Chapter 23
Sunday arrives and it is for the first time that my mother did not come to annoy Mark and me. My relationship with Mark has gotten better since we talked, and thankfully everything, with us, has gone back to normal. After the whole dilemma last night, I was so emotionally drained that I crashed the moment I arrived home. However, I could not find peace or solace in my sleep. My mind kept circling back to Damien and Javier and now Jeremy. Everything was so simple with us last night. It just felt normal.
Why can't my relationship with Damien and Javier be like that? Because it's not normal! But do I even want normal?
"Ugh!"
The annoying thoughts won't stop circling around my head. I am barely able to get a decent four hours of sleep before I am forced to wake up because of the blaring sun and loud noises coming from the kitchen. When I finally manage to drag myself out of bed to find Trinity and Mark laughing. Mark is making a horrendous mess with his attempt to cook what is supposed to be pancakes while Trinity is laughing away.
I see they are doing better.
"April you're awake," Mark says putting some burnt pancakes on a plate. "Pancake?"
"Umm... that's okay."
He shrugs his shoulder and continues doing his weird dancing while he resumes cooking.
"So, what is with all the noise? Why is everyone all of a sudden up so early?"
"Early?" Trinity says looking at me in confusion. "Girl, it's ten."
"Seriously?"
"You've been knocked out since I've been here."
"Well, I guess it's a good thing I have nothing to do today. What about you guys?"
"Mark is taking to visit his parents," Trinity says excitedly. "We're going to have lunch and hopefully tell them about... you know."
Trinity pats her stomach.
"Wow! You sure you guys are ready?"
Mark and his mother do not exactly have a great relationship. She is definitely a hard woman to please. Mark's father, however, is such a gentle and sweet man. It's a wonder how a benevolent man like that ended up with a woman like Mrs. O'Brian.
"I mean I'm nervous," Mark says. "But I'm ready. I want Trinity and I to be official."
Mark and Trinity share a glance and smile secretly at each other.
Must be nice.
"Speaking off. We should leave now honey. I want to make sure we have time to stop by the studio."
Trinity stands from the stool and comes over to give me a hug.
"I'm sure everything will work out," she whispers referring to the Damien and Javier situation I had confided in her about days ago.
"You can handle this right April," Mark says, motioning to the giant mess that he has created.
"Oh, yeah. Just leave me here with all the mess," I tell him sarcastically.
But if he heard the sarcastic tone in my voice, he didn't acknowledge it. He simply said "thanks" and they were both out the door. I sat at home for the majority of the afternoon going over my Damien and Javier dilemma. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I became.
Oh my god! This is not even about me. This is about them! They are trying to impose their controlling tendencies onto me as if I am the problem. They're the one who started this whole thing and they are acting like I am the one who was trying to play games... oh, they are good! And to think, this whole time... I...
"Ugh! Well not anymore."
With my renewed conviction and fueled by anger, I grabbed my car keys and headed toward Damien's. The whole ride over, I am managing to get angrier and angrier as I talk myself into a fit of rage. It does not take me long to get there and I find a parking space, leaving my car crocked and practically taking up two parking spaces. But I do not care. Instead, I now have tunnel vision which is directing my anger to one goal. March right past the doorman who looks at me in confusion, possibly think that I am crazy. The Kathrine girl is there as usual. I try to not acknowledge her, but the moment I step in she is already on my tail.
"What are you doing here?"
Ugh! I do not have time for this bitch today.
"I'm here to see my boyfriend."
Wow! That is the first time I have ever referred to Damien or Javier as such.
I do not know where any of that came from, but the words just began flying out.
"Well, I can't let you in."
"I don't need you to let me in. I know my way. I've been here before remember," I snap at her and give her an obvious roll of my eyes.
"You think you're so special, don't you. They'll drop you soon enough too."
"Are you finished?"
I cross my arms at her showing my obvious annoyance. She says nothing and I simply walk away, not caring if she had anything more to say anyway. I head towards the elevator and thankfully I remember the code to Damien's flat from the last time that I was here. The entire elevator ride up, my anger is still boiling inside and is now even more fueled by my encounter with Kathrine.
I cannot believe they slept with that bitch.
Thinking about the fact that they even had relations with Kathrine adds even more to my anger and I almost explode by the time I reach Damien's floor. I practice rehearsing all the things that I am planning on saying to him as I walk down the corridor that leads to the double doors. As I get closer, however, I can hear shouting. Damien's voice is definitely audible, and he is with someone else inside. The second voice and definitely male and sounds deeper than Damien.
"I don't give a fuck if you don't like it. You're no longer in charge anymore remember?" I hear Damien shouting at the other person.
All my anger is forgotten as I try to process what is happening. I quietly open the door, but no one is in my immediate view.
"I'll be damned if I allow you to give that bastard everything that I fucking worked for. I won't allow it, Damien!"
"Yeah? And what are you going to do dad? Last time I checked, you're fired, and I own fifty-four percent. Let's face it. This has nothing to do with the merger with Javier. You just still can't handle the fact that I bought the majority of the shared from right under your nose."
"Listen you sniveling little twit. I fucking made you! That was me, I did this!"
I turn towards the living room to the left and Damien and his father finally come into view. They are both standing face to face, right in front of each other as if ready to brawl.
"I did this!" Damien's father shouts again and beats on his chest. "You have the audacity to come in front of me! Boy, I will show you your place. Just as I made you, I can easily take you out."
"Is that a threat?"
Damien moves closer, getting more into his father's face. They both stand in this stalemate. Neither moving nor blinking, waiting for the other to make the first move and show their weakness. I stand in the middle of the archway, not knowing what to do with myself.
Should I move? Should I turn back?
I decide on the latter. However, the moment I shift to turn around and go back out, their gazes immediately shift towards me in unison like a pack of wolves.
"April!?" Damien says, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.
"I see the entertainment is here," Damien's father slyly acknowledges me. "I'll see myself out."
He looks at Damien up and down, however, Damien's eyes are still trained on me. Damien's father grabs his jacket from the couch and angrily walks out past me. There is a moment of silence between Damien and me.
"What are you doing here April?"
"Is everything ok?" I ask noting his appearance.
It has only been a week since I last saw him, and he definitely looks like things have taken a toll on him since we saw each other last. My feet finally allow me to move, and I walk towards him.
"I'm fine. Just my father being his usual self. But... what are you doing here?"
In the midst of all the drama, I lost a grip on my anger and completely forgot what I was going to say to him.
"April?"
"I'm... I'm angry with you," I finally say and walk away from him.
"Is that so?"
He has an amused look on his face.
"Yes!"
I ferociously turn back to look at him. The smug look is still on his face. I angrily walk back and poke him in the shoulder.
"How dare you?"
"How dare I?"
"How dare you both?"
All of my arguments and talking points that I had been practicing with myself on my way here have all fled my brain. I try to think off all the things that I was angry about while coming here, but I cannot form a coherent thought to save my life.
"Is there something you wanted to say April?"
"Yes! F... Fuck you!"
Really?
I slowly meet his eyes, and he raises a single eyebrow at me in a challenge. He quickly wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me against him, his growing erection pushing against my stomach.
"What was that?" he challenges.
"You heard me."
"No. I don't think I did."
"You say that I am the one playing games, but you are the one initiating them."
He gives an exasperated sigh and slowly released. Damien slumps on the couch and rakes his hand through his hair.
"Fair enough," he concedes. "make your peace."
I sit down next to him on the couch. My thoughts finally becoming somewhat comprehensible.
"It's not fair what you both did back there."
"Isn't it. One minute you're telling us you want to be all in and the next... the next you're running away."
"I never said I was embarrassed about we shared... share."
"What else are we to think when you flip your emotions back and forth. One moment it's yes, then it's no."
Damien stands and begins pacing.
"It's like a roller coaster with you April. And I just can't take it anymore. You know that I want you, I've made that very clear."
"And I want you too."
"Do you?"
"Then prove it! Commit to this, to me... to us. To it all."
I walk to him and talk a hold if his hand, looking directly into his gaze.
"I want to."
He is silent for a moment.
"Come with me," Damien finally says.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
We arrive downstairs and as if he knew, Cary is already outside waiting for us with a car. Damien holds the door for me as I hop in the back, and he follows suit. The ride to wherever we are going in somewhat long. Soon we are leaving the city landscape to more secluded areas where high rise mansions are.
"Are you going to tell me where we are going?" I ask again.
"You are an impatient little minx around you. We're almost there."
We drive for a while longer, then we pull in front of a gate. Cary says something inaudible to the person on the other side of the intercom and the gate opens.
"Where are we?"
"We are at my mother's home."
"What!"
"You said you were ready to be serious. So, I want you to meet my mother. I think it's time."
"But-"
"It's too late for buts, we're already here."
The car pulls up into a huge white mansion surrounded by palm trees. Damien hops out of the car and holds out his hand for me to take. I nervously place my hands in his, and he helps me out.
"Damien?"
"Mmh."
"I don't think I'm ready for this," I confess.
"Trust me, you'll be fine."
Damien drags me along behind him and we enter his mother's home. It is so quiet at first, I almost think that nobody is home.
"Mom!" Damien calls out but receives no response. "Mom!" he calls out again but there is still no response.
Inside is just as you would imagine it to be from when you are standing outside. Everything is pristinely bright and clean that I am almost afraid to even breath.
"Wait right here for a moment," Damien says turning to me. "I will be right back."
"Wait!"
I try to stop him, but he is already ascending the stairs, leaving me to my own devices. I decided to canvas the house as I wait. I observe the photographs on the console table. A few have Damien in them smiling and looking happy. He was definitely a lot younger. There is one with him and Javier and they are considerably younger in that photo, probably about high school age.
"April?" a voice calls out, startling me from behind.
I turn thinking to find Damien but instead I am facing Jeremy.
"Jeremy?"
He comes over and gives me a confused hug.
"Wha... what are you doing here?"
"This is the house I told you about. The one I'll be working on for a bit."
Oh, right, Of course, it is.
"The owner is a sweet lady but kind of off her rockers," he laughs, "if you know what I mean. What uh... what are you doing here?"
"Oh! Um... I'm sort of visiting with a friend."
"You know Ms. Clint?"
"Well, not exactly... it's complicated."
"What in your life isn't any more April Watters?"
I say nothing.
"You look great," he observes my appearance.
"Thank you, Jeremy. So, do you."
"Ah, so you think so."
Is he baiting me?
"You know I do," I say turning my gaze down.
He walks closer to me and lifts my chin to look into his eyes.
"Did you think about my offer of taking you out?"
"I-"
"Actually, she's already spoken for."
I turn to see Javier walking over to us.
"Javier!"
"I got to hand it to you April, you move quickly," Javier says snidely. "Does she know you?" he asks indicating to Jeremy.
"I could ask you the same," Jeremy responds standing his ground.
"All you need to know is that she is already spoken for," Javier says pulling me close to him. "So, you can back off now. My mother is paying you to work on her home, not to flirt with the guests."
Jeremy and Javier continue staring at each other with cenacle looks being shot from both sides. Damien, thankfully, finally comes back before any more words can be said, and he is with a blond woman. I try to untwine myself from Javier as they approach but he keeps a firm grip. Damien looks at Javier and me, then at Jeremy questioningly trying to assess the situation.
"Mom," Damien says still looking back and forth between us three. "I would like you to meet my girlfriend April. April, this is my mother Reyna."
Jeremy quickly breaks his stare from Javier to look at me confused. He looks at Javier holding me, then back to Damien.
"Complicated indeed," Jeremy whispers still drilling his gaze into me. "I'll not ruin your reunion."
Jeremy walks away and Damien immediately gives me a questioning gaze. I ignore him and instead focus on his mother.
"Hi."
I give her a smile and reach my hand out for her to shake. She ignores it and instead pulls me into a hug.
"So, this is the woman that has been driving my boy crazy."
"Oh, um..."
I look at Damien who gives me a reassuring smile.
"You do have a good set of boobs on you."
"Mom!" Damien interjects.
"What! She looks good. Don't be such a prude Dami."
She turns to look at me and smile and takes a puff of a blunt I had not realized she was holding before.
"You want some?" she asks. "I'm so happy to live in a city that actually has good weed, you know. Unlike that crap from Paris."
"Mom! Don't offer her drugs," Javier says snatching the blunt from his mom.
"What? I'm just trying to get her to relax. What are you a cop?"
Damien rubs his temple visibly frustrated. Reyna waves off Javier and grabs my hand. She drags me behind her to go sit outside on the patio. Damien and Javier follow.
"Sit down honey," she says motioning to the ottoman. "I want you to talk my ear off."
Damien and Javier's mother is a lot different than I would have anticipated. She is a very vibrant and eccentric woman, much different than someone I would expect to be married to someone like Damien's father. Reyna, however, does not have a filter and she blurts anything with no care. This is to the very clear dismay of her sons who cringe whenever she makes a comment about the things they used to do when they were younger or tells a story of her exuberant sex life.
"Mom, you're going to scare her off," Damien says after Reyna finishes a story about another sexual escapade that was supposed to teach a lesson about life.
"Alright, alright. Sorry April, I didn't know my son was such a prude."
Damien gives a grunt and rubs his temple frustratingly.
"We'll have a talk later with just us girls," she whispers to me.
I try to hold my laughter behind my hands as Damien looks at his mother in obvious annoyance.
"So, April, will you be staying for dinner?" Reyna asks.
"I'm not sure mama."
"Ugh, mama? Darling, you make me sound old. Reyna will be just fine. And please stay, I have a dish I just know you will love."
"Well, if it's okay with Damien," I say looking across in his direction.
However, before he can say anything, Reyna decides that I will be staying anyways.
"Perfect! Why don't you guys show April around? I'll be in the kitchen. You are going to love this."
Reyna hops away to the kitchen leaving Damien, Javier, and I alone.
"I'm sorry April," Damien says. "I forgot how much my mother is lacking a filter."
"It's okay," I give him a smile, "she means well."
"What are you doing April?" Javier bitterly spits out.
"What do you mean?"
"So, what? You came back to play more games?"
I walk over to where he is sitting on the armrest of the ottoman that Reyna and I were sitting on.
"I'm not playing any more games, Javier. You said I needed to make a decision, and so I did."
"You call flirting with other guys making a decision," he spats back.
"I was not flirting. And I am being serious. I... I want to make things right. I want things to be okay between us."
"Well, I don't believe you."
He stands and walks away from me.
"I'll be with mom in the kitchen."
He barely looks at me before leaving.
"Don't mind him," Damien says coming to me and holding my hand reassuringly. "He'll come around. He's literally obsessed with you. He just has some... trust issues."
"Because of Renée? You guys said you didn't want to do this again"
I remember them saying something about how they were involved with René prior. They never go into much detail about it, but it is obvious that things did not work out. And from how Javier acted around René it safe to say that things did not end on a good note.
"Yeah. She hurt him pretty bad. He was definitely more invested into her than I was... Though he brushes it off, I think he really loved her, you know?"
Damien takes my hand and we take a stroll.
"What happened?"
"The thing with René is, she liked the sex. Loved it in fact. But that's all she wanted. To me, I did not mind so much. René was not someone I would want something lasting with. She is too conniving for that. Javier, however, he wanted more with her. But she only really saw him as a piece of meat to fuck."
"That's horrible."
"well, that's René for you," Damien shrugs. "I backed off because I was not interested in René beyond that. But it now being just her and Javier, she was no longer interest. Didn't get the thrill she wanted with just being with one person."
"But she's married now?"
Damien shrugs again.
"A husband she is not faithful to. Cheating is now her new way of getting her thrill I guess."
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. You live and learn, you know. Javier took the brute of the ending of that relationship. That's why he barely takes anything seriously anymore. He pretends that things don't hurt him, but they do. He's my brother, I know they do. He's just scared to open himself up again. To love again."
Love?
"I'm sorry if I hurt him."
"You didn't know."
"That still doesn't excuse it."
Damien gives me a smile.
"If he didn't really like you, then he wouldn't be as hurt as he is now."
"I just don't want him to think that I didn't want him."
"He knows that. His ego is hurt is all. Believe, my brother is not a hard man to please. If he wants you, he'll come around. And judging by the way he is. He wants you."
Damien's words give me some reassurance. However, I still feel a little insecure. As Damien and I walk in hand, I spot Jeremy with a crew of men working in the garden. However, he is not focused on his task at hand but instead, looking at me with Damien, still with his questioning gaze. He does not physically say anything, but his eyes and scrunched eyebrows say it all. I already know that I am going to have a lot to explain later. Damien thankfully takes me upstairs to give me an official tour of his childhood home. We first enter his bedroom and of course, it is the perfect image of the kind of teen that I pictured Damien would have been. It is clear that Damien was a jock. He has a line of soccer trophies on his chest and somewhat promiscuous posters of women.
"Sorry for the problematic nature of this room. I was not exactly the best person in high school."
Damien looks around as if somewhat ashamed. I observe the picture around the room of Damien in his youth. A few have Javier; however, he never seems to smile or look happy in them. This version of Javier is a lot different from the comedic and bubbly version I know now. There is also many pictures of Damien surrounded by girls. One, in particular, is Damien holding up a championship trophy smiling, while surrounded by blonde cheerleaders. Though it was a long time ago, I still cannot help but feel a small pang of jealousy at looking of this version of Damien. I hold up the picture and look at him questioningly.
"What?" he asks defensively. "Don't pay no mind to that."
He comes to me and wraps his arms around me from behind, in a comforting manner.
"I was a punk ass kid back then. You wouldn't have like me."
"I don't think that would have mattered. I'm not sure I would have been someone you would have gone for. I'm not blonde."
"Don't be so sure," he says tapping my butt. "Honestly, I fucked anything that could move back them. I was a horny motherfucker."
I place the photo back.
"You still are you know."
Damien spins me around and pushes me again the chest.
"Is that a problem?"
He begins kissing up my neck and working his hands up my shirt.
"Your mother could walk in here at any moment."
"Don't worry. With the things I used to do here, my mother knows better than to walk in unannounced."
"Okay, nope."
I slide away from him and run out of the room. Just thinking about Damien being in the room with other girls ruined the excitement for me.
"What?"
I run down the hall trying to escape Damien who is now chasing me. I spot a door and quickly run inside before even looking. The room is dark, and I fumble to find the light. When the room finally lights up, I realize it is another bedroom. The room is another obvious teen bedroom but much broodier. I look at the door and it has a red 'keep out' metallic plate on it that I had overlooked before. Damien finally catches up to me, as I am about to walk into the room further.
"He didn't like people?" I ask Damien, indicating to the sign.
"Let's just say, teenage Javie was a lot different than he is now."
Javier's room is more grunge than Damien's. The walls are a dark, almost black blue and the walls are plastered with art sketches.
So, this is Javier?
Art supplies clutter every possible surface space and corner of the room. I pick up one of the sketchbooks and scroll through it finding hyper-realistic sketches of landscapes and faces. In between the pages of a sketch of a woman falls out a picture. I pick it up to find a smiling Javier as a toddler and a younger Reyna who is also smiling and tickling the young boy.
"When did you find out that Javier was your brother?"
Damien takes the photograph from me and sits on the bed observing it.
"My parents' marriage was never a good one. At least for as long as I could remember. My father had his affair and I guess at some my mother got fed up and decided to have her own. My mother's family is from France so at the time I did not think it was out of the ordinary for her to be over there a lot. I'm not too sure of all the details, as you can imagine, but I remember my parents having a horrible argument then my mother just leaving. I can't remember how long she was gone but one day she just showed up with this boy not even much younger than my fifteen-year-old self and said, 'this is your brother.' And that was that. My father moved out, Javier moved in and the rest... well... we're here."
Damien continues to stare at the photo as if deep in thought. I sit next to him on the bed.
"Did you hate him?" I ask watching him observe the photo.
"I never really thought about it, but... I don't think so. I mean, I might have been young, but I was conscious enough to know that my parents' marriage was not healthy. Javier was just the last straw I knew was coming. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think my mother would have a whole other child hidden away."
He gives a mirthless laugh at the last part.
"What about Javier's father?"
"A childhood friend of my mothers. The real love of her life, as she told my father. He's passed though: cancer. That's why my mother finally came clean."
"Oh my god. Poor Javier."
"He never talks about it though. He was mostly depressed for years when he first arrived. Just bottled himself up in this room all day. He would skip school to go off to who knows where. Probably just to draw. Then when he was on school, he would just be fighting people."
"Javier fighting? That doesn't seem like him."
Damien shrugs.
"He was a much different person then. He was in a foreign place and just lost a parent. He just wanted attention. His father was gone, and my mother was dealing with trying to fuck up my father's life that she was barely around. I didn't pay him any mind because frankly, I didn't want anything to do with him. I didn't hate him, but I still felt like he was disturbing my life. I was a punk ass jock who cared about my reputation among my equally punk ass friends, and he was ruining that."
"What happened then. He has clearly changed."
"Honestly, I got tired of it and told him if he wanted to fight someone to fight me. So, he did. But he was a scrawny little idiot, so it didn't take much to beat his ass. After that, I told him to straighten the fuck up."
"And that worked?"
Damien laughs. This time genuinely.
"Hell no! I'm pretty sure he was plotting to kill me for months after that."
"You are so bad at telling a story you know that?"
I smack him playfully and snatch the picture away putting it back into the sketchbook.
"Okay, okay. If you must know... actually, he liked the daughter of one of the maids who used to work here and came to me for relationship advice. I gave him some tough love and he finally straightened up. Turns out, however, she liked me instead because she saw me as being the head of the house more. Javier was mad, as can be expected, and asked me to teach him how to never have feelings again. Then he became the one who would fuck everything that would move."
"Until Renée?"
"Yeah, she really did a number on him. Brought back all of his insecurities."
As if on cue, Javier walks in.
"What are you guys doing in here?" he asks visibly annoyed.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have-"
"I was giving her a tour," Damien interjects to my defense.
"Well, this portion of the exhibit is closed."
I walk towards him, having to crane my neck to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry? I spent days waiting for you to come back to me. To choose me this time. Then when you do, I find you falling over someone else."
"I wasn't flirting with him!"
"Well you weren't exactly stopping him from doing so with you, now were you? You're all just the same."
He whispers the last part.
The thought of him comparing me to someone like Renée churns something in me and unwanted tears begin to well up in my eyes.
I can't believe he thinks I would want to deliberately hurt him.
"I think I should leave."
"April," Damien calls behind me, but I ignore him.
I push past Javier to leave but he grabs my hand.
"Wait," he says pulling me back.
"I'm not trying to hurt you Javie"
"You say that, but your actions say something else."
"I'm not Renée Javie."
He says nothing.
"I can't trust you April," he finally says somberly.
Javier lets go of my hand and leaves.