One Foot in the Grave: An Alm...

By ShantiKrishnamurty

876 131 3

Vampires, and hell-hounds, and misfits, oh my! Isis is a typical teenager...until she's not. When her boyfrie... More

Chapter One: And so it begins
Chapter Two: Church is for Saviors
CHAPTER THREE: JUST CALL ME 'HANDY'
Chapter Four: Is This Really a Church?
Chapter Five: In Which I Learn What I am
Chapter Six: It's a Date!
CHAPTER SEVEN: MS. POPULARITY? NAH.
CHAPTER EIGHT: THE WRATH OF MOM.
CHAPTER NINE: THE HUNT BEGINS
Breakdown, it's all Right.
Eleven: It's a Witchy-Witch
Twelve: What Fresh Hell is This?
Chapter Thirteen: Inka, Binka, Bottle of Ink.
Chapter Fourteen: Cap'n, There be Monsters Here.
Chapter Fifteen: Tuesday Night's Alright for Fightin'.
Chapter Sixteen: I suck.
Chapter Seventeen: The Blair Lich Project
Eighteen: One of These Spells is Not Like the Other.
Nineteen: Paying the Piper
Chapter Twenty: Hot Dogs and Chicken
Twenty-One: Who Let the Dog Out?
Chapter Twenty-Two: Everything Does Not Taste Like Chicken
Chapter Twenty-Three: What Do You Want on Your Tombstone?
Chapter Twenty-Four: Holy Hell Hound, Batman!
Chapter Twenty-Five: We're Nothin' More Than Stone Soup
Chapter Twenty-Six: Crow and Humble Pie
Chapter Twenty-Seven: What Lies Beneath
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Something Pissed off This Way Comes
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Chapter Thirty: Could Be Worse
Chapter Thirty-One: Zombie, Heal Thyself
Chapter Thirty-Two: Ouch, That Kinda Hurts!
Chapter Thirty-Four: Rut-Roh
Chapter Thirty-Five: Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To The Lich We Go
Chapter Thirty-Six: Experimentation is the Name of the Game
Chapter Thirty-Seven: I Kind of Wanted to Eat That...
Chapter Thirty-Eight: Feed Me, Seymour!
Chapter Thirty-Nine: A Future so Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades!
Chapter Forty: It's Meat, Flavored with...Meat!
Chapter Forty-One: And Miles to go Before I Sleep
Chapter Forty-Two: Vampire, Meet Thy Maker
Chapter Forty-Three: Yet Another Thing to do
Chapter Forty-Four: A Life by Any Other Name...

Chapter Thirty-Three: Help! I Need Somebody

14 3 0
By ShantiKrishnamurty


My landline rings early the next morning, and I mean early. I think even the birds are still asleep. I know I am as I scramble for the stupid thing, miss the end table and wind up on the floor, the phone lying next to me. Ugh. I grab it and bring it up to my ear.

"Hrug?" It's definitely not English and the voice on the other end sounds confused.

"Isis, is that you? It's Andrew."

I swipe my hand across my face in a vain attempt to clear away the nighttime cobwebs, not sure I heard correctly. "Excuse me?"

"It's Andrew." His voice is both rushed and hushed. "I really need to talk to you, Isis."

"You're out of your mind. There's no way I'm talking to you." I hang up.

The phone immediately begins to ring again. I snatch it up out of the cradle. "Seriously? Quit calling! You're going to wake up my mom."

"Then don't hang up on—"

I click the receiver down and unplug the cord attaching it to the wall. Unfortunately, my cell starts buzzing. I snatch it up and press the green 'talk' button. "Andrew," I growl, "I mean it. Stop. Calling. Me."

"Isis, you don't understand. They're hunting me."

That gets my attention. "Who're hunting you?"

"I don't know," he whispers. "But I think they want to kill me. Isis, please...didn't you get my letter?"

He sounds absolutely panicked, and my sluggishly beating heart melts just a tiny bit. "I did," I admit. "But you're still a jerk." My words don't have as much heat behind them as I might wish.

"I just loved you," he whispers.

"I'm half a zombie," I whisper back, mindful of my mom, sleeping soundly in the bed across the hall. "I had a life, Andrew. And you totally screwed that up."

"Look, I really need to talk to you. In person. Will you meet me?"

I tap my index finger on the bedspread. "Not alone," I finally say.

"Come to the church."

"The church? What're you doing at the church?"

"Hiding. Please, Isis."

I haul myself up off the floor and run my free hand through my hair. "I'll be there within the hour, Andrew." I click the phone off. I have no idea why I'm willing to help Andrew, but I am. It doesn't take me long to stagger to the bathroom, splash cold water on my face and cram myself into a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt. I roll my healed shoulder forward to make sure it won't fall off. Nope, I'm good to go. I grab my apartment keys and hurry out the front door, stuffing my cell into my front pocket. The faster I reach the church, the better I'll feel. I press the button for the elevator, grateful beyond belief that I'm alone. Thankfully, the elevator arrives on time, the door swooshes open and I step inside.

And stagger as my feet sink into damp soil. Where the heck did the dirt come from? In the split second it takes for the thought to form, the blue black of an early morning hits me full in the face. I blink my bone dry eyes, wishing once again for some blasted tears. My vision finally clears and I know where I am. Callie mews at me from her perch atop a stone angel's head. Yeah. I'm in the church cemetery. I just have no idea how I got here.

"Isisss, I did not know you could move through reality."

I'm surprised, but happy, to see Maxx. "I thought you were staying with Nacelles."

"I enjoy it here," the hell hound says. "And this is a solution which works for all of us, as I cannot stay at your apartment. Besides, Father Moss has chicken."

Of course he does. "Maxx, how did I get here?"

The big dog sneezes and my hair blows back in the wind he creates. "I already told you, Isis. You moved through reality."

"What do you mean?"

"What were you thinking about before you arrived?" He asks.

"That the faster I got to church, the..." my voice trails off. "Are you telling me I can teleport at will?" I have brief images of just appearing wherever I want, whenever I want. It would make sitting in traffic on Spaghetti Junction a thing of the past. How cool is that?

"Not exactly," Maxx says. "But the idea is similar. For instance, if you tried to teleport now, I doubt you would succeed. I believe it is based on the strength of your need, rather than the strength of your desire."

I frown. "I didn't know vampires could do that."

"In ancient times vampires were thought to be able to transform into bats," the hell-hound replies. "In reality, they simply relocated from one place to another. Since in those times, vampires chose to inhabit the same areas as bats, the assumption was a logical one."

Interesting. "So Ink gave me this ability?"

"Very likely," Maxx says. "She is quite old."

"But I can teleport?"

"Only when the need is great, it appears."

Well, darn, so much for no traffic travelling. "I'm here to – to speak to someone, Maxx."

"Ah, yes. Your errant boyfriend. The kitten you left here found him." Father Moss lands with a significant thump on the ground next to the hell hound.

"Hello, Isis." I hear Andrew from behind the stone angel Callie is perched on. "I'm glad you came." 

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