. DAVID VERDIN, a confident man in his mid-thirties, walks in. The women preparing seem happy to see him, while the men look irritated.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – ONSTAGE
There's an audience in stadium-style seating around a brightly lit small stage with a demonstration table. A DEMONSTRATOR stands behind it with a beautiful woman standing off to the side. Another woman is holding a mirror for the Demonstrator while he fixes his hair. David comes up behind him and places his hand on the Demonstrator's shoulder.
DAVID VERDIN
I'll take it from here.
The Demonstrator leaves and David takes his place.
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
5...4...3...2...1!
DAVID VERDIN
Are you tired of washing your car by hand? Tired of shelling out cash to take your car through the gas station car wash? Or even sick of paying charities five dollars to have their children soap down your windshield while you sit awkwardly in the driver's seat? Of course you are. I know I was. That's why I came up with this.
He brings a bulky contraption, about the size of a watermelon, out from under the counter.
DAVID VERDIN
The Sprinkle-Wash. The bottom attaches easily onto your sprinkler head.
David brings a sprinkler head out from under the counter and tries to attach the Sprinkle-Wash to it. He succeeds after some effort.
DAVID VERDIN
There you are. Now, using our easy-to-follow manual – it's all pictures, folks, no reading to do - set it for light wash, medium wash, or super wash. Park your car in the driveway, turn on your sprinklers, and voila! Your car is washed without any work on your part.
The crowd applauds.
DAVID VERDIN
Want to water your lawn again? Just pull the Sprinkle-Wash off...
David tries to pull the Sprinkle-Wash off of the sprinkler head. It sticks. He PULLS harder, and the bottom part of the sprinkler head flies out and hits the wall. The top of the sprinkler head is still inside the Sprinkle-Wash. David quickly sets the contraption down.
DAVID VERDIN
...and you're ready to go.
The crowd applauds again. Behind the camera, ROBERT, a middle-aged man, shakes his head.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – BACKSTAGE – LATER
David fiddles with the Sprinkle-Wash and the sprinkler head, trying to figure out how they come together and pull apart.
ROBERT
You twist it.
David TWISTS the Sprinkle-Wash. Nothing happens.
DAVID VERDIN
I am twisting and twisting, and it is not coming apart. This one must be defective.
ROBERT
They're all like that.
DAVID VERDIN
All of them?
ROBERT
Come on, David. You heard what I said. People aren't buying them. Your last idea was great, but this one just doesn't work in real life.
DAVID VERDIN
It worked in my dream life. I won't be getting a bonus this year, will I?
Robert puts his arm around David in a fatherly way and they walk together.
ROBERT
Go home, get some rest. Dream up some more ideas.
He pulls back as they reach the exit.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Why do you keep doing these infomercials anyway? You're the CEO, don't you have better things to do?
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN from the demonstration walks by, giving David a sultry glance. He follows her with his eyes.
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
Call me? Tomorrow?
DAVID VERDIN
If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll even call you tonight.
The Beautiful Woman EXITS. Robert shrugs.
ROBERT
Ok, I get it. What I’m trying to say is that the loss won’t sink the company. You win some, you lose some.
David gestures to Robert, and then to his head, to indicate he’s taking this all in.
DAVID VERDIN
Win some and lose some. I knew I hired you for a reason.
David EXITS the studio.
EXT. LOS ANGELES – OUTSIDE THE STUDIO – DAY
David starts walking to a black town car parked on the street. A driver waits for him inside. As he’s walking, he’s intercepted by NELSON, a man in his mid-thirties, dressed in a suit and tie.
NELSON
David! Long time no see, buddy.
DAVID VERDIN
Nelson!
They bump fists and then EXPLODE them, both making explosion sound effects.
DAVID VERDIN
So what brings you out here? Wait, don’t tell me. You heard about my Sprinkle-Wash failure and wanted to offer your condolences.
NELSON
Is it that bad?
DAVID VERDIN
Yeah, yeah, it won’t sink the company. But it might sink me. I needed the bonus.
NELSON
You invested in that flying car, didn’t you? I told you it was going to crash and burn. Literally.
DAVID VERDIN
A car! That flies! Of course I invested in it. A bit short for the bills though...
NELSON
CEO of his own company and he can’t pay his bills. How’d the infomercial go?
DAVID VERDIN
Not so well. The product broke onstage.
NELSON
That’s live TV for you. You know, real life. Reality. Television.
David holds up a hand to stop him right there.
DAVID VERDIN
You know that stuff doesn’t work on me, Nelson. Repetition doesn’t make me more susceptible to your suggestions, it just makes me more annoyed.
David signals to the driver that he’s going to be longer, and he and Nelson start walking down the sidewalk.
DAVID VERDIN
So why’d you hunt me down?
NELSON
I need a favor. I’m producing and directing a new reality show. It’s called The Man of Your Dreams, and it needs a star.
DAVID VERDIN
Absolutely not.
NELSON
One highly successful and handsome man. Twenty beautiful, voluptuous women. Who will he pick? Who will be his future wife?
DAVID VERDIN
Future wife? Did you not hear me back there when I said, “Absolutely not”? Well now you can make that, “I’d rather be squeezing lemonade by hand with a thousand paper cuts on my fingers”.
NELSON
You don’t actually have to marry her.
David and Nelson pass a newsstand. While Nelson continues to follow David and talk, David BROWSES the magazines.
NELSON (CONT’D)
It’s just the set-up for the show. The studio foots the bill for all the activities. It could be fun. Think about it.
David picks up a tabloid.
DAVID VERDIN
Look at this. “Cheating, Lies, Abuse!” One tabloid devoted to a wedding, the rest, to a divorce. Why is that?
NELSON
Train wrecks sell better than a happy ending. People can’t look away, and frankly, they don’t want to.
DAVID VERDIN
How much do you think they get paid for these interviews?
NELSON
Hundreds of thousands. Sometimes millions.
The NEWSSTAND OWNER sticks his head out to look at them.
NEWSSTAND OWNER
You going to buy anything? Or you just going to stand there and talk?
David puts the tabloid back on the shelf, an inspired look in his eye.
DAVID VERDIN
I’m done thinking. I’ll do your show, but on one condition. When everything is said and done, the winner and I stage a nasty break-up. We each talk to our own tabloids, we each get paid.
NELSON
I don’t know...
DAVID VERDIN
It’s reality television. I thought you guys live and breathe this stuff. Tell you what – I’ll give you a cut.
Nelson considers, but only briefly.
NELSON
I want ten percent.
DAVID VERDIN
Done. You’re going to have to find a girl I can work with. Someone smart.
NELSON
Someone who won’t actually fall in love with you. You’ll want to keep things controlled.
DAVID VERDIN
That’s my man.
David slaps his friend on the back.
DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)
Just find me a smart girl who will have no interest in me whatsoever. I know it’s a difficult job, probably impossible, but you’re a resourceful man.
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LOVE IN REALITY is a completed screenplay I wrote a while back. I always wondered how much of a reality show is staged--including the messy breakups at the end. I'll be posting updates every Tuesday and Friday. Please click the star in the upper right to favorite if you enjoyed this!
You can follow me on twitter @AndreaGStewart, find me on facebook, or visit my webpage at http://www.andreagstewart.com. I have several projects in the works, and some of my pieces are available or will be available in various online or paper publications.
And feel free to drop me a line! I love to talk shop!