Eleanor
I storm out of Louis house, the anger building up inside of me as the image of their naked bodies pressed together is etched into my mind, despite my attempts to remove it. I hear the faint sound of a door open and close and Nicole is running up to me,
"ELEANOR! BABE!" she screeches, running up to me, wearing only a hoodie and her knickers, "ELEANOR BABES O-M-G I AM HERE STOP RUNNING BABES O-M-G."
She catches up to me and tries to talk despite her uneven breaths from running, "ELEANOR BABES I AM SO SORRY LIKE O-M-G I HAD NO IDEA, I WOULDN'T HAVE O-M-G WE'RE FRIENDS BABES."
I remain silent, because I know I will just explode at her, and that's exactly what I don't need right now.
"ELEANOR BABES TALK TO ME O-M-G I DIDN'T, HONESTLY, I AM SO SORRY O-M-G I WILL LIKE...O-M-G I'M GONNA SEND YOU A FRUIT BASKET O-M-G," her squeaky high pitched voice pushes me off the edge,
"O-M-G ELEANOR A FRUIT BASKET LIKE WITH PINEAPPLES AND FRUIT O-M-G ELLIE BABES O-M-G," she screeches.
"NICOLE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOUR VOICE IS LIKE CATS YOWLING! JUST FUCK OFF PLEASE AND I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOVE THAT PINEAPPLE WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T FUCKING SHINE YOU TWAT," I scream at the hurt looking Nicole.
"BUT BABES O-M-G I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! I KNOW I DID YOUR BOYFRIEND BUT O-M-G I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND O-M-G O-M-G."
"O-M-G NICOLE YES WE'RE BESTIES, BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT BESTIES DO, WHERES YOUR BOYFRIEND? IT'S OUR SCHEDULED SCREWING TIME!" I yell, mocking her.
"BABES," she squeaks, her voice still loud but quieter than usual.
"Get the memo Nicole," I sigh, "Just go please," I continue running, leaving her behind.
I run a hand through my hair as I enter my house, looking around at it's emptiness. Ever since my mum was put in the mental health hospital, it has been eerily quiet; though usually I have Louis , but that clearly isn't an option.
I grab a pillow and scream into it, letting my tears mix in with my muffled screams
I throw the stupid pillow at a nearby lamp, knocking it from it's place on the coffee table, sending it smashing to the ground, a satisfying crashing sound ricocheting through the air,
"ELEANOR," Louis voice startles me, screaming from the other side of the door I failed to lock.
It swings open, and then closed, Louis walking in, frantic, sadness clear upon his face.
"Eleanor please, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry, I didn't think, please just hear me out, please Eleanor," he begs.
"Get out Louis, I don't want to stand hear listening to your excuses," I state, my jaw clenched as I stare him, stoney eyed.
"Eleanor, you don't understand, I was pissed, she was there. I can't.. I'm sorry."
"Louis. You are embarrassing yourself, just get out, I don't care."
"Eleanor, please, Nicole... I didnt mean to."
"WHERE WERE YOU MEANT TO PUT IT THEN LOUIS? IN THE FUCKING JAM JAR?!"
"Eleanor, Nicole just-"
"NICOLE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME LOUIS, SHE DIDN'T GRAB IT AND SHOVE IT IN THERE, DID SHE?" I screech, getting worked up.
"No, but Eleanor please, I am so, so, so sorry. You don't understand, I-"
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND?! I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!" I grab a pillow off the couch and start hitting him with it, anger pelting through my brain, "YOU FUCKING SLEPT WITH ANOTHER GIRL, NOT JUST ANOTHER GIRL, BUT NICOLE, FUCKING NICOLE, ONE DAY AFTER, ONE DAY LOUIS," I yell, hitting him furiously.
"Eleanor, please, Eleanor," he yells.
I feel my anger building up, "Get the fuck out," I yell, throwing the pillow at him,
"No, no, I am not leaving until we talk about this, until we talk this through."
"You want to talk about it?" I hiss, my voice dark and cold, "How was she then?"
"What?" he questions, confused.
"You want to talk about it, how was she? Was she, was she good?"
"She-" he stops, running a hand through his hair.
"She was what?" I ask, my voice tight, my glare stony.
"She was..."
"She was what Louis?" I demand, my voice raising.
"She was distinctive okay Eleanor?!" he screams, sighing.
"Distinctive?" I can't stop the growl, my anger fiering inside me, "Good distinctive?" I growl.
"I don't know Eleanor, I don't fucking know!" he yells.
"You'd think you would have picked something up, after all you were on round three!" I snarl.
"WHAT MORE DO YOUR WANT ME TO SAY ELEANOR?! I'M FUCKING SORRY OKAY, I WISH I COULD TAKE IT BACK, BUT THE REALITY IS I CAN'T, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO, I CAN'T."
"I WANT YOU TO BE IN AS MUCH PAIN AS YOU HAVE FUCKING PUT ME THROUGH!" I scream, tears falling down my cheeks, my voice shaky, cracking, "I WANT YOU TO FEEL HOW MUCH PAIN I AM IN, I WANT YOU TO REALISE THAT THE ONLY THING IN MY HEAD IS THINKING OF YOUR HOT, SWEATY, NAKED BODIES TOGETHER WHILE I SAT AT HOME SOBBING MY EYES OUT, LOOKING AT PICTURED OF US AND HURTING MYSELF BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH LOUIS AND YOU ARE SUCH A SELF INDULGED PRICK THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE A MINTUE OUT AND REALISE HOW I FUCKING FEEL!"
He stands there, his eyes filling with unshed tears, "So what does this mean?" he echoes, his voice shaking beyond belief.
"I can't do this anymore Louis," I shake my head, "I can't keep giving you my heart, only for you to break it. I can't.." my voice cracks at the end and fresh tears fall down my face.
"No, no, no Eleanor, we can work this out, we... we always work it out," his voice cracks on 'always' as fresh tears drip from his bright blue orbs,
"Not this time Louis," I shake my head, biting my lip to stop it trembling, "You're going to go to London and I'm going to stay here,"
"No..." he tries to steady his voice, "No Eleanor, you can't, you can't leave me, no, no Eleanor I need you, please, you can't do this."
"Louis, don't," I turn my head away from him, taking deep breaths.
"Eleanor," he whispers, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, "Please," he begs, kissing my neck
I feel myself melt, as his lips travel up to my jaw line, "Please Eleanor, please don't," his lips touch mine
I push him away, distancing myself from him.
"No Louis, no, not this time, you cannot kiss me and expect everything to be better!" I scream, holding my face in my hands as he crumples.
"Eleanor, please, I can't do this without you, I need you, please, Eleanor," he mumbles, sobbing.
"I think you should go now Louis," I whisper, my eyes filling with fresh tears.
"Eleanor..."
"No Louis," I whisper, looking up at his broken posture.
He opens his mouth to object, but slowly closes it, walking towards the door, not looking back as he leaves the house.
The minute the door closes, I finally let myself crumple into a ball on the floor, my sobs taking over the house as I let myself feel sorry for myself, my heart aching inside my chest as I become hysterical, my breathing uneven. I think about Louis, the way he held me, the way he kissed my forehead, my cheek, my lips. The way he made me feel safe, the way he protected me, the way he could always make me laugh, or feel better if I was sad. I remember the day my mum was admitted into hospital, and the way he did everything trying to make me happy. I sob, thinking about his strong, chiselled face, his eyes and the way they crinkled at the sides when he smiled, how bright and blue they are.leading their way up to his sweet button nose that curved down into beautiful plump pink lips. Those beautiful lips that I will never kiss again.
Author's Note
Hiya petals x
Yesterday, I ranted and posted something, which I am considering taking down, but I just finally told you all about the hate I have been getting and about how much it actually hurts me, and I told you that I have actually hurt myself before, and although I wish I had left that bit out, what's done is done. Some people fail to gather that I am not perfect and my life isn't perfect, and this is my escape, I write when I get nervous or when I get anxious or sad or even when I'm happy, and that's why I started this account, as an escape. I never imagined I would gather so many amazing followers and have so many amazing loyal...I don't like using the term fans because its incorrect in the situation, so I never imagined I would gather so many amazing loyal petals, and your comments yesterday and the inboxes I got and the people posting on my message board etc. was just so...unexpected nearly and so amazing and it just really really, really helped and I don't know if you realise but every little comment like that and every vote or inbox I get just brightens my day
Basically, the long and short of it is, I love you petals so much, and you are all amazing people and I just love ye so much and thank you for being amazing. I am going to take a break until #ThatLoveWeek, and then I will post in this book, but until then I just need some time to get everything together and just ...
Thank you petals, I love ye,
Niamh xx