same day | 7:08pm
—
Sitting on this panel with a few Alpha and Finer women along with my line sister, Arnelle, made me a little happy. There were petty beefs between the organizations, but we came together for a good cause.
All of us had experienced some form of sexual assault. I didn't know Mariyah did until she confessed to me a while back. It saddened me because her attacker was her father.
However, it explained his possessiveness over her. Once her mother found out, it was over. According to Mariyah, her mother tried to kill her father.
I have confidence that my mom would have done the same.
What really sucked is that Mariyah's father is a famous actor so everything unraveled in front of the world. I tried to be there as best as I could.
Looking ahead, the room was packed. Mostly women much to my disappointment, but there was some fellas in the crowd.
Including the nigga I'm mad at right now.
When we made eye contact, he smiled and waved, but I just looked away. I knew he'd be confused, but I'd have to chew into him later. Mariyah said to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But, if he lie to me to my face, all of that goes out of the window.
"Hello everyone," Mariyah began to speak. "I'm so glad that you all found time in your day to come to our panel, hosted by the Oh so pretty ladies of Alpha.. Kappa Alpha."
Arnelle and I glanced at each other then back at Mariyah.
"We do have some special, special guest panelists. We teamed up with two Devastating Divas and two Finer women. First, we have Arnelle Williams of Delta Sigma Theta. She currently serve as her Chapter's President." Arnelle raised her hand and smiled as everyone clapped.
"Next, we have my dearest friend Nia Cartier of Delta Sigma Theta. She currently serves on the board for Cartier Academy and she is the President of our sophomore class."
"She does more than that." A student blurted out from the crowd causing everyone to look at her.
"We'd be all day naming everything that Nia is involved in."
Mariyah continued as if she wasn't interrupted and introduced the two Zetas and her line sisters before we got started. I glanced at my phone to see that Jace had texted me.
I opened it to see what the nigga wanted.
What's wrong?
I politely closed the message and sat back in my seat. I put it to the back of my mind and focused on the task at hand.
"So, Nia is going to start off first and after she finishes, feel free to ask questions." Mariyah said before giving me the floor.
"Hi everyone. Since Mariyah has introduced me, I won't get into all of that. But, what I will say is that I exceed qualifications to speak on this panel if some of you were wondering. I started a nonprofit organization right here on this campus to support Black women who are survivors of sexual assault. I have also done work alongside my mother, who is a survivor herself."
"I don't want to just narrow our focus to campus sexual assault. With me, I'll be speaking on sexual assault in general while these five gorgeous ladies will go a little deeper on campus sexual assault." I crossed my legs and looked up. "Okay, so as I said before, my mom is a survivor of gang rape. It has been documented many times. So, I've had some insight from a survivor who raised me. It was heartbreaking to watch my mom go through with what she went through. Sometimes it got the best of her."
"Fortunately for me, my attacker never got the chance to go through with the act. My, um, boyfriend at the time saved me. Two weeks later, he was murdered. An angel if I ever knew one."
I took a moment to get myself together. I felt Arnelle's hand on my back and it almost made me cry. But, I kept it together.
"If we're going to speak on sexual assault, let's get to the facts. Throughout much of U.S. history, the rape of Black women was widespread and institutionalized. The legal system offered little protection and stereotypes about Black women's hypersexuality were used to justify limited social support for Black rape survivors."
"In national studies, approximately 1 in 5 Black women had been raped in their lifetime. Black women who were low-income, HIV-positive, bisexual, or incarcerated were at elevated risk. Most rapes were intraracial and involved someone known to the victim: family member, intimate partner, or acquaintance. Perpetrators used physical force, coercion, or substances to gain compliance."
"My focus will always be on Black women because we're at the bottom of the barrel. I've watched the attempts to tear my mom down as she spoke about her experience. You see it with R Kelly, if you're a Black girl or woman, they do not care. If R Kelly's victims were white, he'd be in jail already."
A guy raised in his hand and I looked at him, motioning for him to ask his question. "I understand where you're coming from. But, you don't think it's weird that a Black man has a documentary, but all of these white men who've assaulted women don't?"
I shrugged. "I'm sure that's false because I've seen many documentaries on white men, but at the moment, I don't care about white men. I care about Black women."
"I'm just saying. They did it with Bill Cosby. Why wait this long?"
"Who cares how long they've waited?" Arnelle spoke up. "What you should care about is that these were teenage Black girls. He's R Kelly. What exactly do you want them to say when everyone is and will protect him?"
"You're part of the problem." I said. "You're continuing the cycle of silence. I just hope, in the future, you'll realize it. And maybe survivors close to you will feel that you've created a space safe enough to allow them to confide in you."
With that, I continued with my section. I really tried my best to not get upset with guys like him. I don't mind educating, but some things were just common sense.
Jace raised his hand and I blinked a few times. I decided not to be publicly rude and to just answer what ever question he had. "Yes?"
He stood up in all of his 6'3" glory. I loved a man I had to look up at.
He cleared his throat before he spoke and he had every woman's attention in this room. "How do you create a space where someone you love has enough confidence to confide in you?"
"The idea of creating a safe space is well-intentioned. But it's easy. Just listen." I replied honestly and the other panelists nodded in agreement. "It doesn't just start with something deep like sexual assault. It's the little things like being receptive."
"I thought that I have." He looked directly at me. "But it seems like I learn new things and it's not directed to me."
I squinted my eyes, wondering what he was talking about. It was obvious that it was about me. Then, I realize that I'd never told him about my experience.
"Sometimes it's not about you. It's about the person, and if they're ready to tell you. Don't take it personally."
Jace nodded, and reclaimed his seat. He seemed to be a little upset, but so was I. Leon attended Stanford University as well. That's what people didn't know.
I didn't tell my mom or anyone in my family.
Maybe I'll tell Jace.
The rest of the panel session lasted two hours and I was beyond tired. I feel like we got somewhere, though. Even the guy who challenged me was more receptive.
I placed my messenger bag over my body and grabbed my phone before leaving. I didn't want to stay behind and talk to anyone. I walked out of the room and noticing Jace leaning on the wall, looking at his phone.
He didn't see me until I walked up to him. He placed his phone in his pocket. "Are you ready?"
I gave him my keys and walked away from him. Slowly, I walked down the stairs and I could hear him hot on my heels.
"The hell is up with you?" He asked.
I tore the wrapper off my granola bar and bit into it. "How was your study session with Tahj?" I asked while chewing.
"Good, I guess." He responded, trying to get my backpack. Any other day, I'd let him carry my stuff, but his response made my blood boil. I pushed him away. "Nia, what the fuck?"
"So, you're really going to lie to me? In my face?" I stopped and glared at him. "That's how we're starting off?"
Jace sighed and moved closer to me. "Don't make me tell you."
I looked up at him, confused by that statement. "Tell me what? The truth?! Jace, you lied to me. For what?"
"Okay, I'll tell you but can we get to car first?" He asked. I read his eyes before turning to begin back walking. It was a silent walk to the car and it had me wondering.
Once we made it to the car, I leaned on the door and looked at him. He moved in front of me and placed his hand on the hood of the car.
"I need some space." I said.
"I need comfort." He looked at me.
I sighed softly. "Okay Jace, what is it?"
"I was at work." He said. "At Best Buy."
I had confusion all over my face. I was deadass lost. "I thought you worked at FedEx?"
Jace nodded. "I do. And at Best Buy."
"Jace, how are you working two jobs and going to school? Didn't you have class tonight?"
"Yea," He sighed. "My mom is sick so she can't work. I'm trying to make sure she don't get behind on her bills."
Now, I felt bad. Remembered when I said that Jace didn't complain. This is what I meant. His world was crashing and he made it seem like it was smooth sailing.
He looked away from me, and I softly turned his head back towards me. "How sick is she?"
"She has stage four Breast Cancer."
"Jace.." I closed my eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "Nah, I shoulda just told you. I'm sorry for lying."
"So, you're paying your bills and hers?"
Jace ran his hand down his face in a stressful fashion. "I'm trying to. But shit, I'm overwhelmed. I'm the only child, Nia. I'm supposed to be focusing on school. I've been missing days like shit."
"You have to keep your scholarship." I said and he gave me a look that let me know that it was bad timing. "Let me help."
"What? No." Jace declined. "You got your own shit. I can't and I'm not asking you for anything."
"I'm offering."
"No, Nia." He looked at me. "That's your money."
I folded my arms across my chest. "So, you're just gonna drop out of school?"
Jace shrugged. "I mean if I have to."
I shook my head. "Hell no. Let me help, Jace. For once, let me do something for you. I owe you that much."
"You don't owe me anything."
"Please don't be stubborn." I pleaded, resting my forehead on his chest. "I have the money. I'm not losing anything."
Jace went quiet for a minute, causing me to look back up at him. I knew he was thinking and I hoped he'd let me help.
His eyes fell back on me. "How would you help?"
"However you want me to. As long as you're back in the classroom. Finals are in two weeks." I said. "Does your mom have medical insurance?"
"It's not covering everything."
"Well, I'll cover the rest." I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. "And we'll sort the rest out."
Jace pulled me closer to him. "I'ma pay you back."
"You don't have to. Just keep your scholarship." I said honestly. "I'm in a position to help."
"Thank you."
I leaned in, kissing him softly. "Just don't lie to me again."
He nodded his head. "You're gonna tell me about your experience? I was hit with a curveball in that panel session."
"Yes, I'll tell you. Not tonight, though. I'm still tired from last night." I rolled my eyes. "I need some sleep."
He smirked at me. "I'm not letting you get any sleep."
"You're going home, playa. I'm not trying to get pregnant. Period." I made the City Girls' hand motion.
His face dropped as I got into the car. "Fine." He mumbled as he walked around to the driver's side.
"Are you hungry?" He asked.
I nodded. "I am. I was going to take some of your spaghetti home. It was really good, I never told you."
"Glad you enjoyed it," He began driving. "It's my mom's secret recipe."
"Have you seen her?" I asked. "It's pretty serious and I remember you telling me that you weren't going home for the holiday's."
Jace briefly glanced over at me. "I went home. I just didn't stay long. I had to work."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Going on two months now." He sighed.
"That's not fair." I shook my head. "You've always been there for me and when you need someone, you shut me out."
Jace shrugged. "It's not like I wanted to. You wasn't officially my girl and shouldn't have had to deal with it."
"It doesn't matter, Jace. Even if I'm not your girl, I'm still your friend. Right?" I looked over at him.
"I guess so, Nia."
"No," I shook my head again. "I don't need a love that guesses. I need a love that's sure of itself." I mocked him. "I got my issues, but I ain't no bitch that's not gonna have your back."
Jace put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it gently. "I didn't mean it like that, babe."
"Look, historically, I know I've been hot and cold with you. And I'm sorry for doing you like that because you didn't deserve it. But, I care about you Jace. I really do." I leaned on the door and looked out of the window.
When he stopped at a red light, he reached over and gently grabbed my face to make me look back at him. "I know baby."
With that, he kissed me softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made me cling to him. As I placed both hands on his face, I kissed him back.
He magically dipped his tongue into my mouth and I let out a soft moan. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the light had turned to green.
"The light is green." I said against his lips.
"They can go around," He said, putting the car into park and locking the doors. I had no time to ask what the hell was he doing because his fingers were somehow inside of me.
I moaned at the insertion and he didn't waste any time to please. He continued to kiss me on my neck as I moaned loudly. The neck and finger combination was so deadly for me.
"Oh Jace." I said breathlessly.
He sped up causing my eyes to roll backwards, and he sucked on my neck for dear life. My moans grew louder as my orgasm was near.
"Cum," He demanded and right on cue, I did. His fingers slowly continued to move inside of me as I whimpered in pleasure. "Good girl."
Post orgasm clarity, I realized that we were still at this stop light and I was so glad my windows were tinted. "Jaceeee." I covered my face.
I could hear him laughing as he removed his fingers. I moved my hand just in time to see him clean up the mess I'd made on his fingers. "Mm, mm." He sighed contently. "I'm sorry for lying to you baby."
He kissed me again before putting the car back into drive and driving off.
"You are forgiven." I mumbled to myself.
Chilleeeeee