The next day at school was uneventful, as had been for the last few weeks. At least, the first half was.
It started off the same, with Dan casually stalking Phil in between classes and Phil casually ignoring him, Jace watching him like he was some kind of delicacy, and his classes doing nothing but torture his already bent-out-of-shape mind. He tried his hardest to actually pay attention to what was going on around him, but soon enough, it would at just become a blur, and he'd just tune out.
Needless to say, his first three periods went by slowly and painfully, and he nearly started singing when the bell rang, signaling his lunch period.
After Phil had found out about his and Jace's 'escapades', Dan had taken to spending his lunch in various hiding spots, so that the vicious green eyed boy wouldn't seek him out and try anything. He avoided his usual spot, a large tree in front of the school, at all costs. And so far, his actions had seemed to work.
But today must not have been his day, because just as he was settling down behind one of the abandoned tool sheds of the school, the devil himself showed up, standing over Dan and smirking down at him with those attractive yet undeniably evil green eyes.
"I know you've been avoiding me." Was the first thing he said, as he plopped down, uninvited, next to Dan. "And I know why, really, I just don't see the point in it."
Dan didn't say anything, just continued to gaze down at the book that was open in his lap. He wasn't at all paying attention to the words, but he flipped the page anyway to make it seem as if he wasn't interested in Jace talking. Maybe he'd go away then.
Jace stayed quiet too, pulling harshly at the grass underneath him. But his silence was short lived, as he continued on in that annoyingly charming voice of his.
"I mean you and that Frank guy, whatever his name was," he said, waving his hand dismissively, "you guys are done, I mean, completely annihilated from what I can tell."
Dan still ignored him, but he couldn't stop the reaction that came to him at Jace's words. His teeth clenched tightly behind his lips, and his fingers gripped the edges of his book until his hands started turning white. He tried to control his suddenly sped up breathing, but it was hard because Jace just kept talking.
"And what we had was fun, right? I enjoyed myself at least, I don't know about you." He paused again, leaning his head back against the wall and staring up at the sky. "What I'm trying to say is, if you and your boy toy are done, why can't we go back to the way it was before? It's not as if you have to hide it anymore, and there's none of that ugly guilt either, that comes from cheating." He glanced over at Dan, who was still resilient in his silence. "And I'm so bored."
"You know what I don't understand?" Dan said through his teeth. He continued glaring down at the pages in front him, not wanting to look at Jace full on. "I don't know if what you said was true, about what that Logan guy did to you, but it sure seemed like it was. And I don't understand why you did the same exact thing with me, knowing it would hurt him the way it did you." He looked up then, straight at Jace who looked as if he was ready to claw Dan's eyes out.
"Don't talk to me about him." Jace said, dangerously quiet. His eyes weren't so shiny now, instead they had grown darker with anger.
"Just like you talk to me about Phil?" Dan shot back at him, his hands balling into fists.
"It's not the same."
"It's exactly the same, you asshole."
Jace didn't say anything else, and Dan actually felt sort of proud of himself for making him speechless. He went back to staring at his book, waiting for Jace to do something or say something.
"You wanna know something, Dan?" Jace finally said, and Dan could hear the calm anger in his voice. "What I did to you.....no, what me and you did together; I actually kind if hated myself for doing it."
Dan couldn't help but snort loudly at his words.
"Oh, please." He said, closing his book and actually looking at Jace with hatred and sarcastic pleasure. "You enjoyed every fucking second, torturing me with the guilt of what we did, and you can't tell me otherwise. Everytime you look at me, you remind me of everything you put me through."
"I'm sorry, Dan." Jace said quietly, and Dan was actually surprised to hear the genuine sincerity in his voice. "I really am, I just....I'm a selfish bastard, okay? I see what I want, and I do anything to take it, I don't care who gets hurt in the long run. And when I saw you with Phil....I got jealous."
"Jealous?"
"Yeah, fucking jealous." Jace sighed, running his fingers through his blondish hair aggressively. "It was stupid. I saw you guys all the time, always fucking smiling and shit, and I...I wanted that. I told you before, all the other guys I ever dated were major assholes, but you, you looked so good."
"And so you thought the best thing to do was try and split us up?" Dan said angrily.
"I would have done anything, I told you that."
"I really don't understand you, Jace." Dan said, laughing without humor."You have the most sick, twisted kind of logic, you know that?"
"I can't really help it." Jace replied, and then smiled slightly at Dan. "And I'm not gonna change it either. I've tried, honestly, but it's like....I get this kind of rush, from doing the things I want, and getting things I want."
Dan scoffed before standing up and glaring down at him. "You're cynical. Stay away from, and I'm serious this time. Don't come near me." He said, and walked away, leaving Jace behind that abandoned tool shed.
His blood was boiling from Jace's words, and he could barely stop his hands from shaking in his anger. He'd had no right to say those kinds of things, and his mind was just....not very stable, it seemed. And Dan wanted nothing to do with that.
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The day was coming to an end, and Dan wanted nothing more than to just go home and sulk in his room, but the day apparently wasn't done with him. Because as he was grabbing his things from his locker, Phil showed up, standing next to him awkwardly and looking everywhere but at Dan.
"I, uh...." He started, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere but here. "I left one of my notebooks at your house, and I wanted to know if you'd be able to bring it to me tomorrow."
Dan just stared at him for a minute, still in shock that Holy shit, Phil is here, he's talking to me, what the fuck do I say? He shook himself out of his surprised stupor, and started stuttering.
"Um, I don't....I mean, you don't have to wait til tomorrow." Oh, so subtle, Dan. "I mean, you could come to my house right now. You know, to get the notebook, not because....yeah." His face was practically on fire, and he was clutching his books to his chest so they didn't fall to the ground with the way his hands were shaking.
He waited in agony, for Phil to say something, even if it was a rejection.
"I....I guess I could." He finally replied, and Dan almost stopped breathing when he agreed. He really wasn't expecting that.
"Okay!" He said, and nearly punched himself for sounding so excited. "Yeah, uh, let's go then."
The whole time they were together, from walking out of the school until they finally reached Dan's house, it was quiet between them, and it was the most tense and painful silence Dan had ever had to endure.
Dan was extremely glad that his parents were gone, because he really didn't feel like explaining Phil to them. He'd have no idea what to say, and it would be nothing but awkward. He led a somewhat reluctant Phil up the stairs and into his room, letting the door close behind them. Which was kind of stupid really, because it wasn't as if Phil was staying, but it was just what he usually did.
And here they were now, not looking at each other and not saying anything.
"Right, uh...." Dan said, dropping his bag on the floor and going to search through his desk drawers for the notebook. After a minute, he found the green covered book handed it silently to Phil, who took just as quietly. "There you go" He said lamely.
"Thanks." Phil said, and Dan's heart almost stopped when he shot a small smile at him. "I'll just, go now." He turned to the door, and was just leaving when Dan grabbed his arm to stop him.
Holy fuck, why'd I do that? He thought. He honestly had no idea what to say, and Phil was staring at him curiously with those damn eyes of his.
"I just....I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." He said, and quickly dropped Phil's arm when he realized he was still gripping it.
"It doesn't change anything, Dan." Phil said, almost sadly.
"I know, I know it doesn't, but I've realized that you mean a lot to me, Phil. I love you, and I know it's too damn late to be saying that, but it's true, alright? And I miss you. So much." Dan took a deep, shaky breath, and tried his hardest not to let Phil see him cry, but he couldn't stop the single tear from rolling down his cheek.
"Dammit, Dan, you make things so hard sometimes." Phil told him thickly.
"What do you mean?"
"I love you too, okay?" He said, and he sounded angry about it. "But I don't want to, I'm not supposed to, not after what you did."
"I didn't mean to." Dan said desperately, moving closer, but Phil stepped back from him. "Phil, he didn't mean anything."
"I see you talking to him still."
"He talks to me, I want nothing to do with him."
"I can't do this." Phil said, opening the door and starting to leave. "Thanks for the, uh, the notebook. See you." And then he was gone, and Dan stood there, just staring at the closed door. The tears were flowing much more freely now, and Dan did nothing to stop them.
He was never going to get his Phil back. And god, it hurt so much.
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a/n: Nothing to say, really. Uh...how ya guys been? Yeah....
Hope you liked it, and now I have a somewhat solid idea about where this is going, so be prepared......the feels are coming.
Peace. :3