Sadness.
Something Darrell knew all too well when he saw it.
Esmeralda was a bucketful of sadness. Her smiles were mostly forced and slow in coming. A pity, really, because her smile was fucking gorgeous.
The only time she ever let her guard down completely was around her immediate family. Which was fine, but he worried that she was missing out on life.
Most of the teenagers he knew were either partying it up for the summer, giving their parents hell, exploring their sexuality, or backpacking somewhere in Europe before they headed off to college.
He glanced over the roof of the convertible at Esmeralda. Her long lashes lifted and lowered just as quickly, hiding her somber eyes from him. She was as nervous as a mouse in his presence and he had no idea why. They'd rarely spoken. To be honest, he was surprised that she was even here talking to him.
For the first time in four years, he took a second to truly look at her. Her dark and wavy Spanish hair rested casually on her shoulders. Parted in the middle, she had both sides tucked behind her ears and away from her delicate face. Dark brown eyes gazed up at him and her perfectly sculpted lips trembled as if she was about to say something, but then decided against it.
Fuck him. She was beautiful with her high cheekbones and upturned nose. Why hadn't he noticed that before? But then again, maybe that was a good thing. He forced his eyes to look away from the long inviting column of her neck.
That was dangerous territory. Territory he had no intention of exploring.
He clenched his jaw, and all the while she kept stealing glances of him. This was crazy. He shouldn't be noticing these things about her.
She was a child.
She was Xiomara's little sister.
That's all. Nothing more.
If his brother caught so much of a whiff of his sudden attraction toward Esmeralda, he could consider himself a dead man. Omar's protective streak had no boundaries. Especially after his ex-girlfriend had taken it upon herself to try and kill Xiomara and Esmeralda because the thought of his brother moving on with his life and being happy was something she couldn't live with.
Esmeralda was well loved and protected by everyone around her. His brother, Omar, had seen to it, but that didn't stop Darrell from having his own protective feeling toward her. Ever since the incident with Omar's ex-girlfriend happened, he too had hovered over Esmeralda from a distance, like a rain cloud, ready to put out any flames.
However, that protective feeling was family oriented and not at all possessive or sexually motivated.
Once again, his eyes were drawn to her face, to her larger-than-life eyes. She didn't smile. He didn't understand how someone so young could have so much pain in their eyes.
"You have a rather cynical view on life," he said.
She shrugged. "It's all I know. The world hasn't been kind to me."
"The world is a lot bigger than where you grew up. Maybe you need a change of scenery," he suggested. "New place. New friends. What are your plans for college?"
"Xiomara wants me to stay close by, but I want to go to Amsterdam."
"Why Amsterdam?" He grabbed his T-shirt from off the top shelf and put it on. His naked torso seemed to make her uncomfortable.
"The city looks amazing and I like their Life Science program."
"You want to sit in a lab all day?"
She laughed. "It's not as bad as you make it sound, and that's not the answer I was expecting from a science teacher."
Darrell did his best to ignore the sound of her laughter. The rarity of it made it that much more beautiful. It was a hoarse-like laugh, similar to her talking voice. Half of the time it sounded like she needed to clear her throat.
"I think you should go," he said as he ushered her into the driver's seat. He strapped her in and walked around the car. "I think Amsterdam is exactly what you need. It's a magical place and I'm not just talking about the weed. There are just so many things to do, to explore, both physically and emotionally."
"You've been there?"
"Yes, I did my internship in Rotterdam." He smiled and leaned back in his seat. "Start the car, baby girl. Let's get out of here."
Esmeralda turned the key and the mustang roared to life, the engine rumbling in desperate need of some action. "Omar's been teaching me how to drive, but I'm not that good yet," she said softly.
"You're good," he reassured her. He'd seen her practicing with his brother on several occasions. "When is your exam?"
"In eight days." She pulled out of the garage and drove down the hill without any mishaps.
"You're going to ace it. No worries."
For a second or two, she took her eyes off the road to look into his. In that second, time stood still and it was just him and her and the road. Soft wind sent tendrils of her hair flying. The elusive scent of her perfume tickled his nose and inside of him something shifted that caused his heart to slam against his ribs. She smelled like flowers and rainy days. Like earth and sin.
"Eyes on the road," he said, his voice low and edgy.
The car swerved a little, but she quickly regained control. She swallowed hard and her grip tightened around the steering wheel. Darrell looked away from her profile and relaxed into his seat. He listened to her breathing, the whisper-like snore the only indication that something was wrong with her lungs.
"Tell me about your time as a student," she said. "For some reason I can't imagine you partying all day, skipping lectures, eating pizza three times a week 'cause you're too lazy to cook."
Darrel chuckled. "You forgot sex. Lots of sex. Or is that one of the things you can imagine about me?"
Okay, that question was probably out of line.
"Your sex life isn't something I'm interested in."
Ouch.
"And my drinking habits are?"
"Not really. I just want to know more about you. Why are you making this so hard?" The side glance she sent him was enough to make his body hard.
"I was a typical student. I've skipped my share of lectures and I've woken up hungover on more than one occasion."
"I've never been drunk."
Darrell shrugged. "Drinking is overrated. You're not missing out on anything."
"It just seems ... I don't know. Then why do most people do it?"
"Different reasons. I drank because it made me feel brave. I could approach any girl after I'd had a few, but as I grew older I realized how foolish I was. Girls don't like drunk men; all drunk breath and slurring words. It's not attractive."
"That sounds about right. I've seen quite a few drunk men in my lifetime. My stepdad used to-" She stopped short, the soft roar of the mustang's engine the only sound between them.
Darrell glanced at her, waiting for her to continue.
"I want to do something crazy," she said. "Something wild. Do something wild with me. Right now."
"Esmeralda..."
"Come on, please. I could ask Omar, but he's so uptight. Xio's a mom now, so she won't do anything reckless." She grinned at him. "You're my only option."
"Surely, you must have friends," he said. "Friends your own age."
She pouted, the grin disappearing from her face and he wanted to kick himself. "I thought you were the fun one. Guess I was wrong."
Darrel laughed. "What did you have in mind?"
"Skinny dipping."
"Fuck no, and keep your eyes on the road."
"I just need to do something crazy before I leave this place. Don't you get it?" She slammed her palm on the steering wheel and that got his attention.
He sat up straighter in his seat after he'd already dismissed her outrageous request for what it was. "Pull over."
"Why? I'm not stopping this car until I see a beach. I'm going skinny dipping whether you want to join me or not. There's a beach not too far away from h--"
Darrell looked in the rear-view mirror before pulling up the handbrakes. The car came to a screeching halt in the middle of the road. Esmeralda stared across at him with her larger-than-life eyes and he saw her lips trembled.
"Listen to me, little one. When I tell you to fucking pullover you do it."
"I..."
"Do not speak."
She gulped but said nothing.
"Good girl," he said. "Now get up. I'm driving."
He opened his door and got out. As he walked around the car he watched her as she climbed over to the passenger seat with the lithe body of a cat.
Once he was seated behind the steering wheel, he lowered the handbrakes and took off. "Listen to me, Esmeralda. If you truly plan on going to Amsterdam to study, you'll need to curb those urges. . . these wild impulses. It's for your own safety. There are people out there who would take advantage of a young, gullible girl like you."
Esmeralda flicked her hair away from her eyes and glared at him. "Gullible? I'm not gullible. I've seen things you couldn't imagine. I've lived in places a crackhead whore wouldn't frequent. So I know exactly what you're trying to warn me about."
"You've ever had a man slip drugs into your drink and then push his hands up under your skirt without your consent? Have you?"
"No."
"Ever drank so much you don't remember what the fuck you did the night before."
She rolled her eyes. "No."
"Then you don't know what I'm talking about."
The car came to a stop on a private beach. The sky was painted pink and purple and orange. A pelican flew by, dipping its wings into the ocean before gliding off into the sunset.
"This isn't fair," Esmeralda said. "What do you people want from me? Omar wants me to go away and do what teenagers do. Xiomara wants me to stay here so she can cuddle me and treat me like a child. And you're telling me to hold back my urges and not be myself."
Darrell shook his head. "I never told you not to be yourself."
"That's exactly what you're telling me. I've been hiding for so long, behind this illness that won't allow me to ever live a normal life. I just want to do normal shit. Is that too much to ask?"
She sounded exasperated and once again Darrell wanted to kick himself in the shin. The girl had a point. Skinny dipping was normal teenager shit. But why him?
He leaned back against the headrest and closed his eyes as he let out a long sigh. A moment later he heard her husky voice.
"What's wrong? Am I driving you crazy too?"
His lips quivered with a hint of a smile and then he slowly opened his eyes to look at her. "Take your clothes off."
A small gasp and then her eyes lit up with excitement. "Will you join me?"
"I don't think that's a wise idea."
"Why not?" She asked as she reached for the button on her jean pants before pulling down the zippers. He inadvertently caught a glimpse of her underwear and the soft, round curve of her hip.
Fuck! This was wrong on so many levels.
"You have ten minutes. Don't make me regret this," he said, his throat tight. Anger rode him and he had no choice but to get out of the car. He slammed the door shut and leaned up against it. The salty air enveloped him and he let out a frustrated sigh. Better him than some random dude. Better him than some sleazy pervert.
Better him than... he wasn't any better than those other dudes though, was he? He couldn't stop thinking about the sound of her zipper coming undone and then her jeans being lowered to reveal black and white polka-dotted panties and the creamy swell of her hips.
A minute later he heard her open the door, but he didn't turn around or acknowledge her presence in any way.
"Darrel," she said, the wind carrying her voice off to sea.
"What?"
"Don't look."
He laughed. "You wanted me to join you less than five minutes ago. You didn't seem to mind me seeing then."
"Well, you opted out, so you don't get to see."
He shook his head, but he couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips. "Get in the water. You're running out of time."
"This is crazy," she muttered and then he heard her feet running on the sand.
He bit down on his lip, resisting the urge to look. It was the most difficult thing he'd had to do in a long time. He stared down at his shoes, drew the letter D in the sand with his foot, and then leaned back against the car with both of his hands buried deep in his pockets. Overhead, a bloated puff of clouds distracted him as they sailed along the cerulean skies.
At the sound of laughter, he automatically whipped his head to the side. The flow of air in his lungs came to a standstill.
Esmeralda was streaking over the sand, totally naked. Long, thin, but shapely legs carried her a great distance as she covered her young breast with her hands. The wind played with her hair, lifting it and flinging it. Her small bubble butt jingled with every step she took and he finally let the trapped air in his lungs out in the form of a hiss.
At the water's edge, she flung her arms up in the air and shouted something he couldn't hear before plunging into the sea with the grace of a mermaid. She came back up a moment later and casually moved wet hair away from her face.
Darrell felt his body harden, his erection growing uncomfortably in his jeans.
Fuck.
He glanced around him, but there was no one else around but him and the unruly, but very fucking sexy teenager swimming in the ocean. She waved at him and he stiffened. Reluctantly, he waved back. She dived back under the water and he forced himself to calm the hell down.
He succeeded for a minute or two. Esmeralda had gotten out of the water and was now bent over on the sand. She seemed to be inspecting something. Probably seashells. He watched the way the last rays of sun bounced off her hair, highlighting certain strands gold. She picked up something in the palm of her hand and then turned to him, a wide grin on her face.
She waved and then motioned for him to come. He shook his head to tell her no.
At this point he was gripping the car door handle so hard, his knuckles were blanching. His grip tightened even more when Esmeralda stood up and started strutting toward him, her hands forming a cup around whatever she held in them. She looked like a vision, rising from the ocean, bearing gifts.
What a lovely sight. Esmeralda was a lot thinner than the women he usually dated. He noted the way her waist moved from side to side and the dark thatch of hair at the junction of her thighs. Shit. He was a sucker for hair down there. Neatly trimmed, of course.
"You're staring," she said when she was within talking distance.
"You're naked." He narrowed his gaze at her. "What do you have there?"
"A turtle. He's injured." She held her hand out for him to see.
In her palm, a small leatherback turtle lay almost motionless. A small plastic tube cordoned off his neck from the rest of his body and the tip of his swipe was torn and jagged.
"I need to find scissors to stop this thing from suffocating him," Esmeralda said. Her voice was warm and thick like honey, but at the same time, it sounded like someone had thrown the honey over grass only to rake through it with a metal rake. Her rasp was like nothing he'd ever heard before.
"You can't keep him."
She glared at him. "I know that. I'll let him go after I've nursed him back to life."
He walked toward the back of the car and got one of his spare gym towels and threw it over her shoulder. Anything to hide her very flattering figure from his lecherous eyes. "How are you going to explain this turtle to Omar and Xiomara if you take it home."
"The truth, what else?"
"You can't tell them I took you skinny dipping."
She glanced at him and then back at the turtle. A small smile formed on her lips. Her lips were broad and full, definitely the most prominent feature on her face.
"You're worried they'll think you took advantage of me," she said.
"Yes."
"Don't you want to?"
"What? No, I don't," he said, lying through his teeth.
This time when she looked at him, her eyes were somber, serious. "Relax, I was just joking. You've been nothing but a gentleman. I knew I could trust you to do this with me."
"Esmeralda, I'm not..." He ran a hand through his short hair in frustration.
He wanted to tell her that he was no gentleman. Surely, a gentleman did not have thoughts of placing a teenager nine years younger than he was on his lap, naked, her face toward the floor, her round ass within perfect reach so he could spank her repeatedly until her skin burned bright red and the imprint of his large hand was forever branded there.
"You're not what?" she prodded.
"I meant to ask if you're not cold. You should get dressed."
"You're right, it's starting to get chilly out here. Hold this." She dropped the turtle in his hand and got in the car.
He waited outside for a long time. He couldn't afford to see any more intimate parts of her. Unlucky for him, what he'd already seen was firmly planted in his brain and no amount of trying to forget was going to help him erase her. She had the lithe body of an athlete, but at the same time, she looked so fragile, her bones protruding in certain places just asking to be broken.
The turtle stirred in his hand. The poor little fellow was in a bad shape, the plastic around his neck seeming to get tighter with every move he made.
Darrell reflected on that. He was going to be in the same boat with that turtle if he didn't find a way to get Esmeralda out of his life.
Shipping her off to Amsterdam never looked so good. Apparently, he had some convincing to do. He was siding with his brother on this one and Xiomara would have no other choice but to let her sister follow her dreams like she herself had always wanted to do.
He needed Esmeralda gone, preferably yesterday, before he ended up doing something stupid, something he'd regret for years to come.
* FIN *
Without Me - Halsey