"So," I twirl my straw as I drawl on my words, "Why did you want to meet here?"
"I was hungry," Sicheng tells me sheepishly, "Besides, Taeyong was at home and it would be weird."
"You are weird," I laugh as I steal a fry from his plate.
"Can I ask you a few questions?" He asks me as he sips his drink, "Only if you don't mind."
"Fine," I agree as I nod, "In return, I get to ask too."
Sicheng strokes his chin and thinks for a while, "Do you not talk to your brothers, like at all?"
"Well," I sigh as I shrug, "Taeyong is hopeless so no, I don't like to talk to him. Mark is alright but we always miss the time to talk, our schedules just don't meet."
"That's sad. I wish I had siblings but I'm an only child. I can't relate to sibling fights and their love."
"I can gladly exchange Taeyong with you," I laugh quietly as I think of all the times when he made me feel inferior, "I think, he hates me. No, he does hate me."
"Somi," Sicheng slowly places his hand over mine, "I don't think he hates you, families may not always have a strong bond but they don't hate each other."
"Yeah, well, mine is complicated." I tell him as I close the topic and change the question abruptly, "What's your worst fear?"
"Not living up to my parents expectations," He answers in a heartbeat and I wonder how long he has been waiting for someone to ask him this, "As I said, I'm an only child and I don't want to disappoint my parents in any way."
"That means you'll never go against their wishes, even if they're wrong?" I raise my eyebrow, waiting to hear his reply.
"Only time can tell," He smiles at me, "What about you?"
"Fear?" I wonder out loud, "Being a robot and accepting whatever the society wants me to be. I don't want to be a puppet to the world, I want to make my own choices."
There are people, men, who took a few choices away from me. Those who enforced their own power on me and made me weak and vulnerable.
But one day, I'll break away from their claws. One day, I'll be free.
"That's bold but I understand where you're coming from," Sicheng nods as he pays the bill, "You're one of those who believe that they can change the world, that's noble."
I stare at him and wonder what he was holding back. Sicheng told me my point was bold, and noble but his tone was disheartened. I couldn't help but noticing it.
"You ready to go?" He asks me, and I nod.
I fix my shirt as I stand up. Sicheng waits for me before he grabs my hand and we walk towards the exit.
I smile involuntary at our hands but my smile disappears when he leaves my hand and steps away from me.
I look up and see an elegant man in his mid-thirties, smiling at Sicheng.
What does he want? Who is he?
"What a coincidence to see you here," His cheery voice echoes in my ears, "How are your parents?"
Before Sicheng answers, the man looks at me and his expression becomes unreadable.
He pastes a smile on his face, and greets me, "Oh, hello, I didn't see you."
I bow my head and shield myself behind Sicheng, "Hello, I'm Lee Somi-"
"She's Taeyong's sister," Sicheng interrupts me and I stare at the back of his head, confused.
"Oh," The man nods his head, "It's a pleasure to meet you. You certainly resemble the Lee's, you've got the good looks and the elegance."
I fake a smile as I say, "Thank you, Sir-"
"Mr.Seo," He interrupts me, and extends his hand, "I'm well acquainted with the Dongs, and even your father. I wasn't aware that you two were close." He says as he points at me and Sicheng.
Terror flashes in my eyes as I stare at his hand. I look at Sicheng but he is staring at the ground.
I take a deep breath and shake his hand as I hear cries and yells inside my mind.
"We aren't that close," Sicheng cuts into the conversation and laughs, "I came here to grab food but Somi wanted to accompany me."
I clench my hands and wonder why Sicheng is lying.
Am I not good enough to be seen with him or is he hiding something else?
"You're a good soul," Mr.Seo laughs as he pats Sicheng's shoulder, "I'll leave you two alone now, it was a pleasure meeting you, Somi."
"You too," I mumble as I lower my head at him.
I follow Sicheng outside, feeling unworthy and miserable.
Lost in my thoughts, I don't realise that he stopped and I collide with his back.
He turns around and runs a hand through his hair, "Somi, I'm sorry."
I walk past him and sit in the car. He stares at me from the windshield before climbing in the driving seat.
"For what?" I ask him as we leave the parking lot and head towards my house, "What are you apologising for?"
"You've got every right to upset at me," He sighs as I stare at the window.
"You didn't answer my question." I tell him as I turn around and face him, "You don't even know what you're apologising for.."
"Sicheng," I sigh as I continue, "I hate being introduced as someone's daughter or someone's sister. I'm not just Taeyong's sister, I have a name and I'd like it, if people used that."
"It's not like that Somi, I just-" His knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel tightly, "I couldn't let him be suspicious of us. I don't want to worry my parents."
"Us?" I shake my head and laugh, "You could've said we were friends but you didn't. Do you see me as Taeyong's little sister only? Do you take me to places and care for me because I'm your bandmate's sister?"
"It isn't like that," He raises his voice and fear crawls inside my heart, "I genuinely care for you but I don't want my parents to find out that I like someone in this way. I'm scared of their reactions, Somi."
"I can't understand you," I tell him honestly, "You work too hard to please your parents, you should get a choice, it's your life, not theirs."
"Let's not fight," He asks softly as he stops the car outside my house, "Please?"
Not talking about problems and pushing them back, just eats you from the inside but he wants to do that.
Sicheng wants to run away from his problems, who am I to stop him?
I step outside the car and walk towards the door. I feel Sicheng walking behind me but I try to ignore him.
My hands reach for the doorbell but the door opens from the other side and I take a step back.
Taeyong meets my gaze and I sigh internally. He stares at me and then at Sicheng.
"Were you two together?" He points at us and asks.
Ignoring his question, I walk past him but Sicheng answers.
"No, we just walked into each other coincidentally." He lies once again.
His lies come off so smooth that Taeyong doesn't even doubt him.
All the anger that I vent inside me bursts, I know I should've kept quiet but it is my mistake. I always bottle my feelings inside me and they explode at the wrong time.
"Liar," I scoff loudly as I glare into Sicheng's eyes, "We went out to eat."
"You did what?" Taeyong asks loudly as he looks at me, "You're hanging out with my friends now?"
"Oh," I fold my arms and challenge his gaze, "So, there's a rule that says I can't hang out with your friends?"
"You shouldn't even be going out with a boy!" Taeyong snaps and I see his face turning as red as his hair, "Wait till I tell Dad about this."
"Geez," I shake my head and laugh dryly, "You're such a tattletale, Taeyong!"
"Listen, Taeyong, she-" Sicheng interrupts our banter but Taeyong cuts him off.
"Don't justify her actions, I know Somi must've lured you in by pretending to act civilised but she isn't like that. She's a vile human, don't spend time with her." My own brother says it to the guy I like and my confidence shatters.
I feel my anger fading away from my veins and a feeling of worthlessness takes over. I prefer anger over this sad feeling because feeling worthless shouldn't ever be felt.
We all deserve to feel loved and welcomed, that's how the world should be but it's the opposite of that.
I stumble on my words as I take a step back, "I-I have to go."
"Somi, listen to me-" Sicheng pleads as he tries to make me stay but I can't.
I won't, not anymore.
I rush inside the house, making sure to slam the door behind me.
All men are same. They don't care about your feelings, all they care about is their image. Nobody sees my pain, no one sees what I have to endure. All they care about is being a good son, both Sicheng and Taeyong, they're both cowards.
I lock my door, and slump against it.
What did Sicheng do that to me? Why did he lie twice? Is he embarrassed to be seen with me? Am I that worthless? Am I an accessory that people use when they feel like it? Most importantly, will I always be known as Taeyong's sister?
I want to be Somi, I just want to exist as Somi, is that too much to ask for?
The boy I like brought me pain, he said words that hurt me. I know that tomorrow morning, I'll end up forgiving him, but I can't forget the look on his face when he lied about me. I can't erase the memory of when he called me his friend's sister.
I can't forget how he wasn't there to help me, how he made me touch a strange man, knowing that I didn't like to be touched by strangers.
He forgot my fear while battling his.
I run a hand through my face and realise that I have been crying. Wiping my tears with my sleeve, I sigh.
Is this karma for liking a boy after all I've been through?
Is love even real? Does true love really lies in eyes and not hearts?
But the real question is, how do I discern like from love?
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