I tried writing a few more letters of my own to Legolas but got nothing in return. My fears, it seemed were realized. But at the moment I had no time to dwell on my love falling apart as I threw myself fully into researching the dark evil that was slowly drawing nearer across our land. I barely left the library except to eat and sleep. Everyone was worried about me but I brushed them off. To keep them away from me with questions, I would quell their worries by going for rides on Sunset. I would often ride out to where Legolas and I would meet in hopes that perhaps some miracle transpired and he would be there. But alas, my hopes were futile for he disappeared back to the mystical realm he originally came from. With an even heavier heart I would ride back to Rivendell and disappear without a word into my own wing.
One day, I decided to ride toward the forest and nearly collided with Mithrandir or Gandalf the Grey (I referred to him by both names) on his steed Shadowfax. He was riding with a purpose toward some unknown location; he looked rather worried but stopped his horse and bowed to me. I brushed that away as I was not into the royal pontification. Gandalf stared at me for a few moments and then gently asked:
"Is everything alright, princess?"
"Please call me Hedraliel. Arwen is the real princess. I am not used to it." I said with a shrug as his old wise eyes settled upon me.
"But you are a princess of both Rivendell and Lothlorien. That is not something the lands are used to. It is quite a high honor; you must never forget it. It will serve you well someday." I did not say anything but then decided to ask him the question that was haunting me for some time now.
"Mithrandir, who or what is the Necromancer?" He looked shocked at the word or that I knew it.
"How do you know about that?"
"The eve you all gathered at Rivendell, the same time the dwarves were there, Arwen and I overheard snippets of your conversation." I looked down.
"So you were eavesdropping, were you?" He sounded slightly annoyed but worried at the same time. I jerked my head up and looked him in the eye.
"No we were not. We heard voices and looked down to see you all at the council table. I never told Arwen but the sword you pulled out, whispered that word to me. It made us both feel physically unwell. We went inside shortly after that. I have been spending a lot of time researching everything I could about it and have come up with nothing in relation to the Necromancer. What does that mean?" I asked without blinking as Gandalf exhaled slowly.
"Sadly, it means it is connected to you now."
"Connected how?" I asked a little worried and yet curious.
"That is what I am trying to find out. I have been summoned to the old ruins of Dol Guldur by Radagast and am on my way there now. Whatever you do princess, do not face this alone. This is the kind of evil not messed without severe repercussions." He said worriedly.
"I shall not. Dol Gulder has been abandoned for eons." I said.
"Not anymore. Something is there. Something that has found a way to exist and grow in strength." He explained.
"And you believe it is the Necromancer, whatever that may be."
"That I do, my child." He said kindly.
"But, if you are headed there now, it is a trap Gandalf. Please do not go. I beseech you." I said pleadingly. I just felt in my heart of hearts, this would not go well.
"I must my dear girl. It is the only way. Please tell your aunt when you see her next that we had spoken. Though she probably already foresaw it. You are now connected to this happening; through no fault of your own. But it seems that you may have to step into battle when the time comes. Will you be ready for that?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I am always ready to defend our lands." I said without a slight hesitation and he saw my eyes change from that of an inquisitive young woman to a hardened warrior.
"That I can tell. God speed my child. I must be off." He said.
"Stay safe please." I said again.
With that he clicked his teeth and Shadowfax took off while I turned Sunset around and we rode back to Rivendell. I did not go to the library that day but made preparations to travel to Lorien. I needed to speak with my aunt at length and I knew Haldir would be willing to train. I had to sharpen my fighting skills until not only could I beat all of the elves in Lorien but make sure that whatever battle Gandalf had spoken of, I was more than prepared. Lorien was also the best place to get a sword sharpened so it could cut a piece of hair on the fly and Altherial could use that treatment. She was already sharp but I did not want to take any chances.
I packed my things the following morning and left my wing and walked toward the stables lost in thought and nearly bumped into my uncle. I told him I was on my way to Lorien which he said would do me good instead of being cooped up in that library for days and weeks on end. I hugged him goodbye and lost in thought mounted Sunset as I rode out of Rivendell after which I galloped off at top speed toward Lorien. My thoughts were all over the place; the sudden disappearance of Legolas, the things I had learned while doing research in the library, and the conversation with Gandalf. The latter had me the most curious and the most nervous. I had to speak with my aunt and fast.
Riding up through the forest that led to the gates of Lorien, Sunset and I reached the location of where the caretakers were ready to take him from me. Lorien was as stunning as ever. Both locations that I called home were beautiful almost celestial places but for very different reasons. When you were in Lorien, even though you were living amongst trees; you felt like you were up high above in the stars. I walked slowly through the different paths and alleyways to drop off my things in my living quarters that though were not the same size as what I lived in in Rivendell were still "fit for a princess".
Trying to locate my aunt and her husband Celeborn proved to be a little more difficult as she was in a meeting and I hated to disturb her. So while I waited for her to finish, I took Altherial and my daggers to the blacksmith who set upon making my sword the sharpest in the land. The elder elf did not ask questions but just did as he was asked. I also requested throwing stars. Those were not common in our lands either but in Lorien they knew by now that my weapons were anything but common. I was told it would take several hours to prepare everything which was perfect. That gave me ample time to rest and then speak with my aunt.
I had just returned from my quarters after resting for a half hour to find Haldir waiting for me at the bottom of the circular staircase that led to aunt Galadriel and Celeborn's thrones. I knew if I was going to find my aunt anywhere it would be there. Upon seeing him, I broke out into a smile as I had not seen him in a long time and we hugged. He held me close and for a long time until I let go. He was smiling too.
"That was the longest hug you have ever given me." I said teasingly.
"I have missed you is all. It has been a long time since you have come." He said shrugging a bit.
"I have been busy." I said nonchalantly.
"Doing what?" He asked curiously.
"Oh nothing for you to worry about." I said not going into specifics. Before he could say anything else, I asked:
"Is my aunt free?" He nodded.
"Yes her meeting concluded a little while ago." He answered.
"Oh good. Now I can talk to her. Be back in a bit and then we can catch up." I said and rushed up the stairs before he could ask to come with.
I knew he wanted to probably hear what I had to say too but--and I did not want to seem rude but it was the truth--it really was not his business. This was a family discussion about something he probably had not even heard of. Besides, if anything regarding Legolas came out, I definitely did not want him to hear or know. With my aunt's inauspicious gift of seeing the future, she already must have foreseen all of these events and I really just wanted her take on things. So I reached the top of where they both sat in record time. As soon as she saw my approach, she got up from her throne and came down to me.
Aunt Galadriel extended her arms toward me and enveloped me in a loving hug. Her enigmatic features broke into a small smile when I hugged her back. Celeborn left us alone to talk. When we parted, she stroked my cheek with her hand. She was so tall, blonde, and beautiful that I never knew how it was possible that we were at all related. I had learned many eons ago not to bow to her as I was a relation and she did not want that at all. She was one of a few of the elders that still wanted to show me how to appreciate and accept that I was indeed the only elven princess of two lands. She knew that I was much prouder and more comfortable being a warrior then a princess but she still tried. I appreciated her love more than anything else just like I did with uncle Elrond.
"It is so good to see you, aunt Galadriel." I said almost breathlessly. She smiled.
"And you as well, my child. It has been a while since you have been here. It has been too quiet." I blushed and laughed slightly.
"You know why I have come." I said in Elvish; more like a statement then a question. I really wanted to just get it all out of the way.
"Yes, indeed I have seen it all. Your mind is very troubled my dear. How can I ease it for you?" She replied. Whenever I was worried I broke into Elvish. It had been so since I was a child.
"There is just so much I do not understand. I am unsure of where to begin." I shook my head trying to clear it so I could make some sort of sense. Aunt Galadriel fixed that for me.
"You saw Mithrandir and you explained what you knew to him. You heard us speaking and the sword whispered to you." I nodded.
"Yes, I am unsure where he went or why that sword whispered to me but he said I was now connected to it and to that Necromancer. My research yielded nothing about it or him; whatever it may be. Mithrandir asked me if I would be ready for battle should it come upon us." I explained.
"Of course you will be. You are one of the finest warriors I have ever known." She said simply. I bowed my head unable to put into words what it felt like hearing her say that. She lifted up my chin so our eyes met.
"You have most of the answers you sought and yet your heart remains heavy and sad. Your eyes betray emotions now you have tried to stifle down. Please tell me." She said softly.
"I feel lost and alone." I replied quietly.
"You believe he has betrayed your heart." There was no need to explain who "he" was. She knew; all too well, she knew. I nodded.
"Do not let go of hope or love. It may not be over yet. A lot is going on in our world that may have distracted him."
"And if it is?" I asked shakily not sure I wanted the answer.
"Then you go on. Your destiny is a path you must walk. It will lead you to your true soul mate. That does not however mean your path will be an easy one. It never is. Just be strong, be you, and you will find your way."
"Do you promise?" I asked her just like I used to when I was a little girl. We both smiled at the memory.
"Yes sweet one, I promise." She smiled at me as she pulled me towards her to hug me again.
After that, we parted ways and she went to join her husband and I walked slowly down the stairs of the big royal tree. I had a lot on my mind. On the one hand, a lot of things were answered and had made sense but on the other hand, there were still a lot of unknowns. As I made my way to the ground, I was surprised to see Haldir still there. He had waited for me and it was not a short time that I was up there either. I wondered if he was that eager to catch up or was there something else that he had to discuss with me. We smiled at each other and started walking side by side. We got to a place where we could sit and talk. It was a place special to us since we were children. I was in no way going to discuss what my aunt and I spoke about. But by the fact that Haldir was fidgeting, I knew something was up. Elves just do not fidget. Ever.
"Are you alright?" I asked him looking concerned. I had switched back to the common tongue by then.
"I am fine. I just want to speak to you. It has been a while." He answered without making eye contact.
"Well I am here now, you can speak to me." I sat back and prepared to listen to whatever he had to say. For a while he did not speak as he was gathering his thoughts.
"I care about you greatly. I wish you could confide in me as you do Arwen though I know it is impossible as she is family and I am really nobody."
"I care about you too. Do not say that. You are family too. You are like an older brother that I never had." As I was finishing that last part I saw him cringe almost in pain.
"What? What did I say?" I asked confused as he got up and started to pace.
"Do you not see? Hedraliel, I do not want to be your older brother! I want to be your......" His words trailed off in exasperation as a cold feeling of dread entered my stomach. I suddenly remembered the conversations I had with both Arwen and Legolas about Haldir's feelings toward me. Even thinking about the latter was painful still.
"You want to be my what?" I asked swallowing hard as he just stared at me not blinking.
"I.....I.....want to be.....the one.....for you. I am in love with you Hedraliel and have been since we were young. I do not know when I realized it but when I did, I could not make it go away and then I realized I did not want it to go away."
"Please do not continue." I said feeling sick and getting up quickly starting to walk away. I wanted to run away.
"Do not what? Do not love you? I cannot! That is not something I chose!" He said getting angry as he grabbed my arm.
"Well it is not something I chose either!" I yelled back without realizing what I had revealed until it was too late and my eyes widened as my hand flew to my mouth.
The silence was deafening as it dawned on him what I had said and the realization of it all made him blink rapidly. Haldir too did not need to know who I was referring to as it was perfectly clear. We both just stood there; shell shocked by all of the revelations swirling around. I wanted to just run back to my quarters and not come out until the following day when Altherial was ready and then take Sunset and leave for Rivendell. I did not want to be around Haldir at all at this point. Just as I was ready to turn and walk away, he quietly whispered:
"Why did you not tell me that you were in love with him?" His face was so sad, he looked like he was about to cry.
"Because it was not your business to know. Besides, it was not something we made public. It was something in the beginning stages anyways." I replied not looking at him.
"Was?" I did not reply to him right away. Finally, I turned toward him with my eyes mirroring his sorrow only for totally different reasons and said:
"I care about you deeply Haldir but I never have and never will feel for you what you feel for me. That is the honest truth no matter how much it hurts. I cannot and will not lie to you and pretend to feel something I do not. You deserve better than that as do I. I hope that is enough for you because I do not want to lose you as a friend. But you have to respect my decision."
He turned away from me then and refused to answer. I nodded to myself and walked away in the other direction. I walked slowly past where my aunt was seated; she saw me and nodded encouragement. This was definitely what she meant by my path to my destiny not being an easy one with lord only knew what kind of other obstacles ahead. I would learn later on that compared to what was to come, this was just a feather in the wind.
In the meantime, I slept fitfully that night and when Altherial and all of the other weapons I requested were ready and sharpened, I took Sunset and set out back to Rivendell. I never saw Haldir watching me from a high point as I rode off back towards home. He watched as I exited the forest giving Sunset a kick and setting him flying. I now had to figure out which path I would walk on toward a truly uncertain future.