A/N: Warning, mentions of past abuse.
William,
It is clear that Samantha really wants to be with my Quentin. If that is to continue, we must be on cordial standing.
I've spoken with your daughter, and we've come to an agreement. I agree to attend the dinner in a few days. Although I don't really know what to expect of it, or if you, I've come to realize I haven't left the door open for much of anything to be settled.
I look forward to letting the past stay there,
L. McCrowley
-
William
My eyes were closed and I felt something press against my wrists, then my ankles. What's going on?
"Aw, look who's waking up," Anna's voice waded through the darkness of my mind.
"What happened," I heard myself say. "Why am I tied up? Why can't I see?"
"I used a spell to shut those darling eyelids of yours. Your gaze can't wonder if you can't open your eyes, now can it?" Anna ran a finger along the side of my face.
"What? Anna, this isn't funny. Let me go."
"You know what is funny? How you could ever be attracted to something as vile as another male. Or a woman of another shift. Don't you care about your bloodline? You want to bastardize this nation like those friends of yours in Natus," she sneered. "No, you have to be taught a lesson."
I began fighting my restraints. Anna has gone insane. Then came the first slice. I let out a hiss.
"Anna, please," I begged. "I can get you help. Just let me go. I'm even willing to pardon the bodily harm."
"Your voice is becoming annoying." She gagged me, then continued her torture, reveling in my screams for what felt like hours.
I felt her straddle my bloodied chest, groaning at the pressure on my wounds. Suddenly light flooded my vision. I looked up and my breath caught. In Anna's place was Avon. To my horror, I watched as he raised the dagger above my heart before plunging it through.
-
I woke up, gasping for air. The room seemed to spin, and I felt nauseous. I grabbed the empty wine bucket by my bedside and wretched.
It was like my body was trying to leave everything unpleasant in that bucket, and there wasn't much more I could do than let it happen.
"Dad-"
I heard footsteps run to me, and felt two hands on my back, rubbing soothing circles into it, as I finished puking. I let out a shutter as I pushed it away, and Jade handed me water. I swished it around in my mouth, spitting into the bucket until the taste of bile was mostly gone. Samantha gave me a wet towel to clean up and I thanked her.
"Papa, are you sure you'll be fine traveling back home by yourself tomorrow," Jade asked.
"I can handle myself, just fine," I reassured her, swinging my legs off the bed. I rubbed at my wrists, and Sammy took my hands in hers.
"You haven't had a nightmare about her in years, Papa," she said. "You shouldn't be alone right now. Not in this state."
"You'd be in a dark state of mind alone. I won't allow you to go back to Anicia just to drink it down with Uncle Gregory and Judas," Jade said firmly. "Sam's right. One of us should go back with you. Or you stay an extra few days. What happened?"
"An ambassador happened," I groaned.
Sam looked at me confused but Jade let out a squeal.
"So, it was true," Jade whispered. "Father, we have to discuss your state of decency. You could've at least been properly dressed when you left your little fling."
"Him with Ambassador Avon?" Sam asked, getting a nod from her sister. "Gross."
"I'm not discussing this with you two."
"I agree on that front. I would rather not hear about it, if possible, so yes please do refrain from running out of official's rooms in nothing but your under knickers," Sam said. "Any who, you should stay. Just an extra day or two, please for me? I want to have a proper dinner with you both and Quentin's family, and can't have that with you missing, Papa."
I looked between my two little girls giving me those damned begging eyes of theirs and relented, much to their delight. They must know that this will not happen again, if ever. Then again I told myself the last time the two ganged up on me.
"Should I invite this ambassador as well," Jade said.
"Did I invite, Baron Michael to dinner after your scandal?"
"You didn't have to be so mean about it, you could've just said 'no'."
-
Hours later I found myself sat across from Lucas, the both of us sharing a bottle of wine over dinner. We've managed to rekindle the dead flames of our former friendship, discussing the hectic mess of raising children, our careers and everything else we could think of.
"You had a rebellion?" Lucas asked, eyebrows raised to his hairline.
"A rebellion? I wish. The whole thing was a monstrosity there was this movement, called itself the People's Republic of Anicia or something or other."
"Ugh, I'm familiar. They tried recruiting back when I was working in the stables, didn't get very far. Their leadership lacked charisma and they did more harm than good at the time."
"Nothing changed. They burned down five villages and beheaded some of our finer lords. It was some fed up painter that sent us a tip to their whereabouts. Hid a message in the painting with some cryptic note on the back. We've hung it up in the gallery now, it's a good story to tell. Thank god he did, at the time they'd managed to capture Sam. I have no doubt she mouthed them off the entire way," I said, laughing at the memory of the disheveled child that returned to our gates, looking more annoyed than disturbed. She didn't talk about being kidnapped, just about how bad the food and smells were. Was rather proud about kicking some guards Crown Jewels as well.
"How can you laugh? If one of my children were to go through such an ordeal, I don't think I could ever be able to take it lightly."
"It's not that I take it lightly, it's simply that it comes with the territory of being royal. Your life is in constant danger. When I was a kid, some rogue servant attempted to nab me but while he was dragging me along I cut my hand on some stray nail in the wall. When I touched the next one, the entire wall flipped and we were in one of the royal guard nooks. You have to learn to appreciate that you were fortunate enough to be okay and laugh at it, otherwise you'll go mad."
"I don't think I could handle that constant target. Jonny almost took my head off with that scythe of his and he still hears about it to this day." We both began laughing at that.
"Well then," I said, raising a glass. "To us."
Noah clinked glasses with me. "To us."
We continued on with dinner. My heart felt lighter having settled this all once and for all. It felt nice.
"How're you and Jonah?"
"He's fine. Definitely mellowed with age. Now when a stranger comes to our door he scratches his side and grouchily calls me downstairs."
Even having met Jonah, the way Luke spoke of him you'd think of him thirty years older, like a hoveled old man shooing pups off his lawn.
"What about you? Samantha told me you haven't quite dated that much."
"I had one particularly bad relationship after you and it's just been hard to trust anyone that close."
"Ah, Yes. She told me about her."
I would have to give Samantha a piece of my mind about that.
"Anna was definitely... passionate. Knowing about my attraction to both genders, you can imagine that passion turned to jealousy. Then there's the fact that the woman was down right insane. So she was jealous if I looked at anything with a pulse. It was quite tiring to deal with."
"Whatever did happen to her, after, well, you know..."
Samantha truly did need to learn where and when and who to tell my business to it seems.
"We're enjoying a good meal, let's not discuss such heavy topics."
He still looked curious, but dropped the matter, nodding, to which I am glad for.
-
Dinner got a bit awkward after that brief discussion about Anna, and I decided to excuse myself rather early.
I walked into my guest chambers and went to hang up my cloak and felt suddenly on guard. I could feel a presence but not smell them. I turned to figure out where they were only to find Avon kneeling before me.
"I know I should respect your rejection and stop following you around because I surely look like some stalker now, but I can't let you leave without trying just one last time."
"I know you've said you don't want a mate, you don't want a label, and despite myself I'm willing to concede to it. I don't care what we are as long as I know you're mine in some ways that you're not someone else's. I can really see myself with you, and I'm prepared to wait as long as it takes for you to be there with me."
"Avon what if that takes twenty years?"
"I'd wait forty. Hades, I'd wait until the next lifetime, just please don't shut me out. Don't run from me."
"You're an idiot."
"What?"
"You know I just had dinner with my ex right?"
"I don't care."
"You know that I have a reputation right? What if I cheat? What if you cheat? Distance is always hard. We wouldn't see one another for months at a time, that's so long to be lonely. How would such a thing even work? We both have a duty to our nations, we can't simply go off and leave when our hearts ache. What if you find a genuine potential mate? Wouldn't you rather take advantage of that connection, I know I would if I were to feel the pull again."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I'm scared! You see me trip, and talk about the good old days before responsibility and politics, and reopen feelings I thought I had dealt with, and promise me openness and simplicity. Friends who occasionally got intimate, that's how you baited me. Then once you had me hooked you decided to try and reel me in with talk about attempting 'us', what in Hades is that about? Now I've come back from dinner with an ex who asked me about the fucked up woman I courted after him, and you're on your knees bearing your soul to me? Do you realize how full of shit this all is? Have you once stopped to think about how I might feel with you constantly pulling the rug out from under me and making me fall in love with you like we when we were foolish teenagers who knew nothing of the world and what was to come?"
"So you loved me?"
"Is that all you heard from that?"
"You're falling for me again."
I threw my hands up, turning away from him. I needed space, I needed away from this madness. I knew coming here would be a mistake. Air, I needed air.
I walked away from him, not caring that he was trailing by my feet like some lost puppy in need of a new master. I stood out on the terrace, watching the fairies flit and flutter by, carefree.
Avon went to speak and I held up a hand, just wanting to revel in the solitude of silence a while longer. I'd done so much talking, too much talking today. I needed to think.
"You know, just before I came here, I had finally accepted that I would be alone, die alone. It was the first time I visited my mother's grave since her funeral and I looked at her buried there right beside my father, then looked out on the hill where all my ancestors were buried, realizing they were all the same. They all ruled and were buried beside people they loved. Hell, my grandfather Joseph was even buried beside his first mate and chosen queen, for Hera's sake. I realized that I would be the first and maybe last in that yard to be there alone, a single tomb. Then I looked back over my shoulder towards the castle and realized what I'd leave behind. My two beautiful, bright daughters and a kingdom left better than when I was given it. I wasn't happy but I was satisfied with that. I was content with that. I made a difference, I brought peace to Hazelwrenn and Anicia, I made our bonds stronger. I brought people together, helped others find their happiness through a mate bond, even if I couldn't do that for myself."
"You shouldn't have to settle for satisfaction and contentment."
"Everyone I've loved has died, left me, or hurt me. I'm sorry Avon, but my heart is something I simply cannot give, not again. I'm fractured, but not broken. I will not let, I refuse to allow myself to break. I couldn't handle that. My children don't deserve to see the aftermath of that. You say you're willing to wait, and that's fine, take that gamble on me if that's your prerogative, but I cannot in good faith lead you on and promise you something I don't think I can give away."
"I'll see you then, two months time," Avon said. "I'll stay a week, then again a few months after. I've always been a betting man."
I looked at the man beside me, and shook my head. Bastard. Why don't you run like the rest of them? Run while I can afford to let you get away.