I drifted in and out of consciousness all night until the morning light rolled in, Alex's soft snores drifting into my ears, his arms wrapped around me, his face looked so perfect when he slept, his fringe falling in his face and making me smile, why couldn't I just say Alex I love you, thinking back to last night to what I said, I told him I didn't believe in love I bet hes determined to call my bluff, because when you look at me you can tell I'm madly in love just like Kara with Rian and Rian with me...
I wiggled my way out of Alex's arms and lent over giving him a soft kiss, he kissed back slightly in his sleep and then rolled over, I got one good look at him to keep me going until I came home later.
I pulled on my old black converse from the floor and put on one of Alex's hoodies smelling it slightly as I zipped it up, I walked out of the bedroom not looking back because I knew I would cave and end up bring him with me to my dad's but I had to do this alone.
I took down the last step and quietly made my way to the door, mustering all my courage ready to go to my dads, I could do this.
"Ella?" I turned around to a fully dressed sleepy Rian stood in the door way I walked towards him and pulled him in for a big hug, missing the feel of his arms.
"You okay?" He looked down at me our faces inches away from each other, every fiber of me wanted to lean up and kiss him, and for that I suck.
"Yeah I'm fine gonna go for a walk and clear my head tho" I smiled at him so he knew I was okay, and I was I always felt safe In his arms but I couldn't bring him today I have to go alone, in case he hurt them too.
"Oh hang on Ill get my coat and come with you" He reached his arm down to his jacket on the bottom of the stairs, I shook my head and pulled his arm back.
"I have to do this alone I have a lot to think about" And with that I just snapped I crashed my lips against his taking him by surprise, he lifted me up in his arms, my hands going behind his head and pulling my lips closer to him, kissing him and kissing Alex were two different things they say kiss the guy and you'll know if your meant to be with them but they both felt amazing.
I pulled away from him letting him place me on my feet again, he brushed my fringe out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, I let him take my hand in his, the big smile from his goofy face, lighting up the room.
"I told you I had shit to think about" He nodded his head and walked me to the door, opening it for me and watching as I walked up the path and down the street.
"I love you Ell" He called after me my heart sunk again, I love him too I just cant bring myself to say it.
"I know" It was a lame reply but it was the best I had, well at least all this shit gave me something to think about during the walk back to my house.
I was here after the slowest walk ever I was here, I placed my hand on the door knob that familiar wish I didn't have to go in sensation washing over me, I shook it off and opened up the door, no sign of my dad at all, I ran straight to my room and bolted the door knowing I had a lucky escape.
I spent 15 minutes packing, everything important first into my backpack, my passport and legal documents, the money I had saved up almost 2000 dollars, a clean t'shirt jeans and underwear just incase I have to run out and cant grab my suitcase and of course my song book, then I threw the entire contence of my wardrobe into the suitcase zipping it up, I could leave all my other material possessions, I grabbed my makeup and threw that In my suitcase, I was ready to walk out of this place and live with Alex, not something I thought I would be saying at 17.
I gingerly opened the door to my bedroom and ran down the stairs carrying my suitcase with me, I was so close to the door with no sign of him, the only thought going through my head being that this was too easy, my hand went out to turn the handle but it was locked I looked around for the key in a frenzy pushing the backpack higher on my back, but no luck, that's when I heard the clumsy footsteps.
"Hello Baby" He walked towards me, completley sober, I actually for a second thought he would be fine like drinking and drugs made him a monster but his phist connecting with my face and sending me flying backwards to the floor convinced me otherwise.
My suitcase was dragged away from me and thrown somewhere the crash it caused knocking some sense into me, I got up on shaky footing his angry face looming in front of me.
"just let me go please I wont tell anyone I promise" I crumbed under his gaze holding my aching face in one hand shielding it from him, he had a crazy look in his eyes and bit of rubber tied around his arm, he'd been shooting up.
"YOU DONT GET TO LEAVE YOU CANT JUST WALK AWAY FROM THIS LIKE IT NEVER HAPPEND, IF I HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS EVERDAY DAY THEN SO DO YOU" What did he mean, that he was gonna lock me up and never let me leave?
He grabbed me by my neck and dragged me into the living room choking me the entire time, I thought the skin from my neck would just rip away from me, he pressed me up against the table from behind, and placed both of his hands over my chest, touching me inappropriately, I opened my mouth to speak but he slapped me in the face, so I shut up.
"So heres the plan kiddo, you give me what I want like your whore of a mother then just like her you die exept this time youll be dead before a bastard child has a chance of being born" He pulled at the zipper on Alex's hoody trying to get it off my body, his hands romaming to touch me everywhere, he bent his head down to bite the side of my neck, I felt him get excited and all the adrenaline pumped to my body I need to stop this.
My eyes darted to the big heavy vase on the table and without flinching I pushed him off me and grabbed it the weight feeling heavy in my hands, I picked it up with all my strength and crashed it over his head, sending his body hurling to the floor, the vase smashed around him and there was no movement in his eyes, I lent down to listen to his heartbeat but there wasn't one.
I killed him I killed my own father, I wanted to run, cry, breakdown, all at the same time but my composure stayed I stood there looking down at his lifeless body and made a split decision, I need to run, I cant stay here, I cant to that Alex and Rian, I'm a killer that's not a good image for All Time Low I cant do that to them, Me staying will ruin every chance they have of there dreams, I had to leave now.
I ran to the downstairs bathroom knowing the window could be closed from the outside, that way I can get out without having to touch his body and look for the keys, I opened up the small window and pushed my backpack out first, and then shimmied my body out dropping onto the grass in garden, that's when I started running.
I ran and I ran and I ran, my plan cut though the park get to the bus station, get the hell out of Baltimore, run until they find you and if they don't keep running, run anyway from everything here in Baltimore from Alex and Rian, I convinced myself that would be better for them its like my dad said I'm worthless and nobody will ever love me I don't deserve love, I just need to get out of this town, my bruises will fade with the memories over time but my scars they will last forever, I pulled down my sleeve and watched as the droplett's of rain hit against the masses of scars from my dads handy little knife, as from now I had no father I was an oprphan, Ella never existed.
I ran through the park that cut right in the middle of Baltimore knowing the bus station was a five minute run from here, I wonder if they have found his body yet I wonder if there looking for me, I came to the footbridge that went across the small lake, I looked around and nobody was out, most people wouldn't risk this rain, I pulled out my phone ready to destroy it, I pressed the middle button and the image of me and Alex together flashed on my lock screen, His big happy smile and brown eyes fixed on mine whilst I took the photo, I had to call him, I searched for his name and called his phone.
"Hello bitches you've reached the answering machine of Alex Gaskarth leave me a message and if your sexy enough ill get back to you" Hearing his voice brought a tear to my eye and made all the memories flood back, a small smile appearing on my lips ill always remember his cute cocky attitude, BEEP.
"Alex Im not coming back, Ive done something so terrible. Im terrified to speak, but you would expect that from me" I paused to compose myself, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over my cheek, I Noticed the heavy rain thundering to the ground around me.
I have to leave, start a new life its the only way, I held the phone higher up to my ear crying even more, I will never forgive myself.
"I love you" Throwing my phone into the lake, I pulled up my hood and set off down the long winding path, the Rain washing away the smell of him from my hair, I have no idea where im going but anywhere is better than here, I will only ruin his life, I have to get out.
"Ill never forget you Alex Gaskarth" Now to start my new life and pray that every time I close my eyes I'm not reminded of horror that unfolded today, time to get to the bus station and get the first bus out of here, I thought back to the last time were both happy we had breakfast together, I will always Remember Sunday.
The End.
(you didn't think I would really kill her off did you ??)
Cant You See To Me Your Dead. THE SEQUEL IS UP CHECK MY PAGE :)