#PTG41 Chapter 41
"W-What?"
I stared at him, waiting for him to take back what he said. But seconds started to pass... and he was just looking at me. Nagsimulang manikip ang dibdib ko. Mabilis akong tumayo, at marahang hinampas ito. Agad akong napa-pikit... I knew it... I knew that this... This was too easy... This wasn't my life. My life had never been this easy...
"Katherine—"
"What... What do you mean? I... I was the target?" I asked, but he only stared at me. Tumayo siya. Lumapit sa akin. He was looking at me with that expression on his face... I wanted to tell him to stop... I didn't need his pity... I didn't need that. Sobra na. Sobra-sobra na ang awa na nararamdaman ko para sa sarili ko.
What I needed was for people to be normal.
To be back to my normal life.
If that was even possible.
Jax looked at me, and nodded. "Yes... You were the one who was supposed to die that night."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Nagsimulang umikot ang kapaligiran ko. Ang dami kong gustong itanong. Ang dami kong gustong malaman. Pero walang salita ang gustong lumabas mula sa bibig ko... Para akong tanga na naka-tulos sa kinatatayuan ko.
"If... If I was the target... Who wanted me dead?"
There was a pause. And I could hear my heart beating so loudly. Nanatili akong naka-tingin sa kanya, hinihintay ang susunod na salitang lalabas sa bibig niya. Gusto kong malaman. Sino ang gustong pumatay sa akin? I couldn't think of anyone who hated me enough to want me to die...
Even Kier's family... Did they hate me enough to purposely try to kill me? Pero bakit? Ano ang makukuha nila? They were the one who asked me to sign a pre-nup. Kahit mamatay ako... Kahit ilang ulit nila akong patayin... Wala silang makukuha mula sa akin. The same way I would get nothing from Kier...
"Can you sit down first?"
Umiling ako. "No. Tell me. Who wanted me dead, Jax? I want to know. I need to know."
Gusto kong malaman kung sino ang dahilan kaya naging ganito kasakit ang takbo ng buhay ko. Kung sino ang dahilan kung bakit... bakit nangyari sa akin lahat ng 'to. I thought I could brave all the trials I would face this lifetime... but staying in prison? That broke me. I knew... I knew deep inside me that I would never be the same. Not again. Not after everything that I had gone through inside that hell.
I stared at his eyes. He didn't want to tell me. But what was the use of shielding me? I was already hurt. Broken. I didn't think there was anything lower that I could sink into.
Sagad na.
Sobra na.
"I don't know the whole story—"
"Just give me the name!"
"Priscilla Sy, your father's other wife."
Parang... parang tumigil iyong mundo ko sa pag-ikot. Mabilis akong napaupo sa sahig. She... She was the one who wanted me dead? Bakit? Dahil sa pera? Dahil lang sa pera gugustuhin niya akong patayin?
Mabilis na sumikip ang dibdib ko. I couldn't reconcile with the fact that the woman my father chose over me... The woman who claimed to love my father... Pero ako na sariling dugo ng lalaking mahal niya, gusto niyang patayin?
"Katherine..." Jax said, holding me by my arms because my knees would give out at any minute. "It's over. She's already in custody. No one will hurt you..." paulit-ulit na bulong niya sa akin, pero hindi sapat iyon para mabawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Family... I never thought my own family would be the one who'd wish for my death...
* * *
Jax told me that it wasn't a good idea... but I wanted to be here. I wanted to look her in the face. I wanted to hear it from her mouth. Paano niya nagawa sa 'kin 'to? I had been nothing but nice to her! And to her kids! Kahit ramdam na ramdam ko na hindi nila ako gusto, nagtiis ako! Kasi mahal sila ni Papa! Tapos ito 'yung gagawin nila sa 'kin?!
"You sure you want to do this?" he asked as we made our way to the room where the cross-examination would be held. Naka-sunod sa amin sina Nico at Kellan. But even with their presence, I still didn't feel at ease... It felt like I now carry a permanent boulder on my shoulders. Nakaka-sakal. Ang bigat sa loob.
But... this was my life now. I now carry with me all the shits people made me go through... All those horrible memories that I was fighting so hard to forget... But I kept on remembering them. In my head. In my dreams. There was no escaping them.
I didn't answer Jax. I wanted to be here. I wanted to hear why...
Bago pa man ako maka-pasok sa loob ay agad akong natigilan.
"Ate..."
I looked at her. God... she looked so much like my father...
"Ate... Tulungan mo naman si Mama..." Charlotte cried. She reached for my hand. Agad ko iyong kinuha. Bigla akong kinabahan. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mata ni Jax. "Ate... Paano kami ni Clarissa? Wala na si Papa... Pati si Mama..."
I continued to stare at her. She was crying, begging... But I couldn't feel anything. Not for her. Not for myself.
"Ate..." she continued to call for me, but I didn't move. Not once... Not once did she talk to me... Ilang beses kaming nagkita. Ilang beses ko siyang sinubukan kausapin. Kasi 'di ba pamilya kami? Kahit na hindi kami pareho ng ina, kapatid ko siya... Pero hindi niya ako kinausap. Kahit minsan.
Tapos ngayon...
Why do they only want me when I'm useful?
Hindi ba ako tao?
"Did you know?" I asked, staring right into her eyes. I couldn't even finish my sentence... but I knew that she knew what I meant... And that fear in her eyes... It was enough for me to know.
"Ate... Hindi sinasadya ni Mama..."
Nanginginig ang buong pagkatao ko. Gustung-gusto kong magalit. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong saktan siya. Pero hindi ko magawa. Kasi pagod na ako. Wala na silang tinira sa akin.
"Nico," I called. "Please get her away from me."
"Ate..." tawag niya. Sinubukan niya akong hawakan, pero mabilis kong nailayo ang kamay ko sa kanya. "Ate, paano kami ni Clarissa? Paano kapag nakulong si Mama?"
I stared at her. I couldn't feel an ounce of pity as I watched tears abundantly escape from her eyes. I had seen too much tears... shed too much tears... It didn't affect me anymore.
"Get her away," I said as I tried to continue, but Jax held my hand. Agad kong kinuha ang kamay ko. I didn't like being touched without my consent. It sends shiver across my system. It sends fear straight into my mind.
"What is this?" tanong niya habang hawak ang kamay ko. Pilit kong kinukuha iyon mula sa kanya, pero ayaw niyang bitiwan. Habang lalo akong nagpupumiglas, mas lalong humihigpit ang hawak niya.
"Jax—"
"Katherine, what is this?" he repeated his question as he adjusted my watch. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang makita niya ang mga marka doon. Kitang-kita ko ang mabilis na pagtutubig ng mga mata niya habang tinititigan niya ang bawat guhit doon.
He looked at me... He looked at me like he didn't even know who I was anymore...
"You know what it is," sagot ko habang pilit pa ring kinukuha ang kamay ko mula sa kanya. Tinignan ko siya. "I want to go inside."
Sinubukan kong maglakad, pero mabilis niyang hinawakan ang braso ko. He was looking at me... He was looking at me like he was carefully weighing what he'd say...
Because I was that kind of person now.
Someone whom you'd have to walk on thin ice whenever she's around.
"I... I can't allow you to go inside," he said while intently looking into my eyes. I could see my reflection in his eyes. I looked so sad, so devoid of emotion. "What you'd hear there—"
"Can't be worse than what I experienced," I said, cutting him off. Tinignan ko siyang mabuti sa mga mata niya. Gusto kong makinig siya. Gusto kong marinig niya ako. "I don't... I don't do that to die... I only do that to feel..." mahina kong sagot. "I can't feel anything anymore, Jax. I wanted to feel again... Even if it's pain, I wanted to feel it... Kasi natatakot na ako sa sarili ko. Wala akong maramdaman. Paulit-ulit lang... Paulit-ulit lang na bumabalik sa isip ko lahat ng mga nangyari... Para akong mababaliw..."
Tumango siya. "I understand," he said. But he didn't. No one could understand me but myself... Only I knew everything I had gone through... Only I felt everything...
But Jax... I knew that he's the closest thing I have to being able to feel again...
"Can I hold your hand?" tanong niya.
Huminga ako nang malalim. "Okay..."
Ramdam ko ang higpit ng hawak niya sa akin. Ramdam ko na ayaw niya akong pakawalan. Even when I wasn't looking, I could feel him watching me... Hanggang sa maka-pasok kami sa loob, mas lalo kong naramdaman ang higpit ng hawak niya sa akin.
"Sino siya?" tanong ko nang may isang lalaki na nakaupo. Nakita ko ang pamilya ni Kier. Nakita ko ang galit sa mga mata nila. They weren't done with me... Alam ko... At alam ko na mas lalalim pa ang galit nila sa akin ngayon na nalaman nila na ako talaga ang gustong patayin... Na nadamay lang ang anak nila...
"He's the hired killer," Jax answered.
"Paano siya nahanap?" tanong ko. Naupo kaming dalawa. Hindi ko inaalis ang tingin ko sa lalaki. "I want to know," I continued when he looked at me like he was hesitating to tell me more... I could feel his fear... His fear of me... Of what I might do...
"After you were in prison... With Kier gone... Someone had to step in. You own the majority of your parents' share, but Priscilla used the shares of her daughter to have some pull in the company. But it wasn't enough for her. You still own the majority... But if you're gone... If you're gone... After learning that you have a pre-nup, she knew that your half-siblings will benefit..." he said. "The one who gave me the envelope; I didn't know how she learned about it... I guess she hacked into her accounts. She found a money trail, and then later found the guy who was hired to kill you."
Pilit na hinahanap ng mga mata ko ang babaeng sinasabi niya. Wala siya dito. Pera lang ba ang gusto niya? Bakit hindi niya na lang ako tinanong? I was sure my father would've left something for her, too, if only he didn't die suddenly... I knew my father loved her...
I would've given her share.
But she didn't ask.
She just wanted me gone.
Minutes passed, and the cross-examination began. Tahimik akong naka-upo doon, pinapakinggan ang mga nangyari... Pinapakinggan kung paano namatay si Kier... Kung paano siya pinatay...
"Pangalan?"
"Carlo Cruz po," maamong sagot niya na para bang wala siyang kinuhang buhay.
"Edad?"
"28 po."
"Paano kayo nagkakilala ni Priscilla Sy?"
"May nagtext lang po sa akin. May pinadala na picture kasama iyong unang bayad."
"Picture nino?"
Agad siyang tumingin sa akin, at tinuro ako. Ramdam ko ang paghigpit ng kamay ni Jax.
"Let the record show that the accused pointed at Katherine Tyrese Ramirez, wife of the deceased," sabi ng bagong prosecutor. "Magkano?"
"Five thousand po."
Agad akong napa-pikit. Five thousand? Iyon lang ang halaga ng buhay ko? Ng buhay ni Kier?
"Pagkatapos?"
"Sabi maghintay lang daw po ako... Tapos isang araw, may text po ulit na natanggap na sabi sa Batangas daw po. May binigay lang po na address. Nung makarating po doon, may kasama po ako. Ako lang daw po dapat kaya lang biglang kasama daw po iyong asawa... Pinagmamadali po kami kasi aalis na yata iyong mag-asawa kaya kailangan na ngayong gabi na... Hinintay po namin na maka-tulog iyong lalaki. Bilin po kasi sa amin 'wag daw naming gagalawin. Mukhang nag-away po yata. Hinintay namin na malasing iyong lalaki kasi umiinom po siya."
Gusto kong masuka sa ganoong kakalma ang pagku-kwento niya. Na para bang isang simpleng gabi lang iyong binabalikan niya...
"Nung mukhang bagsak na, pumasok na kami. Aakyat na sana kami sa taas nang biglang magsalita iyong lalaki. May hawak siyang kutsilyo kaya nag-agawan sila ni Brando. Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari, nasaksak 'yung lalaki... Gulat na gulat si Brando kasi sabi niya anak daw ng Congressman 'yun... Lagot daw kaming dalawa... 'Di namin napansin dahil sa pagsisihan namin, biglang nawala iyong lalaki. Pag-akyat namin, 'di namin mabuksan iyong pinto kasi naka-lock. Tinawagan namin si Ma'am. Sabi namin na napatay nga yata 'yung lalaki. Nagalit siya. Sinabihan niya agad kami na umalis doon."
"How about the knife? Bakit nasa kamay ni Mrs. Ramirez?"
"Nung pilit po naming buksan iyong pinto kasi titignan nga namin kung ano nangyari sa lalaki kasi lagot kami... Pagpasok namin, nasa sahig na po iyong lalaki... Gumapang siya palapit sa asawa niya... Akala niya siguro 'yung asawa niya naman susunod... Sinubukan niyang iharang iyong katawan niya para 'di kami maka-lapit, pero dahil naka-baon iyong kutsilyo, tinanggal niya para maka-harang siya... Nalagay niya siguro sa kamay nung... nung babae..." sabi niya sabay tingin sa gawin ko.
"Tapos?"
"Paulit-ulit niyang sinabi na 'Wag si Katherine...' Hanggang sa tumigil siya sa paghinga. Tapos... umalis na kami."
Mabilis na nanikip ang dibdib ko. Si Kier... He... He died to save me... He saved my life...