August 27th, 2018
11:00 P.M.
Lauren
Things were weird as fuck with Ty. Since I still hadn't talked to Camila, he and I were still technically on our 'break'. The thing was, we didn't want our teams to flip out yet, so, on social media, we were still the happiest we could possibly be.
It still blew my mind how easy it was to portray a specific image of yourself on social media. The whole concept was toxic, but was also helping me out a lot right now. I knew that most of my fans would probably rejoice if they found out Ty and I were having issues, which was fucked up, but it was what it was. I didn't need that kind of reaction right now.
Especially because now, I was standing in front of Camila's door, staring at the wooden surface in front of me like it was the last thing I'd ever see. I had been doing this for a solid two minutes because I knew that the second I knocked on that door, everything would change. I wasn't sure exactly how it would turn out yet, but I knew that shit was about to go down.
It had been almost 2 weeks since Camila told me that she wanted to talk to me in person. The wait had been agonizing, but August had been proving to be a busy month for both of us. We genuinely hadn't had time to meet up until now, at 11 o' clock at night on a Monday. Camila even had to get up early to catch a flight to Detroit for the next show on Taylor's Reputation tour, but it was now or never.
After another minute or so of trying to slow my heartbeat, I finally reached forward and knocked on the door. Five seconds later, I watched the doorknob start to turn on its own.
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Camila
The second I caught sight of those green eyes, I could barely speak. It felt like it had been a lifetime since I last gazed into them. Lauren and I locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity before a bashful smile started to creep up on her face.
"Hi." she said, blushing.
"Hi." I managed, my hand still carefully placed on the doorknob.
She looked down towards my hand expectantly and that's when I snapped out of it and opened the door further.
"Welcome to my humble abode." I said lamely, gesturing for her to come in.
Lauren laughed lightly as she crossed the threshold. I rolled my eyes the second she walked past me, internally cursing myself for my awkwardness. Once I closed the door, I spun around to face the green eyed girl.
"Do you want water or anything?" I asked.
The second the words left my mouth, they felt too formal, too cold. I suddenly had no idea what to do with my hands or how to even stand properly. Just when all of my insecurities were starting to devour my brain, Lauren stepped forward and did something completely unexpected.
I stood there like a statue as Lauren wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body up against mine, sending shivers down my spine. After a few seconds, I recollected myself and allowed my arms to envelop her as well, falling perfectly onto her waist and pulling her closer.
Just like that, all of my anxiety melted away. This was Lauren. I inhaled the heavenly scent of her shampoo as we embraced, feeling my heart beating rapidly against hers.
"Water would be nice." she rasped into my ear just before pulling away.
I looked into those eyes of hers again and practically evaporated. Yup, I was definitely still in love with her. No questions about that.
"Ok." I said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
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Lauren
I watched as Camila started to move towards the kitchen, hoping that she couldn't tell how fucking nervous I was. That hug alone made me feel things I had almost forgotten I was even capable of feeling; but I had to do it. There was no way that I was going to not greet her with a hug. We fit perfectly together.
I let out a deep breath as I started to observe my surroundings, trying my best to calm down a bit. Camila's little house was nice. It had a strange Miami feel to it, which I assumed had been done on purpose.
"This is making me feel really old." I said as I looked around the place.
"Old?" Camila giggled, causing me to look over at her again.
"Yeah. I'm used to seeing you in hotel rooms or at your parents' house back in Miami. This is, like, your fucking place."
"I mean, I share it with my mom."
"I've officially marked your mom as an extension of you, so that doesn't count."
Camila laughed as she made her way back over to me, two glasses of water in her delicate hands. She handed one to me as she spoke again, her fingers brushing lightly against mine.
"Well, she's not here, now." she said with a small smirk.
"Yeah..." I trailed off.
Camila and I locked eyes again with that intensity that could set a fucking building on fire. I cleared my throat and blinked rapidly, trying my best to snap out of it.
"Cheers to that." I said, holding my glass out to her.
Camila moved her glass forward to clink with mine, but, the second the cups touched, Camila's started to slip out of her hand.
"Shit!" she huffed as she scrambled to stop it from falling.
I immediately moved my free hand under her glass and helped her keep it up, a bit of water spilling out as we steadied it together.
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Camila
Once the cup was secured, I looked back into Lauren eyes and found her sporting a smug smirk. That, combined with the fact that our hands were still touching, made my knees go weak. Why she always so much cooler than me?
"Yeah, so, I'm still the clumsiest person you'll ever meet." I said with a grin.
"Good to hear." she giggled while slowly retracting her hand.
I winced slightly at the loss of contact, but quickly recovered and turned to face the living room.
"We can sit." I said, motioning towards the nearest couch.
"We can indeed." she agreed.
Both of us made our way towards a small, tan couch. It was just big enough for the two of us to sit with our knees tucked under ourselves as we turned towards each other. Lauren and I still held our cups of water in our hands, probably to give ourselves something to do. She may have been cooler than me, but I could tell that she was still just as nervous as I was.
"Oh, congrats on the VMA wins, by the way. I meant to text you but I figured I could just tell you in person." she spoke up first.
(Go to 0:25^^)
"Thanks.", I said, biting my lower lip, "I'm sorry about—"
"Please.", Lauren interrupted with a wave of her hand and an eye roll, "That wasn't your fault. Plus, you handled it well. If they had panned the camera my way..."
"You can't even say that. You handled it really well, too. On Twitter, I mean."
At that, Lauren kinked an eyebrow and titled her head to the side.
"Have you been stalking me?" she teased.
"Well, if I wasn't talking to you, the least I could do was stalk you." I joked.
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Lauren
My smile faltered a bit as I suddenly remembered why we were here, why there were any nerves or tension at all. I could tell that Camila had the same realization because her expression softened, the corners of her mouth descending in time with mine.
Silence fell over us as we stared into each other's eyes. Who would be the first to bring it up? At the exact same time, Camila and I both brought our cups to our mouths to take a sip of water. We giggled softly at our twinning, something that never seemed to fade with us. I licked my lips once I had taken a drink and then opened my mouth to speak.
"You look really good." Camila spoke up first.
"What?" I chuckled at the unexpected comment.
"You...look incredible. Like, really, um...healthy."
Healthy? I couldn't do anything but laugh and hope that my makeup was covering the fact that my face was probably beet red. Why was she so adorable?
"You look, um...pretty healthy yourself." I teased.
"Sorry." Camila giggled.
"What are you sorry for?"
"My horrible awkwardness."
"Hey, all I saw was you complimenting me, which you should never apologize for. Women spend too much time apologizing."
"What do you mean?" she asked with a slight smirk.
"Exactly what I said. Women say 'sorry' all the time, like, wildly unnecessarily. We've been conditioned to think that we have to apologize for the simplest things, especially to men."
Camila simply stared back at me with a small smirk on her face. I couldn't help but return the gesture.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing. Just...you." she said softly.
I felt my heart jump a bit as we stared into each other's eyes, remembering why we were here yet again. Camila seemed to feel it too, because her smirk slowly disappeared while she looked down at her cup again. I took another sip.
"So, we should probably..." she trailed off.
"Talk. Yes." I finished for her as I set my glass down on the table next to us.
"Lauren...", she began, looking down at her fingers drumming on her cup, "I'm really sorry that I just dropped you like that."
She punctuated her statement by looking back up into my eyes and chewing nervously on her bottom lip.
"Camila—" I attempted.
"No. Please.", she said as she set her glass on the table next to mine, "Let me apologize. I know you probably feel like you deserved it or something but you didn't. No one does. I should've...I should've just told you the truth."
"You weren't ready to."
"Well, I am now."
Camila slowly slid her hand that was resting on the back of the couch towards mine. She looked into my eyes as she cautiously positioned her fingers in between mine. She did it all at such an incredibly slow pace, as if she was letting me decide if I would allow it.
I did allow it. I inched my hand forward a bit, meeting her halfway and causing our hands to fit together like puzzle pieces. I felt my heart rate start to pick up again, just from that simple touch. The second I watched her lips begin to part, an overwhelming desire overcame me.
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Camila
"Wait." Lauren said, squeezing my hand tightly.
I closed my mouth and furrowed my brow in confusion. She had waited months for me to explain this. I had spent months trying to get up the nerve to tell her how I felt about her, and now she was telling me to wait?
"I-I'm sorry." she said.
"Women apologize too much." I said with a smirk.
Lauren flashed me a sweet smile and gave my hand another squeeze before scooting slightly closer to me. I couldn't help but notice that our knees were now touching.
"You're right.", she said, "I'm not sorry, because I just really need to say this."
Lauren's smile faded away again, leaving her staring at me with a serious expression and those intense eyes of hers. I matched her mood, letting my smile slip away as well.
"Look...", she began, "I know we're here because you have something to share with me and I want to hear it, I promise. I just..."
Lauren looked over at our joined hands before locking eyes with me again.
"I missed you so fucking much, Camila.", she said softly, "I miss you so much anytime we're not talking or we're in a weird place or whatever it is. I feel like...I've spent my whole life missing you."
Well, shit. I was not prepared for this. It didn't even seem like she was. It seemed like this was all coming to her on the spot, as if she her words were being fueled simply by my presence, by our eye contact; by our joined hands.
"Camila...", she went on, scooting even closer to me, "Since the day I met you, I haven't been able to picture my life without you in it. I went 16 years without even knowing you existed, and yet, somehow, it was like...like you were missing that whole time. I've spent my life missing you and...and I'm tired of it."
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Lauren
Holy fuck. The words were pouring out of me at a rapid rate that I just couldn't stop. My every word, my every move was being propelled by her sitting there in front of me, staring into my eyes like everything I said had so much meaning. And it fucking did.
I had walked into that house without any idea of what was going to happen. I had been so focused on hearing whatever it was Camila had to say, that I hadn't even thought about what I would say, what I would feel. Looking into her eyes and holding her hand made it impossible to hold it all back anymore.
"What...what are you saying, Lauren?" Camila asked quietly, her raspy voice failing her a bit.
"I'm saying...", I said as I placed my free hand on her knee, "I tried to fool myself into thinking that I just wanted you in my life...as a friend...for so long. I told myself that my missing you didn't mean anything but...it means fucking everything, Camila. I-I can't—"
"Lauren, I'm in love with you." she blurted out.
My jaw dropped slightly at her words. I was completely stopped in my tracks. There was a raging storm of butterflies in my stomach now, one that would only awaken for her. I could feel my mouth growing dry as I stared back at her in shock.
"I'm...I'm so in love with you.", she continued, now grabbing my other hand, too, "I...I'm so in love with you that it fucking hurts, sometimes. Sometimes I hate myself for how much I love you."
I watched as Camila's eyes started to well up with tears. I held her hands tighter.
"I...you're so frustrating and you make things so difficult but...I love you. The only time you make things easy is when you love me back. Then, it's the fucking easiest thing in the world. Everything is so easy when we're in love. Everything just works, even when it doesn't. Even when every goddamn person tells us it shouldn't and makes it so hard. And we're both so stupid to ever think that any other way is how it's supposed to be. I'm so done missing you, too. So incredibly done, Lauren."
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Camila
I hadn't even realized that I was crying until Lauren disconnected our hands and moved them to wipe at my cheeks. I let my fingers caress her forearms as she cleaned my face, feeling free to touch her now. I had missed her soft skin so much.
The green eyed girl slowly scooted forward even more until she was able to press her forehead against mine. Normally, this situation would've been heaven: having Lauren's hands on me and our faces a mere centimeter apart; but, she still hadn't said it.
She still hadn't said that she loved me back. She was just sitting there, caressing my cheek with her thumb and looking down at my lips. Did she want me to kiss her? Or would that ruin absolutely everything? Not knowing what she was thinking was driving me crazy.
I didn't want to kiss her and screw it all up like we had last time, the night of the 2017 Grammys. We jumped into it so fast and had sex before realizing we weren't even on the same page. I couldn't let that happen this time; because this time would be the last time.
I ran my hands up her arms until I reached her wrists. I grasped them tightly as she held my face, silently begging her to say something, to give me some sort of answer. Finally, I watched her open her mouth, only to say the last words I ever expected.
"I need to talk to Ty." she whispered.
I pulled away slightly, feeling like I had just been stabbed in the chest, but Lauren pulled me back into her and looked into my eyes.
"Not because I'm deciding between you two.", she said sternly, sensing my fear, "None of that bullshit."
She ran the pad of her thumb over my lower lip as she studied my mouth again.
"But because I need to end it. I...I do really care about him and I want to end it right." she explained.
Her eyes darted upwards to meet mine again.
"Does that make sense?" she asked.
Her eyes held this sincerity that I had never seen before. She wanted to make sure that we were on the same page this time, too. Yet, there was still this flicker of doubt in me, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that worried that she would go back to Ty and remember how much simpler it was with him; how much she still loved him, too.
I knew that she did. This had been Lauren's longest relationship to date; at least her longest consistent one. She and I had been on and off for years, but she and Ty had been steady as a rock. That's what he represented for her: stability, support, comfort. I knew that he had been incredible for her. He had made her feel safe, something that the world would make impossible for me to provide for her.
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Lauren
"Lauren...", Camila began, averting eye contact, "Look...if-if you talk to Ty and--"
"Camila." I stopped her, tilting her head up to look me in the eyes again.
I saw them watering even more now, trying to stop the pain from spilling out. I knew exactly what she was thinking. She thought that I would go back to Ty and change my mind, like I had done to her so many times before. I knew that I had made her this guarded and insecure, and it fucking killed me.
"I want you.", I began, now feeling my own heart in my throat, "I've always wanted you. It's always been you. I've been a fucking idiot for trying to pretend that it's ever been any other way."
I cleared my throat as a tear fell down my cheek. I was trying my best to hold it together for her, but the way I felt about her was so overwhelming; so much so that I couldn't possibly convey it to her no matter how hard I tried.
"I love you so much.", I finally said, "I'm crazy about you, Camila. You're...you're it, babe. I can't stress that enough. There's going to be a lot of shit to work through and a lot of complications but...I'm done hurting you. I'm never going to hurt you again, do you understand me? I'm going to go back to Ty and tell him that he and I are done because we are. 100%."
Camila let out a small whimper, somewhere between a sob and a laugh. I could tell that she was just as overwhelmed as I was, if not more, so I attempted to calm her down. I stroked her jaw line as the corners of my mouth began to rise.
"I. Love. You." I whispered to her, blinking away the tears forming in my eyes.
"I love you." she said with a small giggle.
My smile grew wider as I took in the sight of her. The amount of times I had seen this woman cry actually blew my mind. I hated that I had caused so many of her tears, but, at the same time, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was like this: overflowing with love.
That's all it ever was with us, wasn't it? Anytime we moved each other to tears, whether they were angry, sad, or happy tears...they were simply a product of a love so deep that we just couldn't control them.
After studying her radiance for a few more seconds and wiping away at more of her tears, I tilted my head to the side to place a long kiss on her warm cheek. I could feel her smiling beneath my lips, which made me smile too. Once I removed my mouth from her skin, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her again for another explosive hug.
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Camila
I fell into Lauren immediately, holding her tighter than I had ever held anyone in my entire life. My breaths were quick and heavy as I tried to calm down. I seriously felt like I was about to have a heart attack, but in the best way possible.
This was finally it. Lauren and I had finally gotten time apart, time to grow into ourselves and to figure out what we wanted. After all of our ups and downs and after almost two years of not being together romantically at all, we were here: wrapped up in a warm embrace and sharing 'I love you''s again. We still wanted each other.
She still wanted me.
I knew how much she would be giving up. She would lose Ty, the security of being able to post about her significant other freely, the simplicity of being able to walk down the street hand in hand with her lover. She had found love again, and she was giving it up for me.
We both knew that this was going to be so much harder than ever before. Us being together during our years with the group was dangerous enough, but now? Now, that we were both supposedly dating men and focusing on our solo careers? Our teams would absolutely destroy us.
The thing was, it had gotten to the point where neither of us gave a shit anymore, clearly. Love was everything. It was something that we had both grown up believing, something that we had spent endless nights talking about when we were just teenage girls traveling the world together.
Lauren and I had been in love before we even knew what love was. We had fallen in love the second that we looked into each other's eyes for the first time on that warm summer day in Greensboro, North Carolina, brown dancing with green for the first time ever. We just hadn't known it yet.
We were written in the stars, on the dark side of the moon, wherever love stories could be engraved forever. That kind of love couldn't be stopped. It could be paused, interrupted, made extremely difficult; but it could never be stopped, especially not now. Now, Lauren and I were both ready. We were both ready to fall into each other like we never had before.
And neither of us would ever be the same.
END OF PART 5