Warning: chapter contains some bullying, nothing graphic but if that bothers you then this is your warning.
Sang
The second the assembly was done, Karen and I made a beeline for the exit and practically shoved ourselves into the growing crowd. I don't even think Mr. Hendricks closing speech was finished yet but nobody really cared. Jade's silence made me uneasy, really uneasy. Marie's warning rang in my ears and I wanted to avoid any and all contact with Jade until I graduated. I was sure she was up to something but of course I couldn't outright accuse her of it without getting my face smashed in by her cronies. Today had gone a little too smoothly for me but if I could just avoid her until I got to the school gates then I was fine until Monday.
Sometime in the chaos, Karen and I must've gotten separated because she was nowhere to be found. I searched desperately for her tall frame but with the crowd pushing me forward and too many people shoving me around, it was impossible to find her. I pushed my way to the side just as the school building loomed ahead and just managed to break free from the crowd.
I breathed deeply, watching the ongoing chaos before me. Just then, a pair of hands grabbed me from behind and jerked me back. A hand clamped over my mouth, muffling the scream that tore through me. My glasses skewed and clattered to the ground as they dragged me back into the nearby girls bathroom kicking and screaming. The hands had a firm grip on me that I couldn't break free and they tore my backpack from me, throwing it on the ground and I had no time to register what was going on before I was slammed against the wall.
Tiffany and Danielle surrounded me, still in their cheerleader uniforms before Jade came into view. My hands shook and I was vaguely aware of the pain radiating from the back of my head as Jade crossed her arms and stepped closer to me. She sneered, her face a mask of disgust as she looked at me.
"This is a warning, Sang. You got your claws into my brother and now he's gone. Stay away from North, because he's mine or I'll make you regret the day you ever met me." She spat at me, before Tiffany and Danielle shoved me back against the wall again for good measure.
I stared at her in a mixture of shock and confusion. What in the world was she talking about? Jay didn't even know I existed and we were barely friends when he had been going here.
"I-I..." I stammered, not quite being able to find my voice. Suddenly, I felt small and insignificant. I was scared and terrified.
"This will teach you not to be a slut!" Tiffany shouted just as she grabbed my backpack and emptied the contents into the nearby toilet stall.
I watched helplessly. It was almost as if I was having an out of body experience and I was the on-looker watching the events unfold.
I felt completely and utterly numb. Danielle laughed behind her and it was then I saw her true colors. With Marie, she was a different person. But now I saw her for who she truly was. And it made me feel hollow inside.
On their way out, I vaguely spied my glasses laying near the door. Danielle smirked, her shoes crunching over the frames.
"Oops, better luck next time, Sang." She laughed, with Tiffany giggling next to her.
The hallway was full of chatter and laughter as the door swung shut. Then, silence. Nobody could hear the quiet sobs that wracked my body or see what a giant mess I was curled up on a dirty bathroom floor. The floor swayed under me and all I could see was the fluorescent light fixtures above me with that one light above the first stall blinking on and off.
I couldn't say a thing, I felt numb and lost. Part of me couldn't believe this was happening again, after finally going under the radar and being invisible. I always knew Jade hated me but this -- this was beyond anything I'd faced before and I was clueless on how to deal with it.
Another harsh blow to my life and here I was, a pathetic mess with snot dripping down my chin.
The door opens at that moment and Karen's short bob of hair comes into view. I nearly cried out in relief at seeing her.
"Sang! There you -- oh my god, what did that bitch do to you?!" She gasped as she rushed over to me, helping me sit up. "God, let's get you cleaned up. You're definitely sleeping over my house now."
My legs felt like jelly as I stood. Karen had to support my weight because it felt like I had no strength in my feet. She grabbed a paper towel and wet it, wiping the snot from my face and drying my tears smeared down my cheeks.
"She can't do this to you, Sang. It's not right." She told me with her jaw clenched tight. One of the bathroom stalls began overflowing and sure enough, my stuff began floating out. "I mean, they dumped your stuff in the toilet and smashed your glasses! That's so messed up!"
I felt defeated and lost, I wasn't sure what to do or if I could do anything. "It's fine. She just said some things and left. I'll deal with it, Karen."
Liar. I swallowed the lies, burying them beneath the pain I felt on a daily basis and locked it in the far reaches of my mind. Karen shook her head at me but said nothing and gathered the pieces of my glasses from the floor.
"I think it's still salvageable. The lens is....well, maybe it's not so salvageable." She winced as she picked up the cracked lens from the floor.
As if my life wasn't difficult enough as it is, I had to spend it partially blind and face telling my father. "Dad's not going to be happy."
I grabbed the damp paper towel that she handed me and blew my nose before throwing it away and heading outside with my backpack reeking of toilet water.
"It's still not right," she muttered behind me. "That bitch needs a reality check."
Between the two of us, I had my stuff shoved into my backpack and barely paid attention to the line of water I was trailing behind me. People stared but I didn't care. I felt numb.
"It's not right but what am I supposed to do? Nobody in this school cares." I said bitterly, as we made our way down the slowly emptying hallways. "And telling my dad is out of the question. He'll just move us again and I don't want that."
Every time I came up with a solution to any of my problems, they always seemed to hit dead ends and at this point, I was beginning to feel like everything was pointless.
Karen sighed beside me, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "You should tell your dad anyway though, don't you think he'd want to know his daughter is being bullied by some bitcheroni and her cronies?"
My lips thinned and I looked away at her question. Just hearing it made me uncomfortable and filled me with despair. My immediate answer to it is a resounding 'no'. But then I didn't want to burden Karen with more of my problems.
"I guess." I forced a smile, shrugging. I don't think Karen bought it but like always, she didn't press on it and just held me tighter. At times like these, I was really grateful for a friend like her.
Sometime later, Karen's mom picked us up and took us to her house. Mrs. Newman questioned why my backpack smelled like a wet swamp and the lie spilled out of me easily.
"I spilled water all over it," I told her with my head down. She rose an eyebrow at me but just smiled and said nothing as we pulled up to their two-story house.
The Newman's lived near an apartment complex in a smaller suburb than Summerville. It was nice, I liked it better than the house I lived in. It had red shutters and a blue door, with a tree swing in the backyard.
Perhaps it was the atmosphere or the way Karen was always greeted home every time she walked through the door. It was clear as day that her parents loved her very much. I hated the feelings of envy and jealousy I got every time I witnessed the three of them having a family moment. I didn't like feeling this way but I couldn't stop it.
It only reminded me of what I didn't have and that hurt, a lot.
I shook my head, pushing those depressing thoughts aside as iKON's 'Love Scenario' came on through Karen's speakers. Upstairs, Karen's room was about two sizes bigger than mines though her bed took up most of the space. She had Korean boy band posters everywhere and a bookshelf with a vast collection of fiction books, manga and video games.
The music was a good distraction and I let Bobby's voice wash over me as his rap part came up. I bit my lip as I picked up Karen's battered copy of Inuyasha, Volume 1. Part of me wished I could be like these heroines in these books; I know Kagome would never let a couple of bullies beat her down without a fight.
"Damn, I was sure my bag was here. I can't find it now." Karen scratched her head distractingly as she stared at the mess that was her closet. "Right, retrace my steps. Where did I put it last?"
With Karen busy looking for the pictures she took and the gift she bought me, I mused myself with her manga collection and flipped through all her new stuff.
"Hey, girls. I just popped in some pizza pockets into the oven if you two are hungry." Mrs. Newman told us as she popped her head into Karen's room. "I have to pick up your dad, Karen. And Sang, we can stop by your house later and get your things for tonight."
I froze. God, how was I going to ask dad if I could sleep over? If he was home, it'd be a definite no. There no way he was ever going to say yes. I smiled shakily, internally wincing at the blowout that was soon to come.
"Alright! We'll be here. Is Sang's bag done drying yet? And can we use the xbox tonight?" Karen asked, her voice muffled by the curtain of clothes she was looking through. "Where did you put my duffle bag, by the way."
"It's downstairs in the closet, silly girl. And yes, you can use the Xbox tonight if you promise to be quiet and stop swearing. But Sang, your bag is almost done drying. Be careful next time not to get it wet." Mrs. Newman scolded lightly, smiling at me gently. I just nodded my head, watching as she rolled her eyes at Karen. Was that what a mother and daughter relationship looked like?
I gulped uneasily and looked away, feeling like I was intruding on a private moment. It didn't seem like it but still, I felt weird watching them interact so easily. And hearing her talk to me like that....it felt weird. Dad was never that way with me; at least not anymore.
I wondered when we stopped being an actual family. Now, it felt like we were strangers living in the same house. Except he barred me at every turn and kept me cooped up in the house while Marie could go galavanting whenever she wanted. I bit my lip, feeling nothing but bitter and resentment towards my father.
It wasn't like he cared. Not when he disappears to his mistress and leaves me and Marie behind. I guess I'd crossed that bridge when I got to it.
For now, I was content to just sit in Karen's room with Korean pop music playing softly in the background as she went on about her trip.
"Well, broken glasses aside, I think we salvaged enough pieces to tape them together. Maybe. But hey! We took pictures by JYP Entertainment! Did I tell you that?"
With Mr. Newman in the passenger's seat, the car was full of embarrassing stories from Karen's youth and their smiles were infectious. My depressing mood from earlier melted away and I felt right with the world, if for just this moment.
"Oh? There are some boys outside your house, Sang." Mrs. Newman remarked as she pulled up to the sidewalk. "And I think your dad is home too, great!"
Unfortunately I didn't share her enthusiasm. My heart dropped into my chest and I stared in a mixture of shock and fright as Nathan and Kota stood on my front porch. Their tall frames were unmistakable, even with my blurry eyesight and I nearly groaned out loud at my stupidity.
I slapped my forehead. How could I forget?! They wanted to come over for dinner and like the idiot I was, I agreed.
"Alright, sweetie. We'll wait here for you. Karen, go with her and help her pack her stuff."
"Oh I'm not missing this for the world." Karen remarked as she got out behind me and leaned closer to whisper, "Do you even know these guys, Sang? Oh, god....your dad answered the door."
I looked up, horror written all over my face as I raced up to the steps just as the door opened and my dad stepped out. My newly washed backpack felt like dead weight in my hands as I stared at my clean-cut, newly shaved father. He looked.....different. He was doing the cuff links on his collared shirt with a tie hanging around his neck but he was shaved clean and his hair was combed back. He looked impeccable and not like the dad I knew.
No. The dad I knew was a drunken mess on a daily basis who smoked his life away. I got this really bad feeling the more I got closer with Karen trailing behind me.
Despite the intimidating presence my dad tried to portray in front of strangers, he had nothing on Kota and Nathan. They towered over him by a foot but they stepped back at the look on his face. His was devoid of emotion but his jaw was clenched tight as he finally saw me standing behind them.
"Can I help you two?" He asked, his eyes straying to me.
My hands shook and I took comfort in Karen's presence as she slipped her hand into mines and squeezed it for good measure. I gulped, swallowing my anxiety and the nervousness crawling up my spine.
Kota and Nathan looked back at me, with the former offering me a smile while the other turned his attention back on my dad. Nathan's jaw clenched tight and his lips were thinned in a straight line but he forced a smile as he glanced at me. There was a really bad vibe between the three of them and I had to stop it before it spiraled out of control.
I stepped forward, with Karen besides me. "They're my friends, Dad. I invited them over for dinner along with the Newman's."
"Yeah, my folks are in the car right now. And my mom would be happy to take over the kitchen, she loves to cook." Karen added for good measure.
Nathan crossed his arms, still staring at my dad whose jaw was so tight I thought he might hurt himself and have an aneurism. The stare off went on for what felt like minutes but I was sure it was only a few seconds until Kota placed a hand on Nathan's shoulder and pulled him back a bit.
"Sorry, sir. We should introduce ourselves. I'm Kota and this is Nathan, we live across the street from you folks. We're friends of Sang, from school." Kota said, smiling, before he held his hand out to my dad.
I swallowed the hard lump stuck in my throat as my eyes darted between them. God, the tension was crazy and it wasn't good.
My dad took Kota's hand with a hard stare. "Huh. Well my daughter made no mention of you two."
Kota smiled through it all and it was hard to read what he was thinking. He and Nathan shared a look for a second, just a second, and then he finally uncrossed his arms and stuck them in his pockets. But there was a tick in Nathan's jaw that told me he wasn't happy, not by a long shot.
"Nonetheless, we were invited to dinner. Unfortunately, we have somewhere to be tonight so my guardians thought we should invite you all over for dinner instead." Kota said as my dad finally released his hand from the tight grip it was in.
Karen was a comforting presence besides me because I think I might've fainted from a mixture of embarrassment and shock from the events unfolding before me. I expected my dad to be difficult but this was downright embarrassing and I don't think I'd ever be able to apologize to Nathan and Kota for the way he was acting.
I was confused though. I knew my dad was a bit of tough cookie and he wasn't winning any dad of the year awards but I didn't understand why Nathan is so....bothered by him. Or why Kota didn't take his eyes off him not once. Maybe I was just reading too much into it? Definitely reading too much into it.
"Well, unfortunately I don't allow guests after five o'clock and I've got somewhere to be tonight. And my daughter is busy and otherwise will be indisposed. So you can tell your guardians no thanks, we're good." Dad looked over at me and opened the door more with his hand on the handle, leaving me with no choice but to obey him. "Sang, in the house, now."
I looked away from everyone's stares, especially Nathan and Kota's, with my head down and embarrassment flooding my body. It was painted all over my face and my resentment towards my dad only grew. I squeezed Karen's hand and reluctantly, went inside with Nathan and Kota's piercing gaze on me. I hated that they had to witness me in this state, that they were subjected to my father and his one bout of displeasure at my need to be normal and have actual friends. He always did this to me, every time.
When I looked back, Karen was already going down the driveway with her head down but Nathan and Kota hadn't budged until the door slammed shut in their faces. Their expressions were drawn, pensive.
Great. Any chance at friendship with those two was down the drain. I could kiss it goodbye because come next week Monday, they'd want nothing to do with me. It was probably too good to be true anyway but the thought of it was nice while it lasted.
I couldn't tell what my dad was thinking as he stood by the door, his back facing me. When he turned around, his face was a mask of anger as he looked at me.
"What did I say about boys, Sang? It's bad enough your sister runs around with that footballer. But you, I taught you better than that. Don't be stupid like your sister." He ran his hands through his hair and I could see the tick in his jaw throb as he peeked out of the nearby window.
Anger shot through me. How dare he! He talked about Marie with malice, as if she wasn't his daughter and wasn't human like the rest of us. Nobody was perfect. She wasn't the greatest sister and often times I wondered if she even loved me, but she was still family. Family didn't do that to each other, right? I felt a sliver of doubt creep in but hot, white anger bled through the surface.
I fisted my sides and bit my lip to stop the scathing remark threatening to come out. There was a metallic tang swirling in my mouth and I guess I must've bit so hard, I drew blood. I swallowed, with much difficulty, feeling my anger boiling beneath my skin. I had to calm down, but it was hard when all I wanted to do was yell at the sorry excuse for a dad standing before me.
He turned to me as he fixed the tie around his neck, pointing a finger in my direction. "Your grounded, by the way. And you're forbidden from seeing those boys ever again. Don't let me catch you again, Sang." He said before walking off to the kitchen where he was likely to get a drink and smoke. "And put your damn glasses on! They aren't cheap, you know!"
I felt the first tear fall and by the time I made it upstairs to my room, I was a bawling mess on the floor of my bedroom. I clamped a hand over my mouth to muffle my cries because I didn't want to give my dad the satisfaction of hearing me cry. Not that he cared. At times like these, I wonder if cared at all. All he saw was himself, and not the two daughters he kept pushing aside and treated like dirt.
Curled up in my bed sheets that night, with my insides frayed raw and numb, I heard the front door open and slam shut. Marie's familiar shriek rang in the air as she and my father got into another yelling match. I covered my face with the pillow and found comfort in the warm bed sheets that cocooned me to sleep.
I was drowning in this depressing pit of a life and I could see no way out of it.