[AN: I know what you lovely fans are thinking...she's so amazingly awesome for uploading so soon! The truth is, I'm excited about what I have planed and I know that if I'M excited the hopefully you all are too? So here it is Chapter 23...please vote and/or comment...xoxo]
Chapter 23
I just left my house and now heading over to James'. I had spoken to Yvette about everything that's been happening, and even though I'm the wrong one, she still hates James for not letting me explain, I guess that's what family is for? I packed some clothes and bathroom things into a yellow duffel bag and throw it in the backseat of my car.
I drove to his house incomplete silence...thinking. Thinking about what I'm going to do with my life now. It seemed as though it had surrounded around James lately and now, I have nothing. Who am I left to be? I can't remember who I was before I met James. My parents had just...died...and I was helpless until I moved in with Yvette.
Maybe...maybe this is a good thing. Yeah, maybe it's time for me to move on with my life. Start over. Become a brand new Tracey Turner. Yeah, that sounds nice, but talk is cheap. It's time for me to put my money where my mouth is. It's time for me to stop dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. It's time to live in the now.
But I can't stop thinking about what Alicia had asked me at the end of class. "Would it be okay if I dated James?" she had asked, shyly. My heart was so damaged it didn't even twitch when she asked me that. My mind was saying HELL NO, but then I remembered that he'd moved on, and now it's my turn. I didn't speak, from fear of saying HELL NO, and just nodded my head with a closed-mouth smile.
And now here I am, heading towards my ex-boyfriend's house, where he's with his probably already new girlfriend. I couldn't even bring myself to be jealous, it's like I have nothing left to offer. No jealousy, no envy, no hatred, no...love. But deep down, somewhere deep into my soul, I knew was a concealed box that held nothing but my feeling and love for James. Will I reopen it? Only time can time.
I felt a vibration in my pocket. I reached into it and grabbed my phone. "Tracey, where are you?" Yvette asked me, sounding a little down. What's wrong with her? "Remember I told you I had to go over James' house for an experiment in class?" I refreshed her memory.
There was a silence, then she sighed. "You had a guest come over today," she answered softly. I pulled over to the side of the road and parked the car, becoming too distracted to drive. "Okay. Who was it?" I asked curiously. She hesitated. "A policeman. He said they finally identified all the valuables that were burned in your old house. They...they found your mom's diary," she paused again. "And inside it was a will," she finished.
I clamped my hand over my mouth. Oh my god. My mom's diary? I didn't even know she kept one. And a will? I thought everything got destroyed in the fire. "I'm on my way-"
"No. I'll bring it to you," Yvette interrupting me. I agreed and continued towards James' house. I pulled into his driveway and drove towards the backyard, where the guest house is. I remember the first time I was here; it seemed so long ago, when James and I made it official that we were a couple. My eyes started to burn again. D*mnit. I'm going to have to control my emotions these next few days.
I got out of the car, pulled my duffel bag over my head and around my neck, shut the door, and walked hesitantly towards the front door. Before I rung the doorbell, I gave myself a quick look over. I was wearing off yellow shorts and a loose blue designed top, along with blue heels. I didn't even have the strength to change into something more comfortable.
I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. I waited a few seconds until the door opened, revealing James. He glanced at me once and just walked away leaving the door open...I took that as my signal to come in.
"Turner! You're alive! For a second I thought we were gonna have to send a search party," Leon greeted me as I once I was in eyesight. I noticed James take the seat on the couch next to Alicia, who was blushing uncontrollably. Leon was seating in a recliner chair.
I stood there a moment, not sure where to put my bag. I looked around; it was exactly like I remembered. I sighed in defeat. I guess it's going right here. I pulled the strap over my head and I instantly felt a cool breeze against the bottom over my stomach, my shirt must've risen a little. I shrugged that thought off and laid my duffel bag right next to the door.
I then made my way over to the other recliner, opposite of Leon. The t.v. was on and they were all watching it. I pulled my phone out and began checking it every minute and looking out the window, watching out for Yvette. "Tracey, are you okay? You seem a little uncomfortable," Alicia asked me, hoping I disagree.
I knew what she was implying. She hoped I wasn't having second thoughts about her and James. I shook my head, gesturing I'm fine, but she looked like she didn't believe it. "You sure Turner? Who did it? I'll beat 'em up," Leon put his two cents in. I may have imagined it, but I thought I hear James snort under his breath, but when I looked at him, he didn't look like he did anything.
I ignored my thoughts when I got a text from Yvette saying she was outside. Automatically, I jumped out of my seat, causing them to look at me with weird expressions, all expect James off course. I dashed pass the t.v. and out the door as fast as I could. I walked off the porch until I was standing in the driveway infront of Yvette, Andrew, and Marcus. I didn't know those two were coming.
"Here," Yvette handed me a book sixed diary. I held it in my hands just looking down at it. "We're right here for you Trace," Andrew reassured me. I smiled and flipped it open. It had dates back to before I was even born. I flipped to the most recent ones... dated the day of the fire.
I took in a deep breath before letting it out and began reading outloud.
"Dear Diary,I'm worried about Tracey. She's so caught up in her school work that I'm afraid she won't get the chance to experience life. She's the most beautiful girl in the world and I want her to acknowledge her true self. Her father and I try not to force too many things on her at once because we know she can't handle it. She'll give up if too many obstacles are in her way, and I wished she'd break through them. I want nothing but happiness for my daughter. I want her to have a live I only dreamed of having. I want her to reach her goals, marry the love of her life, and live on without any sorrow or regret. Because she..."
I stopped as a sobs escaped my mouth and tears ran down my cheeks. "Turner?" I heard Leon behind me on the porch. I guess they must've been curious to what's going on. I continued to read. "Because she is my angel and..." I sobbed again. "Tracey?" I heard Alicia next.
Marcus reached out and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "And she deserves nothing but happiness. My only wish..." I sobbed some more, my eyes getting blurry. I read the last part in my head, and I pulled my head up to the sky as more sobs came. Once I found the strength to continue, I read it aloud. "My only wish is that...is that I'm ...still living to see her achieve that," I managed to get out before my knees gave out.
I hunched over, and placed my head on my knees, still balancing on my feet. My crying was uncontrollable, as my mind calculated everything I just read. My mom just wanted me to life my life to the fullest and not let little things hold me back. And I'm letting her down. I've been so centered around making James forgive me that I lost my place in life.
I carried on crying. I felt arms around me, pulling me back up into standing position. Yvette. "I'm so sorry Tracey. God, I'm so sorry," she cried as I buried my face into her shoulder. Then another pair of arms encircled hers. Andrew. "It's okay Trace. Everything's gonna be okay," he chanted. "Let's take her inside," I hear Marcus suggest before I was being directed into the house.
I was lead to the couch, that's now abandoned by James and Alicia. What seemed like hours of Andrew and Yvette consoling me while answering Alicia and Leon's questions passed by. Marcus told them about the diary and how it was my mother's, but he didn't go into much detail, and I silently thanked him for that. A while later, the three left, once I told them for the hundredth time that I was okay.
Which was an absolute lie, but I didn't want to keep worrying them. They left reluctantly and I headed towards the kitchen. I leaned against the refrigerator -out of sight- and cried silently, gripping my mom's diary tightly in my hands near my heart as their pictures flooded my mind. I closed my eyes as a few quiet tears dripped from my closed eyelids.
I thought about how I just told Yvette, Andrew, and Marcus I was okay. I have to turn that into the truth...somehow. "I knew you were lying, you're not okay," a voice muttered from the entrance of the kitchen. I opened my eyes to follow the voice. James.
I looked around the kitchen, seeing if someone else was in here he was talking to. There wasn't. It was just me and him. I looked back at him. He was looking at me. He looked remorseful due to my breakdown. Then he started walking towards me. He's probably just trying to get to the fridge.
I moved away from the fridge to give him access. But he didn't stop at the fridge. Before I could respond, his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me in his warm embrace. He placed my head on his chest with his hand, leaving it on my head. At first, I tensed up. I was literally to shocked to move. "Don't hold back. Let it all out," he whispered to me, referring about my tears.
I was overwhelmed that he was talking to me, let alone holding me, that my tears began to over flow again as I gripped tightly around his abdominal. Although he may not want anything to do with me, I'm glad to be in arms again...even though it won't last. In a view hours, he'll go back to ignoring me, and I'll go back to sulking...yay...