Troye's POV.
Relishing our intimate moment and with my hands still resting on Tyler's ribcage, I gently caress his soft skin. In a quiet voice he says, "Just like I know my child will call you 'Daddy' one day" and instantly I smile brightly at him. Although the idea of marriage still scares me, I know that I only want a future that includes Tyler in it and the knowledge that he wants the same causes my heart to beat faster and my smile to spread wider. My thrill is intensified by the understanding that he still wants me despite the fact I have turned down his proposal and it makes me more aware of how lucky I am to have such a considerate and understanding man in my life. Before I can whisper both my relief and adoration to him, I find his lips closing in on my smile and I close my eyes as his addictive kiss finds me.
Tyler's lips warming mine; we brush gently together. Parting my lips, his tongue slips into my mouth and in response I curl my fingers deeper into his ribcage. His flesh is soft under my fingertips as I rack against his body. He pulls near silent velvety moans from me as his tongue caresses my own and our taste blurs into one I am unable to think of anything sweeter. I know I'll never tire of his familiar taste or crave the feeling of anyone else's lips. Tyler's kiss is paradise and I never want leave. Seemingly sharing my thoughts, his fingers tug at my messy hair keeping me close to him and making my scalp tingle. His lips speed up against my own, pausing only briefly to suck gently on the tip of my tongue. I let out a breathy moan at the sensual sensation. Regaining control, I nip at his lower lip and carefully grind it between my sharp teeth. Earning a low whimper from my perfect man, I release him and happily surrender once again to his dominance.
Our kiss remains eager; Tyler keeping his control whilst I am responsive to each brush of his lips. His hand lowers from my scalp to my hips pulling my body closer. His grip on me is tight and I keenly push into him enjoying the pressure of our bodies pressed firmly together. I continue to dig into his ribcage before slowly trailing my hand down his exposed side. As I reach the soft flesh of his stomach my fingers curl into his wispy treasure trail and I smile into our kiss as I hear his hitched breath. Slowly my fingers fumble with the band of his sweats but as I skim the soft cotton of his boxers, Tyler pulls back, breaking our kiss with a yawn. Biting my lip, I release the band of his clothing and instead I rest my palm on his hip. I smile as he pushes a 'sorry' through his consuming yawn but internally I scold myself for trying to rush our kiss into something more.
"Tired?" I ask him, needing his response to mute the nagging voice inside my head that whispers something has changed in our relationship since the proposal last night. Rubbing his eyes he nods at me before replying,
"I didn't sleep much. I need coffee". We both stir, shifting so that we're sat up right- our bodies now entirely disconnected. Trying to ignore the persistent, internal whispers, I reach forward to the now cold coffee mugs sat on the low table in front of us.
"I'll make us some more now".
"No, don't. I'll go to the café and grab us some breakfast. The fresh air might help me wake up." he tells me as he stands. I quickly stand up with him,
"I'll come with you".
"No it's fine, it's not like I'm going to be long- I'm only going to the corner"
"Are you sure? I don't mind coming" I say, trying to tame the hope in my voice whilst I walk into the kitchen area.
"Troye, no it's fine" he hurriedly replies and I wince at his words as I place the coffee mugs in the dishwasher. Reluctantly I accept that he wants to go alone and the whispers inside my head grow louder. I nod at Tyler in response but he doesn't see me as he wanders through to our bedroom most likely to find his shoes. Scolding myself once more, I try to rationalise that his behaviour is nothing unordinary and that it has nothing to do with our fresh heartache. However as I stare out of the kitchen window I cannot help but chew my lip anxiously.
When Tyler reappears from the bedroom, I am still staring out the window, looking at but not seeing the roof tops of the other buildings that surround our apartment.
"Babe... What are you thinking?" Tyler calls tentatively and the concern in his voice brings me out of my pessimistic fretting. I turn my head to him flashing him a smile but he knows me too well and tilts his head at me, silently probing me to explain my anxious staring.
"Nothing. I'm just hungry"
"Hmm... okay" he replies not sounding convinced by my utterance, "well I won't be long- do you want your usual?"
"Why don't you surprise me?" I say, my mouth soon turning to a genuine smile as he leans against my back. His lips brush the skin behind my ear as he presses in a soft kiss and my hand finds his wrist, gently gripping his pulse point.
"See you soon" he says retracting away from my body once more and I trail my fingers down his hand, squeezing his fingertips before he leaves me completely. Slightly more relaxed, I watch him as he walks towards the front door.
"Be quick" I call and he rolls his eyes affectionately before giving me a smile and disappearing from our apartment.
With Tyler gone the apartment is quiet, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My body is still flushed with relief, however a small part of me is still uncertain of our future. I can't shake the thought that Tyler wanted to go alone purely to have some time to think things over, that perhaps he is not as certain in his decision to stay with me as I am in mine to be with him. Trying to ignore my thoughts, I flick on the television and hope to find something to drown my overactive mind. Flopping onto the sofa I flick through endless channels. However, failing to find anything that can even remotely hold my interest or distract me I switch the TV back off and return to the silence of our empty apartment.
On the coffee table in front of me I see a stack of photographs that Tyler has recently printed. Still wanting to busy myself I decide that now seems an ideal time to start to place them into a photo album. Standing up once more, I take the stack of photographs into my hands and wander towards the large bookcase. I trail my finger along the spines of endless books until I find Tyler's half empty album. Made of worn, brown leather and parchment paper, it is large and heavy to hold. Taking it and the photographs to the wooden dining table, I sit down now feeling slightly excited to begin to organise the fond memories.
I skim the edge of the album with my fingers. It feels soft as the leather has been well thumbed over the years Tyler has owned it by him, myself and others. However I have not looked at it since I first moved in with him roughly ten months ago. Opening it to the first page, I smile instantly at the greeting photo. It is a picture of Tyler and Korey and by their fresh faces I imagine it was taken during their time at college. They both look slightly intoxicated and by the wide, natural smiles on their faces I assume it had been a good night for them. I continue flicking through pages, pausing momentarily at various photos of Tyler to admire his goofy grin and sassy poses. Each photo makes my smile mirror the ones emblazoned on his face and I am glad that they have been captured forever.
Gently, I continue to thumb the pages making my way through Tyler's years and marvelling at the contrast between us both at the age of twenty-one. The differences between us seem stark. Although I enjoy nights out with my friends, Tyler's social life seemed to be bustling and near non-stop during his college years. At twenty-one he seemed to enjoy an endless supply of liquor and took spontaneous risks with friends whereas my life now seems much calmer and more domesticated in comparison. Due to the spotlight that is sometimes shined on me due to my YouTube career, I have to be much more careful with my behaviour than Tyler did at my age and because of this I feel I have less room for carefree spontaneity. I cannot help but think that my life is older than it should be, yet I do not hold this knowledge negatively. Other than the upcoming long-distance there is nothing about my incredible lifestyle with my adoring man that I would alter and as I continue smiling at old photographs I nervously hope that Tyler is having similar thoughts on his walk.
Suddenly, I am disturbed from my admiring stares and silent worrying by the sound of the key in the lock. I turn my head to find Tyler tumbling through the front door, using his teeth to hold onto the paper bag containing our breakfast whilst his other hands struggle with the key and hold onto our coffee cups. I chuckle lightly at the sight but before I can stand up to help him, he has manoeuvred the struggle and freed his teeth. As he walks towards me, he flashes me a hazy smile, his eyes scanning the table,
"What are you doing babe?"
"Putting the wedding photos in here for you".
"Here's breakfast. I just got us a selection of pastries" he tells me settling it all down on the table.
"Sounds good" I reply, now digging into the paper bag to pull out our food.
Tyler heads into our kitchen before returning and sitting down opposite me with two small ceramic plates for our breakfast. Pushing the thick leather album to one side, the two of us sit and eat in near silence. The pastries are rich and flaky, and the coffee is strong and just as delicious. Enjoying the way in which the hot drink coats my dry throat and letting out a low hum of approval as I swallow, I grin widely at Tyler.
"What?" he ask me, oblivious to the flakes of pastry that cling to his lips. I reach a hand over to his face and brush away the stray food with my thumb. Before I move my hand away he captures it with his and presses it flat against his face. I continue to smile at his tenderness and in response he powders soft kisses to my palm.
"Softie" I tease him, my confidence returning with his gentle affection. His hand releases mine and I gather our plates to take them to the dishwasher. As I stand up I hear him reply,
"It's you. You do things to me Sivan". His words relax me and I internally scold myself for worrying that he might have been having second thoughts on his solo trip out. I make a mental note that I must stop doubting Tyler's every move- that before yesterday I would have never thought twice about him going alone to the café. With these thoughts I realise that it will take a little time to readjust to the ease and security we held yesterday morning.
After cleaning up our breakfast I wander back over to the dining table. Throwing my arms around Tyler's shoulders, I lean my face into the back of his head. His soft hair tickles my nose but I happily inhale the comforting smell of his shampoo. As his hands wrap around my wrists, keeping me pinned to him, I tilt my head up until just my chin rests in his blonde waves and I can peek over at the reopened photo album that sits in front of him. He has flicked through to slightly more recent photos than the ones I had been admiring before we ate and the open pages are decorated with smiling faces of the two of us only months after we had first met. I hum happily as I note that despite the fact we were not yet in a relationship in the displayed photographs, we already looked like a happy couple. The displayed photos are a mixture of happy smiles and funny faces but in each one our entwined limbs are casually draped over each other, pulling each other closer.
"We look happy" I comment.
"We were happy" he agrees. His use of the past tense makes me crinkle my nose. Testing to gage his thoughts after the emotional whirlwind that has swept us up and bustled us around since yesterday evening I tentatively correct his tense,
"We are happy". As he nods his head in content agreement, I shift my stance and press a relieved kiss to his cheek before sitting beside him.
The two of us continue to flick through the album, happily reminiscing and laughing. Tyler's fingers pause over a single photograph of myself and a smile flickers across his lips as he studies it.
"I like this one" he tells me but I screw my face up as I study it,
"I look grumpy".
"Exactly" he replies, his eyes as animated as his cheerful tone. I cock my head at him quizzically not understanding why he likes a photo where my face is scrunched up and trying but failing to hide under a blanket. "You look adorable when you're sleepy or grumpy, and here you are both" he explains and I shake my head fondly at him.
"I don't even remember this photo being taken".
"It was one of the first weekends after you moved in here. I snapped it when you were refusing to get up".
"Did it make me get out of bed?" I ask, the memory still failing to return to my head.
"No" he answers but with a smirk on his face, "Instead I came back to bed".
"Oh". With the realisation of the intimacy that I now know had followed this captured moment I grin at him and his hand finds my thigh to give me a squeeze before continuing to flick through the memories.
After a while we have finished flicking through the photographs and have found the blank pages ready to be filled. I arrange the stack of photos waiting to be displayed into chronological order before passing them to Tyler who slots them into the holding corners. Suddenly I feel a twinge of regret for choosing to organise these photos today as I notice Tyler looking longingly at an image of Tanya and Jim on their wedding day. My tone apologetic, I whisper his name gently and his bright eyes stray from the stills of the wedding to my face. His smiles meekly at me in an attempt to reassure me he is okay but my heart burns with the knowledge that disappointment inevitably still consumes him.
"Let's leave this for now and put a movie on?" I suggest but his rolling eyes tell me he cannot be distracted from the harsh truth as easily as that.
"Stop worrying babe. I'm okay. This was a happy day and it makes me happy looking back at it".
"We'll have ours one day" I reassure him, but his gaze returns to the photographs rather than holding mine.
As he continues to place the photographs into place I sigh softly once again considering that it will take a while before our relationship can be as carefree as it was in the photographs in our hands. Every moment prior to yesterday's proposal now seem to hold a feeling of ease that our relationship now lacks and subsequently I now feel a torrent of need to repair and replenish it. As I contemplate this whilst we hurriedly finish the photo album, I can only hope that I have enough time to repair the damage before my quickly expiring visa sends me thousands of miles away from the man I love so desperately.
After we finish adding to the photo album we both stand up and as I return it to the bookshelf, Tyler flops lazily onto the soft sofa. When I turn around I see his head on the arm rest and his legs up on the seat cushions stretched out and filling the length between the armrests. I walk towards him and stand behind his head. Peering over him, my body creates a shadow that falls upon his resting face. He looks gorgeous, his skin slightly tan from our day at the beach yesterday and his lashes long as they brush his lightly freckled cheeks. I also notice that he has placed his glasses on the coffee table. Gently, I cup his face with my hands and at the feel of my touch he instantly smiles but keeps his eyes shut, preventing me from losing myself in his ocean eyes. Slowly, I lower my face to his lightly rubbing his nose with my own and causing his close lipped smile to widen as he emits a soft and amused huff of breath. I close on him further until our lips gently meet. His lips instantly melt to mine, his nose knocking my chin and his hands reaching up to drift to my unkempt hair, wordlessly telling me of his want. I respond to his eagerness, happily prolonging our upside down kiss.
Eventually as I end our sweet kiss, he lets out an unpleased whimper and I delight in the fact he wants more of my touch. Eager to meet his wordless demands, I position myself on the couch where his hands quickly pull me down on to him. With my full upper body weight pressed to him, our chests exchange body heat and our legs entwine until we are firmly knotted together. Our lips hurriedly meet once more and each tender kiss reminds me that although I know I need to rebuild Tyler's trust in my commitment, he still loves me.
"I'll never not want you" I murmur between kisses.
"Shh" he hushes me as his hands explore under my shirt and skim my bare back. "No more talking, only kissing". With his husky plea, I become desperate to show him how much I need him and as his hands clutch my bare skin tightly, I am sure he is about to provide me with an opportunity to love him urgently and tenderly.
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