Does the weight leave your chest?
Do you no longer feel suffocated,Restrained?
Can you finally speak?
Do your words come out bold and honest
without any guilt?
What about the restlessness?
Do you no longer feel an unceasing need for adventure,
Because you already have it?
Are the chains gone?
Did you finally break free of your cage
and gain independence?
Tell me
I need to know,
what is it like to be free?
-g.s.
* * *
Grandma nods as she listens to me, her eyes becoming serious as she takes in my words.
"I thought something was wrong."
I don't look away from her gaze as she meets my eyes.
She smiles, reaching out to take my hand.
"Congratulations Soraya."
I swallow thickly, my emotions everywhere. But I keep them in check, knowing Andrew was in the room next to us. I had whispered my words, Grandma's knowing smile and glance towards the door telling me she understood.
"I need to call Jay..."
I stare at her in confusion, "Why would you tell him?"
Grandma looks at me, shaking her head, "I can't leave you now. Not when you're like this."
Like this.
"I'll be fine."
The words come out harsher than I intended them to.
Grandma only smiles down at me.
"Jay misses me. I miss him too- we've been apart for too long. If it weren't for Leo he would have already left Alba Rosa to come here...no matter how he feels about this place."
I raise my head at the mention of Leo's name.
Grandma sees the question in my eye and looks away.
"Leo may be coming here also. It will be good for him. There's a big caseload and I could use his help."
It's a vague statement, making me only want to ask more questions.
Grandma shakes her head though, "Now's not the time Soraya. Patience. Jay, Lilah and Uncle Mark know what they are doing over there."
Grandma calls Grandjay like she said she would. And then I do as she tells me to. I wait.
The days continue as if nothing else has happened. Nothing unusual has occurred.
Bram comes out from his shadows to join me at breakfast. He says nothing and walks away in silence. It's a peaceful silence though. I don't want to point out to Orion how similar they are. It would only make him upset. But watching Bram reminds me of the wolf I found in the forest those long, long months ago.
The pack continues on, building and growing. The members seem freer. More alive and hopeful. I wonder vaguely if word is spreading through the area that a new Alpha is in charge here. If other packs are whispering to their Alpha's about the shift in power.
The daughter of the Alba Rosa Alpha- do you know her? The one who challenged her father for leadership, was rejected from the training camp, and used underhanded methods to become Alpha- that one. Yes, the one who killed that Alpha's son. Yes, that one.
Have you heard of her?
I wonder what rumors, what lies, what words have spread in my name.
What were they saying?
I sat there at my desk, staring at the night sky and thinking of their conversations. Thinking of the whispers between Alphas.
A female.
She lost the Alba Rosa and then took over that pack. Not really a pack. Just needed something to lead. To control. Something to make "hers".
Bloodthirsty.
Even controls her mate.
Mate. Not much of a mate. Wolf the majority of the time. When I saw him he didn't even speak a word. I heard he's not even human.
I heard she's not even human.
Did you hear what she did to her father?
Did you hear what she did to her mother?
Did you hear what she did to her brothers?
Weak and now she's even weaker, she can't even-
"Alpha?"
Rex's voice brings me out of my thoughts, pulling me away from the hissing within my head. My wide eyes of shock at his sudden presence makes him take a step inside before he slowly sits down in front of the desk.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"Yes..." my voice sounds far away. I wonder if it shows on my face just how deep I had been in my own mind a few seconds ago.
"I'm not sure but something makes me think...there's no way I can put this delicately..." Rex turns red suddenly. "I don't want you to think that I'm questioning your leadership. You've done...this pack is...I can't even begin to thank you for what you've done."
"Spit it out Rex."
"I noticed you...have a...you're wearing looser clothes, and you haven't been...training as much?"
I stare blankly at him. He moves uncomfortably in his seat.
"Bram won't say anything, which only makes me think something is going on um..."
"Are you saying I'm getting fat?"
Panic shoots up in Rex's eyes, his face snapping forward to face me, "NO!"
He's leaned forward all the way in his chair, his eyes wild with my words of accusation.
I can't help it. Seeing the desperation on his face- I laugh.
His face clouds over.
"I'm seriously trying to-,"
"No, I'm sorry." I can't stop laughing at the bewildered expression he shows.
"Oh Rex. I'm sorry. I just-," another round of laughter hits me. Slowly a smile grows on his own face.
"I should tell you." The air suddenly is serious. Rex senses it as his smile fades away.
I turn to look out the window.
"I should tell you," I whisper. "But if I'm being honest...I'm...scared of what will happen when I do."
"Are you going to leave?" I flinch from the agony in his voice. I glance back and freeze when I see fresh tears in his eyes.
"Please don't leave us."
Please don't leave.
Rex doesn't move as he looks up through his tears. A grown man. I can't look away as a grown man begs before me to stay. Not for the reasons one would guess if they heard the conversation with no knowledge of the before.
No. This was a plea from the heart that I couldn't ignore.
"I can't make any promises Rex. I can't guarantee what the future will bring."
His face turns into confusion as he looks at me.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm...I'm pregnant Rex." Something in his eyes turn to relief. He knew but wanted it to be spoken out loud. But the confusion still holds onto his eyes as he stares at me.
"I'm weak. Vulnerable."
"No." He stops me before I can finish.
"You're not weak. You have a pack here protecting you. You're not vulnerable. You have me to stand in front and shield you."
The shock makes me speechless as Rex moves forward, reaching his hand out to grab mine from the desk. He smiles and shakes his head.
"I told you before Alpha. I promised it to you that once we accept you and decide to protect you- that's what we'll do. We won't watch you fall. If you go down, then we'll all go down together."
And that's when I snap.
The emotions that I had held onto for these past few weeks collide as Rex takes both his hands to bring my own to his forehead. As he moves around the desk to kneel before me, bowing his head to make me feel like his life is at my feet, it's at my disposal. It's thrown down- for me.
"Alpha. I swear I'll protect you. That's what I feel a Beta should do. I'll protect you. I'll protect your mate. And I'll protect this pack. But you are the one that I went and personally fought to bring back here. And I brought you back and you- you saved us. You saved this pack. You may not see it, but I can. So this is the only way I know how to thank you for giving your life to us. By giving my life to you."
"Stop it Rex," I'm choking on my tears, trying to lessen the seriousness of the moment as I pull back my hand, "what would Orion do if he heard you saying this to me."
Rex only smiles and looks up, "I think he would get down on his knees with me."
I bend down, hiding my face in my hands.
And I hear Rex's soft retreat as he leaves the room, and gently closes the door.
* * *
The next morning I wake before Orion.
He rolls over next to me, his hand blindly searching for me. I smile and reach out, letting our fingertips touch.
"How are you feeling this morning?" he mumbles through his sleep.
I lean forward, kissing his lips briefly to make his eyes open. He smiles in response, letting only one grey orb peek out through the covers.
"I'm good."
We continue sitting in silence, doing nothing more than letting our hands touch, tracing our fingers and forearms as the morning arrives before us.
"Orion. Will you get dress and come with me for something?"
He sits up, his hair a mess from sleep.
I shake my head, sighing as I reach across from him for the brush on the nightstand.
"First thing first."
His eyes are still closed as he sleepily smiles at me.
"I know," he mumbles, reaching forward to place a hand gently on my stomach. I let it stay there as I continue to brush his tangled hair into place.
He rises with me, following my steps with no questions asked.
I walk out the door, pausing only to reach for his hand as the first pack members in sight walk forward to greet us good morning.
"I have news."
They pause to listen to me. I feel Orion's hand tighten around mine, his grip becoming stronger, but I only look up at him and step closer to his frame, smiling at the members before us.
"Orion and I have news we would like to share."
In the distance, I see the rising sun of morning, and it reflects beautifully on the pack members smiling faces.
Nope, this is not the last chapter (because I have a feeling someone is going to ask if it is...) still a few left!