Thursday
October 14th, 2013
7:13 AM
Elijah D.
"Someone is in a good mood," I looked over the breakfast spread Onika had laid on the dining table. She went into the refrigerator and pulled out a jug of orange juice, "Xavier got a promotion at work last night," she smiled. "Word? That's whats's up." She nodded her head, "you know he works third shift, so I wanted him to have something real nice to come home to." She sat the orange juice in the middle of the table and walked to the cabinet. She pulled down a few glasses walked back towards the table. "Just a little something to show him how much I appreciate him. You know he feels self conscious."
I furrowed my eyebrows trying to figure out what that has to do with me, "about?"
"The lifestyle you provided me and Nina with. More so me of course. It's like he feels inadequate if he can't buy me a five thousand dollar purse, or twenty thousand dollar earrings. He assumes I need those materialistic things to be happy, not knowing a lot of the purses and jewelry that I have were gifts after you had been out cheating. He doesn't even like living in this condo because you paid for it and he feels he should be the one putting his woman inside of a home."
"I understand where he's coming from, I would feel some type of way too. My only concern is will he be able to put you and Nina in a secure building? That was my whole purpose of buying this condo for you."
I'm all about a man being the head of his household, but the situation is complicated because my daughter is involved. I can't compromise my peace of mind knowing that where the two of them lay their head is safe and that no one would be able to get to them without going through extreme measures. Xavier doesn't know about my drug business so he's just looking at it as a crib that I paid for when it's so much more.
"Well that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. His job promotion is in New Orleans," she bit her lip. I furrowed my eyebrows, "what you really talking about, Onika?"
She sighed, "we're moving to New Orleans after the wedding." I shook my head while scrunching up my face, "you want me to turn into a holiday dad knowing I see my baby Tuesday's, Thursday's, and keep her most weekends? I'm not going for that shit."
"He's about to be my husband, E. What? You want me to live in New York while he lives in Louisiana? I'm pregnant with his child, Elijah."
"And you have mine. So what," I shrugged shoulders, "I'm just supposed to see my kid significantly less than how I'm used to seeing her for you to be with a man?"
"Don't downplay me as a mother like I'm running behind a man. He's my fiancé, soon to be husband in two months. What the hell am I marrying him for if I can't be home when he gets there or vice versa? I don't want you to be a holiday dad, I didn't even want you to be an out of the household dad. You're the one who made that decision when you couldn't keep it in your pants."
I knitted my eyebrows and licked my lips, "the consequence of my actions was you moving on and another man being able to have a helping hand in raising Nina. I can live with that. I have been for the last couple of years and I've been doing it with the utmost respect. This is where I draw the line. I shouldn't have to take the PJ just to be able to get to my daughter if something should happen. I need to be able to get to my daughter quickly. I don't know how I would ever be content with not being able to get to my baby in a timely manner. I'm not going for that, Onika."
She threw up her hands and yelled out of frustration, "you are being so unreasonable. This is the reality of broken families. One time or another, someone is going to have to get the shorter end of the stick and do something they don't want to do. You are a damn good father and I hate the fact that Nina won't see you as much, but I have to do what's best for my family that now includes Xavier and a new ad- you brush your teeth?" I looked over my shoulder and Nina was walking in the kitchen dressed and ready to go.
Nina nodded, "yes, ma'am. Two times!" Onika smiled, "go head girl! You ready to eat? I made blueberry pancakes." Nina jumped up and down, "yes!" Onika looked at me, "you want something to eat?" I shook my head and turned down my lips, "no and this isn't the end of this conversation." I'm upset that Onika even thinks moving my daughter 1,300 miles away from me is an option. I'm not a dad who just throws money at my kid, I actually spend time with her. I'm not okay with this and I don't care what she thinks or what he feels when it comes to being there for my daughter.
---
6:16 PM
Nyla B.
"Your hair is getting longer," Kia pulled at one of my two strand twist from under my hat, stretching it to its full length. I nodded and grabbed the wide tooth comb from the bathroom's vanity as Kia sat down in the chair, "I've been using coconut oil along with avocado paste for the ends of my hair. I brought it with me to try on your hair." Kia has another date with Chino tomorrow evening so she called me over to do a blowout on her hair.
I ran the wide tooth comb through her wet locs and began detangling her hair. "Where are you two going tomorrow?" I asked. "We're having dinner at Ruth Chris and catching a movie afterwards. This will be date number three and I would have been slept with him by this point. Its been hard because I want to so bad. I haven't had any in weeks either? Girl, I'm dying. I've smoked the boots off my dildo. The shit isn't even shiny anymore."
I crouched over and laughed hysterically, "Kia," I continued laughing, "I can't breathe," I shook my head back and forth as laugher continued to pour out of me. "Whew," I cleared my throat and pulled myself together. "You are crazy, you know that?" She laughed, "the struggle is real in coochieville. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," she chuckled. I gave a small laugh, hoping it didn't sound as phony as it truly was.
"Hey?" Kia said and I looked in the mirror at her. "Have I ever told you that I admire you?" I smiled, "no, you haven't."
"Well, I do. It's crazy that I'm the big sister but it's you that I aspire to be alike. You're strong, confident, independent, determined, and true to yourself. I'm almost thirty and I'm still trying to figure it all out. Who I am and what I want to do with my life. That's another reason I'm holding out for ninety days with Chino. I don't think I know how not be with a man even if the man isn't shit. That's sad, right? One would think that I have daddy issues when it comes to how I deal with men, when really my self esteem has always been at like, a zero.
For a long time I was just the girl who was referred to as midnight, darkie, or blackie and that really did something to me. I know that you have experienced the teasing as well, but the difference is you have always been confident in your skin. When daddy fucked up your hair for picture day and you told him you didn't love him because he gave the kids something to pick on you about, you went back into his room that night and told him you were sorry and that you were going to walk into school with your head up. And you did. I couldn't do that. I didn't know how to do that.
I watched Mila and the rest of our light skinned friends get asked out to the movies and formal dances while I stood there unnoticed. I was invisible for a long time so when guys started showing interest in me, I went crazy. I would lay down with them without them having to put in much effort to get to know Kia as a person and not just an object. It took Shannon making a baby on me for me to leave him, never mind the fact that I caught him fucking the broad that lived across the hall from us or the bitch that worked with me. I stayed and I took it because he was my validation. Men have always my validation and that's truly fucking sad."
I knew about Shannon's cheating, the outside kid, and the frequent dates my sister has been on, but I never knew it ran this deep for her because she never told me. It hurts to know that my sister feels so less than, that she'll put up with things she doesn't have to.
"Hey," I looked at her. "Your self esteem should be through the roof, you hear me? Number one, you are one hell of a mother! I've watched you play mother and father to my niece since she was born and as hard as it is, you make it look so easy. You are beyond beautiful." She started tearing up and I continued to praise her. "Look at yourself Kia," I gripped her long, beautiful hair as if I were going to put it into a ponytail, "look at your skin, your milk chocolate smooth skin is flawless. And those cheekbones? America's next top model, hello," her and I laughed.
"You are everything, baby. You don't need anyone to validate who you are, you understand? You are the prize. Everyone wants someone but you have to be whole within yourself and if a man comes at the expense of your peace, your sanity, and your confidence, then fuck it! I have no doubt that God will send you a good man. If that's Chino, that's great, if not, that's okay too. You just don't let that make you feel like you are unworthy of being treated the way that you deserve and don't you ever measure your life based on what you think me or anyone else is doing. Everyone has glass in their home. Everyone."
She nodded and wiped the tears that fell. She stood up from the chair and walked around it. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her tightly, rubbing her back up and down. "I love you," I turned and kissed her cheek. "I love you, too," she sniffled. We pulled from our embrace and Kia grabbed her wine glass from the countertop, "whew," she shook her head and took a sip, "it was not supposed to get this emotional up in here, honey."
I shrugged, "it happens and there's nothing wrong with that. Pour some more in my glass," I walked out of the bathroom and into Kia's bedroom. I grabbed my phone off her bed and unlocked it to read the text notification.
Elijah: This rice doesn't taste right, yo.
I filled water to the top of the pot, threw the rice in, and then put it on Hi. What's the problem?
Received 6:34 PM
I laughed as I responded to his text message.
Me: 😂😂 Baby, I appreciate you trying to cook for me but you used entirely too much water. I won't be out much longer. Throw the rice OUT and wait for me so I can teach you.
Sent 6:41 PM
I locked my phone and put it in my purse before walking back into the bathroom. I finished detangling Kia's hair and began blowing her hair out with the blow dryer and thermal brush. "You sure you want your hair straightened?" I asked. "Yeah,
why?" I turned my lips down and shook my head, "just asking." Straightened hair had me spread eagle on the sink of a public bathroom with E deep in my guts. Once her hair was completely blown out, I parted her hair in sections and began to flat iron her mane.
An hour later her hair was bone straight and sitting just under her bra strap. "Beautiful," I smiled at her reflection in the mirror. She ran her hands through her hair while doing the duck face. She's feeling herself as she should. "Thank you, sissy!" She got up and hugged me. "You're welcome," I began gathering up my supplies and products, "I'ma go ahead and get out of here. I'll see you on Sunday.l
--
8:02 PM
"Ms. Freeman," Benny, the head security of Elijah's building greeted me as I made my way through the revolving door. "Hi, Benny," I smiled hoping he would, too. I've been staying with E ever since him and I got back from Paris on Sunday night, and I have yet to Benny smile or be pleasant at all for that matter like the others. I can see why E has him as head security, everything about this man is intimidating. He's at least 280 pounds of solid muscle and he's taller than Elijah who stands at 6'4.
Benny held onto his serious facial expression and walked over to the security desk to let E know that I was making my way up. I got on the elevator and pressed the button for the twelfth floor. I rested my back against the elevator's wall as it traveled up to E's secluded floor. The elevator came to a stop and I stepped off. I entered the passcode on the keypad that sat beside the fingerprint reader.
The steel doors opened and J. Cole's 'Power Trip' played throughout the main level of the penthouse. I could smell the aroma of whatever E was cooking and it smelled pretty good. I don't think I'll have to salvage dinner too much. I tossed my bag and hat on the couch and stepped out of my shoes. I walked into the kitchen where E had his back turned as he cut the ends off the asparagus.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed soft kisses all over his back. He looked over his shoulder and lowered his head to kiss my lips. "What smells so good," I pulled away from him and washed my hands in the sink. He looked over at me and smirked, "I put my foot in that chicken. It's 'bout ready to come out in a few." He placed the asparagus on a baking sheet and seasoned them with olive oil, salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. He popped them in the over beside the chicken and grabbed a pot from the cabinet for the rice.
I took the pot from him and placed it on the counter. "When you cook rice you have to remember the two to one rule," I grabbed a measuring cup down from the cabinet. "Two cups of water for every cup of rice," I filled the measuring cup with water. I walked over to the stove and turned on the flame from the gas range. E pressed up behind me and rested his hands on the countertop, caging me in. "We're going to let the water boil first and then we'll add the rice and cover it."
"That's it?" He asked and repeatedly kissed my cheek. I smiled, "that's it." He kissed my cheek once more before speaking, "Onika's fiancé got a job promotion and she wants to take Nina to New Orleans." I turned around and stared up at him, "what did you say about it?"
"That I'm not okay with it. Although me and Onika's circumstances changed, one thing has always been constant and that's me being extremely active and involved in Nina's life. How can I do that from New York when she's in Louisiana?"
"I don't have children so I may not have the understanding that you do. I can see why you wouldn't be okay with her moving that far. You've been there for her from day one so having to drastically change how much you can be there for her is hard. From what you've told me, you and Onika are the poster for coparenting. A lot of things have went down with you two and even with her being as hurt as she was, she always kept Nina's best interest on the forefront, allowing her to separate the relationship issues you two had from the relationship you have with your daughter. That right there let's you know she wouldn't do something if she thought it wouldn't be suitable for Nina.
You have to look at it from her point of view and put yourself in her shoes. She's about to create an union with this man. That's a huge commitment and not something to be taken lightly. You've met him and I'm sure you've analyzed him like you do everyone else. If you felt like he wouldn't provide and protect him, you wouldn't even have allowed him to be in the same household as Nina. The bottom line is Onika has to give him the opportunity to lead and she follows. You would want your woman to do the same, wouldn't you?"
He sighed, "I'ma miss my daughter, mama." I caressed his face, "I know." I wrapped my arms around his waist, "this doesn't have to be so bad. You have the resources you need to still be heavily involved. You could fly out there every other weekend to get her or even get a hotel suite there and spend time with her. You'll have summers and every other holiday. You can make this work, just work with her. If something goes left and it doesn't seem to work for Nina, I'm sure you'll take care of it. You always do."
He stared at me and cupped my face, "are you open to meeting Onika before you meet Nina?" Woah. I wasn't expecting that. "It's only been a month. You don't think it's too soon?" I asked.
"I feel like a lot of things could have been said to be too soon with us. Our deep talks, the nasty shit I do to you unprotected, the deep level of intimacy, and you knowing certain things about me. The time frame on when everything should happen is debatable, the feelings and the connection isn't. So no, I don't think it's too soon."
I stared up at him. I can't argue what he's saying because it's true. I know how deeply we've become involved. The only reason I mentioned it being too soon is because I can't tell him the real reason of why I don't want to meet his daughter. I'm already so attached to him, I don't know how I'd handle getting attached to his daughter too or how I'd even be comfortable being around her knowing that I'm only in her father's life to take him away from her. Against my better judgement I said, "okay," with a small smile.
...
"Baby, that chicken with roasted peppers was so damn good and seasoned. I'm stuffed," I filled the sink with water to wash the dishes. He walked behind me and his deep baritone spoke against my ear, "I like this song." Jesse Powell's 'You' was playing through the speakers. "Leave them there and come dance with me." I smiled and turned around. He took my hand and directed us to the middle of the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I rested mine over his shoulders.
We began swaying to the beat, both of us gazing into one another's eyes. "Thank you," I smiled. "For what?" I thought about how my sister felt in her relationships, the feeling of feeling unworthy to be treated as a queen. Even if she was broken within herself, a real man wouldn't have broken her down even more, and I feel thankful that I never had to experience that with Jeremiah and now... Elijah.
"For respecting my mind, body, and soul. For taking the time to get to know what I like and what makes me smile. For being so in tune with my being that you know when I'm upset, when I'm happy, and when I'm in deep thought. For seeing me pass the mistakes that I've made, the mistakes I'm making," my voice began to crack as I spilled my truth, a truth he's oblivious to. "I could go on and on about how much I appreciate you, E."
"That's what a man does when he cares about his woman. I want to take care of you mentally, emotionally, and physically because you do the same for me." I smiled and pushed past the tears that were on the verge, "I'm your woman now?"
"You will be," he lowered his head and kissed my lips. Our heads went this and that way as we felt one another's mouth.
"Mr. Davis," the intercom sounded and I recognized Benny's voice, "Draymond is on his way up." E pulled away from me and squinted his eyes. He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He opened the steel door and a tall dark skinned man walked in going on a rampage. "I've been calling you, G. They fucking killed Julio. They killed that nigga, G," Draymond paced back and forth, scratching and pulling at his head. He stopped in his tracks when he spotted me. E walked into the kitchen and I could tell his demeanor had quickly changed. Who is Julio and what the hell is happening right now?
He stalked over towards me and those dark eyes stared back at me, "go to the bedroom and take your clothes off. Don't come out until I get up there." I looked at E and back to Draymond who was sizing me up. I walked pass E and made my way upstairs. I opened and shut the bedroom door, but I didn't go inside the bedroom. I tiptoed to end of the hallway near the steps to hear what was going on.
"What the fuck you talking about, G?" I heard Elijah semi yell. "Listen to this shit." Draymond responded. I could vaguely hear what sounded to be a voicemail.
"T-the brothers, they have me. Th-" whoever was speaking was cut off by coughing. "This shit is deeper than we thought, Dray. One of the brother's i-" the man was cut off again but this time several gunshots rang out and the line went silent. "Fuck," I heard E roar and the sound of something smashing into pieces. I gasped and covered my mouth before tiptoeing back towards the bedroom door. I carefully turned the knob and pushed the door open. I gently shut the door and rested my back against the bedroom door. I don't know what's going on but I know whatever it is, E is beyond angry at this point and I know that he's going to hurt me something bad tonight.