Present
The morning arrives with a bitterness that coats my tongue. It doesn't leave me when I scrub my teeth harshly with fluoride toothpaste. Nor when I rinse my mouth with minty mouthwash.
It stains my throat, reminding me today is the dreadful day of Kurtis Anderson's funeral.
My stomach twists and churns throughout breakfast. I find myself unable to finish my stale bagel and cream cheese in the hotel lobby. Instead shoving my plate away and mindlessly scrolling through my phone- hoping something will catch my eye. It doesn't.
After a long time in the lobby, I procrastinate even more in my hotel room. Putting off the task of getting dressed.
Eventually pulling on some black slacks and a dark button-up. Something similar I dressed in my teens but the shirt is new- the tag scratches my neck. It's quite ironic that I'm still the same size as my teen years. Mostly because I was muscular before due to grueling football- my physique has lessened since my workout has been cut to occasionally running, but my body has since grown from my younger days.
I pull my coat over my buttoned shirt, hoping the gray will contrast the black on black. All black seems too mournful- I'm not in mourning. I'm only here for support, Noah's support. At least that's what I tell myself.
I tell myself that's why I'm here.
***
I'm early to the memorial.
There's light talking among visitors in the large building, that's meant to replicate a home. Many rooms are decorated with chairs and false fireplaces to create a warmth the people lack.
Rooms are adorned with various flowers from the arriving guests. It's a tribute to the Anderson's, a way to comfort. I came empty handed.
I stumble across a room with rows of chairs and a cross at the front. Only assuming this is where the memorial will take place.
I hadn't spotted Noah anywhere. Donna wasn't even found in the crowd, entertaining guests. I presume they have not arrived.
I don't recognize a single soul in the dark wooden building. Only elders from a particular richer class of the town.
I'm also early so not many people are scattered about the various rooms.
I'm almost certain I don't know anyone, until I spot a certain blonde in one of the pews. She's sitting alone towards the middle of rows, her head turned away.
I recognize her blonde hair instantly and walk towards her- slinking into the bench beside her.
"Hello, Savannah."
She jumps slightly from my voice, hand clutching her chest and she shakes her head scoldingly. "You scared me," she states matter-of-factually.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to," my hand gingerly touching her shoulder as I lower my voice. Attempting to blend with the grieving elders.
She huffs slightly, untouched by grief. My eyes skim past her to the empty bench and I'm suddenly curious. "Where's the family?"
"Oh, their at home. I didn't think this was an appropriate event for a toddler."
"Makes sense," my knuckles rap on the wooden bench and I relax into the oak wood.
"What have you been up to?" She questions, a hand resting over the obvious bump in her baby dress.
"Nothing really," I respond. My eyes unknowingly drift off to my surroundings, searching for him.
The blonde catches me with her attentive green eyes. Call it mothers intuition, but Savannah has always been a conscious person. Her dark brow quirks and I know she's onto me.
"I haven't seen him either," she tells me knowingly.
My dark eyes snap to her green ones in disbelief. With an awkward cough I try to reciprocate, "I wasn't, umm.."
"Have you talked to him?" She ignores my stuttering.
Scratching the nape of my neck I sigh, "Yeah. I suppose I did yesterday."
"How was it?"
"I don't know, Savannah. We talked about somethings, but not all. It just feels kind of awkward."
"Look," she rests a hand on my knee, adjusting on the bench to face me better,"I know about why you left. Noah has told me."
I swallow, trying to keep collected as I nod. It's been years but the pains still lingers. I knew she knew, almost everyone knows. "I thought so," I say detachedly.
"I know how much pain you must've been in, but you have to remember Noah was too." She takes a breath and looks me sternly in the eyes, "He loved you, Ethan. A lot. And I don't know the whole story, because he wouldn't tell me everything. Just remember he's always had his eye out for you."
"Well I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Stephen-"
Savannah cuts me off abruptly, "Stop your immature whining. Stephen is in no way suitable for Noah. There's a absolutely no chemistry between them. Trust me, I've met Stephen."
I chuckle softly at my childish, "You're such a wise mother."
She slaps my knee softly, "I've always been wise. Being a mother has nothing to do with it!"
"How are you holding up," I feign sympathy, remembering we're attending a memorial.
She quirks her eyebrow, "Ethan, do you really think I'm grieving right now?" I shrug. "I've listened to Noah cry on the phone because of that man, and have witnessed his disgusting behavior."
She shakes her head and tells me with the curl of her tongue, "I think we're better off without him."
Her phone buzzes from her purse on that account and she excuses herself to step out and answer it.
Sitting by myself I sit with her remark, wondering the truth behind it.
I had hated Kurtis deeply in my teens, cursing him for my problems and grief. Though I'm much older now, I wonder if the man was truly that awful. Yes he was a homophobic asshole, and a bitch father... but there were rare times of good in his heart.
When Noah was nine he bought him a dream journal for his birthday, despite his wish for Noah to play football. I remember his secretive smile when Noah opened his present excitedly.
Then when Noah turned 16 he bought him a brand new car. Even drove it up the driveway and honked for him outside of the house while we were all eating cake inside.
There were a few other accounts where I saw pride in his eyes for Noah, but I can't help see the pure disgust on his face after one fatal morning. The shame on his face when he looked at his son...
I still remember the day before I left, however. I remember Kurtis's face, him staring at me from afar. Empathy. Empathy for me despite everything.
I never forget anything about that day.
Senior Year
"If you can shave the sprints down to 45 seconds you'll be in good-shape," Daniel speaks confidently. His voice steady unlike me whose panting loudly and hunched over.
"I-is 50 seconds- not fucking good enough for you," I choke out in between gaps of my frantic breathing.
Daniel shoves a water bottle towards my chest, and I sink into the ground gulping this holy water- hose water, but it's never tasted so good. "Stop being a baby, Ethan. You wanted me to train you, eh. Got what you wanted?"
A shit-eating smirk on his face as he spins the stopwatch in his hand by the string. "This is fucking worse than coach's practice!"
"It'll make you strong," he squats beside me. "Just be happy you're still playing." His head looks towards the field, a smile playing his lips.
Daniel graduated last year and joined the local university. Sadly giving up football to focus on his studies, and partially because the university team sucks.
I fall back into the ground, my hand over my chest and clutching the water bottle. I had just completed endless suicides and speed training drills.
"You've got to be the fastest to catch the offense," he tells me.
"Please tell me this is it," I plead.
With a smirk he answers, "For today."
***
It's 10 in the morning when I'm leaving the school. I call Noah when I'm in my car, stating that I'm on my way to jump in his pool.
He gives me his approval, though I didn't need it. I was coming no matter what.
He's sitting in a chair facing the pool when I sneak back into his backyard. He's putting sunscreen on himself- with his paler complexion he burns easily.
With a smile I throw my sweaty shirt and shorts off into the grass. With nothing but black boxers I dart passed his lawn chair- jumping into the chilling pool.
"Wooohoo!" I yell right when I'm canon-balling into the blue water. Jumping with enough force I'm sure water splashes the blue-eyed boy.
When I resurface the pool does my hypothesis stand correct. Noah's looking at me in disbelief with droplets of cold water scattering his body.
"Ethan!" He squeaks.
I laugh. A mischievous look on my face when I tempt him, "What are you going to do about it?"
His face falls slightly and then it's replaced with heat sparking in his blue eyes. He ditches the sunscreen and jumps into the pool next to me.
His hands grabbing my shoulders and attempting to dunk me- I'm stronger. I let him think he's successfully dunked me anyways, dipping under the water but swimming through his legs and coming up behind him.
He turns quickly, already splashing me when I surface. I catch his wrist mid-splash. He struggles to free his hand, but then my left hand snakes around his waist.
His lips part when I back him into the edge of the pool- he stops his attempt to free.
"Are your parents home," I whisper towards his ear. My eyes staring up to the house.
"They're at work," he whispers back- pressing his body towards mine.
"Does that mean I can do this?" Without an answer my lips press against his. Stealing a kiss from a boy whose eyes are blue as the water.
We part after a gentle kiss. His eyes flutter open- showing off his ocean eyes. Foreheads resting together and bodies pressed under the water. "Yes," he answers.
And then he breaks from my hold, laughing as he swims from me. Taunting.
With a grin, I chase after him.
Sorry for the slightly shitty chapter. But at least it's early!
I need some more character development before I get to the climax. Also might unknowingly be stalling before the climax 😬
Don't know when the next update will be. In the beginning it was easy to write 2 or 3 chapters a week, but now it's a lot harder and takes more planning.
Side very personal note: I've never dated before and I think this guy is talking to me, but lgxottxitxit what to do! 😂