for my soft babies out there, when the fluff ends u might wanna skip to the asterisks I luv u guys 💗
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56.
"You are too quiet, Noona," Jungkook sighs from behind me.
I unlock the front door to the hanok and slip my shoes off. I can admit that I am slightly overwhelmed and frankly— scared— about our meeting in an hour and a half. I don't want to make Jungkook anxious or nervous about it, so I didn't say much during our car ride over here.
"I'm just... tired," I say as an excuse.
It's semi-true. It's been difficult to sleep soundly with all of my worries about Auntie. Things just haven't been right, and it's difficult for me to pretend that they have been when she has been so sick.
Jungkook doesn't respond to me as I start busying myself with folding David's sheets. When I pulled my brother out from the couch this morning, there wasn't much time for either of us to think about the condition of the hanok before we left. Does it really matter? I feel as though I'm only caring right now because it gives me something to do other than worry.
I can feel Jungkook's eyes on me as I'm folding the blankets and fluffing David's stupid pillow. I don't want to think about it. It isn't Jungkook's fault that his company has asked me to give up the rights to my own brand— and, they potentially might ask me to it give up again after this meeting.
I don't want to express this to Jungkook right now. This is mostly because it hurts too much to think about. Does he know that's what happened? I'm curious but don't want to ask him in fear of stressing myself out.
"Please tell me what's worrying your mind," he mumbles.
I turn to face him. His stance towering above me is comforting. It's nice to have someone bigger than you sometimes— in some weird way it's as if he is shielding me from my worries when I look into his eyes.
His expression is so concerned and that's what hurts. It hurts that the legality of our relationship is in the hands of a company who would rather control my voice than let me prosper.
"I'm worrying about a lot of things," I sigh truthfully, "one of them is whether or not you ate breakfast."
He doesn't seem swayed by my attempt to divert. Jungkook surprises me by taking my hands into his. His large palm clasps over my fingers.
"It's my turn to worry about you, remember?"
"I'm fine," I shake my head.
He releases a heavy breath. We haven't seen each other in almost two weeks and worrying about each other is for when we aren't physically together— so, that's not what we're going to do right now.
I squeeze his hands and use them as support to lean up and kiss his lips.
He is gentle against me as if nervous about something also. I release our hands and place mine at the nape of his neck to get him to smile against me. It works. He's so adorable. I can't help my smile when I pull away from him. I place a small kiss on his cheek and my fingers are twiddling with his hair.
"I missed you," I say softly.
My boyfriend is shy in his reaction, but the glint of his eyes is enough of an answer. His hands grasp around my arms as they're laying on his shoulders.
He has a cute, nervous smile.
"I missed you, too," his voice is fragile, "Noona, are nervous about the meeting?"
I bite my lip in a mindless attempt to hide my expression. It doesn't work because Jungkook's eyebrows furrow and his jaw tenses.
"Yes," I decide to admit. I don't give him a chance to respond, "let's eat something."
My hands slide from his shoulders and down the material of his gold jacket on his chest before I distance myself from him. He is biting the inside of his cheek as he follows me into the kitchen.
When I open the refrigerator, the only thing edible is the cake I made for David. I scoff at the sight of a piece missing. He really ate a piece of it in the middle of the night without me.
"I have fruit," I laugh, "but it's on top of a cake."
"You have cake?"
"Yes," I smile at his cute reaction, "it was for David but he already ate some..."
Jungkook is peering over my shoulder as I reach into the fridge to take out the cake. It didn't take that long to make, but it was annoying to have to check on it while I was editing my videos. I stacked the top of it with various fruits because I didn't have different colored icing or candles.
"You're going to eat it now?" I question him.
"Can I?"
"Of course," I laugh at his admiration for the dessert, "I'll cut you a piece."
I urge him to take a seat at the small table. His hands meet together and he makes silent claps of happiness before he sits down. I am smiling to myself with my back to him while I'm cutting the cake for him. It's messy when I transfer it to a different plate.
"I hope you like it," I place it down in front of him. I take a seat across the table and lean my elbows against it.
"You don't want any?"
I'm such a terrible person to offer him cake at 10:30 in the morning. I'm glad that he is so excited to eat it, though, but at the same time I'm wondering if I'm tempting his diet by doing this. One doesn't achieve a body like his by eating cake.
"Nope," I reply, "I've been on a diet nowadays to keep up with you."
This is true, but it's not a conscious effort. I've just been watching what I'm eating because the last thing I need on top of all the hate is for people to start attacking my figure. I understand that I shouldn't have to do this, but that's the world we live in.
Jungkook's eyes almost bulge out of his face, "What?"
"Yeah," I nod to him.
"Noona," he raises his eyebrows, "your body is perfect. I would know."
My cheeks flush at how unexpected my boyfriend's words are. It's unusual for me to get flustered by something so simple to say, yet I'm standing here wanting to hide my face.
Saying something like that is very unlike him. I'm timid and cant find words to respond.
It's evident that Jungkook doesn't think much of what he has said, because his attention is on the cake. He sniffs the strawberries before putting one in his mouth and in intense concentration as he chews. I want to chuckle because he's acting as if he has never eaten a strawberry before.
"Did I pick the strawberries well?" I joke.
Jungkook places another one in his mouth with a blank expression. "You made this cake? It's not from a store?"
"Yes. Please eat some." I encourage him.
I find myself too enthralled by the concept of him eating cake to stop myself from grabbing my camera from the table to record him. These are such simple and cute moments that I want to capture for a lifetime. He wiggles his eyebrows at the camera before taking a portion of the piece to eat.
The white frosting is definitely by American standards as I watch him stuff the cake into his mouth. His seriousness in deciding whether or not the food is good makes me giggle at him.
Jungkook's body sways as the frosting coats his tongue and the only response I get is, "Oh."
"Oh?" I imitate him with a laugh, "what does that mean? Is it good?"
"Very delicious," he is humming to himself, "So gooooood."
His knees are rocking back and forth as he focuses on finishing the plate. I don't know how he can be so adorable about eating cake as if he isn't twenty years old. My cheeks sting. I change the camera view to look at me in order to capture the look on my face.
"See," I say in English and tell my imaginary audience in my camera, "it's decided that I'm dating the cutest baby in the world."
When I glance away from the lens, Jungkook is looking at me with pursed lips.
"You always say such cute things about me," he smiles.
I am biting my lip with raised eyebrows— he understood what I said. I don't draw attention to it because I know he will get even more intimidated.
"Because you are so cute," I tell him with a soft tone of voice. He gives a shy smile before glancing down at his plate.
I'm thankful that our time together is enough to stop my nervous thoughts about the meeting. Instead of wallowing over the inevitable, focusing on how happy he makes me is better for my self care at this point. I stand from the table and take his plate.
"Do you want more?"
"No," he says, "but thank you, Noona."
It's my turn now to bite on the inside of my cheek. He has yet to call me by my name. It makes me think that he's more nervous than he's leading on. Is he nervous for the meeting too? I know he once told me that he wouldn't show his worries if I was also worrying. I hope this isn't one of those times.
I busy my thoughts again by putting away the cake and placing the plate in the sink. I need to relax. The entirety of this day should be more than I've ever wanted because Jungkook is with me. I'm not going to think about the meeting, or my Auntie for the next hour. I sigh heavily and turn around from the sink.
Jungkook's presence startles me because it is unexpected. His arms wrap around my waist.
"Please tell me what you're thinking," his pouty lips are the center of my attention.
His embrace is unforgiving but I don't mind. Jungkook doesn't allow for distance between our chests, and I lean my head back to look at him.
"Noona," he urges after my silence.
I'm skeptical of his shyness towards me. Jungkook continues to only address me as "누나".
His lips meet mine in a quick, sweet peck. It earns me a smile. I'm enjoying how comfortable he is with giving me unexpected kisses.
I pull on his jacket teasingly, "I'm thinking about you."
"Really?" Jungkook's hands tighten around me.
I'm analyzing the look on his face and then it hits me. It smacks me in the face like a brick. I'm so naive and too consumed in my thoughts to realize that he wants to make me horny, but he's too shy to say that to me in person.
I bite on my lip to control my expression. If anything were to make me happy, it would be to ease his insecurities about how desirable I find him.
"I only ever think about you." I whisper.
That is definitely not a lie.
Jungkook is apprehensive and licks his lips after my response. I release his jacket and press my hands against his chest. Just say what you want to say, I beg him mentally. His lips are practically twitching to say something but I know he is stopping himself.
Given that we have over an hour before the meeting, I decide to be patient with him this time.
"I-I don't want you to be nervous about today," his tone has suddenly dropped just above a breath with mine, "...or stressed."
"All week—" I flutter my eyes in innocent expression up at him, "— thinking about you has eased my mind."
His eyebrows slightly raise and I can tell my words are starting to resonate with his thoughts. Yes, JK, I'm talking about what you think I'm talking about. Do something.
The irony in that he struggles to admit that he masturbates is humorous given that I have watched him stroke himself in front of me.
"Hm?" I implore.
"Y-You're not lying?" he can barely speak.
I want to smile at how adorable he is even in the most intimate setting— but I can't. It's a gift, honestly. I don't know how he does it; the way he's looking at me screams "we're going to fuck" but the way he speaks tells me he wants to hold hands and sing songs about destiny and happiness.
"Say the dirtiest thing you're thinking right now," I coax him. This is the only way. We need to get over this intimidation he always feels.
"Noona..." he trails uneasily with a smile.
"Jae," I correct him.
He is shocked.
"What?" I tease, "you like to call me that when I'm touching you, yeah?"
His breathing has become heavy and I lean in on my tip toes to press my lips to his. He is almost frozen until I catch his bottom lip with my teeth. I pull on his skin playfully before returning back to my heels.
"What else do you like?" I press.
My lips meet his neck and I disperse some soft kisses. I slide my hands under his gold jacket to urge the material off his shoulders. My shy baby moves only slightly to allow the item to fall to the floor. I give a teasing push at his chest to make him walk backwards.
He swallows hard in a train of thought and I'm delightfully surprised when he catches my wrists in his hands to stop me from urging him backwards. His grip is tight around my skin and he pulls me towards him easily—
Like I'm a feather.
"T-The sounds you make," he mumbles.
Oh goodness. I can't believe I'm getting him to say this. My shock is overcome by how sexy he is talking to me right now. He has no idea he's doing it, which is even sexier. I can feel myself starting to get turned on; I'm squirming in his hold.
"You want to touch me?"
He doesn't respond to me audibly, but it's not his shyness that is the reason. Jungkook releases my wrists and catches my jaw to bring my lips to his. I'm practically breathless in the anticipation for whatever he has on his mind. Whatever it is, I'm willing to do. This is the first time that he is being so open.
Jungkook starts to guide me this time— backwards, with our lips attached hungrily for each other. When I feel for his crotch I am trying to see what is motivating him to be so bold, but I'm not sure. My hands are fumbling with his belt. He is urging me down the hallway and I'm stumbling over my steps to go along with him.
It's then that he bends only slightly to catch my thighs in his hands. He lifts me effortlessly and I wrap my legs around him. My excited giggling fills the air and I can feel his smile against my lips.
I can barely catch my breath. He's panting as we're walking into my room.
I sway my hips into him as I reposition myself to kiss him more eagerly. His lips are so sweet and taste faintly of icing. I pull on his shirt to get him closer to me and my legs are wrapping tightly around his lean torso. He glances around us before we both fall into my bed.
My hands resume in undoing his black jeans. I'm struggling to unzip him, but he isn't making it easy. It's as if he is trying to get my hands away from him.
His strength overpowers mine and he is on top of me, lips traveling down my neck, my chest, and then my stomach. My head falls back into my mattress and I'm sensitive when his fingers start to undo my jeans.
I lift my hips when I feel the smooth surface of the expanse of his palms at my ass, tugging at the material to spare. I have chills even as the temperature in the room escalates and I'm pooling for him— his eyes. Jungkook's eyes are glittering with such desire. My throat is dry at his actions.
"Pretty baby," I coo at my beautiful boyfriend. I sit up and grasp at his shirt for his lips to return to me.
I pull him down into me and with closed eyes I navigate my hands against his body, skimming his broad shoulders and down to the curve of his back. My fingers are trembling to lift his shirt above his head.
Our kisses require almost all of my attention when my hand starts to rub against his length. My other hand is raking against his scalp because I know he loves that. It's too easy to get his mouth to open for me, kisses becoming sloppy only for a moment until he grabs my hand to stop me.
I want to pull back from our kisses to ask him what's wrong, but he doesn't let me. He leans further into me and I'm pinned against the bed. It's then that I feel his hand in-between my thighs. I suck in sharp breath when his fingertips dip under my underwear.
I find myself pulling at the ends of his hair at the nape of his neck when his two fingers starts to rub against me. I moan for him— loudly— to give him the confidence he needs. My eyes are screwed shut.
"Tell me when you like something," I am breathless. He needs dirty talk training.
His face snuggles into my neck and my head falls back. He uses his leg to pin my thigh down, widening my clît for his use. Usually I would bite my lip to stop my whimpering, but we're alone, and I need this release. I have too much going on right now to bottle up my emotions.
I can tell he is much more comfortable because of his bold actions and the way he is manipulating my body without hesitation. My hips are rocking against his hand and the more I moan, the harder he is kissing my neck. My hand is gently stroking him through his jeans, his size growing at the intricate movements of my fingertips around his tip. I can hear his small, audible breaths against my skin.
"I want your mouth," I groan.
Jungkook's cheeks are flushed when our eyes meet and I shutter at the feeling of his hand withdrawing its touch against my wet core. I go searching for his hand, and I pull it up from between us. I urge his fingertips to his own mouth. Just a taste.
His doe eyes are incredibly too innocent for what he's doing: his wet fingers are brought past his swollen, puffy lips and I find myself nodding at him as he closes his mouth around them.
Jungkook's fingers retract from his mouth and he licks his lips nervously before he falls back into the mattress. I almost think he wants to stop until he slides his hand up my thigh to grab hold of my underwear. I kick the delicate material from my ankles after he pulls it down my legs.
His bare back slides slightly down the bed and his hands grab for my waist to get me to climb onto him. My breath hitches when my leg swings over him.
I'm in denial of what's going on when his hands are urging my waist higher and higher up his chest.
"Oh, fuck," I can't stop myself from swearing in English, "is this really what you want? Tell me."
My breathing is audible and I place my hands on his shoulders to steady myself.
"Yes," he barely can find words.
Oh my God. In an attempt to clench my thighs closed, I merely press both thighs into his sides. His bold words are exactly what I've been waiting for. This is happening. I almost come just from what he has said.
He smirks at me from my disheveled reaction. I am confident that his boldness is because of his pulsating length beneath those jeans.
"Yes, yes," I whimper and reach for my headboard.
I want nothing more than to sit on his face right now. I'm crying for him as I climb up his body and my legs are already shaking at the feeling of his palms against them, pulling my core closer and closer to his mouth. I grip the headboard and I can already feel his kisses in my inner thigh.
I close my eyes and let my head fall back, my knees being manipulated apart by his large hands to get me lower. I bite my lip with furrowed brows and then suck in a breath at his wet tongue swiping up clît. I can't stop my hips from rolling into him.
"Oh, baby," I whine out for him.
The gentle plump mouth that struggles to talk dirty to me is now sucking and licking the most sensitive points of my body. I guess it doesn't matter what he says, because I'm siting here fûcking his mouth in the most glorious way possible. I can feel the slickness of his tongue in what seems to be everywhere all at once. My hips move faster against his face as his name leaves my lips breathlessly.
"Slow, slow," I cry.
My lips are trembling when he starts sucking in all the right spots. He definitely understands my moans as what he is doing right— I can't stop myself. His nose digs into me and I'm riding his face with slow hip movements. His palms squeeze at my waist to steady my body.
"There," I groan from the back of my throat. I'm pressing into his face roughly to get him to focus on one spot. I can hear his cute little breaths from beneath me.
I'm whining like a spoiled brat against his face. Pressure is accumulating— it pulsates through my fingertips and up from my toes. My hands are almost numb from holding onto the headboard so tightly. I'm clenching my thighs around his face in some subconscious way to stop the pleasure but his tongue just keeps going. I don't blame him for not attempting fingers— he doesn't even need them at this point. He just keeps sucking, licking and kissing me in all the right places.
I can't catch a steady breath as I'm approaching the end. Please, please, I'm begging him silently. Keep going. I'm swollen and dripping against his face and I get up slightly to let him breathe, but he pulls my hips back down. I widen my legs and I can feel my heart pounding.
"I-I—" I cant comprehend what a language is. I'm spent and feel like jello when I'm practically twitching above him. I take a moment to catch my breath before I climb away from his face. His cheeks are red and his hair is all over the place. My chest is heaving and my fingertips are trembling.
My boyfriend's face is glinting in an expression unknown to me. He furrows his eyebrows and is dodging eye contact. When I look to where he is staring, his fingers are fumbling with his zipper and he is pulling down jeans. I force my drowsiness to end when I climb over to help him. JK's length springs up the moment his briefs are pulled down and I gently take him into my hand.
"N-No," he shakes his head and sits up.
"Hm?"
"Can we...?"
I cock an eyebrows at him and kiss his cheek. Can I keep going? The look on his face is enough to persuade me to do whatever the hell he wants. I still can't believe I just sat on his face.
My hand is torturously slow as it glides up and down his shaft, and his breath is shuttering. His eyes close and his head falls to the side, but I think he has something else on his mind. I stop and lift my shirt over my head.
When his eyes open he takes his lip into his mouth at the sight of me. I want to lean down and take him into my mouth but his arm stops me.
"Jae," his fingers intertwine with mine. I'm staring at him cluelessly. I don't know what he wants. "Please... let me fuck you."
Well, shît. Yes— definitely yes. When I give him a soft nod, his hands are already searching into his pant pockets for his wallet. I can't dwell on the fact that he pulls a condom out from his wallet, nor how eagerly he throws the wallet to the ground the moment he doesn't need it anymore. I'm impressed by how sure of himself he is when he rolls the condom down his shaft. Look what I've created.
I think he deserves something better for how comfortable he was with me today.
My mind is quickly going over all our options. I can't do anything crazy, I decide, because honestly I don't think I can handle anymore boldness from him today. He has hit his quota before I go crazy.
He leans over towards me and our lips meet. I'm smiling against him to get him less apprehensive, and I pull away to whisper in his ear.
"Bend me over."
"What?" he looks at me in confusion.
I press a hard kiss to his lips before I push him away from me. I'm trying to hide my cocky smile when I use my hands to usher him away from me. He gets to his knees for space and I turn around before leaning over onto my elbows with my hips flexed out for him.
I hear him release a deep breath.
"JK," I whimper, "fûck me."
"L-Like this?"
I have to pause for a moment to stop my laughter. I'm thankful that he can't see my face.
"Not in my ass," I almost start break but it takes everything in me not to. I don't think he will ever recover if he catches me laughing at his inexperience. My laughter would make him go soft within seconds.
I'm relieved to feel his hands on my waist for him to position himself. My face is wincing, and I'm clenching my toes in anticipation for him to accidentally shove himself where I specifically said not to. I gasp at the feeling of his hips meeting mine and his length filling me. I have never been so relieved.
"Oh, Jungkook..." I'm grumbling into my mattress. I can't believe that anything that happened in the last thirty minutes actually happened.
Is this my boyfriend? Jungkook is thrusting into me from behind— the same boy who just got excited over cake. I suppose he knows what he wants...
Part of me wishes that Jungkook was more vocal in what he's thinking, and more open to talking dirty to me, but it's unfair for me to expect so much from him. It will take time. Time I hope we have.
I'm clutching my sheets in my fingers as he fills me, again and again. I'm leaning so hard into the mattress that my wristwatch starts moving too far up my arm, but I don't notice until it snaps and falls off the bed. Oh my God. My mouth is agape and I can't believe I'm approaching another climax.
He is making low grunting noises against me. I'm panting and my thighs are too feeble after all the movement. His fingers are digging into my skin but I love the feeling. I want him to slap the shît out of me but I don't want to scare him— I stay quiet, as quiet as I can, until we're both spent.
✱ ✱ ✱ ✱ ✱
It's safe to say every nerve that I wasn't thinking about while getting virtually pounded by my innocent, cute and shy boyfriend has returned by the time we are sitting in the car.
I have a folder with all my pointers and needs written out because I know I'm going to get nervous. I know I'm going to want to give in. I can't. I have spent some nights trying to mentally prepare myself for this meeting. It's just too hard with Jungkook now sitting next to me. I'm scared.
"Sorry about your watch..." Jungkook says shyly.
My cheeks flush. "It's okay. It was old, anyway. I just liked the colors."
It was a pastel rose-gold shade that shimmered sometimes when in the right light. It completed every single outfit.
"Your hands are shaking," he comments.
His eyes flick from me and back to the road. I cover my left hand with my right and shift in the seat. I force a confident smile at him, but my heart is pounding.
"I want this to go well," I say, "they make me so scared. I never know what they want from me."
"I know," he sympathizes, "But it's us and then them, remember?"
I smile at his use of my own words. I want to believe him, but I can't. He has no control over anything. He has signed an even bigger contract with them. I suppose it's his thoughts that count.
"Thank you."
He seems confused by my words. "For what?"
"...for always encouraging me to do what I want. It means more than you know."
"Jae-ya," he is taking many more glances at me now, "of course. We support each other, right?"
I'm staring out the window trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.
Does he know that in order for us to be together I can't make any business deals? Does he know that I've handed his company my brand? Does he know that I have legally handed over my voice to be here with him, right now? I suppose it doesn't matter if he knows. It doesn't change anything.
I'm blinking back tears— I don't let them form. I'm overwhelmed thinking about our date at the Han River and how empowering what he said to me was.
"Yes," I assure him, "Always."
There are many people with big, official looking cameras waiting outside the building when we arrive. They're plotting something. They're publicizing the fact that I'm coming to their office right now. Despicable yet again.
Jungkook doesn't let go of my hand despite the many cameras and shouting fans across the street. He actually pulls me closer to him, and opens the door for me to go inside. He is adorably latching onto me even in a time like this. He must not be nervous for this meeting.
I send David a quick text to let him know what's going on. I plan to be back to him soon. I'm sure he is hating his life even more while sitting next to a woman he doesn't know— a woman whom he thinks took advantage of his sister's kindness.
When the two of us step out of the elevator I am in a dream sequence. My steps don't feel real and time is moving oddly when we walk into the meeting room. There is only one man sitting at the table. It's Jung Young-yi from our last meeting.
Both Jungkook and I bow before taking a seat across from him.
"I regret to inform you that Taehyung could not attend this meeting today," he looks at me, "he is in Daegu spending time with family."
My eyebrows raise slightly. It's then that it occurs to me that Taehyung is home for the only reason I can think of— his grandfather. I frown at Young-yi but give him a nod to indicate that I understand.
Why would he be here? When I look at Jungkook he is emotionless and doesn't look back at me.
Young-yi releases a heavy breath. I'm holding mine.
"Before we get into anything new—" he is holding a pen in one hand. In a nervous habit he is hitting it against the stack of papers on the table, "—there are just some upcoming things to take care of."
"Okay," I nod.
Jungkook is silent. He isn't even moving.
"While the boys are in Malta we will be pushing BT21 heavily. So, you will receive a package of all things Cooky within the next few days. Can you post with them? It can be subtle, but it doesn't matter. We just want you in the merchandise."
Seems easy enough. I don't mind the cute pink character of my boyfriend. I think it would be adorable to post with anything BT21, if I am to be completely honest. My inner fan still exists.
"Yes," I reply.
"Now..." he purses his lips at the piece of paper in front of him. I can see that there are some photos and text, "Unfortunately, Dispatch has reached out to us with some photos."
"Of us?" I gape.
Young-yi nods before handing me the paper. I'm instantly relieved. It's just a bunch of photos of Jungkook and I walking around the Han River from our date. This is the juiciest thing that Dispatch could dig up?
"They're going to publish an article about a date?" Jungkook questions. The two of us are leaning over the table to see the paper.
"They're trying to implicate more than what they have evidence of. Please read the highlighted section."
My eyes trail down the paper.
DISPATCH:
[confirmed] After a romantic picnic at Yeouido Park, it was then that both Kang Jae and Jeon Jungkook (BTS) spent the next lengthy portion of their night in the car. An ample amount of time elapsed before the two took off.
"You're letting them publish this?" Jungkook gawks. He is so embarrassed. I have to admit I'm not as worked up about it. Dispatch is just insinuating things that they don't know.
"Yes. The company has allowed the article to be published. It was published only minutes after you walked in here."
I can't stop myself from giggling into my hand. Come on, really? When I look at Jungkook, I can tell he is in shock. I can't help but find humor in this.
Some dude with a camera sat outside the car while Jungkook was choking me.
"They can't confirm anything," I whisper to my boyfriend. I'm trying to ease him. His face is pale.
They just wants the press. They want the drama and juice without actually having any drama or juice. Bang Si-Hyuk is a mastermind.
Jungkook is nervously nibbling on his lip. I want to grab his hand but I can't. I won't. It will only make everything harder.
"I just wanted to let you guys know before you saw it online." Young-yi takes back the paper and I'm left with mixed feelings.
I wish Jungkook wasn't so terrified about it. It's evident that I've seen much worse in American tabloids. It's hard to empathize with Jungkook about this.
"August 20th," he looks at me, "Manager Hobeom is having his wedding. You're going."
"Oh... okay." I blink. It's not like I want to say no. I will get to see Jungkook.
"Bang Si-Hyuk thinks it's a good idea for you two to be more openly affectionate in public ahead of their return to America in September."
"When are we ever in public? When are we ever even together?" I retort.
My passive aggressive response earns a cocked eyebrow from Young-yi. I'm not going to apologize. I'm right.
"You bring up interesting points," he delegates, "hold on."
Jungkook is now nibbling at his fingertips. He is so quiet. What do I honestly expect? He can't do anything— this is all up to me. I'm the only person in this room that isn't an employee here.
Too much time goes by of just silence. Young-yi is organizing himself with a mass amount of papers before he lifts two stacks from the pile. My throat is dry when he leans over the table to hand both Jungkook and I what appears to be a contract. Here we go.
"When they arrive back from Malta, things are going to be very hectic. We might not have time to schedule a meeting like this. This is a contract renewal that will become effective September 1st if signed,"
"The grounds of the new contract are almost identical to the one signed in May. This new contract will cover from September 1st to December 31st of 2018,"
"Your social media content will remain. The company finds that our approach to online recognition is going well."
I scoff. Of course the company would think that. It was just announced that I'm more f.ucking influential than their own government's tourism videos. How dense do they think I am?
"As for publicized time with Jungkook, it will be a little different. During BTS' time in America, we want you with them. We want you at every American show date and around for their promotions. Given that Jungkook will have plenty of free-time during the tour, we think that in exchange for this request, you will have plenty of time to be together."
I am waiting for him to laugh. He doesn't.
"Excuse me?"
Young-yi blinks at me.
"Noona," Jungkook says softly to get my attention. I don't look at him.
I'm looking at the man who just tried to act like what he just proposed isn't absolutely and utterly wrong. I'm supposed to pack up my life again and only cater to what they ask of me? How can I leave Auntie?
"Why would I agree to that?"
Young-yi's expression is clueless, "well... to be with Jungkook."
Wow.
I bite my tongue instead of ranting at him. A heavy breath is released through my nose and I lean back into the chair. I finally take a glance at my boyfriend, and I wish I didn't. His eyes are filled with a worried expression. I want to cry audibly at my stressed decision.
"What happens if I don't agree with these terms?"
Young-yi doesn't seem pleased by what I've said. "When the current contract ends, we will be forced to terminate any communication between the two of you."
Jungkook's hand is suddenly on mine. I'm clenching my teeth so that I don't say anything erratic that I will regret. I can't do this with Jungkook sitting right next to me. I want nothing more than to just sign my name to this piece of paper because of how much I love him. Fuck.
They want to control me. They want to use me for the sole purpose of heightening their own brand. God, I hate them so much. Why do they have to be in the way of everything I'm trying to make with Jungkook?
I pull my hand out from under Jungkook's. It's distracting me.
"I want to partner with a company. Is that negotiable?" I ask. My voice is level, constrained.
"You want to negotiate the contents of the contract?"
"Yes," I affirm, "Maybe I should hire a lawyer, too."
"Noona," Jungkook says more forcibly this time. I can't look at him. I won't look at him.
The mention of a lawyer has Young-yi leaning forward against the table. He contemplates the idea, "You can already partner with a company."
"You're lying to me. Isn't that illegal?"
He seems surprised by my defiance. I am so incredibly nervous that my hands are shaking, but I'm clutching onto the arms of my chair to stop them.
"I'm not lying," he scoffs at me this time, "The company can sign off on any partnership you wish to take part in."
I'm biting my lip to stop a pathetic laugh. I tilt my head and exhale deeply to keep myself calm.
"I don't want them to have to sign off on anything. I want the rights to my own decisions. I have my own career to plan."
"I understand—"
"No," I cut him off, "I don't think you do."
I'm practically seething in my seat. Jungkook scoots his chair closer to me but I shake my head at him without even looking at him. I want to cry. I want to sit here and just cry because I can feel Jungkook being taken away from me from a stupid piece of paper. This is why I can't allow myself to express how much I love him. This is exactly why.
I can't sign this paper. It goes against everything that I have decided for myself. I decided to use my voice. I decided that I wouldn't sign away my voice. I close my eyes to get Jungkook out of my peripheral vision. His voice is echoing in my ear because he is also now having words with Young-yi.
"I can't sign this."
Their voices stop and when I open my eyes the two of them are staring at me.
"I-I need time." I say.
I need time to think without Jungkook staring at me.
"That's not a problem," Young-yi assures me kindly, "you have until September 1st to make a decision."
I'm playing with my tongue in my mouth, deep in my thoughts. What would a businesswoman say at a moment like this? What's my next move? I can't leave here and just think about the contract. I don't feel comfortable signing it if I don't agree with what's in it.
Times have changed since May. I'm no longer that dependent girl. I'm trying to remember how empowered I felt when I was talking to my dad. I can't feel bullied by the pressure of Jungkook to make this decision.
"I want to schedule a meeting with someone else in your department to talk about my options."
Young-yi swallows hard. He probably wants to curse at me.
"Of course," he assures me again with a smile, "I will set up a meeting for you."
"Within the next week." I add.
Jungkook isn't shy with his reaction, "Noona, I will be away."
That's the point.
"I know," I say.
Jungkook's jaw is protruding out and he exhales deeply. He doesn't say anything.
I'm relieved when Young-yi stands from his seated position. I release my hold on the chair and there are sweat marks from how tightly I was gripping it.
Young-yi bows his head at me, "I will go talk to the head of my department and see what I can do. You should get a confirmation email within the next day."
"Thank you," is all I say.
The door slams closed behind him. Jungkook is up and out of his seat the moment Young-yi leaves. I'm expecting him to have teary eyes when he looks at me, but instead he is angry, pacing around the room.
"Jae—"
"I'm sorry," I say. I don't want him angry at me.
"What happens if the next meeting doesn't resolve this problem?" Jungkook's voice is oddly low and serious. His eyes are hard on me and I find myself swallowing hard from my seated position.
"I don't know," I look down at my hands.
"You don't know?" His eyes are wide, "Jae, why are you scheduling it without me? Tell me what's going on."
I stand from my chair to give myself room to breathe. I can't breathe. The thought of losing everything that I've worked for this summer is restricting my chest.
"I don't want us to be because of them anymore," I somehow articulate through my emotions.
Jungkook is leaning his fist against the table and his angry gaze softens drastically. He is hitting his teeth against each other in thought.
The worst part of all of this is that we both know what I've said might not be possible.
"They're taking away my life," I continue on to him. We are at opposite sides of the table, "I can't live a life if I let myself be so powerless."
"Jae-ya—"
My phone starts to ring and I'm quick to grab it in order to shut it off. I can't ignore the call— it's David. I give Jungkook an apologetic look before answering.
"Hello?"
"Hey," my brother greets, "the doctors finished a bunch of tests. Like, MRIs and stuff... they're asking where you are. I think. They keep saying 'Jae-yoo' or something."
"Okay," I roll my eyes, "I'm on my way."
I sigh at my phone after the call has ended. I start to grab my things. Jungkook is watching me intently.
"I have to go back to the hospital."
Jungkook doesn't respond to me; instead, he grabs his car keys from the table and holds open the door in silence. I have my head down as I pass him.
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A/N
I CANT FEEL MY EYES IVE BEEN TYIPNG THIS CHAPTER ALL DAY OH MY GOD PLEASE [REST]
please vote maybe it will give me back the 12 hours I spent writing this 8k worded chapter I-
I love u. so much. Thank u for reading. I always say this but rlly 😭😭