55.
I check my wristwatch for what seems to be the eightieth time in the last ten minutes.
The pristine white walls and polished smell of the hospital give me every feeling other than comfort.
We arrived about an hour ago. Immediately from the start I had an inkling that our time here would not be pleasant— Auntie cannot walk anymore.
I had to Google the word for "wheelchair" the moment we got to the hospital in order to get assistance. My Korean vocabulary for hospital needs— like everything else— is subpar. I could tell Auntie felt shameful in the fact that she couldn't walk, and she has been mostly quiet since.
Her blood work was done about an hour ago, but now we are sitting in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to actually tend to us. I'm nervous and gnawing on my lip in contemplation. I don't like sitting and waiting for inevitable news that is unknown to me. It's the worst feeling, and now it is worse because it has to do with Auntie— a woman I have grown to care about deeply.
The thoughts running through my mind right now are all over the place. I don't know who to think about. My mind is racing with a million and one thoughts.
On one hand, I am anxiously waiting for what the doctor has to say about Auntie. I'm afraid that her cough will be labeled as some life-threatening disease. She hasn't been eating much, she is always flinching in pain, and now she is finding difficulty to even walk. I'm taking deep breaths to clear my mind, but it doesn't do much.
On the other hand, I cannot stop thinking about Jungkook. I know I thought he was amazing before my talk with Auntie, but since that discussion about power, I have not been able to stop thinking about how amazing he is. It only makes everything harder— but, it makes my heart hurt in a good way.
It indicates that being in this relationship with Jungkook shouldn't have to take my power away. It scares me because this might not be possible. It's my job to work with them to ensure that they know this too. Nevertheless, I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
"If you keep tapping that damn foot, I might have to cut it off."
I blink as I get torn away from my inner voice. I didn't realize I was tapping my foot in an nervous habit, but the moment I stop it's as if the sound echoes in my head. Suddenly the room seems claustrophobic and too silent for my liking. Breathe, Jae.
My smile is small at her threat, "sorry."
I check the time again. It's approaching 4PM. We have been waiting around in this death box for much too long. Everyone around here moves at a pace I'm starting to hate— elderly pace. We were in the waiting room for over an hour.
David should be landing soon. I check my phone in anticipation for a text from him. I sigh when there isn't one. I'm also hoping for a text from Jungkook, but that's foolish of me since I know he is sleeping. He needs to sleep.
"Why are you being so antsy?" Auntie's voice draws me from my thoughts again.
I lock my phone with a stressed sigh. I suppose she can hear the anxious shifting in my seat. This is new to me. I've never been in a medical examination room on behalf of someone other than myself for a check-up. I don't like this feeling.
I can barely understand the words she says. It always sounds like she's breathless. I'm watching the expression on her face carefully; she's in pain but trying to hide it from me.
"I'm just worried for you." I sigh, "are you not worried?"
"What's done is done," she remarks. Her tone is almost distant, as if she has been lost in her own thoughts also.
What's done is done? This is the type of talk that tells me she doesn't want to live. I almost get angry at her before I remember that it would be useless. We are here now— that's all that matters.
Twenty minutes go by before a woman in a white lab coat enters the room. She closes the door behind her.
"Hello," she greets with a warm smile, "My name is Dr. Lee."
Auntie huffs, "took you long enough."
"Auntie."
Dr. Lee's facial expression is unaltered. It's then that I realize she is holding a folder in her hand. She sits down on the stool next to me and places the folder on the counter. When she opens it, there are papers inside with information I don't understand. She doesn't reply to Auntie's comment as her eyes are scanning the paperwork.
She reaches for the cuff used to take blood pressure. I find myself holding my breath for some reason. It's worse that I don't know what's going on— I'm fearful for what I don't know.
"I'm sorry for the wait," Doctor apologizes as she approaches Auntie, "I ran your lab work twice."
I look at Auntie and there is a slight raise of her eyebrows at the doctor's words. I should be thankful this doctor is being so thorough with her blood work, right? The expression on Auntie's face tells me that I should be thinking otherwise.
Silence falls over the room again. Every movement Dr. Lee makes is amplified by one hundred. She rips the velcro of the cuff and places it around Auntie's arm before pumping air into it. There is more silence. Dr. Lee has her stethoscope placed firmly against Auntie's arm to listen. My throat s dry because I'm scared to make any sounds of disruption.
When the air from the cuff is released, I exhale deeply.
Dr. Lee returns back to the paperwork and starts writing things down. I'm trying to analyze the look on her face, but she is a great poker player. Her eyebrows are furrowed and she is reading the other information on the paper in an intense concentration.
"What was her blood pressure?" I ask almost inaudibly.
Do I want to know? Yes. Am I scared to know? Yes. My voice is gentle because I feel as though Auntie is about to break.
"Eighty over sixty." She sits down on the stool again, "It's dangerously low. It's enough that I do not feel comfortable allowing her to go home tonight."
"Oh," is all I can think to say. If I say anything else I think I might start getting emotional. I can't get emotional. I need to stay strong because I know Auntie isn't.
Auntie starts heaving in a fit of coughs again. I'm rolling my lips against one another to stop my emotional thoughts. I feel like a distant onlooker as Dr. Lee returns to Auntie's side with her stethoscope. She lifts a mask to cover her mouth.
"I'm going to listen to your chest, okay?"
Auntie merely grumbles at the doctor as a response, but nevertheless she still agrees. My foot is tapping again.
"I suspect an infection," Dr. Lee concludes after listening in various locations including Auntie's chest, side and back. "Your white blood count is very high. Pneumonia most likely,"
"It's treatable and usually not life-threatening. However, Miyoung-ssi's lab work is telling me that there could be many immune system problems going on."
The Doctor's words are like daggers into my skin. What am I supposed to reply with? I'm scared and can't get my thoughts together.
"Okay..." I trail. I want her to continue explaining.
Dr. Lee starts to inspect Auntie's eyes with a shine of her small flashlight. I'm watching as if everything is in slow motion. It's a tedious series of events all leading up to some diagnosis that I'm not sure I can handle.
"I understand you are finding it difficult to walk," Doctor says.
"Yes," I answer for my Auntie. I know she won't give any answers, "Her legs are swollen and too heavy."
I feel nervous because Dr. Lee is writing down everything I'm saying. Auntie's face looks as if she feels betrayed that I would confess that to the doctor, but I don't care anymore. I'm not going to lie on behalf of her health ever again.
"Are you feeling any abdominal pain?"
Dr. Lee doesn't wait for a response. I figure she has caught on to Auntie's unwillingness to participate. The doctor's hands press down into Auntie's stomach lightly and just from that touch alone, Auntie's face twists and she swings her arm to get Dr. Lee to stop. Auntie's face has become pale and she looks nauseous.
Dr. Lee returns to the counter. More writing. I feel like I'm watching someone compose Auntie's death diary.
"How is her appetite?"
I raise my eyebrows, "she hasn't been eating much lately."
"Miyoung-ssi," Doctor sterns.
Auntie doesn't verbally respond, but it isn't because she can't. Her head bops like it always does to acknowledge something she doesn't exactly care for. It's incredibly rude of her to do to the doctor, but I don't say anything.
"Your potassium level is 2.5," she explains, "Are you taking any medication? Anything similar to water pills?"
"No," I answer for her, "She isn't taking any medication."
Dr. Lee's face tells me that she is almost stunned by the woman sitting in front of her. She is writing quickly and keeps glancing at the blood work results. She looks stumped by what's going on.
I am timid with my question, "Is a 2.5 potassium level low?"
"Ideally it should be between 3.5 to 5," Dr. Lee's eyes are finally worrisome and tells me that I should also be worried, "I want to keep her here overnight and start running more tests."
"No," Auntie dismisses.
"No?" I gape.
"I advise strongly against that," Dr. Lee is adamant in her words.
"I don—"
"I'm sorry," I cut Auntie's refusal off, "What is wrong with her? Pneumonia?"
Dr. Lee sighs heavily and clasps her hands at her lap. Her body language tells me that she is more worried than I want her to be about this.
"Without proper blood work and more specific tests, I can't exactly pin-point what is going on. However, because of the information I do know, Miyoung-ssi will only get worse if left untreated. I advise to stay and be monitored."
"I can refuse treatment, you know." Auntie grouses even in her weak voice. She is talking to me.
"Auntie," I grab her hand.
I want her to know that I'm actually here and not some figure of her imagination who is just a voice. I can tell she wants to pull away from me, but I don't allow her hand to slip from my grasp. Her hand is much weaker than mine, and the expanse of my palm is enough to overcome the entirely of hers.
"It is unfair to me if you make me take you home like this."
My eyes are swelling but I don't let my voice waver as an indication for her. Dr. Lee is quiet from beside us. When I glance at her, she gives me a sympathetic look. It only makes me want to cry.
"Please," I place my other hand on top of ours.
"I don't have insurance," she lies.
I don't call her out. I know she has insurance from when I picked up her medication from the Pharmacy.
"I have money," I assure her.
She closes her eyes. Now her breaths are shaky. Is she going to cry? When her eyes open she seems as if she is contemplating with a heavy chest.
"Fine."
"Thank you," I give a half smile. I wish she could see my expression.
✱ ✱ ✱ ✱ ✱
With the help of a friendly nurse named Soo, Auntie and I are making our way to a different wing of the hospital for her to stay in. Auntie is scared, but her headstrong personality is what makes her unable to express this to me.
I feel like we have been here all day, but it has only been about five hours. My eyes are feeling heavy and I'm tired by the time we head into a department labeled Oncology.
David texts me at about 4:30PM:
David: landed
Did you actually get me a dude with a sign
You: yes lmfaoooo
that's what you wanted
David: omg
wtf
we're so extra
You: no
You're extra
David: I'm going to the hospital right
You: yes.
Auntie is being admitted overnight
David: damn what she got
You: idk
They need to do more tests
David: that means they know but need proof
You: maybe
your name is in Hangul on the sign
David: what
You: yeah
David: 😠
u think you're funny
You: sometimes :p
David: wtf
im going to get abducted bc I can't read the sign
You: text me when you're here and I'll meet you in the lobby
David: ight
I googled my name
Wasn't hard
You: I'm glad u can use the Internet
He doesn't respond to me and I'm laughing lightly at my phone when we enter Auntie's room for the night. It isn't the worst room I've seen.
It takes only a few minutes for Auntie to get settled in the bed. Her small frame is overcome by the blankets and pillows surrounding her. She keeps saying she is cold, meanwhile I am sweating.
"We are starting her on some medication for her infection and potassium level," Nurse Soo tells me, "We will monitor her overnight to see her reaction, and we'll do another blood test tomorrow."
"Okay," I nod, "Thank you."
"If you need anything, the nurse's station is just down the hall."
I bow at her as thanks and praise because I think that's what I'm supposed to do. We are left alone again— the two of us. Auntie is hooked up to all sorts of different equipment. She looks exhausted.
I sit down in the small seat adjacent to her bed and just stare at her. Her complexion is pale and fatigued.
"Jae," she is almost whispering.
"Yes?"
"Go home."
"When visiting hours are over," I reply.
"I don't want to see him."
She is talking about David.
"You won't see him," I say light-heartedly.
Her lip merely inches upwards before she sighs at me, "Don't be an ass."
"I'm not going to leave here before visiting hours are over. I will stay as long as I can. You shouldn't be here alone."
It has occurred to me now that this changes everything. I don't know how many days Auntie will end up being in the hospital, and unfortunately this means that tomorrow during my meeting, I will have to ask for David to stay here with her.
As miserable as it sounds for him to be doing this on his vacation, it's what he needs to do.
So much is going on. I still have to prepare for what I'm even going to say while I'm in the meeting room. I have drafted some things, but overall I know that I will be unconfident. The last time I was in a contract meeting with them, I basically signed away my rights to control my own brand without realizing I was doing so.
That's a problem.
"I packed a bag," Auntie tells me, "A hospital bag. It's in my room at home."
I scoff, "So you knew this would happen?"
"I know my own symptoms," she heaves, "don't forget the vase."
I frown at her condition. I can tell she just wants to go to sleep, but even sleep is not enough to relieve her tiredness.
"Okay," my voice is limited. I don't want to get angry at her, "What do you have?"
There is no response, but I don't push at her for an answer. It's not worth it to start fighting about something so trivial that might not even be an accurate assumption.
Our silence continues for some time— long enough for David to text me that he has arrived.
Auntie's eyes are closed and she appears to be asleep when I go to tell her that I will be leaving for a few minutes. I don't say anything when I get up and leave the room.
Why am I anxious to see my brother? I almost feel the same way as when I was waiting to see my dad. It's weird to have a reminder, such as family, of my life in the US. It's weird to think that I had never lived a life in South Korea before May. It's almost impossible to imagine. So much has happened since then.
When the elevator door opens to the lobby, there are so many people. I'm weaving in and out of different groups and scanning the room for my brother. I'm looking for his stupid tan/mustard yellow sweater in the midst of everyone. Why are there so many people?
"Jae," I hear him call me and I turn around. He's walking towards me.
"Hey!" I greet him with a bright smile.
I know how it feels to be in a country you know nothing of. It's worse for him because he can't even speak the language— at all. At least I had some advantage compared to him. It also doesn't help that he's only eighteen.
I'm surprised that he is so willing to let me hug him as a hello. He doesn't awkwardly let me do it either— he actually hugs me back. He is wearing a thick backpack and rolling a suitcase. It reminds me of Jungkook when he is photographed at airports.
"You look different," he comments.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know," he shrugs, "It's weird. I feel like I haven't seen you in years."
"I feel the same way."
David and I start walking towards the elevator again. He is mesmerized by his phone in a minute of complete silence before he starts laughing.
"Okay," he chuckles, "You need to, like, fuck your boyfriend or something because he's trying too hard."
"What?"
"He texted me..." David can barely speak because he's chuckling so hard, "in his broken English."
"What did he text you?"
I find myself smiling at how much humor David is getting out of whatever he's talking about. He offers his phone to me while we are waiting for the elevator.
Jungkook: Jae tell you come to South Korea! 😀
Safe travel
Want to play with you if we can
Good luck!
David: lol
thanks
"Aw," I gush at the screen, "Why are you laughing at his attempt to talk to you?"
David shrugs and takes back the phone, "He's trying too hard for me to like him."
I squint my eyes at my brother in pure confusion. I think Jungkook just wants a friend who he can trust. I'm hoping that David is putting up a front like he does about everything. If he wasn't nice to Jungkook, I don't think Jungkook would be reaching out to him. When they played Overwatch together I hope he wasn't laughing at him then.
"He's just being nice," I suggest.
"Or, he wants you to like him more by being friendly to me."
"Okay," I roll my eyes.
The elevator opens and we both get in.
"What? Your boyfriend is the most popular guy in this country and you're telling me that he voluntarily texts me— just because he wants to?"
I want to roll my eyes again at David's stupidity. It's as if he just wants me to confirm that what he's saying is the truth. He has such an ego problem. David's stupid antics are enough to get me thinking in English again just to go off on him.
"Yes," I reply seriously, "and why don't you ever say his name? You always call him 'my boyfriend'."
"Jungkook," he says.
I laugh pathetically at him.
"What?" David whines.
I am laughing at his pronunciation. "Don't say it so American."
David looks taken back by my statement as if I've personally offended him. He blinks in a train of thought before opening his mouth to curse at me presumably.
"What the fuck? I am American. So are you."
His eyes are wide.
I exhale to stop myself from laughing at him, "It's, like, a soft 'G' sound. Not a hard 'K'."
"Whatever."
The elevator door opens and I'm relieved that this conversation can somewhat come to an end. David is following behind me and I can hear the rolling sound of his suitcase. He is also mumbling my boyfriend's name under his breath to get it right.
It's ironic to me that David wants to claim that Jungkook is trying too hard for him to like him. Okay. He's standing here making sure to perfect pronunciation.
I stop before we reach Auntie's room and turn to my brother.
"She's really sick," I warn him, "Don't be sassy or anything."
"Sassy?"
"Yeah," I reply, "And don't forget that she's blind."
He nods at me and I give an assuring, but forced, smile when I lead him into the room. Auntie is still sleeping and David is silent when he sits down in the seat across from mine.
I look at the time and visiting hours are almost coming to an end. I sigh to myself at the silence. I absolutely hate how silence always seems to dawn on me. I look at David and he is staring blankly at Auntie.
"How was your flight?" I whisper.
"I slept for most of it," he replies in the same tone, "Didn't she make you scrub floors and stuff?"
"Yeah, and?"
"Nothing," he replies, but I know he wants to say more. David leans back into his chair and takes out his phone.
I know what he's implying: Why should I care so much about her? He doesn't need to know anything about anything. He wouldn't understand, anyway.
"Tomorrow," I say and wait for my brother to look at me, "I have a meeting. Can you stay here for a couple of hours alone?"
"Is that a question or a command?" He rolls his eyes.
"Don't be an ass," I groan.
"Yeah, whatever."
"Thank you," I praise even though he is being incredibly rude.
I try not to get too mad— he was just on a sixteen hour flight. I know that feeling.
About ten minutes go by of us just sitting. I know David probably has a lot of things to say— like he always does— but the atmosphere of the room: the sleeping, the silence, and just the overall meaning of being in a hospital, has taken over the both of us. I am on my phone scrolling aimlessly on Instagram when Jungkook texts me.
J: baby
You: hiiiii
imy ㅠㅠ
J: we just on phone 😉
You: I know
I still miss you
All the time
J: me too
I just woke up 😀
You: work soon?
J: yes
but on break because go Malta in Monday
You: so you don't work at all until Malta?
J: my brain
omg
I just woke up yanno
I find myself smiling at the phone. I will always find our language barrier moments adorable.
You: lol
It's ok
We can talk about it tomorrow ☺️
J: yeeeees
I will drive us there
You: really?
Idk
I'll be at the hospital
Maybe I'll go home first
So pick me up at home
J: hospital?
You: my auntie
J: ah
She is sick?
she sleep there?
You: yes
J: are you okay?
You: for now 😅
I just miss you
J: I miss you all time
and when you say "pick up"
meaning???
You: it means
when you come get me in your car
You pick me up
J: I see...
I pick you up at hospital
You: what? No way
There are people here
J: 🤣🤣
Yeah I know
You: I will go home first
J: I want to see auntie
it is right to do? no?
You: I understand if you can't...
You really don't have to
J: I do what you do for me 😁
I don't have schedule
I want to
You: okayyyy
you won't get in trouble?
J: no
okie
You: okie 😘
J: I dance now hahaha
🍪 Bye~~~
You: 🍪
I exit out of our texts and look at the time. It's time to leave unfortunately.
I don't know how to feel about Jungkook offering to come get me at the hospital. He said he wants to see Auntie. That's dedication. I'm just worried that there will be so many people around him. It will surely get publicized that he was here.
David is falling in and out of sleep in his chair when I look at him. I stand up as quietly as I can and stand next to Auntie. Her eyebrows are furrowed as she sleeps, and she doesn't look like she is at ease. I hope that when I return in about twelve hours things will start to look up.
"David," I whisper when I approach him. I shake his shoulder.
His eyes open groggily, "Huh?"
"We're going to the hanok."
"Okay," his eyes open drowsily and he reaches for his backpack.
The two of us are about to leave a sleeping Auntie when she starts coughing. I am relieved and grab her hand to let her know that I'm here with her.
"We're leaving now," I tell her softly, "I'm with David."
"Hello," his voice is unusually small.
"When will you be back?"
She blatantly ignores my comment about David and I'm thankful that he can't understand what she's saying. I glance at him and he's looking at me for a translation or something.
"Tomorrow morning. I have a meeting so David will be with you most of the day. Is that okay?"
"Do I.. have a... choice?" she is breathless and retorting even in her struggle.
"He's nice," I promise her, "Sleep well."
She is grumbling to herself, but still doesn't say anything. I look around the room before I leave to make sure everything is the way it should be. I'm biting my lip nervously and walk past David with a look that tells him just to follow me. He does so without saying a word and we are both walking down the hallway towards the exit.
"She didn't acknowledge me, did she?" he figures.
"She did," I lie, "She's... uh... intimidated because of the language barrier."
"Sure."
I almost forgot how often I roll my eyes at my brother. I feel like I haven't had the need to roll my eyes this much since last being with him. I push at his shoulder in some sort of endearing sister-like nonsense and he just smiles it off. I don't want to admit to him that my Auntie doesn't want to be around him. They're both right— they don't have a choice. I hope my meeting with them will be short and sweet.
It takes twenty minutes to get home. I'm tired and want to fall into my bed for eternity.
"Wow," David gawks when we step into the hanok.
"Shoes," I remind him.
He freezes in the middle of taking a step before using his feet's to kick off his sneakers. It's odd that he's here. It's juxtaposition to see my American brother in the place that I'm living in Korea.
"This place is actually really nice," he is wide eyed at the arrangement, "...compared to those pictures."
"Obviously," I laugh, "It's clean now and has furniture."
David is quick to settle himself in. He plops all of his belongings on the chair next to his sleeping arrangement on the couch. He immediately starts to unpack what appears to be his life.
He brought his gaming laptop with him and everything. I don't question him. Maybe this isn't his vacation per-say, but rather just a means to get away from mom. I'm eager to know what happened.
"Are you hungry?" I ask. There is a small cake in the fridge to welcome him.
"Nah."
Is this what it's going to be like? Him sitting in the living room playing video games all day? Should I be complaining? I don't have to entertain him then.
"...does mom know you're here?"
"Yeah."
"I don't believe you."
David is putting his headset on, "Don't you think if she didn't know where I was, she would've called you by now?"
"Stop being so annoying," I groan.
"I'm just saying," he shrugs, "I don't want to talk about that woman anymore."
That woman?
His snarky attitude and mood is enough to stop me from asking any more questions. Eventually I will get answers from him. It has always been me against David against mom, but now that we are older I'm hoping that he and I can put our differences aside and be more like how we were in Los Angeles— a team.
"Okay..." I trail uncomfortably, "Don't stay up too late. We are leaving early."
✱ ✱ ✱ ✱ ✱
It's about eight in the morning as I'm practically dragging my brother into the car with me. He has his eyes half open with Auntie's bag in his grasp. I'm carrying the beautiful pink vase with some flowers in it. I'm also barely awake.
I decided that Jungkook will have to drive me back home to get ready for the meeting because it is just too early for me to be making life decisions. I texted him all the information about where I will be.
"Fuck this crap, man," David complains. His eyes are closed and he's slouched into the seat, "How long is the meeting?"
"I don't know," I answer honestly. Because I really have no idea.
David yawns. "He's actually picking you up?"
"Who?" I try my hardest to keep a straight face when I ask the question. I just want to force David to say his name.
"Your boyfriend," he mumbles.
"Oh my God," I start cracking up, "just say his name."
"Why the hell does it matter?"
I'm laughing hysterically now. It's mostly because I'm tired and somewhat delirious, but for some reason I am finding too much humor in his inability to say Jungkook and his shyness in doing so. I don't remember this being an issue when we were in LA. Maybe it's because I've been surrounded by a bunch of people who say his name differently than Americans.
"When you greet him, maybe you should know how to say his name."
David is not subtle with his exasperated response to my satire.
"Jungkook," He says. It's good enough for me, and much better than whatever he was saying yesterday.
"Why are you so grumpy?" I inquire.
"It's, like, seven in the morning and we're going to see a woman I don't know!"
"She's your blood!"
"She forced you into manual labor!" his eyes are wide and although he is almost laughing, I know it's how he really feels.
I scoff at his words. "You don't understand."
"Enlighten me," his tone is laced in sarcasm. I don't respond.
Instead, I stay quiet for the remainder of the ride. David doesn't know what he's saying, but I'm relieved he isn't actually angry at Auntie. I think something is going on at home. I can't ask my mom; I will need to butter it out of him.
When we finally get to the hospital room, there is a nurse in there already. Auntie still looks a bit pale, but definitely better than last night. Auntie flinches when the nurse places her hand on her arm.
"Hello," I greet the room happily to lighten the mood.
"Hello," Nurse Soo replies, but she is concentrated, "I am just taking some blood for her blood test."
I nod at the nurse and place the vase down on the small table beside Auntie. Her lips curve into a smile at the sound of the vase hitting the tabletop.
"It's like I'm trapped in a K-Drama without subtitles," David whines as he falls into the seat.
I ignore him, "Auntie, how are you feeling?"
"Tired," she breathes, "...and cold."
I grab another blanket from the small cupboard for her. I find myself tucking it in as if she is a toddler.
"Thank you," I can barely hear what she's saying. It's just enough. Her voice doesn't sound as hoarse as usual.
I'm interrupted by a text. It's Jungkook.
J: hi~~~
I'm leaving
You: right now?!
J: rn
It's not like I'm mad— I'm excited. I want to see him.
You: lol
ok 😊
"He's on his way," I say to David.
"Really?"
"Yeah," I tease, "Are you excited to see him?"
"What? No." David dismisses the thought, "I was just wondering."
I roll my eyes when he can't see me. I take my seat next to Auntie and place my hand on hers. I'm smiling widely, and I wish she could see me. I want her to be happy— she looks so miserable. I hate the thought that all of her power has been taken away by old age.
"Jungkook is coming to visit," I tell her, "you know... my boyfriend."
Auntie's eyebrows raise. Nurse Soo's eyes go wide. I try not to get worried at the two women's reactions. I don't know what they mean.
"Um..." I trail nervously now.
"Okay," is all Auntie says.
Nurse Soo starts to pack the vials of blood. She keeps her head down as she does so, cleaning up all of the equipment and wrappers that she used. She then walks hurriedly out of the room.
About thirty minutes go by of me and Auntie having a conversation about almost nothing— the weather, her pillows, the temperature in the room. David fell asleep as I predicted he would. I'm reluctant to leave but I know I have to.
It's then that I decide to walk into the hallway to check on my phone and see where Jungkook is. The nurses are whispering at the station when I get out into the hallway. They all glance at me before whispering again. I turn my back to them and am about to text Jungkook when I take a quick look down the hallway.
He is walking towards me and looks clueless. Jungkook is reading the numbers on the doors. I'm silent and waiting to wave at him for when his eyes finally look ahead of him. He is holding a huge monstrosity of flowers in his hand. My heart melts. Seojku is following close behind him.
It takes him some time to finally look ahead of him. He's wearing a gold jacket with a white shirt tucked into his black jeans. He looks like his famous, superstar self. His cute pink hair is styled and his smile widens when he finally sees me.
"JK," I say. My cheeks already hurt.
"Noona," his arms open for me.
He brings me into a tight embrace and I can tell he is expecting me to be sadder than I am at the moment. I'm trying not to be since I have no answers about Auntie— yet.
I'm more than surprised when he leans in to peck my lips. There are nurses and other people walking all around the hallways, but he doesn't seem to care. It makes me shy because of how unexpected it was, and I hide my expression behind the flowers when I take them from him. It's an assortment of beautiful daisies.
"Thank you." I inhale the flowers' scent.
Jungkook's tongue rolls over his bottom lip as if he doesn't know what to say.
"Why did you wake up so early?" I frown at him. I'm whispering because I feel like we have an audience behind me. I also can't catch my breath. I haven't seen him in what feels like forever.
"Jae-ya," he smiles cheekily, "Right now I'm supposed to worry about you. Stop."
I purse my lips at him, but decide not to disagree with him. I suppose he's right— this is my time to be selfish. For once. Maybe.
"We don't know what's wrong with her," I inform him, "They're doing some tests."
Jungkook follows me into the room and suddenly I'm nervous all over again. I know that Auntie has said wonderful things about Jungkook to me, but that was just to me. Knowing her, she will not show any emotion like that to his face.
"Hey," David greets my boyfriend. He is suddenly awake and alert.
"Hi," Jungkook's voice is tiny.
I place his flowers next to the chrysanthemums. David is awkward and doesn't move; it's as if he doesn't know what to do with himself in the presence of Jungkook. I bite my lip not to laugh.
"Auntie," I grab her hand, "Jungkook is here."
"Hello, it's very nice to meet you." my boyfriend bows although he knows she can't see him.
"You've already said this to me," she retorts.
My eyes go wide in a moment of panic. What? I look at Jungkook and he is confused. It takes a moment too long for me to understand what she means before she is speaking again.
"It's—" Auntie pauses in a deep breath, "—nice to meet you."
Jungkook's ears are red and he takes a step back as if he doesn't want to ever say anything ever again to my Auntie.
My face is hot. The only other time Jungkook has said that was when I tried to convince her that Jungkook was the audio of a drama I was watching when he slept over the hanok.
"I'm going to the meeting," I tell her, "It should only be a few hours."
"Okay," is all she says again.
I think this is the most swaddling that I've ever been able to do to her. It's ridiculously easy now that she is laying in a bed and more willing to cooperate with help. It's hard for me to leave like this, but I have no choice. I have to settle my own future too, and this terrifying meeting with the company is part of that.
"David," I walk towards him. I reach into my pocket for some money, "Here. If you get hungry or something..."
"Thanks."
"You're being dramatic with how sad you're acting."
"I'm not acting," his frown is forced. I roll my eyes again.
Jungkook joins our small conversation, "You... you... feel better."
David can't stop his smile from Jungkook's English. Poor Jungkook. I can tell he is embarrassed because of David's reaction.
David is nice enough to respond, "Thanks, man."
"Yeah." Jungkook nods.
"Okay," I interject into whatever is happening, "Ready?"
"Yes," JK smiles at me.
I'm not ready, but I don't express this. My fingers are shaking when I walk out of the room and Jungkook says a sweet goodbye to my Auntie before he departs. Seokju is standing outside the door. He bows at me for some reason so I do it back.
"Is... Seokju coming to the hanok with us?" I ask Jungkook as we are walking towards the elevator.
People are trying to nonchalantly look at us. I should've thought ahead. I'm not wearing makeup and you can tell that I've rolled out of bed to be here. How embarrassing.
"No," Jungkook affirms.
I'm clasping my hands together to stop my nerves from becoming visible to everyone looking at us. We are walking quickly now with the aid of Seokju, but my mind is elsewhere in thoughts trying not to think too much about the meeting, and Auntie.
"Noona," Jungkook's voice is enough to stop my thoughts.
His hand is extended out for me to take. I give him an unconfident smile when I interlock our fingers, but it only makes me more nervous. This is what is on the line in this meeting— being with Jungkook. Just holding his hand has become some privilege all of a sudden. It shouldn't be this way.
I try not to think too much when Jungkook opens the car door for me.
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A/N
this chapter was a rollercoaster to write omg
The holiday really messed me up because my family members didn't leave my house and then I had no time to write bc I was with them and it was hella frustrating
please vote 💗 it helps my book get recommended.
thank you for reading! xo