#PTG45 Chapter 45
Before I told Jax my idea, kinakabahan ako... Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya. But I wanted to do it... I felt like I needed to do it bago pa man kami magpakasal dalawa. I wanted to start our life together without any hang ups from the past. I wanted a fresh start with him—iyong wala na talagang multo galing sa nakaraan ang pwedeng humabol sa amin.
"I really appreciate you doing this..." I told him as we made way towards the cemetery. Tahimik ang paligid. Malakas ang hangin. It felt like a really good day to do this.
Jax didn't answer, but he held my hand tighter. Medyo naligaw kaming dalawa dahil hindi ko na tanda ang daan dito. Maraming bagong nadagdag kaya naman medyo natagalan bago ko nahanap ang pupuntahan namin.
Kieran Ramirez
Kierra Ramirez
I smiled as I put the fresh bouquet of flowers that I got from them. Nung nasa Alaska pa ako, nagbilin ako sa katiwala sa semeteryo na lagi niyang dadalhan ng bulaklak ang ang mag-ama ko. I was glad that he did what was asked for him dahil kita ko na malinis ang paligid.
"Kier," I began as I took a deep breath. "I just want to properly introduce you to Jax..." sabi ko habang hinihigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ni Jax. He was just quietly standing beside me. "I know you didn't like him because of me... but I just want you to know that he's good at taking care of me. That's what you want, right? Nung bago pa magsimula ang mga problema natin? Gusto mo lang naman na may mag-aalaga sa akin, 'di ba?"
Pilit akong ngumiti kahit na nararamdaman ko na bumibigat na naman ang dibdib ko. For years, I had tried to make sense of what happened... Kung bakit niya ako sinaktan... Kung bakit niya nagawa iyon... I tried to rationalize everything... but I always failed...
Until I learned the word forgiveness.
I just wanted to forgive.
Nakaka-pagod magalit.
Tumingin ako kay Jax. "You want to say something?" I asked him.
It took him a few seconds before he was able to say, "Yeah... Can you leave us for a moment?" tanong niya. Tumango ako, at iniwan sila. I blew a quick kiss to my baby's grave, promising that I'd talk to her once I came back.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na iiwan ko si Jax. Naghanap lang ako ng pwede kong maupuan habang naghihintay ako. I got my phone, at agad akong napailing nang makita ko na halos patay na ang battery dahil sa dami ng chat mula sa chat box naming magkakaibigan. Hindi talaga sila nauubusan ng sinasabi! 'Di mo aakalain na may mga kanya-kanya ng pamilya!
OG Friends (Ft. Steele)
Simon: seryoso ba yung next week na yung kasal?
Me: yes. Napadala ko na invites niyo di ba?
Simon: di ba sukob yun? Last, last week lang kasal nila Joey kaya. Di pa nga umuuwi yung dalawa na yun e
Me: di ako naniniwala dun
Matt: oo nga naman. Kung may mamalasin na kasal, kila Joey yun.
Psalm: may sinasabi ka @Matt?
Napailing na naman ako nang mag-away iyong mga lalaki. The girls were unusually quiet. Siguro pina-plano nila iyong bachelorette party! I told them not to worry much—and told them seriously na ayokong makitang sumayaw si Steele! My God! Na-stress na nga ako sa picture pa lang, e!
I was silently laughing as Matt forced Psalm to buy him something nang maka-rinig ako ng yapak. Nag-angat ako ng tingin, at nakita ko na nasa harap ko si Jax.
"You done?" I asked.
He nodded. "You wanna say goodbye while I get the car?" he asked.
I nodded, smiling because I finally felt like he's okay with letting Kier in our lives. Alam ko galit siya kay Kier... but we couldn't bury the fact that when I thought I had no one, Kier was the one who had my back. And no amount of pain could make me forget that.
"Did Jax tell you about the wedding?" tanong ko. Naupo ako saglit. "We're gonna get married next week. It's just a small wedding—siguro 30 persons max. Iyong mga ka-close lang talaga namin... Remember how that's the wedding we wanted before? Kaya lang 'di natuloy dahil nalaman ng parents mo and suddenly, they wanted to invite their friends na never naman nating nakausap?" I asked, laughing at the horrid memory that was our wedding."
I took a deep breath. "I hope you're happy there, Kier... You're with our baby... I'm sorry I never told you about her... I hope you're taking care of her the same way that you took care of me before... And say hi to her for me... Tell her that mommy loves her so much and she'll see her when the time comes..."
Ilang minuto pa akong nanatili doon. Naupo ako sa tabi ng mag-ama ko habang pinapa-kalma ang sarili ko. It took me quite a while to get myself all calmed down, and when I saw Jax, I smiled and waved at him.
Finally, we're all okay.
* * *
Few days from the wedding, I received an email from Cha telling me that she'd be coming home to attend my wedding. Aba, dapat lang! I got her roundtrip ticket para lang sigurado na uuwi siya!
"Why are you grinning?" Jax asked when he got inside the room. He just got out of the bath. He's wearing his usual attire kapag nasa condo kami—his boxer shorts and white shirt. Pinupunasan niya rin iyong basa niyang buhok.
Upon smelling his aftershave, hindi ako naka-tiis. I stood up, and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Nothing..."
Kumunot ang noo niya. "I know you."
I laughed. "Wala... 'Di ba 'di ko pa nabibigay 'yung invitation ni Iñigo?" I asked. I kept on delaying delivering his invitation because I still couldn't find the strength to see him in person... Ilang beses akong nagpractice ng sasabihin ko, pero para bang lagi akong tinatakbuhan ng mga salita... But when I saw Cha's email, I felt like it was a sign from above... telling me that I should invite Iñigo...
He nodded. "Yeah. I told you where he's working, right?" sabi niya sa akin. Hanggang ngayon, nabibilib pa rin ako sa mga pagbabago sa buhay namin...
I never thought I'd be friends with Cha... the same way that I never thought that Jax would be friends with Iñigo. Tama nga siguro talaga sila. Time does heal all wounds. It's just a matter of waiting.
Tumango din ako. "Yeah... I'm gonna see him tomorrow..."
"You want me to come with you?"
Umiling ako. "No, you have work. I'll just swing by your office kapag tapos na kaming mag-usap," sabi ko sa kanya. "And don't forget to pick up your suit! Pati iyong sa pinapaayos ng organizer! Nakikinig ka ba?"
At inirapan lang ako ng magaling na si Juan Alexandro! Siya may gustong magpakasal agad, e! Sure na sure na raw kasi siya na buntis ako kaya dapat daw makasal na kami agad. Ang taas din ng confidence level.
I wrinkled my nose. "Are you listening? Because I swear to God, ikaw ang nagmamadali na pakasalan ako tapos ikaw d'yan maarte dahil maraming ginagawa," I said, and I wasn't even near done nagging him when he cupped my face, and kissed my lips.
"I'm listening," he said when he let go. "I'm always listening."
I eyed him. "You sure?"
He nodded, still holding my face. "Yes. Don't worry. I memorized everything you told me. The wedding's gonna be fine."
I pouted. "But I want it to be perfect..."
It's his turn to wrinkle his nose. "As long as you're there, it's gonna be perfect."
Inirapan ko siya. Wala na. Tapos na ang laban.
The rest of the night, we spent talking about random things. I love working during the day—I love applying the things I learned in school—but I always looked forward to coming home and seeing Jax. It's what makes my day. Iyon bang wala naman talagang okasyon? Gusto ko lang siyang makita. I appreciate every day with him because I knew all the trouble we had to go through just to reach this point...
And I'll always be thankful for that.
* * *
My knees were wobbling as I made way to Iñigo's new office... It's different from his past work... It's a law firm, but to be honest, I never thought that Iñigo would work at a place like this... Kasi nasa school pa lang kami, alam ko na na gagawin ni Iñigo lahat para lang mapunta sa pinaka-tuktok...
This was definitely a surprise.
"Can I talk to Iñigo Borromeo?"
Tumango iyong babae, at saka may tinawagan. She asked me to sit, but my nerves wouldn't let me calm down. Kaya naman nanatili akong naka-tayo habang hinihintay ko siya. Patuloy kong inulit iyong mga salita na sasabihin ko kapag nagkita kami... But all that practice flew out the window when I heard a familiar voice.
"Katherine."
There was a slight ache. I was so used to him calling me Ms. Arellano that any difference threw me off my game.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago humarap sa kanya. Pilit kong pinanatili ang ngiti sa mukha ko. He's... different. He looked older... and much more serious.
"Can we talk?"
Naka-tingin siya sa mga mata ko. Na para bang sinusubukan niyang basahin kung anuman ang nasa isip ko. But I didn't have any ulterior motives. I just wanted to apologize... and hope that I could still help him... with Cha... because I knew that they love each other... they just needed a little push.
"Ten minutes. Marami akong ginagawa."
Pilit akong ngumiti. I would take his ten minutes... I would take whatever he could get. If he's mad at me, he has every right to be. Pareho kaming nawalan... Ang kaibahan lang ay nanatili si Jax sa tabi ko... And I couldn't say the same about him.
Tahimik ko siyang sinundan hanggang huminto siya. We're still in the building that he was working in. It looked quite old.
"What do you want?" agad na tanong niya.
"I want to apologize," agad na sagot ko.
"Apology accepted."
Huminga ako nang malalim. "Iñigo..." panimula ko. "I want to apologize for everything that I said before—"
"There's no need," he cut me off. "It was my fault. Tama ka. Truth should always win in court. Ilang beses tinuro sa atin 'yan... but I was afraid of losing Cha that I twisted the law to be in my favor... So, there's no need for apologies. Alam ko lahat ng pagkakamali ko."
Natahimik ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. He looked so downtrodden... Kinakabahan ako. I was afraid to say the wrong word and hurt him further...
"Cha's coming home."
Agad na nag-angat siya ng tingin. I couldn't say for sure, but I saw a tine sparkle in his eyes when he heard her name... but he wouldn't ask... It almost felt like he was afraid to give hope to himself...
That was me years ago.
But I had help.
I wished Iñigo would let me help him.
"Here's an invitation..." sabi ko habang iniaabot sa kanya ang isang envelope. "Cha's coming. If you want to see her, do come..."
Tinignan niya ako. "Are you seriously inviting me to your wedding?"
I looked at him, and nodded. "Yes. Whatever happened in the past..." sabi ko, at huminga nang malalim. "I wish they remain in the past. We were good friends, Iñigo. Remember all the good times we had in law school? Tayo nila Deanne? Kapag wala iyong mga prof, how we'd go out and eat chicken wings? Kung paano mo palaging sinasabi sa akin na makaka-bawi ako tuwing pinapa-galitan ako ng prof? Kung paanong lagi mo akong binibigyan ng ice cream tuwing lumalabas iyong midterms result?" I began.
I could see emotions in his eyes. I wanted him back. I wanted the old him back.
"We were such good friends..."
He sadly smiled. "Until I decided to become an asshole."
Mabilis akong umiling. "You did your job. That's it."
Tumingin siya sa akin. "Cha—"
"Cha will come to my wedding... I don't know if she's gonna be staying much longer... Best way to talk to her—if you want to—is to attend my wedding."
Ngumiti muli ako sa kanya. I didn't want to pressure him into deciding. I just wanted him to know that I wanted him back in my life... as a friend... And that if he ever needed help, I'd always be here for him.
* * *
The next morning, I woke up earlier because Jax stayed up all night doing some paper works for his case. I'm not a good cook—I'm not claiming to be—but I do try. Gusto ko na paggising ni Jax sa umaga, may pagkain na naka-handa para sa kanya. Sabi kasi ni Joey, kumakain daw si Jax ng kanin sa umaga... but ever since we started living in his condo together, sabi niya na coffee lang daw okay na siya. Maybe he's lying because alam niya na hindi ako nagluluto.
Things have to change. Kasama na sa list to do ko after wedding ang pag-e-enroll sa cooking class.
"Thank god," I whispered when I successfully flipped the egg. For a simple egg, I watched tons of Youtube video! I just really needed this morning to be perfect for Jax since today's the first day of his hearing.
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?"
I almost jumped from where I was standing when I heard a voice. Sandali akong tumalikod. Nakita ko na naka-tayo si Jax sa may gilid ng pinto. Magulo pa iyong buhok niya at kinu-kusot niya iyong mga mata niya.
"Cooking," I said. "Go back to sleep. I'll call you pag tapos na ako."
Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa niluluto ko because of the fear that I might burn the egg, but while I was religiously watching the egg, I felt Jax's arms wrapping around my waist. Lihim akong napa-ngiti. I definitely love living with this guy.
"Sit down. Ako na dito," he said, yawning.
"No. I'm almost done. Besides, if I'm not mistaken, halos 4am ka na natapos sa ginagawa mo."
Hinigpitan niya iyong yakap sa akin. "Were you watching me?"
Inirapan ko siya. "Feeling? Nagising ako kasi pumunta akong CR. 'Di mo lang napansin kasi seryoso ka masyado sa binabasa mo."
He gently laughed, tapos inagaw niya na sa akin iyong sandok. "Just make us coffee. I'll finish this."
I didn't argue further. Between the two of us, Jax's the better lawyer. Never yata akong nanalo sa kanya kapag nagtatalo kami. He always got the last word! Akala ko pagbibigyan niya ako kasi love niya ako, pero hindi! Talagang pinaglalaban niya hanggang matahimik na lang ako kasi wala na akong masabi! Pasalamat siya mahal ko siya kung hindi lalayasan ko talaga 'to!
Jax likes his coffee black. With two sticks of stevia. I like my coffee with milk. We're different people, but we're very compatible... or mahaba lang talaga ang pasensya niya sa akin.
I served us our coffee habang nilagay naman ni Jax sa plato iyong niluto kong itlog. I watched him as he put the leftover rice on the pan and made it buttered rice. He also cooked bacon and hotdogs.
Definitely husband material. Called it the first moment I saw him.
We ate on the breakfast nook. Kinu-kwento ko kay Jax iyong napanood kong movie kagabi habang busy siya sa trabaho (I never bother him when he's working—same as I don't like being bothered when I am working) tapos habang nagku-kwento ako, nagbabasa siya ng newspaper. But even then, I knew he's listening. He's just really great at multi-tasking.
"Jax..." I called when I finally finished my story.
"Hmm?"
"Look at me."
And just like that, he put down the newspaper, and I had his eyes on me. Lihim akong napa-ngiti. I love how I can control him like this.
"I love you."
He leaned in, and kissed me on the lips. "I love you most."
I wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed him again. "Are you excited to marry me?"
He nodded. "Yeah, but not as excited as you are."
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. He laughed.
Definitely how I like my mornings.