The pitter patter of the rain often broughtup a sorrow environment, the companion for every lonely and shattered heart. But for Jeongguk, it's a whole different story. He didn't hate rain, but he didn't love it either. Rain on winter made him want to stay under the duvet even more, not wanting to lift even a limb as if every drop of rain was like a harness that tied his being to the bed. Turning his head, he saw Hyun who was still in his dreamland, lips slightly agape with his chest heaving up and down. How he wished he could be Hyun at the moment, living a life without considering responsibilities and all.
With a heavy heart and a loud groan, Jeongguk finally managed to sit up on the bed, his messy bed hair and the fringe falling over his eyes prevented him to have a better look of his surrounding. The blurry eye sight made Jeongguk want to throw himself onto the bed again but knowing the consequence (where he would never wake up again), he forced himself to get on his feet, hissing the moment his bare soles touched the cold floor.
Despite his carelessness when it comes to living, Jeongguk was someone who did care about his look. He loved wearing comfortable clothes, loved to be clad in an outfit which screamed boyfriend instead of model on a runway. Today was the starting of a new semester and he wanted to look presentable as much as he could. With a khaki winter jacket and a white sweatshirt underneath to complement the black jeans, with a faint scent of Gucci Flora lingering his body (he preferred floral scent over the masculine one), Jeongguk was good to go.
But the main problem was, waking Hyun up.
Jeongguk was relieved that he decided to wake up early today. He had one and a half hour before the first lecture started so he had more than enough time to manage Hyun.
"Hyun." Jeongguk poked his cheeks, squishing them slightly thus causing the boy to stir on the bed. A breathless chuckle left Jeongguk's lips when Hyun frowned, clearly annoyed to be squished. "Hyun, wake up. We need to get ready." This time, Jeongguk sat on the edge of the bed, caressing Hyun's thigh gently until the boy's eyes opened slowly. Hyun's brows furrowed upon the morning light hitting his corneas but the moment he noticed the smiling Jeongguk's existence across him, he broke into a faint gummy smile.
"Good morning~" Jeongguk sang song before he nuzzled his nose into the crook of Hyun's neck. The little boy's laugh erupted and echoed through the bedroom, putting Jeongguk's heart at ease to know that Hyun was in a good mood today. Things like undressing Hyun was no longer a problem as he could do it swiftly now, hands moving skilfully to pull Hyun's pants down before he made the baby stand up. Pressing a peck on those cheeks, Jeongguk proceeded by carrying the boy towards the bathroom, sitting him on the countertop as he prepared the bath.
"You will be a good boy, right?" Jeongguk mumbled as he pulled his sleeves up, not wanting to get himself drenched because sometimes Hyun could be so excited during his bath time. "Daddy will fetch you as soon as I can but promise me you won't cry, okay?" Hyun squealed the moment his bare skin made contact with the warm water, arms stretched out to take a full grab on Jeongguk's sweatshirt. "No! Don't pull my shirt, Hyun! Daddy have class to attend!"
Hyun cackled upon Jeongguk's scowl which of course, didn't take much time to extinguish the sparks of anger building inside him. What's better than seeing Hyun laughing heartily and those two small bottom teeth? Nothing. Literally nothing.
After minutes of squealing and splashing water, Jeongguk was finally done cleaning the boy and now, he had to struggle putting the clothes on Hyun. Maybe luck was on his side that morning when Hyun remained lying on the bed, too focus on the rubber duckling he took from the countertop earlier to even bother to roll over and move around.
"Hyun, we're in this together, alright? Let's prove Jaehwa that we can do this without her help, get it?" Jeongguk blabbered as he wiped Hyun's body dry. "Let's show her what men can do!"
Hyun shifted his gaze to Jeongguk for a split second, round eyes blinking in confusion but before he could let out random baby noise, he was cut off by Jeongguk leaning in to kiss all over his face.
"You won't cry when l leave you, will you? You're a good boy, right?" Jeongguk asked again, but what he got in return was Hyun looking at him attentively, eyes boring into his as if he was trying to tell Jeongguk something that he couldn't interpret.
Zipping up the small onesie, Jeongguk then lifted Hyun up, embracing the small figure closer towards his chest. Whenever he stared at Hyun, Jeongguk just couldn't help but wondering how Jimin and his girlfriend had the heart to give Hyun to a stranger like him as if the little boy was an object. He couldn't understand how Jimin's heart did not melt to see those tiny giggles and hearty squeals, those glistening eyes and pink lips, those gurgles Hyun made when he's trying to impress Jeongguk with the random noises he made. Jeongguk used to hate children but living with Hyun for almost two months changed everything. Safe for him to say that he loved kids now.
"Let's get going, shall we?"
______
Jeongguk's knees almost gave out when he got out of the car with Hyun cradling his waist, his arms around the boy's torso tightened as his eyes scanned the building of the daycare centre. Despite the 4°C temperature hugging his body, Jeongguk noticed how clammy his palms were, heart beating so fast that he didn't think he could make a step forward to press the bell.
Jeongguk looked down at Hyun who happened to be already looking at him, white puff of smoke was seen as he breathed out heavily.
"Should I skip class today?"
But the back of his mind was screaming no. It was the first day of new semester and he didn't want to risk his credit when he's the one who's having a heavy heart to leave Hyun at the daycare centre.
"But one day won't affect my credit, right?" Jeongguk asked Hyun, his saliva felt bitter when the boy only blinked at him.
"Okay, let's skip class today-"
"Jeon Jeongguk!" A voice hollered, causing Jeongguk to turn around almost immediately. There, before his eyes was a woman he saw when he came to the daycare centre with Jaehwa back then, already making her way towards him who's still standing in front of the gate. Flustered, Jeongguk flashed an awkward smile, knew that something bad was yet to happen.
Well, she's the cause why he and Jaehwa fought.
"Aww. Look at your son. He looks like a living teddy bear." The woman cooed when she saw Hyun who's tucked in a furry teddy bear onesie, catching Jeongguk off guard when she leaned closer to squish Hyun's cheeks. "Where's your wife?"
"Uh... she- she's busy." Jeongguk stuttered, nonchalantly taking a step backward to create a gap between them.
"Ah! I forgot your university starts today! No wonder you're here." The woman exclaimed while Jeongguk regretted telling her that before. "First time separating with your son?"
Jeongguk nodded.
"I know how hard it is. I have seen many parents going through the same thing. Don't worry, I will take good care of Hyun." When the woman stretched her hands out to take Hyun out of his arms, Jeongguk flinched a tad bit. "Come here, honey. Your daddy needs to go."
Jeongguk's mind literally went blank when Hyun made eye contact with the woman, his inner self was praying so hard that Hyun would cry his lungs out so that he could create any excuse to not leave Hyun at the daycare centre.
"Jeongguk, you'll be late." The woman said, her arms were already holding Hyun's arms. Mind too blank, inner self too busy praying that Jeongguk didn't notice that the woman was taking Hyun out of his embrace, only returned to reality when his hands felt empty.
And Jeongguk had never felt this empty. He felt like someone just snatched something away from him. Something too important that he couldn't help but feeling the urge to snatch it away and make it his again.
"Say bye bye to your daddy." The woman waved Hyun's hand.
Jeongguk walked backward in a rather unstable way, felt a big lump forming at the back of his throat as Hyun gradually became smaller and smaller. Hyun didn't cry, but the little boy looked perplexed.
The moment Jeongguk reached his car, he didn't wish for more. He wished he had the courage to get into the car and leave the daycare centre before everything got worse.
"Oh no." Muttering under his breath, Jeongguk pushed his tongue against his inner cheek, waiting as the timer of the bomb continued ticking. "No, Hyun. Don't cry. Don't... don't cry. We promised not to cry."
Though Jeongguk didn't want it to happen, the bomb eventually exploded.
Hyun cried. He was wailing at the very top of his lungs. And Jeongguk's heart had never felt this hurt before.
He watched the woman patted Hyun's small back gently as she turned her heels and made her way into the building. Yet there Jeongguk was, standing still within the melting snow, eyes glued to the doorstep, hoping to see Hyun coming into his view again but to no avail.