"What do you think?" Hayden glances over to me as we slowly walk out of the hospital.
I sigh. Let's see, my buddy, who is obviously missing a few brain cells is getting discharged after only just beginning to recover from a head injury, cause I'm a brutal car accident.
"I think he's stupid" I admit, "but I think that that's a clear indication that he's getting better"
Hayden nods "right"
We stand beside my car as pulls out a cigarette and lighter from her back pocket.
Why does she do that shit? It can kill her. But she doesn't seem to care, why? I generally don't ask questions about anyone's private lives, probably because I hate it when they ask questions about mine.
She begins smoking, right in front of me. I clench my jaw. I had no energy. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally.
"You need to quit this shit," I say without energy before removing the cigarette from her mouth, and crushing it with the heel of my shoe.
I jump into my car and watch her through the window stand there in shock. I roll my eyes before honking the car horn, signalling her to enter the car.
***
When I arrive home, it's seven thirty. I find Aunt Laura plating up dinner, Spaghetti Bolognese is her specialty.
"How did it go with Duncan?" Aunt Laura smiles in my direction. Suddenly my eyes well up with tears and I begin to sob. "Oh, honey" Aunt Laura wraps her arms around me.
"He doesn't remember" I announce "thank God he doesn't remember or else...he could have ended up like Trisha" my voice breaks when I say her name.
"It's okay" she assures. "Duncan doesn't remember...he won't do anything to himself again"
I pull away and look my aunt in the eye. "This is all my fault, you know"
She shakes her head "no it's not, it's your dad's fault, Jason"
I shrug "but I'm his son"
Aunt Laura sighs "what if we call Angel, she's has dealt with your dad before and-"
"No" I beg, "she finally has her life in order Aunt Laura, we can't ruin that"
"C'mon, let's talk about this while we eat" she half smiles, as she takes the bowls.
We both take a seat around the kitchen table and begin eating slowly.
"Dad sent Jimmy" I start slowly, "and Jimmy went after me, then Duncan got tangled up in MY mess...he tried to kill himself because of me"
Aunt Laura drops her fork then sighs. "You can't blame yourself Jas...try not to worry, I know that it can be hard but you need to try because he's fine, Duncan doesn't remember what happened, he thinks that it was a car accident"
"But I know" I cry, "I know the truth and so does Hayden, Tyler, and Jess"
"Why did you tell them?" She asks.
I sigh "because Hayden was in the car and she knew that he swerved towards the poll intentionally" I admit "but they don't know everything"
"What?" Aunt Laura furrows her brows.
"They know about Jimmy" I look down at the spaghetti, "but they don't know everything"
Jimmy is a friend of my father's from prison. My dad has been in prison for years after armed robbery and assault charges. After he was arrested, be escaped before his hearing and kidnapped my sister, Angel. An extra fifteen years were added to his sentence.
Jimmy came after me over the summer so I could pay my fathers debt to him. Turns out, they're no longer friends and he has no problem hurting people to get what he wants. My friends know that Jimmy keeps coming back for more and more money. They don't know my history with him.
"Oh honey" she sighs "you're so guarded, you need to unchain your heart, or else you'll end up like your aunt"
I look up at my aunt, "you're not alone aunt Laura, you've got me" I half-smiled.
"Jason, if you keep shutting people out, we'll only ever have each other" she looks down. "You deserve better than that"
"And you?" I cock a brow.
"It's too late for me" she admits.
"What about Raff?" I ask.
Raff Marcus is Angel's counsellor and Angel's ex-boyfriend's dad. Aunt Laura and Raff had been on a few dates but nothing ever happened, I know that she has regrets.
Aunt Laura shrugs, "nothing was ever going to happen with Raff Marcus" she admits "besides, it wouldn't have worked out anyway"
"How do you know" I fold my arms.
"Because that's the routine I'm in" she sighs, "anyway, that's enough sad talk, eat your food"
I chuckle before nodding at my aunt. I guess we're more alike then I thought. We both have guarded hearts.
----------------------------------
A/N
Hi all, For help with self-harm, suicide, and other mental health issues, please contact a hotline listed below (apologies if your country is not listed):
Australia:
https://www.mentalhealthline.org/?n=8555870978
Kids Help Line (aged five to twenty-five) - Call 1800 551 800
SANE Australia: 1800 18 7263
Lifeline - Call 13 11 14
Beyondblue - Call 1300 224 636
Beyond Blue website: (https://www.beyondblue.org.au)
Canada:
Kids Help Phone (http://org.kidshelpphone.ca/)
https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/
Ireland:
(http://www.samaritans.org/)
https://www.pieta.ie/
UK:
111, is the National Health Services' First Response Service for mental health crises and support.
Samaritans Helpline: 116 123.
Campaign Against Living Miserably: (https://www.thecalmzone.net/)
CALM (Nationwide) can be reached at 58 58 58 0800 58 58 58 (available every day from 5 PM to midnight).
https://www.pieta.ie/
USA:
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/contact-us
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (ESP) can be reached at 1-888-628-9454
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Deaf & Hard of Hearing Options) can be reached at 1-800-799-4889
Samaritans USA: (http://www.samaritansusa.org/)
The Trevor Project: (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/) is a nationwide organization that provides a 24-hour phone hotline, as well as limited-hour webchat and text options, for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth.
The TrevorLifeline can be reached at 1-866-488-7386.
TrevorChat can be found at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/
TrevorText can be reached by texting TREVORto 1-202-304-1200 (available M-F from 3 PM to 10 PM ET).
Thank you