June 13th, 2017
1:00 P.M.
Lauren
I woke up with a nice hangover and a few texts, thankfully none from any unwanted ex girlfriends. The first message I saw was from Ty, unsurprisingly.
T: Morning baby😘 L.A.'s missin you boo come back soon
I smiled at his sweet text. Fuck Lucy. I was getting closer to being happy every day. So what if I had a moment of weakness? It's not like I had been harassing Camila every day or something. I started to think that the universe had saved me from calling Camila for a reason.
I quickly answered Ty's text before checking the rest of my messages, one of them being from one of my favorite people in the world, Dinah Jane Hansen.
Dinah had definitely meant it when she said she would get over me and Ty being together. Not only had she started to move on, but she was actually becoming a huge supporter of us. Her constant positive energy and encouragement made me feel so much better about everything. Though I sort of hated that I even needed reassurance to be with him.
D: Hiiiii bb call me when you can🤗🤗
I could definitely use a friendly voice after the previous night's shenanigans, so I immediately sat up and called the Polynesian girl, my head only throbbing a little bit when I did so.
"Heyo." Dinah answered.
"Hi, love." I rasped, my voice cracking a bit.
"Did you have a fun night?" she teased.
"Oh yeah. Loads of fun. Some shit went down, actually, but how are you?"
"Did this shit involve Lucy?"
I froze. My eyes darted around my room, as if Dinah was going to pop out any second.
"How the fuck did you know that?" I asked.
"Well...I figured your shit usually has to do with Lucy or Camila so I had a 50/50 shot." she explained.
"...I don't believe you."
"What do you mean you don't believe me?" she scoffed.
"That's fucking weird, Dinah. Are you psychic or some shit? I haven't been talking to either of them so how did you guess something I wasn't even anticipating?"
"Bitch, sorry I'm good at guessing, damn. Just tell me what happened. My 'psychic' skills only go so far."
"You're wild."
"I know."
"Do I have to talk about it now? My head hurts."
"Take some Advil and get over it. I want juice."
"You're sympathy is endearing."
"Mhm."
"Alright, hold on. Stupid."
I set the phone down and carefully reached over to my night desk to grab my glass of water and the small bottle of Advil pills that I knew I would need that morning. I downed two of the pills before returning my attention to Dinah and telling her a slightly watered down version of the truth.
"So, I accidentally called Lucy last night." I began, leaving Camila out of it, as usual.
"And how in the world did this happen?" Dinah asked.
"I was drunk." I laughed.
"With who?"
"Myself."
"And you were drunk on a Monday night by yourself because...?"
"Because it just happened, Dinah, don't judge me. I'm fine."
"I didn't say you weren't."
"I can hear the concern in your tone."
"Because I love you."
"I love you too but chill."
"Again, I said nothing."
"Whatever. Point is, I called Lucy and she got all pissed off at me as usual."
"Why?"
I knew exactly why, but I couldn't bring myself to tell Dinah about the Camila side of things; that I had meant to call her instead, that I had left Lucy a long-ass voicemail meant for her, and that I missed her so much it hurt.
"You know how she is now. She just finds any excuse to yell at me." I said instead.
"Hmm..." Dinah mumbled.
"What?" I asked.
"Ok, if I tell you something...can you promise to not freak out too much?"
"Um...I don't know if I can promise that."
"Just...just hear me out before you flip."
"Dinah, what's happening?"
"Ok, apparently Lucy called Camila last night."
My eyes widened and my mouth suddenly felt extremely dry. Had I heard that right?
"What?" I breathed.
"Camila...called me last night.", Dinah went on, "And she told me that Lucy called her just, like, being really nice to her or something. I just...I don't know, I figured you had something to do with it."
"I..."
I didn't even know what to say. I didn't know how I was supposed to explain Lucy's actions without telling Dinah what I had really done to piss the Colombian girl off. Actually, I couldn't even explain it all even knowing all of the facts. What the fuck was Lucy thinking?
"What the actual fuck." I blurted out.
"Lo, I said don't freak out. It wasn't that bad." Dinah warned.
"Are you kidding me? Dinah, what right does she have interfering in Camila's life when she told me to—"
"When she told you to what? Why is Camila being dragged into you guys' issues?"
"I just...I gotta go, Dinah."
"Lauren."
"No, seriously. Thanks for telling me, but I need to...I don't even fucking know."
"Don't do anything stupid. And don't talk to Camila. She's fine, it's over."
"Whatever."
With that, I hung up and slammed my phone onto my bed next to me. If I had been angry the night before, I was fucking raging now.
Lucy had the nerve to tell me to leave Camila alone and then proceeded to call her and saying what, even? Of course Camila would tie Lucy's call to me, even if I had nothing to do with it. The poor girl was probably so confused and terrified.
It burned me up thinking about Lucy using her dumbass 'nice' voice on Camila. What the fuck was she even trying to do?
At this point, I didn't give a shit what her intentions were. She had crossed a line. I picked my phone up again and found Lucy's name in my contacts.
L: Are you fucking psychotic? You tell me to leave Camila alone and then you go ahead and CALL her yourself? What were you even trying to fucking accomplish? Jesus Lucy she needs your shit a lot less than she needs mine. You had NO RIGHT. I am in literal shock that this is even happening. I didn't think you'd stoop this goddamn low. I don't even know what you said to her but stay the fuck away alright? She doesn't need your fake concerns and your bullshit compliments or whatever the fuck it was you gave her. If I ever find out that you called her again you better know I'm coming after your ass. We're done bitch you crossed a line.
I clicked send and breathed a sigh of relief; though, I felt anything but relieved. I knew yelling at Lucy wasn't going to make me feel any better, but it pissed me off that I couldn't reach out to Camila and ask if she was ok or what even happened. Lucy was the obvious way to take that frustration out.
God, I hated all of this bullshit. I was so sick of all of the drama. I just hoped that the brown eyed girl on the other end of the country was doing better than I was.
................................................................
June 17th, 2017
10:00 A.M.
Camila
I thought the storm had passed. I thought I had come out the other side with a minor scratch or two, but I was not prepared for what was about to happen.
After the whole Lucy fiasco, Dinah had actually gotten back to me the next day. She told me that Lucy had called Lauren the same night but that the green eyed girl hadn't been involved in Lucy's call to me.
I imagined Lauren being pissed off about Lucy calling me. Then again, I had also imagined that Lauren had had something to do with the call, but I was just being pathetic. Was it really so wrong of me to have wanted Lauren to stir up some drama? It wasn't that I wanted to fight or be hurt anymore, but I just wanted to know that she was still thinking about me in some way.
Instead, she was just having some dramatic episode with Lucy, clearly. The two had unfollowed each other on practically every social media, not to mention the rest of the Fifth Harmony girls unfollowing her, and Lucy had liked one of my pictures for whatever reason.
Why did she have to be the one involving me? If I was going to be wrapped up in their catfight, why couldn't Lauren be the one dragging me into it?
I was trying to focus on the one good thing that had come out of this: Dinah. Oddly enough, the situation had actually reconnected us, in a way. We had been talking a bit the past few days, and about a lot more than the Lucy situation.
It was so nice hearing from her again. We didn't talk about Fifth Harmony or music stuff. It wasn't even just because it was awkward to bring up, but because we simply wanted to focus on us and just on other things going on in our lives. I knew that we were still a long way from where we had been, but this was definitely something.
Speaking of the young Polynesian, I had an urge to call her before I made my way to the studio. I could use her positive vibes going in. I found Dinah's name in my messages and tapped the button to call her.
And this is where everything went to absolute shit.
The phone stopped ringing, but Dinah's voice didn't exactly appear, at least not very loudly.
"What's up?" she said.
"Why do you sound so far away?" I asked.
Then, I heard another voice.
"I just need a Dinah Jane cuddle right now." Lauren said.
Hearing her voice was so weird. I wasn't sure how I felt or what the fuck was going on, but I suddenly couldn't speak.
"Come here.", Dinah said over some rustling noises, "What's wrong?"
"June has been shit so far." Lauren spoke again, her voice sounding a bit closer now.
"Hey, it's ok. Don't let Lucy get to you."
"It's not even just Lucy. It's fucking everything, man."
"Lo...can I ask you something?"
"You can ask whatever you want. I might not answer it."
I rolled my eyes and fought back a smirk. A typical Lauren answer.
"Do you know why Lucy called Camila?" Dinah asked.
Oh shit. Ok, I really needed to hang up. This was wrong. Unless...Dinah wanted me to hear this?
"I told you Lucy's fucking psychotic." Lauren huffed.
"Lo.", Dinah said sternly, "What did you guys talk about?"
Silence. I still wasn't sure if I should be listening to this but I couldn't help it. I was finally going to get some answers.
"Camila may have been mentioned." Lauren finally said, causing my heart to race.
I had forgotten the effect she had on me when she said my name.
"In what context?" Dinah asked.
"Dinah, it's really not important." Lauren replied.
"Why didn't you mention it before then?"
"Because it was so irrelevant that I forgot?"
"Did you bring Camila up? Or did she?"
"Can we not with the inquisition? I didn't come here for this shit."
Oh no. Lauren was getting angry. I knew it was only a matter of time before she burst. I knew that I should hang up the damn phone; and yet I was paralyzed.
"Lo, you can talk to me!", Dinah pleaded, "I just want to help...do you...I mean, do you miss Camila or—"
"Fucking hell, Dinah!" Lauren said, raising her voice.
I heard more rustling muffling Lauren's voice a bit.
"I don't miss Camila.", she snapped, "I can barely stand the thought of her or Lucy right now, alright? I just wish exes would disappear from your life once it was done, like, shit."
"Lo—" Dinah tried.
"No, I'm fucking sick of this! Why can't everyone just shut up and let it go? I—"
"I'm talking to Camila again!"
More silence.
"You're what?" Lauren hissed.
"I mean, we're not like best friends again, but, like she was just calling me actually and—"
Dinah stopped talking. Suddenly, the line went dead. She had picked up the phone.
She knew.
That confirmed it: Dinah hadn't accepted the call on purpose; which meant that I was now an eavesdropping loser and whatever we had started up again between us was probably over already.
Not only that, but Lauren's words kept echoing in my head. I kept telling myself that she was just being defensive, that she really did miss me and that she was just in a bad mood...but the other voice in my head was so much louder.
It was the same voice that had been telling me that I had been nothing but a burden to Lauren for years, the source of her misery and insecurity; the same voice that I had spent so long trying to block out.
Now I remembered why Lauren and I weren't talking. All she did now was make me feel like shit. I was seriously so done hurting.
................................................................
Dinah
Oh my god. Camila had heard every single word. The little shit had stayed on the line.
I sat there trying to act natural while Lauren stared at me with those demon eyes of hers, but my mind was racing a mile a minute.
How long had she been listening? I must have accidentally accepted her call when Lauren stormed into my room. Stupid Lauren. I got so scared that she would see Camila's name on the phone that I had to make a rushed decision.
Either way, the cat was out of the bag now and she was staring me down, wondering why I had just clammed up and thrown my phone down on the bed like a crazy person.
"What just happened?" Lauren asked, narrowing her eyes at me.
"I just...I was just saying that she was calling me before you walked in." I said slowly.
"And why'd you stop saying that?"
"I just got distracted."
"By?"
"Alright, who's doing the inquisition now?"
"Whatever. Can you explain to me why the fuck you've been talking to Camila after making such a big deal about me doing it? Why is everyone doing this shit?"
"Hey, she called me, ok? She was confused about the Lucy thing."
"That didn't mean you had to keep talking to her."
"Lo...why does it even matter? I mean, me not talking to Camila was because all we would do was talk about you. I had no interest in just being a messenger...but it's different now."
"Different how?"
"Well...I don't know, we're actually talking to each other again. About life, about whatever."
"And you don't give a shit about the past anymore?"
"Of course I do. Like I said, it's not like we're best friends or anything, but...we'll, it's sort of nice to be friendly again. And you really can't sit here and compare me and her to you and her. You know that the two of you talking is a lot worse."
Lauren simply stared back at me, her arms crossed over her chest. I knew she missed Camila. I knew that it was bothering her because she had been acting so weird the past few weeks. I wasn't sure what had sparked it but I knew her way too well at this point to not know what was wrong.
"I hate that." she said quietly.
"Hate what?" I asked.
"I hate...", she said again, her voice breaking a bit, "I hate that it's like this. I hate what happened to us."
Finally. She was spilling some sort of emotions. I slowly stood up and wrapped my arms around her.
"I know." I said as I rubbed her back, urging her to go on.
"I hate that she's not here.", Lauren continued, her voice now shaky, "I hate that I can't just walk over to her room and talk to her. I hate that I didn't try harder before. I hate all of it. I'm trying so hard to just move forward but it's like something always pulls me back. I-I don't know what the answer is Dinah, I don't know what to do."
"We just gotta stick together, Lo. We still have each other. It's natural for stuff to get to you every once in a while. It'll pass again and it'll get better. I promise."
"I feel like I've been saying that for years."
"Look at me."
I pulled away from the crying girl slightly and forced her to look me in the eye. I hated seeing Lauren like this, but it was a hell of a lot better than rampaging Lauren who said things she clearly didn't mean; who said things that Camila was probably crying about right now.
"I know you hate when people say this...but, what else could possibly go wrong?" I grinned.
"You're the worst." she huffed.
"I'm serious!"
"No. You just jinxed us." Lauren pouted as she wiped at her own tears.
"But seriously. Think about it. The worst that happens now is that you think about her every now and then. You think about the past and you get upset. Eventually, all of that goes away. They're just feelings. They fade. She's out there doing her thing and we're here doing ours. There's not much room for chaos."
"I know you're right. I just...have these stupid moments."
"Yeah, you're pretty stupid." I giggled.
Lauren returned my small laughter with a glare.
"I love you." I said with a smile, approaching her again for another embrace.
Lauren simply stood there while I wrapped my arms around her for a few seconds, but soon her arms were around my torso as well, her head laying against my chest.
"Yeah, I love you, too.", she mumbled, "I need to find a new outlet or some shit."
"You will." I reassured her.
As I stood there hugging the green eyed girl, my mind wandered to Camila. I was honestly furious with her for listening in on my talk with Lauren, but at the same time I was sort of worried for her.
As far as she knew, Lauren wanted nothing to do with her anymore which, in a way, was true, but I thought back to when Lauren and Lucy were dating during the 7/27 tour.
Camila had been an absolute wreck because she thought Lauren didn't give a shit about her. I didn't want her to feel that way again...but part of me wasn't sure it was my job to worry about that anymore.