You lost count of the many times Luke tried to talk you into letting him drive you home. And the many times he tried to pay for your coffee or your food, whenever the meeting lasted late into the night.
In the midst of seeing him of all those nights and laughing with him until the sun rose or the restaurant staff had to forcefully ask you to leave, you also forgot to remind yourself to stop falling for him.
Luke's wide smile was ever as charming, and his loud laugh ever as exciting. His blue eyes seemed to get deeper and deeper the longer you'd stared at them across the table, and his skin got warmer the more you'd touched it.
It'd be stupid to say Luke didn't feel the way you looked at him when you thought he was too busy talking on the phone, or the way you'd let his touch linger just above your skin for half a second longer each time. And it'd be even stupider to say he didn't fall too.
He no longer tried to stop himself from hungrily glancing at your lips whenever you leaned closer to him, or kept his distance when leading you to his car. He tried to convince himself nothing bad is going to come out of this and maybe it was naive, but deep down he believed this might turn into something good.
But it was when one day Luke called you in the early afternoon to inform you he'd have to cancel your meeting, did you finally catch yourself falling for him again.
"What's going on?" You asked carefully, feeling your stomach fall at Luke's monotonous voice.
"It's nothing, it's just... We can't meet," he paused shortly, not helping your racing heart. "I think I have a cold." He finally explained and you could almost feel the shyness that coated Luke's words.
He doesn't get sick. He's the CEO now, he can't get sick - or at least that's what he would always tell you whenever he'd get as much as a stuffy nose, come first cold of the year.
You felt yourself release a sigh, a chuckle following right after, "You scared me."
"Why?"
Pausing, you quickly gathered yourself together, thinking your answer over. "I thought something serious had happened."
It was only half the truth. But he didn't have to know that.
"And you don't think my cold is serious?" Luke's playful voice loudly rung through the speaker, eliciting another laugh from deep in your chest.
"It doesn't sound too bad, if you still have the energy to shout like that," you point out. "Do you want me to come over and bring you medicine? Or some soup?"
"Will you cook it?" You could almost hear him smile on the other end of the phone.
"Of course not."
"Then what's the point! The soup is supposed to be homemade, warm and full of love to work," he teased. "And I don't want you to get infected," you heard him shuffling - he must've been turning in bed. "Besides, we have been meeting almost every day these past two weeks. I need to give you a chance to miss me."
Luke's tone sent shivers down your spine and if the thought of smacking him wasn't distracting you, then you might've admitted to feeling the warmth spread in your chest.
"I'm coming over with soup." You finished.
"No!" Luke's voice was louder this time, "I will not answer the door-"
"I still have the keys. I'm coming over whether you like it or not, babe," this time it was you who grinned teasingly, even though you knew Luke couldn't even see it anyway.
Except your tease wasn't what caught Luke's attention. Instead, the warm nickname kept ringing in his ears.
It shouldn't have mattered so much - you've been calling him 'babe' for weeks now. Of course, it was always taunting, even threatening; always used to pierce Luke's heart or prick at his conscience, but never to soothe him and make him feel warm.
It must've been a slip of tongue - Luke kept convincing himself. Of course, it's a just a slip of tongue, a habit. It's not affectionate and most definitely not a warm pet name.
Right?
His sudden silence confused you until you replayed the sentence in your head. You probably couldn't have hung up any faster than you did, right after (as offhandedly as you could) mumbling you'd be over in half an hour.
He won't think anything of it, it's not a big deal, you kept telling yourself. Except a person on the other side of the city, laying still in his bed and squeezing a phone in his palm, almost crushed it while imagining all the things this could possibly mean.
He had gotten so used to hearing his full name slip past your lips, he thought he would never hear you warmly call him by a pet name again. And it'd be a lie to say it didn't make his hope any stronger.
"I brought soup, medicine and-"
"Beer?" Luke noticed the four-pack way before he even glanced at the food bag tightly held in your other hand, when you arrived at his door just over half an hour later.
"Well," you spoke stepping into the house, which Luke kindly decided to willingly let you in to, "you can pick your medicine. Lay in bed for three more days pretending you're not sick while stuffing your mouth with random snacks and cursing because you can't leave your house or have one of these bad boys and sleep it all off by tomorrow."
Luke wasn't sure what pulled a giggle out of his throat - the way you grinned at him while holding up a beer bottle or you suggesting he can cure his cold with a beer. Whichever it was, the warmth that filled Luke's chest definitely made him feel better and seeing you back in the house certainly added to it. Much better than the cold shivers he'd been having the entire morning.
It barely took you both over an hour to finish the beers and crack open a bottle of wine (Luke insisted it's the only alcoholic beverage he had, but you knew he was just trying to show off his expensive wine collection).
Giggling happily at a silly commercial on TV, Luke leaned his head on the edge of the couch, slowly turning it to face you, "Hey, thanks for coming over."
You turned to look at him, taking in his dark eyes sparkling in the dim light, his reddish cheeks and a soft curve of his lips, still clearly visible even through the messy few-day-old stubble. "Of course," you replied so gently, your voice was almost a whisper.
Blinking slowly, Luke's eyes scanned your face, taking in the delicious redness that stained your lips from the wine, the depth in your eyes and the messy way your hair was falling around your face. He lost himself imagining what it would be like to run a finger across your cheek or feel your hands in his hair.
He lost himself imagining what it would be like to have you for himself again.
But there were too many questions left unanswered and too many hoops you both still needed to jump through to even begin considering your future. Of course, that was not going to stop him from trying.
You tried to distract yourself from Luke's curious gaze by focusing on his curls rather than his face. And when that didn't work, what with it looking all too tempting for you to touch, you tried to turn your attention to his hands in his lap, but that didn't work for obvious reasons.
Thankfully, Luke himself offered you a distraction, "Let's play a game."
You blinked. "A game? Now?"
"Why not?" He continued to dreamily gaze at you, except something had changed in his eyes. There was an element of seriousness that wasn't there before. He did not look playful at all.
"You have a cold," you pointed out.
"Meh," he lazily shrugged it off, "I also have about half a bottle of wine and two beers in my blood, but that's not stopping me."
You had to admit, for a person with an alleged cold (which by now you brushed off as a simple scare), Luke was keeping up incredibly well with your alcohol intake.
"Okay, why the hell not," you agreed, positioning yourself to face him better on the couch, "What game are we playing?"
"Truth or dare," he was so quick to respond, you were sure he had thought of this long before suggesting you two play a game.
"Seriously, truth or dare? What are we, eighteen?"
"Baby, I'd have you in bed by now, if we were eighteen," Luke didn't even pause to think about his words and your reaction made him feel everything but regretful of what he'd said. Your eyes quickly turned glassy and dark, lids blinking slowly at his response and your lips pursing just a tiny bit.
"Alright, mister confident. Let's play truth or dare," you spoke without breaking eye-contact and Luke immediately shot a question for you, demanding a choice.
"Truth," you chose offhandedly, taking a sip of your wine.
Luke's unwavering stare on you should have served as a warning he was not going to play this the way eighteen-year-olds do. He was in this for completely different reasons.
Luke allowed you to swallow your drink before speaking up, "Why did you sleep with Calum?"
Oh.
You smacked yourself mentally - you should've seen this coming.
Taking a deep breath didn't help ease the suffocating tightness in your chest. You had tried so hard to erase that fateful night from your memory, you never wanted to talk or even think about it. You simply wanted to forget the image Luke saw when he entered your shared bedroom to find you naked in a bed with a man he'd always considered his best friend and trusted business partner.
It was betrayal on so many levels, you didn't even want to begin to imagine how it must've felt for Luke. And even though you knew the truth behind the sight, so perfectly set up for Luke's eyes, the guilt of what you did has been eating you up ever since.
"I change my mind. I choose dare," you finally spoke after another quick sip of your drink, hoping for it to take the edge off.
"You can't change your mind now," Luke calmly said. "You have to answer my question."
Clearly, he wasn't giving in and you shouldn't have expected him to. But you wouldn't be you if you didn't at least try.
"I thought we were trying to have some fun with these games."
"Well, maybe this is my version of fun," Luke was set on getting his answers and you had nowhere to run.
Seeing his determination, you simply cleared your throat in preparation, even if you were still uncomfortable with the thought of sharing too much. Hiding part of the truth had become a habit by now.
"All cards on the table," Luke reminded you, as if he could read your mind. He was patient, allowing you to gather your thoughts and prepare to lay the truth bare.
You waited a couple minutes, allowing yourself to take a deep breath and meet his eyes. Here goes nothing.
"I didn't sleep with Calum."
Surprisingly enough, you managed to keep your voice level and calm, despite the fact that your heart was just about to beat through your chest.
A deafening silence settled around you for a second and you could almost see how Luke's eyes lit up with angry fire, "What?"
The quietness in which he spoke scared you. His voice didn't shake even a tiny bit and that steadiness was terrifying. "What the fuck did you just say?" You blinked, watching him, unable to understand what is happening. "We just said we're telling the truth. The whole truth. Why do you have to do this again?"
The heaviness of his last words weighed on your chest and you almost wanted to run away after realising how much this was hurting him.
"Luke—"
"No, no. Tell me. Are you seriously that addicted to lying?"
"Luke, I'm not lying."
"What do you mean you're not lying? I fucking saw you both in bed. Naked. Kissing."
You didn't wait for Luke to continue and spiral into his anger, because you knew that you both were one fight away from truly hating each other's guts. "Yes, but that's all you saw, Luke. You saw me pull away from Calum in what seemed like a kiss, but we never as much as breathed on one another. It was all a setup. It wasn't real."
Luke blinked at your words, now much more collected, even though his nostrils still glared with every heavy breath he took. You forced yourself to continue the story before you could change your mind and back out of giving him the full explanation. After all, he deserved to know.
Reluctantly, you swallowed a growing lump in your throat and quickly carried on, "The whole thing was staged. It was acted out. Completely faked. I don't know, use whichever word you want, but basically, it wasn't real and I never slept with Calum. To this day, it was the most demeaning thing your mother has made me do. By far, the worst experience of my life."
Luke didn't know what to say or do, or even how to react. His mind was running at full speed. Deep in his heart he knew he wanted to trust you, but could he really?
Just as Luke was opening his mouth to ask a follow-up question, you spoke again.
"We had to... She had to make you hate me and make sure you wouldn't come looking for me after I left. She had to ensure there was no way you would want to find me and stay with me. Plus, I think it only helped having Calum out of the company. He also had some dark secrets and having him leave meant you had less people consulting you on big company decisions and she had more control over you."
"But why-"
"One question at a time, Hemmings. I answered mine, now's your turn - truth or dare?"
Luke exhaled a deep breath, "Truth. There's no point in picking a dare now, is there?"
A corner of your lips curved upwards in a controlled smile, "Guess not. Unless you want to go drink from the toilet bowl."
"Ha ha, very funny, Y/N," although the tone was sarcastic, Luke couldn't hide his smile. "So, what's your question?"
You paused, allowing him to take a breath before asking. It was a big one and even you weren't sure if were ready to discuss this.
"Why did you cheat on me?"
Your tone was low and curious, eyes serious and dark. Luke shifted uncomfortably in his seat and you simply shrugged, "An eye for an eye, baby."
Yeah, he really should have expected this to backfire on him.
"Can't I just go drink from the toilet bowl?" Luke's laugh was dry and you weren't having it.
You didn't move a muscle and now it was Luke that felt like he was being suffocated from the inside. Except, for him it wasn't that he was scared to tell the truth. It was that he didn't know what to say. He didn't have a reason, he was just a shitty person.
So Luke stuttered.
"I... " A sigh.
"I just..." Another sigh.
"Fuck. I really don't know." And yet another sigh.
"You and I... we were in a bad place," finally, he started a somewhat coherent sentence, his mind traveling back to a few years ago, when your marriage started to crumble. "It was when you had just told me we couldn't have children and it all went down to shit. You distanced yourself from me, stopped talking to me - why did you do that, by the way? - and instead of being a caring, loving, patient husband, I just did the exact opposite and became a total asshole. I never wanted to be like that, you know. Being with you was my greatest joy and achievement in life. I thought our love was never-ending. But at the time it felt like it had ended and I didn't even realise how, why or when. I felt like I lost you and I lost myself, and nothing could ever bring us back. I blamed you for ruining us and I needed a way to make you feel as shitty as you had made me feel, so I just went for the easiest thing."
You sat silently, not looking away from Luke. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more and you watched as he shifted uncomfortably, leaning his elbows down on his knees and biting his bottom lip. You didn't have anything to say.
What could you possibly say, anyway? That it's alright and he's forgiven? You couldn't. You knew the blame for your failed marriage was on both of you, but that didn't mean you can dismiss his actions so easily. You have hurt him, yes, but when did that become an excuse for cheating?
Luke stayed silent, thinking his words over, waiting for you to say something. But the silence was killing him and he couldn't stop himself from spilling the words out, "You know, I still think that."
"Think what?"
"That being with you is the best thing that happened to me. I still think that," you blinked in awe, but this time Luke didn't wait for you to speak. "Even after all the shit we've been through. Even after you disappeared and even after you slept- well, after you made it look like you slept with my best friend. I will never get over you and what we had." He paused to take a short breath, but you felt like an avalanche was falling on top of you. It was getting too hard to breathe. "I still want you back, you know. It's so fucking stupid, but I can't be happy without you. I can't stop myself from loving you and no matter what you do and how much shit goes down between us, I'm always gonna want you back. I'm always gonna love you."
You held your breath, not knowing what to say or what to do. What do you even say to a person who after all of the terrible shit that has happened refuses to let you go?
"I know I've hurt you," he interrupts your silence again. "I understand and trust me, I hurt too. I can't tell you how many nights I've spent wide awake, thinking where we went wrong, the mistakes I've made and things I could've handled better. I'd do so many things differently now and I just hope there is still a way I can prove that to you."
In the midst of his hot confession, you didn't even notice when Luke moved to sit closer to you. His hand was on your leg and his sorrowful eyes stared into yours with a hopeful gleam.
You think about your mistakes, too. All the time. The lies that ultimately led to your and Luke's prolonged separation and a hope that flickers deep within you that maybe, just maybe, one day you and Luke can have your happy ending.
"I know I probably shouldn't be drunk when I confess I still love you, but here we are," Luke snickered, taking a funny look at his drink he had placed on the table by now.
You thanked all the gods above for the quick moment that he looked away from you, which you used to take a deep breath and blink away the emotions bubbling at the very surface of your skin. Hearing him speak the words out loud made you feel unexplainable things and, if it hadn't been for Luke's hand on your thigh grounding you, you probably would have run away. Yes, you loved him too. Probably too much for your own good, and you could not let him know that. Not now, not yet.
"So, truth or dare?"
"What?"
"Truth or dare?" Luke repeated a question, clearly wanting to liven up the atmosphere after the heavy silence dragged on for a minute too long. Plus, he desperately wanted a distraction from the painful ping in his chest after you failed to respond to his I love you.
"You know the answer," you spoke breathlessly, trying your best to appear fine, "you don't even need to ask."
"Okay," Luke replied simply. "Were you and Jake really a thing?"
You had barely just gathered your thoughts, when Luke caught you off-guard again.
"Seriously? You can ask me about anything that happened between you and me, and you choose my ex-fiancee to ask about?"
"I want to know about the guy that almost had you."
"Almost had me," you repeat sarcastically, trying to get yourself back on track of nonchalance. "Why so dramatic, Hemmings?" You tried to muse, but Luke didn't find your comment nearly as funny as you did.
You sigh at his lack of reaction, "Alright, then. I guess we weren't a thing, not really. After you and I, well, split, Liz made me sign off that I must remarry within a year after divorcing you. She wanted to make sure I had no legal rights to the company's assets or your family's money, which had been previously granted to me in the prenup. So, I just tried to make the best out of the shitty situation and found a guy I didn't think was half bad to at least pretend to love. I liked him, but it was never going to turn into anything serious. Not on my part, at least," you shrugged and Luke almost visibly stiffened at your words. "But since my year was almost up and we were still legally married, I had to come over here and force that signature of yours to be put on the divorce papers, or else Liz would've had my ass. I guess all of that is out of the window now, huh?"
Luke decided to stay quiet for a second, instead choosing to watch you intently. You finished the drink in your hand, trying to swallow down the uncomfortable tightness in your throat. Luke's hand still burned hot on your thigh and you didn't dare to move, secretly not wanting him to retract it just yet.
"But I just don't understand why," Luke slowly asked. "Why would my mother do all this? She knew I'm crazy about you, what was the point of this?"
You weren't sure if it was just your tipsy mind playing tricks on you, but you could've sworn Luke got even closer, as if being close to you would help him get the answers quicker. You watched his eyebrows burrow in thought and his eyes darken with a mix of strong emotions. You could almost feel his breath on your face by now and it definitely didn't help calm the heat spreading through your veins, but you chose to focus on helping him understand.
"Luke, don't you see?" You tipped your head slightly, as if to urge him to listen more intently. "All of this comes down to the company. Your place in it, your power and your responsibilities to the family name. I was a poor kid, a stain in your family name and in her eyes, no matter how many times I tried to prove myself, I would never be enough for the Hemmings. But you, Luke... you were the future. The bright star in the company, a hope in Liz's vision. She didn't need a liability that came with me. If my past came out into the light, the company would suffer a huge hit and Liz couldn't risk that. She had to make sure that once I'm gone, you hated me enough to not go after me. And isn't a new shiny husband on my arm just the best way to make sure you despise me? It was a win-win for her," you smiled tiredly, watching Luke's lips part in interest.
"All she wanted was for you to become the CEO and no one else, including me or our dream of having family, could threaten that," you spoke slowly, giving Luke a meaningful look, which took a minute for him to pick up on.
He stayed quiet for a second and you could almost see the confused thoughts running through his head. "Wait, what? What about our dream?"
You could feel your palms starting to sweat. This is it, this is the big thing that started a huge ball of mess rolling, destroying everything in its path, including your marriage.
Taking a deep breath, you tried to find peace in the fact that the truth is finally coming out. No more lies, no more secrets.
"If we had kids, it is normal to presume that a part of your day would be spent focusing on them. Which means, a lesser part of your day would be dedicated to business and running the company. Work would no longer be your number one priority and Liz refused to allow that to happen to a CEO-in-line. But since we'd dreamed about a family for a long time, I couldn't just suddenly tell you I no longer wanted kids. So, Liz took it upon herself to find another way," you explained gently, refusing to look away from Luke's face and risking to miss the way his eyes lit up with realization and then widened in shock.
"No...No way. Please, tell me she didn't make you do something to—?" Luke glanced down, hinting at what you assumed was probably your reproductive system.
A family was your and Luke's big dream. Something you'd been talking about since college: finding a good job, buying a house, having children, growing old together. That was the plan.
You smiled softly at how honestly distressed Luke seemed. "Thankfully, no. I guess she's not completely evil yet. But she did make me lie to you about it. I want you to know that our dream to have children was always real, Luke. I didn't lie when I said I wanted a family with you and I would give up so much for a chance to have it."
Slowly, you reached out to cup his face, "I have always wanted to have a baby with you." Running a finger along his cheek, you tried your best to keep your voice even as you spoke, which only resulted in a whisper. "God... Can you imagine how beautiful our kids would've been?"
Luke didn't even notice when he leaned into your palm for warmth, gently wrapping his fingers around your hand and turning his face to kiss the inside of your wrist. Your instinct was to pull it away from his grasp, but Luke held on to it, his eyes meeting yours.
"I'm sorry," his voice was broken and so quiet, you almost didn't hear him. "I'm so fucking sorry, Y/N. We were so happy. We were so close to having everything we'd dreamed about..." Finally, you managed to retract your hand from his grasp, but that only encouraged Luke to lean in closer. "I loved you so much. I didn't need children to be happy, because having you was enough."
You didn't move when Luke once again did. You watched his eyes drop to your lips and you swallowed in anticipation of what was about to happen. "Why did you stop talking to me, baby? Why did you let me believe you didn't love me?"
"I had to, Luke," your voice was just as quiet as his and you didn't even try to stop your eyes from falling down to watch his mouth as he licked his lips.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry she fucked us up. I'm sorry she took you away from me and I'm sorry I never paused to asked why."
His fingers were so soft on your cheek, but you barely felt them there. You were too distracted by his mouth mere inches away from yours, and by his words, pleading for your forgiveness.
You weren't sure if you were ready to admit out loud that all you wanted to do was get away from this mess and start fresh with Luke. But you didn't have to. What Luke wanted from you was to feel that you were willing to try, willing to give him another chance. And for that, he didn't need a verbal confession, a positive answer to his lips firmly pressing into yours would be enough.
At first, you didn't move a muscle. But once the initial shock wore off, you couldn't stop your lips from parting for him and your body from leaning closer to his.
That was all the confirmation Luke needed. He didn't push his luck and moved away after a few slow kisses, letting himself catch a quick breath before speaking.
"All this time..." Luke couldn't take his eyes off you. All these months he had spent hating himself for ruining your marriage, all these nights he'd spent going out of his mind, unable to sleep with the thoughts of you, were because of his mother. "You and I, we could've had it all."
"Maybe it's not too late for us, Luke."